A/N: This is a long one; I didn't want to mess with the flow by breaking it up. Breakers ahead.

Moshae Sjefa was safe on the Tempest. Jaal only wished the same could be said for his state of mind. He had kept a protective arm around the moshae the entire trip back to the ship, and had hovered over her until Lexi kicked him out of medbay.

He had come directly to the Tech Lab, avoiding the other members of the crew. Determined to keep his mind occupied, rather than considering the horrible truth they had discovered, Jaal turned toward his latest project. Vetra had given him a targeting visor, common in the Milky Way, which he was currently disassembling to determine if some of its features might be integrated into his own angaran version.

It was delicate, fiddly work, not at all suited to a distressed mind and shaking hands. The third time he dropped his tools, he flung the visor across the room with a shout.

The tinkling sound of the display breaking and falling to the floor made him feel immediately guilty. The visor had been a gift, and he did not wish hurt Vetra's feelings by mistreating it. Stooping, he picked up the shattered pieces, wondering if he could put them back together.

The fragile pieces seemed to represent his knowledge of the universe; shattered by the revelations about the kett and exaltation, it could possibly be made to work again, but it would never be whole, never be as smooth and seamless as it had been.

He was still kneeling there when the door to the Tech Lab swished open. He knew it was Ryder without turning around. Who else would it be? She came in quietly, and paused before speaking in a low voice.

"Jaal? What can I do?"

He sighed. "There is nothing, Ryder. To find out that we have been killing our own people for all these years… and worse, even now that we have this knowledge we must continue to do kill them… what can any of us do?"

Sara stepped further into the room so quietly that he didn't realize she had moved until her hand came to rest on his shoulder. He felt a jolt at the contact that made no sense; after all, his underarmor, armor, and rofjinn stood between his skin and hers Still, the gentle pressure of her touch was enough to make him feel anchored; it was enough to allow him to regain his emotional balance. He remained still for an extra few moments, revelling in her touch even if she didn't know what it meant to him.

Finally he stood, and turned to face her.

"Thank you, Ryder. I... appreciate your presence."

"Any time, Jaal."

She didn't seem to know what to do with her hands and finally settled for clasping them in front of her. He noticed that she rubbed the palm of her right hand as if she too felt some lingering effect on their contact.

"Anyway, I was in medbay earlier, and Lexi said you can go back up now."

He smiled at her. "Again, thank you, Ryder. I will go now."

He left, footsteps hurrying him toward the moshae; he was simultaneously disappointed to be leaving Ryder's presence and relieved that he had an easy excuse to leave before he said something that he shouldn't.

It took most of two days before Jaal worked up the courage to ask the moshae about his soulmate connection. He waited until Lexi left them alone in the medbay before speaking.

"Moshae, I am wondering… how are you feeling?"

She gave him a patient smile that said she knew he had avoided some other question, but she answered evenly. "I am much recovered, Jaal, thank you. I need only rest. Dr. T'Pero is quite skilled."

"Yes, she is." He fell silent, one hand nervously rubbing the back of his neck.

Moshae Sjefa decided to prod him a bit. "What is it you truly wish to discuss, Jaal?"

"I… moshae, I think I have - is it possible that - I think I may have found my soulmate."

She smiled with genuine pleasure. "Jaal! That is wonderful news! Where is she? How did you find her? Who is it?"

Jaal caught himself beginning to pace; he made an annoyed sound in the back of his throat, brought a chair over to her bed, and sat down instead.

"It… is- it may be… Ryder." He glanced at her, hardly sure what reaction he was hoping for. Pleasure? Shock? Denial? Each would answer an aspect of his own tumultuous emotions on the matter.

Moshae Sjefa was silent for a long moment, though he could tell she was thinking quickly. Finally, she nodded. "Yes. Yes, it makes sense, Jaal. Your Ritual, the oddness of your soulmate connection… it makes sense. She slept, and more than slept, for 600 years. Not dead, and so you did not feel that; but not in any way conscious, and so she simply didn't have any emotions for you to feel." She smiled. "This is wonderful, Jaal! She said nothing of it to me when we spoke; what does she think of it? Have her people ever had soulmates before?"

Jaal shifted uncomfortably in his seat, and refused to meet her eyes. "I have… not spoken to her of it. She quite obviously did not recognize me, as I recognized her, when we met. I have wondered if I was… mistaken. Mislead by my own desire to find my soulmate."

Moshae Sjefa stared at him; it was a look he remembered from his time as her student, when he would say something so incredibly wrong headed that she couldn't believe it had come from his mouth.

"Ja-al."

He flinched. He remembered that tone, too, and her habit of drawing his name out into two syllables, as if the usual one was insufficient to express her disappointment. He felt uncomfortably like a teenager again, failing an exam because he had chosen not to study.

"How would you expect her to react the same as an angara would? How strange it must be for her - especially if soulmates are unknown among her people! How do you hope to discover whether it is her if you refuse to speak to her? Is this the honesty that your soulmate deserves? If you do not speak to her of it, how do you know she does not suffer as you do?

"Whether it is Ryder or not, your soulmate deserves for you to do your best to find her. Is this, then, your best? Whether Ryder is your soulmate or not, she deserves your honesty. Is this honest? Do you think she would appreciate you being here under false pretenses?"

She wasn't yelling - the moshae never yelled - but Jaal felt worse with each word, hunching his shoulders and wishing to disappear.

"I am disappointed, Jaal. I thought you, after all you have been through, would be eager to do anything you could to find your soulmate. I thought you, after all you had been through, would be more considerate of the pain of others. It is disappointing to discover that I was wrong."

He knew he shouldn't do it. It never worked to argue with the moshae, especially not when she was in this mood. He couldn't help himself though.

"There is something else. She is seeing a turian on the Nexus station."

Moshae Sjefa shrugged. "I am certain she sees a great many people every day. How is this relevant?"

Jaal waved one hand in frustration. "Apologies. It is a human idiom. It means that she is involved with him. Romantically."

"And you think that is a reason not to speak to her? How do you believe that allowing that relationship to progress will help matters? You will increase the pain for all three of you."

Unable to sit still any longer, Jaal stood, pacing around the medbay.

"I was hoping that you would tell me it was crazy, that I was wrong. I was hoping that something would become more clear, reduce the risk of making a fool of myself. Again. I was hoping… I was hoping that she would recognize the connection on her own. I do not know. Something, anything that did not involve telling an alien who may not even have a soulmate - may not have even heard of the concept! - that I am hers, and she must choose between me and the turian she wants to spend time with."

Sjefa watched his agitated movements, hiding a great many emotions behind a calm mask and quiet words. Her heart cried for his pain, his confusion. She was also slightly amused to see him so uncertain of his feelings - he had always made a point of downplaying his emotions when they were not of service to him.

She didn't speak again, and neither did he. She remembered his pacing, and knew he wouldn't stop until he had reached a decision.

Eventually, Jaal's pacing drove Lexi to kick him out of medbay with the claim that she couldn't concentrate and the moshae couldn't sleep with all that movement going on. Jaal went to the crew quarters, deserted at this hour except for Liam, and continued his pacing.

When even Liam became annoyed with his nervous energy and suggested strongly that he find someplace where people weren't trying to work, Jaal took himself out of the room, and paced the walkway that ran between the crew quarters and medbay.

Unfortunately, his timing was bad, it was time for the team's noon meal. Peebee tried to dodge around him on her way to the galley, making an exaggeratedly annoyed noise when they almost became tangled together. Cora avoided him more successfully, but stared at him in surprise when he didn't acknowledge her presence. Vetra, clearly warned by one of the others, went throuh the crew quarters and the bathroom, rolling her eyes at the necessity. Drack simply stalked down the walkway, shouldering Jaal out of his way.

After several moments of peace, SAM's voice chimed quietly in the hallway.

"The Pathfinder has received several complaints from the crew about your choice of location. She wants you to know that if you wish to speak about anything, she is available; if not, she suggests that you relocate to the cargo hold, where there is less traffic."

Jaal snorted, he wondered if Ryder's phrasing had been quite to polite. He stood still, facing the door to her quarters.

With a slightly hunted look over his shoulder in the direction of the moshae's bed in medbay, he walked to her door. It swished open at his approach.

Sara wasn't sure how she had gotten put in charge of action reports for Nexus leadership and Evfra, but that's what had happened. And, of course, they all had questions. She was sorely tempted to just let SAM handle it - he knew everything she did, after all - but she reluctantly decided against it.

So when SAM interrupted her work to tell her that several members of the crew had complained that Jaal was pacing the walkway outside her door, she was more than ready for an interruption. Generally, she would have told SAM to ignore the complaints and let them figure things out for themselves; something stopped her this time, though. Instead, she had SAM extend a tentative invitation to Jaal, following it quickly with an opportunity for him to turn her down gracefully.

She had enough time to remember the way her hand had felt on his shoulder - the rightness of the touch and the gesture had taken her breath away - before the door swished open.

He looked around as he entered her room, and Sara realized he had never been here before. Most of the others had, at one time or another, for a chat, but never Jaal. She had always gone to him, either of her own accord or when he requested her presence, as if he was reluctant to invade her space.

She waved from her spot on the large couch, ending with a gesture of invitation. She was wearing her casual shipboard outfit, music playing softly in the background, she had a cup of tea within reach, and had curled her legs under her and settled into the comfortable sofa, hoping to make filing reports and answering questions slightly less of a chore. As Jaal settled uneasily on the edge of the sofa furthest from her, Sara raised an eyebrow.

"Ryder. I would like to ask you a question, if I may."

She smiled, and set her datapad aside. "Certainly, Jaal."

"Do any of your Milky Way species - do humans - do you have soulmates?"

Sara blinked, it wasn't a question she had expected. Who would have mentioned it to him? And why hadn't they explained? How had he known to ask, if no one had brought it up. She suddenly felt nervous, and took a sip of her tea to cover the pause as she gathered her thoughts to answer him evenly.

"Yes, all the Milky Way species have soulmates." A thought occurred to her. "Do angara?"

He nodded. "We do. We… value that bond very highly, and most of us put a great deal of effort into finding our soulmate. There is a ritual, a… passage into adulthood… that helps us form a connection with our soulmate. We are able to feel some of their emotions, after we complete the ritual." He fell silent, then added hastily, "and recognize them when we meet."

Sara struggled to keep her face straight. "Most of our people don't have anything so clear to guide them. The instant recognition, sure. My parents were soulmates, they found each other that way. Most don't get anything so clear as your connection, though."

Just her luck, Sara thought, Jaal picked up on her phrasing immediately. "Most? Do some, then, have a deeper connection to their soulmate?"

Her jaw was going to crack if she clenched it any more tightly, but the nervous flutter in her stomach was increasing. She had never spoken to anyone outside her family about the empathic bond with her long-dead soulmate, and she wasn't particularly interested in doing so now. He was more than six hundred years dead, and she was more than willing to leave that painful period in her life behind her. She owed Jaal an answer, though; she would do her best to keep it theoretical.

"Yes. My mother told me once that it was a side effect of biotics, and occasionally eezo exposure. Some people have an empathic bond with their soulmate. Feel what they feel, if emotions are high or the bond is strong."

"Ahh, biotics." Jaal seemed to find some deeper meaning in her words. "Similar to our bioelectrics, then. Yes, that makes sense. You are considered a powerful biotic, among your people, are you not?"

Sara squirmed, setting her cup of tea aside before she could give away her nervous trembling by spilling the drink. There was no reason to be nervous, she told herself firmly.

Still, she answered shortly, hoping to discourage him from continuing the conversation. "Yes, I am."

"And have you ever felt this bond with your soulmate?"

Clearly she hadn't been discouraging enough. She tried again, more directly.

"I, hmm… this is a little more personal than is generally considered polite, Jaal. I don't know how angara treat this topic, but for us… well, it's not something we talk about outside of family. And rarely even then."

Jaal nodded. "I understand. We do not speak of it often, either. I apologize for making you uncomfortable." He fell silent, and Sara hoped that he had given up the subject. No such luck, she discovered in the next moment. "I would tell you a story.

"When I turned fifteen, I was eager to learn about and perform my Ritual. I had studied, along with several others of similar ages in my daar, for a whole year. One by one, the others entered the anj paara and emerged adults. None would tell us what happened. On the day of my Ritual, Moshae Sjefa finally told me our most closely guarded secrets: that angara have soulmates, and that the Ritual would form a connection between each pair, helping us to find each other. All the adults in my family were present, as I performed the Ritual that the moshae taught me.

"It is supposed to be a very clear sort of thing; you either succeed, or you fail. There are variations in the feel of it, depending on whether or not your soulmate has already completed the Ritual, but it is very clear to everyone who observes whether the Ritual is successful or not. Mine, was different.

"I succeeded in forming the connection, but there was nothing there. No return, no meeting of emotions, nothing. The moshae knew - none better - what it felt like if the soulmate were dead. It happens. This… was not that. This was something that no one had experienced before. It caused… much confusion.

"And I was convinced that the fault was mine. That I was somehow deficient. I have spent my adult life trying to find that deficiency and correct it.

"And then, one day, aliens arrived on Aya, and I found my soulmate. And while not everything makes sense, some does."

He finally raised his eyes to look at her. Sara was sitting in the corner of the sofa, back pressed against the cushions as if she were trying to get as far away from him as she could. She had her arms wrapped tightly around her knees.

She shook her head when he looked at her, eyes begging him not to continue. He did.

"Ryder - Sara. You are my soulmate. I could feel it as soon as I saw you. Do you feel nothing of the connection between us?"

Sara's breath was coming in gasps, but she managed to refute his claim forcefully enough.

"That is not possible. I don't know where you got this idea, Jaal, but I am not your soulmate. I want you to leave."

Jaal started to stand, then sat back down with a shake of his head. At her glare, he stood up again; he didn't move away, but he didn't quite dare to close the space between them, either.

"It is true, Sara. Even if you cannot feel it, I can. I know there are… complications. We will work on them, I prom-"

Before he could finish, she was yelling at him.

"My soulmate is dead! Do you hear me? He died! I felt him die, Jaal! After years of dreams that I couldn't explain, emotions that weren't mine, I. Felt. Him. DIE. I'm sorry you haven't found your soulmate, but it is not me."

He started to open his mouth, and Sara wasn't sure if he was going to comfort her or argue with her. She didn't want either.

"Get out, Jaal." When he didn't move quickly enough, she picked up her datapad and hurled it at him. It missed the mark and clattered against the wall behind him, but had the desired effect even so.

Jaal started towards the door, chagrin and anger building in him. Anger was quickly winning - he hadn't made a mistake, and if he had, this was not an appropriate response. As the door swished open, he turned, his anger convincing him that staying and arguing was the best plan. The sight that met his eyes quickly changed his mind.

Sara had toppled slowly over onto her side, her face hidden in the cushion of the couch, arms wrapped around her head as her shoulders shook with sobs. He could barely make out her words between the muffling effects of the cushion and her tears. She was repeating the same words over and over, like a mantra.

"My soulmate is dead. I felt him die. I'm alone. My soulmate is dead. I felt him die. I'm alone."

Shaken, Jaal turned and left the room without saying a word.