My most sincere apologies for the wait but hopefully you will find it worthy. This chapter is written for and dedicated to my best friend and newly recruited, madly obsessed Torchwood fan Princess-Leasel for her birthday two weeks ago (so extremely sorry for the wait!) and I recommend checking out her very first Torchwood fanfic The Amulet.
She couldn't think. All she could feel were his lips pressing against her own and an overwhelming desire for Jack took over. She snaked her arms around his neck and pulled him closer so that they were almost occupying the same space. The unreserved intensity of their kiss expressing their longing and passion, a universal attraction towards each other so long denied. As the kiss grew more heated, they battled to be even closer. They stumbled about the room trying to find some support and in the process shattered everything that got in their way until finally Gwen's back collided with the wall. They constantly pulled back for breath, not willing to break their contact for too long that one of them might actually realised what they were doing and come to their senses before they went too far, but it could not go unnoticed for long. Gwen was still very weak and eventually the need for air became too great. She pulled back and rested her head against his shoulder as she struggled for breath.
"We can't do this" Gwen gasped moments later.
Jack lightly pushed her back against the wall so that her eyes met his.
Gwen continued. "You've got Ianto and I have Rhys. It's not fair to them."
"But it's fair to us?" Jack breathed. "I can't go on with the way things were before. I've loved you since the moment we first met, but I never had the courage to say anything. I couldn't ruin your chances of having a normal life, but then I went away and it made me realise. I came back for you, I was going to tell you everything and then…you were getting married and I remembered why I had never said anything before, because you deserve a normal life Gwen. But now…" he paused and smiling he reached out to hold her hand in his.
"But why now Jack?" Gwen cut in. This was all so sudden to her. She felt as if she had missed something.
Jack sighed. Gwen knew something wasn't right but he could never tell her. He didn't see it as lying to Gwen, but as doing for her what she herself had wanted. "I could have continued thinking about doing this forever Gwen. I have forever but you don't, and neither did Tosh or Owen. I don't want to have any regrets. I put you in danger when I recruited you to join Torchwood and I'm sorry. But I can't regret that. When they died…I did, and I felt the same about you. I wanted you to quit before the job killed you too because I love you…but in my own selfishness I could never let you go…I just want to make the most of now, and there is nothing I want more than to be with you" he said truthfully.
Gwen barely listened to him. He was avoiding the question. Something must have happened to make him act in this way. She knew it had to be more than just Tosh and Owen, it had been over a week now since they died. She had a nagging feeling it was to do with what she couldn't remember but she was so used to Jack not being honest with her that the thoughts just made her angry. "And what about Rhys?" she started. "I don't know what the arrangement is between you and Ianto but I married Rhys, Jack…and you stood by and watched. You tell me this now like you're enjoying it, like you're getting a kick out of trying to seduce a married woman. You even gave me a gift, just what the fuck are you thinking!" she yelled.
"It's not like that Gwen" he said calmly, but Gwen just shoved him out of her way and went to leave. "Gwen." Scared of losing her, he reached out and grabbed her arm pulling her back to him.
"Let me go" she demanded. "Why should I believe anything you say?"
Jack gave up trying to reason with her. After all she was right not to trust him. He let her go and sat down on the edge of the bed.
Gwen didn't move. She watched Jack, waiting for him to convince her that she was wrong and reassure her that she could trust him but he just sat there. If she didn't love him so damn much she probably would have just slept with him already. He looked so upset and defeated. Gwen didn't mean to hurt him, she didn't know what she was doing anymore. Why did everything have to be so complicated? It should be simple. He loved her and she loved him, but they both had someone else who loved them just as much. She admired Jack so much for telling her because now she could feel how hard the words were to say as she couldn't bring herself to say them. If she did, that would be it. Nothing else would matter anymore. Nothing else would matter she repeated to herself. She went to say something but Jack cut her off.
"You're right" he said, avoiding her gaze. "We can't do this. You belong with Rhys. I'm sorry about what I said, it was unfair to you. I regret not telling you sooner but it's just something I'll have to live with. You made your choice, anything you have with me would never mean more to you than what you had with Owen, I see that now. I was mistaken. You're free to leave Torchwood. I won't force you to take retcon, it's your choice."
Angry and hurt, Gwen moved towards him and half-heartedly started to pound his chest while she straddled his lap.
Shocked by her sudden hostility towards him, Jack easily restrained her and looked up at her questioningly, their lips only inches apart.
"I could never leave Torchwood…or you" she started. "You think leaving would be easy for me? I could never give you up Jack. You're right. It is my choice." She stared deep into his loving blue eyes and cupping his face in her hands she kissed him hungrily.
Jack kissed back quickly before pulling her back and staring into her eyes once more. He brushed her hair back off her face and holding her face in his hands he took in her expression. She was smiling, her eyes looking so deep into his own that he got lost in her beauty.
Gwen felt his eyes roaming all over her, savouring the moment. He had a serious expression on his face that made Gwen want him all the more. Without hesitation they simultaneously moved in to capture each others lips once more. Jack kissed her hard and Gwen pushed back even harder. They pulled back and embraced each other tightly. Gwen rested her head against his shoulder and gripped his back as his arms wrapped securely around her waist and caressed her neck. He rocked her slightly as she stroked his back, both providing comfort for the other. Tears of joy and guilt spilled from her eyes. Not guilt felt for Rhys, but for Jack, for all the pain she had put him through. She would be lying if she said she had had no idea about Jack's feelings towards her, or her feeling for him. She had known well before she had gotten married but ignored them. She pressed her lips to his ear.
"I love you too" she whispered.
Jack pulled her back and wiped the tears from beneath her eyes. He kissed her passionately and began to unbutton her suit. Gwen did the same but grew frustrated and impatient trying to get his shirt off and settled for ripping it instead. She felt Jack smiling against her mouth.
"Ianto is so going to kill you for that" Jack said.
"What are you going to tell him?" Gwen asked guiltily, not referring to the shirt.
"Don't you worry about it ok. I'll figure it out when the time comes."
Gwen nodded. She kissed his lips lightly and continued trailing kisses down his neck while Jack freed her from the top half of her suit. Jack then lifted her to her feat and the rest of the blue suit fell to the floor. Gwen hands moved to his waist and made quick work of removing his trousers. She kissed him again, parting her lips for him to slip in his tongue. He lifted her up and she wrapped her legs around his waist, not breaking their kiss. She then unfastened her bra and through it on the floor.
Jack carried her to the bed and laid down on top of her kissing her deeply. Gwen let a moan escape her as she felt his erection digging into her groin. Without breaking their kiss, Jack expertly managed to remove his boxers, and Gwen's lace underwear fell to the floor. He lifted her up and positioned her in his lap so that her legs were wrapped around his waist. He pulled back from Gwen and looked into her eyes as he slowly entered her. Gwen did the same and they both savoured the others expression as they did so. Jack kissed her hard and laid her back down on the bed where he began to slowly thrust into her. Gwen arched into him and cried out his name when she came. Jack groaned with pleasure and collapsed against her, their breathing ragged.
Jack moved off her and held her close. They didn't speak after that. Everything that was ever left unsaid between them no longer needed to be said.