A/N: I'm sooooo sorry it took so long for me to update. Between working to upgrade my biology and being diagnosed with ADHD, I had little time to work on this and when i did have time i found it extremely difficult to concentrate enough to write. I hope this chapter was worth the wait, its almost 4 times the length of my usual chapters...

Disclaimer: I do not own Rookie Blue or Demi Lovato

SHATTERED

Chapter 11 – Skyscraper

It's been 3 weeks since Andy finally admitted that she needed help, and after 3 grueling sessions the doctor was able to diagnose her; she remembered it almost word for word.

"Andy with all you've told me, I believe it's more than just depression, have you ever heard of Borderline Personality Disorder?" Dr. Messner asked and when Andy shook her head, she continued "The unstable emotions, anxiety, the intense anger, impulsiveness and the self-harm, its all part of it. A person with Borderline Personality Disorder or BPD sees the world in black and white, to them there is no gray areas; and pushing people away but at the same time wanting to hold them close and never let go is part of it as well." Dr. Messner gave her a look that told Andy that she wasn't going to like this part "Now I know you're not going to like this...but I'm going to put you off work for 6 months"

"I can still work, I need my job…being a cop is everything to me" Andy protested

"I know this Andy" she said "But your recovery is the most important thing right now, and I think you need to focus on that"

Andy sighed resigned 'maybe she's right'.

Afterwards Sam picked her up and took in her subdued expression "What's the matter?"

Andy sighed "She put me off work for 6 months"

Sam was quiet for a while, trying to figure out what to say "Maybe…maybe its for the best" before she could say anything, he continued "Maybe its better to concentrate on your health before going back to a very high stress job"

"I can handle it"

"Andy I know you can…but I know you can handle not working too" he told her "You're one of the strongest people I know and I think that this time off work will only help you be an even better cop than you already are"

"You think so?" she asked

"Yeah, I think so" he replied "And I want to be there for you every step of the way"

Andy swallowed hard unsure of what to say, on one hand she wanted him around but at the same time she wanted to be alone. These mixed feelings were overwhelming, but she decided to give him a chance, just one last chance, "I…I'll let you be there" the smile he gave her had her heart fluttering "But…it'll be a while before I can trust you again"

Sam just nodded with a determined look on his face, and she knew then that he was going to do anything possible to earn back her trust.

Now it was the 29th day of her disability leave…'disability', man she hated that word, it wasn't like she was injured or something. Sam helped her so much, even going as far as bringing paperwork for her to do just so she still felt included, and he always seemed to know what to do and what to say. No matter what she threw at him he just took it and calmed her, and he took most of the time that he wasn't on shift and spent it with her. She had almost come to expect him to show up after his shift and today was no different, she heard the knock on her door, she opened the door and there stood Sam with a bag from her favorite Chinese food take-out; it was just what she needed after the mentally tough day she had.

"You hungry?" he smiled

She gave him small smile and welcomed him in, Sam sat the food down on the counter and gave her a look.

Andy swallowed nervously "What?"

"Something's wrong" Sam pulled her gently over to the couch and sat down beside her "Do you want to talk about it?"

"The food will get cold" she said

"We can warm it up" Sam replied

Andy sighed, 'Opening up is the best thing you can do for yourself to heal' the doctor had told her, so she decided to do just that. "I…I had another dream" she let out a shaky breath "Well two actually…the first was my mom and I was starting to trust her again but then she walked away again and there was nothing I could do to stop her…that's when I woke up"

"And then what?" Sam asked carefully

"I fell back asleep about 20 minutes later…then the second dream…my dad…he was there…alive, it was like he was just gone for a while. I asked him where he was, why he didn't come back to me sooner…I could see him talking but it was like he was on mute, I couldn't hear him…then he kept getting further and further away, I couldn't catch him and then he was gone…it felt so real, it felt like he was alive and came back to me, but then he was gone"

By the time she had finished telling Sam about her dream, he had already pulled her closer and his arms were wrapped tightly around her. Sam pulled away just a smidge and she felt his thumbs on her cheeks gently swiping away her tears; she hadn't even realized she was crying. He pulled her back against him and they cuddled in silence which was just what she needed.

"It'll get easier you know" he whispered after awhile, Andy shifted so she could look up at him "And these feelings will ease over time…Sarah, she had terrible dreams and would wake up screaming, she shut everyone out and was constantly angry and she startled very easily; the doctor diagnosed her with PTSD and after that it was an uphill battle, but Sarah made it to the top and now she's happily married with three kids and she's the best chef I know and owns her own café…so with time it will get better"

'How is it he can still make me feel better, even after everything' Andy wondered. Their faces were so close that she could feel his warm breath on her cheek, and the look in his eyes…she knew that look; it was the same look he always gave her when he was about to kiss her. She found herself leaning closer just as he was, but at the last second he kissed her forehead instead and then pulled her tighter against him. She was a little disappointed, but she understood…he didn't want to push her.

5 months have passed since Andy was put off work and she was growing more restless as the days went on. The counseling sessions have helped quite a bit but she still felt as if she was stuck in a rut, like she was stuck in a deep hole that she had no hope of ever climbing out of.

Sam could tell how she felt just by the look in her eyes, even though she tried so hard to hide it. He thought of something that might just help her get past the hurdle that was holding her back; it was something he wished he would have done long before everything that had torn them apart. So now he stood nervously outside Andy's door, waiting for her to answer.

"Hey" he said when she opened the door

"What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be at work?" she looked confused

"I have today off…you hungry? I know a great place" he asked

"Um…sure?" she seemed a little bit apprehensive

"Then lets go" he said and they left before she could change her mind.

They drove for about half an hour before Andy broke their comfortable silence. "How far away is this place?"

Sam shrugged, "About another hour give or take"

"An hour?!" Andy gasped "Are you kidding me?"

"Nope" he smirked "Trust me, it's worth it…but I did bring you a snack, it's in the glove box…I know how cranky you get when you're hungry"

Andy stuck her tongue out at him and then immediately opened the glove box to find a bag of her favorite chips. A small smile crept across her face, he remembered.

When they arrived at the small café in St. Catherine's, Sam looked over at Andy's sleeping form and smiled at the peaceful look on her face. He almost didn't want to wake her up, "Andy" he said tapping her shoulder, he chuckled when she swatted his hand away, "Andy come on, wake up" he said "We're here"

Her eyes fluttered open and she stretched with a yawn, "Where are we?"

Sam swallowed nervously, unsure about how she would react, "We're at…Sarah's Café". He waited for her to blow up at him, yell at him, hit him, anything; but instead all he saw on her face was nervousness, "Andy?"

"Why did you bring me here?" she asked quietly

"I wanted you to meet Sarah" he answered "I want you to see living proof that it does get better"

Andy was quiet for a moment before she replied "Did you just bring me here because of my…problems?"

"No" Sam said right away "I mean, it is part of it, but the main reason is that I want you to meet her and Matt and the kids…I want you to meet my family"

Andy was floored, in her mind just for a moment she wondered if the real reason he wanted her to meet his family was to rub it in that she had none left. But she knew he wasn't like that, it was just the way her mind works that had her thinking that everyone was out to hurt her; she was now beginning to realize that despite their past, Sam would never set out to purposely hurt her. But those thoughts she had now and then were just something that she couldn't stop. Sam looked at her like he knew exactly what she was thinking; she blushed a little under his gaze when he gave her a look that told her everything was going to be okay, "You really want me to meet them?"

"Of course I do" he smiled "But there's something about Sarah you should know…she's kind of forward and she says what's on her mind without thinking sometimes"

"So she's like her brother then?"

"I guess you could say that" he smirked "So you ready?"

Sam noticed her fidgeting nervously "Hey, you have nothing to worry about…they'll love you"…'Like I do'. Andy just nodded, and they both made their way inside. As they entered the café, the scent that greeted them made their mouths water. A girl no more than 16 looked up from her spot behind the counter where she was folding napkins and a big smile spread across her face, "Uncle Sammy!" she said excitedly "We didn't know you were coming" she wrapped her arms around him and he hugged her back just as tightly.

"Surprise" Sam grinned

Cece then caught sight of Andy who was lingering behind Sam looking very uncomfortable.

"Hi, I'm Cece" she greeted

"Andy" Andy replied

Cece's eyes widened "You're Andy?! Wow, I've heard so much about you" Andy swallowed nervously, so Cece continued, "Don't worry, all good things…Uncle Sammy talks about you all the time"

Sam cleared his throat, now it was his turn to feel uncomfortable, "Um…is you're mom in the kitchen?"

"Yup, she's getting everything ready for the supper crowd" A customer came in and Cece left to take their order.

Sam pulled Andy closer to him and led her towards the kitchen. Sarah had her back to them and a plate of brownies caught Sam's eye. He smirked as he stealthily swiped one off the plate and took a big bite.

"Mmm, still the best brownies ever" he said with his mouth full.

Sarah whipped around to face them, "Sammy!" she squealed excitedly and launched herself into his arms, and when she pulled away she smacked him.

"Hey what was that for?" he rubbed his red cheek.

"That was for stealing a brownie" her eyes widened when she saw Andy "Oh Sam, you finally brought her!" she smiled "Hi, I'm Sarah, Sammy's much smarter and better looking sister"

Andy laughed "I'm Andy"

"I know, Sam never stops talking about you"

"So I've heard" she smiled nervously

"Hey Sarah, how about you whip us up some of your phenomenal chicken parm" Sam gave her his best puppy dog look.

"I'll cook some for Andy" Sarah said with a calculating smirk

"What about your baby brother?"

"You got the 'baby' part right" she laughed "But you my dear brother have to work for your meal"

Sam sulked "How come Andy doesn't have to work for it?"

"She puts up with you, that's good enough for me" she winked at Andy "And she didn't steal a brownie"

"Then why did you leave them out in plain view if you didn't want me to steal one"

"I didn't know you were coming, otherwise I would have hid everything edible" Sarah shot back.

Andy smiled at the lighthearted banter between the two siblings, she could see the love between them and it reminded her of all the times as a child that she longed for a sibling. She must have zoned out because now she saw Sarah preparing food and Sam was tugging her out of the kitchen. They sat in silence at a table for a while before Sam spoke up.

"Penny for your thoughts?" Sam asked

Andy gave him a small smile "I was just thinking about when I was little, I always wished I had a brother or a sister…you're very lucky"

"I don't know about that" Sam joked trying to lighten her mood "She drives me absolutely crazy"

"I heard that Sammy!" Sarah shouted from the kitchen

"She hears everything" he muttered quietly

"Heard that too!"

Sam rolled his eyes with a smile

"Don't you roll your eyes at me" Sarah yelled again

At that, Andy burst out laughing.

"Oh you think that's funny do you" Sam folded his arms across his chest

Andy nodded "I like her"

Sam scoffed "I don't at the moment"

"Sammy if you keep that up I'll make you starve" Sarah said as she brought out two plates piled with the most delicious smelling food.

"Awe Sarah, you know I love you" he licked his lips as she set their food down in front of them

Sarah laughed "Suck up"

Andy took a bite of her food "Wow, this is amazing!"

"I told you it was worth the drive" Sam told her

Sarah put her hands on her hips "You drove for an hour and a half just for food?!"

"No, I just missed your charming personality"

After another smack and a muttered "Eat up smart ass", Sarah left them to their meal.

After they finished eating, Sarah immediately tugged Sam into the kitchen to help prepare for the dinner rush. Andy approached Cece and offered to help her out with filling the salt shakers and folding the napkins and such.

"Thanks" Cece said "But you really don't have to"

"I want to" Andy smiled

Cece smiled back "Thanks, my sister usually helps me but she's not here yet"

"Sam mentioned you have a sister…and a brother right?"

"Yup" Cece smiled at the mention of her siblings "Gabby, she's 9 and Tyler is 6…he can get very irritating"

"How so?" Andy asked

"He follows me around everywhere and he's in that 'why?' phase, that and the pranks…it's like he constantly feels the need to be a little terror" Cece laughed "Mom says he's just like uncle Sammy was at that age"

Andy smiled at the thought of a little Sam running around, living to annoy his big sister "You're lucky to have siblings though…I didn't have any"

"Really? Nobody to drive you crazy? I'd say you're the lucky one" Cece said and they both laughed "So are you Sammy's girlfriend? He never really said"

Andy swallowed hard and paled a bit, luckily she didn't have to answer because the bell on the door chimed and a man and two kids walked in. Cece smiled "Hey dad, guess who's here…Uncle Sammy and Andy"

Matt's eyes widened "The Andy?"

Andy blushed nervously "Hi"

Matt smiled "It's nice to finally meet you Andy…I'm Matt, Sarah's husband"

"Nice to meet you" she smiled back

"I see you already met Cece" he pointed to the girl who sat with her sister "That's Gabby…and this is Tyler" he said motioning to the little boy who was shyly standing beside his father.

"Hello" Andy smiled softly

At that moment, Sam walked out of the kitchen "I thought I heard you two monsters"

"Uncle Sammy!" Gabby and Tyler both yelled and ran into Sam's arms.

Andy couldn't help but smile at the interactions between Sam and his family. He was right, she had nothing to worry about. But now she worried what they would think when they found out she was basically 'crazy'.

"So Matt, how've you been?" Sam asked

"Pretty good" he smirked "And I see your truck is doing good too…no bullet holes this time" Matt flashed back to when Sam brought his truck to him to fix.

"Hey Matt" Sam said as he walked into Matt's garage "I uh…have a little problem" he gestured to the holes in his truck.

"Jeeze Sammy. Bullet holes?"

"It wasn't me…it was McNally" Sam said

Matt was shocked "You actually let a rookie drive your precious truck?"

"She's not just a rookie" Sam muttered under his breath.

But Matt heard what he said, and he knew at that moment that Sam had finally met his match.

"You're never going to let that go" Sam laughed and then turned to Andy"Matt here is the one that fixed up my truck after you got it full of bullet holes"

Andy blushed "Well if you didn't want the bullet holes then you shouldn't have lent it to me"

"You asked to borrow it"

"So you let anyone who asks borrow your truck?"

Matt had trouble holding back his smile, because he knew that wasn't the case.

After the dinner rush was over, Matt left to take the kids home. Sam and Andy sat at a table absolutely beat.

"So do you do this often?" Andy asked

"What?" Sam replied

"Cooking and 'waitressing'." She smiled

"Waitressing? Really Andy?"

Before Andy could say anything else, Sarah approached them "Hey thanks for helping out guys"

"It's not like I had a choice" Sam muttered good-naturally

Sarah slapped her brother in the back of the head "You better watch it Sammy or I won't give you any food to bring home" she said

"It was no problem Sarah" Andy laughed at the perturbed look on Sam's face

"How do you put up with this idiot, Andy?"

"He didn't give me a choice" Andy replied "He's like those annoying little mosquitoes that just won't leave you alone"

Sarah laughed

"Hey what's this, pick on Sam day?" Sam pouted jokingly. Seeing Andy so comfortable with his family, and seeing her so at ease and being like her old self just warmed his heart; Sarah always did have a good effect on those around her.

"Hey Andy, now that it's not busy, I was wondering if we could talk…alone" Sarah asked

Andy swallowed nervously before she let out a shaky "Sure"

As Sarah led Andy to her office, all that Sam could think was 'Oh shit!' He had told Sarah everything about Andy…everything, and now she was going to find out and hate him for it.

When Sarah closed the door to her office, Andy's nervousness increased.

"Andy, I wanted to…talk to you about a few things, the first um…can you try not to be mad?"

Andy dreaded what Sarah was about to tell her but she nodded anyway.

"The first thing is that Sam…he told me everything"

Andy paled "Everything?" She couldn't help but feel betrayed

Sarah nodded "But Andy, he only told me because he cares about you so much and he was really worried, he was unsure of the best way to help you…so he asked me"

Andy just nodded and when she didn't say anything, Sarah continued.

"I know Sam trusts you enough to have told you some about our…past" Sarah said "But I know he's never told you the full story because he just never talks about it, even to me"

"Sarah you don't…"

"I want to tell you Andy" Sarah interrupted, and then she began "Our mom died from cancer when Sammy was just 3 and I was 8; and dad was extremely protective of the both of us. He was always telling us to never walk home in the dark, to call him and that he'd come pick us up. I was 13 and my friend a few streets over invited me to a sleepover; I went and had a good time, later on when everyone was asleep, I was still wide awake and just couldn't get to sleep, so I decided to sneak out and walk home. There was a shortcut through an alley; I walked it plenty of times before, just never in the dark…that was the biggest mistake of my life. I was halfway through the alley when I was j…jumped from behind, I fought as hard as I could, but there were 3 of them…they were taunting me and laughing…one of them gagged me so I couldn't scream. The next thing I remember is waking up in the hospital; my dad found me, my friend's mom woke up in the middle of the night and came to check on us and she saw I was gone so she called my dad" Sarah took a tissue and wiped her eyes "I shut everyone out, but Sammy was constantly trying to cheer me up…he thought I was just sad" she laughed softly "He even memorized an entire joke book…and dad would never let me out of his sight, he even quit his job to home school me" Sarah swallowed hard "The cops found the guys that did it…and those bastards got away with it because of 'insufficient evidence' and because I couldn't positively identify them. But I knew it was them…I remembered their voices and they were smirking the whole trial. A few weeks later the cops knocked on our door, they said the 3 guys that assaulted me were attacked…and Dad's DNA was found at the scene. My dad had beat them to a pulp…one was dead, one was paralyzed from the neck down and one was severely brain damaged. Dad…he was convicted of first degree murder and two counts of attempted murder…he was sentenced to life in prison." Sarah shook her head at the insanity of it all, that her father got put in prison for taking justice into his own hands because the justice system failed her. "Tyler Hayes, a young cop that was on both cases from the beginning, he took us in because we didn't have any other family. His brother Matt was my age; it was just the two of them because their parents died the year before in a car accident. Here Tyler was, a single 28 year old guy raising 3 kids who all were affected by tragedy, while he himself was still grieving over the loss of his parents and he still made sure to take Sammy and I to the prison to visit dad." Sarah smiled "Dad always made sure the guards would have ice cream for us, all they ever had was pistachio" she continued "Tyler made sure I had counseling and he got me a tutor until I felt ready to go back to school…Sammy was really upset that he wouldn't be at the same school as me and wouldn't be there to 'protect me' because I was starting high school. So he threatened Matt that if he didn't watch out for me then there would be hell to pay and Matt did…it's because of Sam that Matt and I got together. And it's because I opened up enough to let them be there for me that makes me who I am today" she said "I'm married to a wonderful guy, I have 3 beautiful kids and I work doing something that I love…but Andy, I still have nightmares and I still have those bad days even after almost 30 years…but now they are few and far between, and when they do happen, Matt is always there to help me though it…just like Sam wants to be there for you"

Andy swallowed hard "He just wants to be there for me because he feels like he has to" she said quietly

"Andy, you can't seriously think that…Sammy wants to be there for you because he loves you"

Andy's eyes widened in disbelief "He…he doesn't love me"

"Of course he does…he would never have brought you here if he didn't and he never talks about anyone as much as he does about you" Sarah told her "Andy, you've had him hooked from the moment you tackled him in that alley and tried to kiss him"

"That's what he told you? Seriously?!" Andy said incredulously "I didn't try to kiss him, he fit the description of the perp we were looking for and he ran, so I tackled him, there was no kissing involved"

Sarah just laughed softly, and then her facial expression became more serious "Can you honestly tell me that you don't have feelings for Sam?"

Andy's eyes widened in shock, wringing her hands nervously and was very quiet for a long moment before she answered "…no"

Sarah gave her a small smile "Then I think you guys have a shot"

"I…"

"Andy, you don't have to say anything…let me do for Sam what he did for me and just promise me you'll think about it" she told her.

Andy swallowed and nodded slowly

"Thank you" Sarah replied

On the drive home, Andy was very quiet, she didn't seem mad at him, she just seemed to be thinking about something…but he was still nervous. When they got back to Andy's place, Sam was surprised when she invited him in. After Andy closed the door behind them and they both sat on the couch, Sam spoke "Look, Andy…I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't have broke your trust by telling Sarah but…"

"It's okay Sam" she interrupted

"I…what?"

"I understand why you told her" she told him

"You do? Uh…what did you talk about?" he asked nervously

"You guys have been through so much" Andy said quietly and Sam tensed, nobody knew the full story about his past, but he told Andy more than he's ever told anyone, which wasn't much. But now that she knew everything, he felt extremely vulnerable, a feeling he didn't like one bit. Andy continued "But you overcame it because you had each other…you were right, she is living proof that it does get better, and so are you…it doesn't happen overnight, it takes time and a lot of work…and trust, I have to be able to ask for help when I need it and for comfort when it's a bad day…its one step at a time" She suddenly got up and went to her bedroom.

"Andy what are you doing?" he asked confused

She came out of her room with something in her hand "Something I need to do" she slowly walked back over to Sam and took his hand in hers, she nervously placed her pocket knife in his open palm.

"Andy…" he had no idea what to say

"It's very special to me" she said quietly "But every time I see it, it's a temptation to cut…so I…I want you to have it" she trailed off

Sam was astounded, the trust she showed in him with this action rendered him speechless. Andy giving him her knife was so significant and meant so much to him, more than words could ever express. It showed him that she was ready to take the next step in her recovery. It showed him that she knew she had to make changes in order to adapt and accept the way her life is now, because she had to move forward in order to get to her new 'normal'.

"One step at a time" she gave him a watery smile

He smiled back and pulled her into his arms, repeating her words "One step at a time"

This chapter was very difficult for me to write, particularly the beginning with the doctor, and Sarah's story and the end with the pocket knife. So what did you think? Please review!