AUTHOR: givemelibertea

January 11th, 2014 - Stars

On the fourth night that Arthur found himself alone in bed, tossing and turning and unable to fall asleep without the familiar dip in the bed next to him, he decided that he'd had enough. Alfred's newly developed habit didn't bother in the beginning, but now it was just making their nights awkward. This habit of not coming to bed until late at night, coupled with the fact that Alfred never acted different during the day, drove Arthur to the point where he was done trying to puzzle things out.

He looked for Alfred in the basement first, but the video game console was turned off. He wasn't in the kitchen for a midnight snack either, or sleeping off some mysterious lovers' spat in the living room, and so by the time he'd done a tour of the entire house, Arthur was at a loss of where to look. Sighing, he let his gaze trail outside, at the clear January sky dotted with stars, and right underneath it all sat the man he was looking for, cross-legged on a folded tarp on top of a mound of snow, and completely unmoving.

He observed him for a moment, and then, before he knew it, his hands were mechanically preparing two mugs of tea. While the water boiled, he found himself slipping on a coat and a scarf, along with mittens and a hat, and the switch popped as he finished lacing up his second boot. A moment later, he had pulled the patio door open, and his steps were punctuated with the crunching of fresh snow as he made his way to Alfred's side with the mugs of tea.

"Any place for me?" he asked, carefully sitting down when Alfred soundlessly scooted over.

"You're not sleeping," Alfred commented softly, eyes not leaving the sky.

"Neither are you," Arthur replied without flinching, handing him a mug. "Here. Don't freeze."

"You know I don't like tea." Alfred accepted the steaming mug anyway and curiously sniffed the warm beverage. It warmed the bright red tip of his nose.

"Care to tell me why you've been here these past few nights?" Arthur immediately skipped to the point. "You're obviously not upset, so what is it?"

"I don't know," Alfred shrugged, returning his stare to the starry skies. "I guess I was worried."

"About?"

"I mean, look at us. It's a whole new year already, and I feel like I've done nothing constructive in the past year, and like I won't do anything constructive this year either. Time is flying by, and I feel like I'm not making anything of it."

"You're afraid," Arthur sighed, and looked up at the sky as well.

"Of having regrets later on, yeah," Alfred admitted. "I don't know. I feel like it's a stupid worry."

"So you came out here to freeze your toes off and glare at the stars for an answer?" Arthur blew on his tea and let the first burning sip shock his body awake.

"I came here to think." Alfred grumbled. "And definitely not be made fun of."

"I wasn't making fun of you," Arthur immediately returned, sincere. "I was wondering why you were out here."

"Maybe the stars have an answer for me," Alfred let out a weak smirk, nothing like his usual smiles. "Maybe they can tell me I'm not wrong."

There was a pause, and Alfred took a sip of burning tea with a wince.

"The stars won't tell you," Arthur shook his head finally, looking at his boyfriend's reddened cheeks, his twitching nose, furrowed brows and teary eyes full of uncertainty. "But I will."

Alfred didn't move when Arthur did, putting his mug down into the snow, and taking Alfred's shivering hands with his warm mittens instead.

"You're not the only one who thinks that their life is insignificant, but you and everyone else, you're all wrong. It's okay not to have your life together. You're young, you have time. The only roadblock you have now is the silly fear that you will never amount to anything."

"Arthur, don't try to make me feel better," Alfred rasped out, a cold wind whipping across his face in consequence. A tear escaped his eyes and burned his skin on its way down. "I don't feel right at all."

"Okay," Arthur simply replied, and in a rare initiative of affection, he slid his arms around Alfred's neck and drew him close. "It's okay not to be okay. It's okay to worry and be afraid. But take it one step at a time, and live without a fear of being meaningless." He took his face in his hands, and their gazes crossed when he leaned in to kiss him firmly, like a promise. He then touched their numbed foreheads together to let them both feel the other close. "Even if you think you don't have your life sorted out now, rest assured that you will in due time. Your life does have meaning, even if you yourself don't know what it is yet. You have the power. Your life is yours to control, and you definitely will make it meaningful. The day will come when you will know what you want to do with your life. Until then, you remain the most important person in mine."

He kissed him again, softer, and hummed when he felt Alfred's arms snake around his waist and pull him close. He smiled, and stayed still until Alfred released a sigh that was almost as heavy as the galaxy itself. However, when he drew back, Alfred was looking at him, his eyes black like the night and bright like the stars.