The following day I receive word that my father has taken his life, presumably by repeatedly slamming his head against the prison wall. There's blood everywhere and Katara checks him over, just as she did with Azula. I try to push the nausea down as I avoid looking at his mangled face; I still don't know how Katara can handle this. I stare at the words on the wall- I have nothing left-until she announces that he's gone too. Now I have nothing left…

We make arrangements for his funeral as well, and I turn to Uncle once Katara has left. "I'm not sorry he's dead."

His expression doesn't change. "I know."

"I never thought he would do this."

"Katara explained it yesterday. Like Azula, your father felt he had nothing left."

"He had me." My voice is quiet.

Uncle's eyes are understanding. "I know. But he felt he had nothing. In his mind, he had already disowned you."

I sigh. "I know."

He hugs me. "I love you, Nephew. I'm always here for you."

That only makes me feel slightly better. "Thank you, Uncle."

After my father's funeral, Katara and I fall into a pattern. We train together on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday mornings, then have meetings and other obligations all day on weekdays. On Saturdays, I train with Uncle in the morning, still trying to produce lightning, then Katara heals us before we help Uncle in his tea shop all day. Katara and Uncle spend Sundays in the shop as well, while I work in my mother's garden and meditate.

I live for the nights, though. Katara and I spend almost every night together, even if we're doing our own things. I've been working on my memoir and Katara's been studying waterbending scrolls that I found hidden in the Fire Nation library.

We also talk. We talk for hours about the war, about our lives before the war, about our hopes and dreams. I learn that Katara has always taken care of people; even when her parents were still alive she looked after Sokka. I learn that she mainly took the ambassador job because she wanted to help. She'd gotten close to people through the war and she had seen their suffering and she wanted to make things better. I tell her about my mother and about growing up with Azula. I tell her that I never thought she would accept me into her life or that I would end up on the Avatar's side. I tell her that I want to leave a positive legacy for the Fire Nation.

"You will," Katara says. "I know it."

She always makes me believe in myself.

I still can't create lightning. I'm not even close and I look like a fool. Then I look over at Katara, who's just mastered another difficult waterbending technique. Normally, I would be happy for her, but today… I try again, and fail. This is so frustrating! Without warning, I throw a fireball at the wall. Luckily, it's stone, so it doesn't burn.

Katara stops and looks at me. "What's wrong?"

All the pent up frustration explodes. "It's not fair! I'm the Firelord; I should be able to create lightning!"

"You'll get it."

Her voice is so reassuring and sweet that it makes me angrier. "Don't patronize me! You're a girl; you're supposed to be a healer! You shouldn't fight!"

Her face is turning red. "I saved your life with my waterbending!"

I snort. "Yeah, you tortured people. Way to go. You're so amazing."

Silence. My anger melts almost as quickly as it exploded. I can't believe I just said that.

The look on Katara's face is breaking my heart. "I can't believe you just said that."

I reach out for her. "Katara-"

But she just turns and walks away. I try to go after her, but all I get is a water whip to the face for my trouble. When she's out of sight, I slam my fist against the wall. Way to go, Zuko.

Katara doesn't even look at me during our meetings and is polite and reserved when she does have to address me. She even takes her meal in her room instead of eating with Uncle and me. She explains her absence by saying she isn't feeling well, but I know better.

When she falls asleep, I leave her favorite flower and an apology note on her nightstand. I also wait outside her room all night to force her to talk to me. She's leaving on a long trip to visit the various nations tomorrow and I'm not letting her leave while she's still mad.

I feel the door hit my back and look up at Katara. A small smile crosses her lips as she says, "This looks familiar."

"I want to make amends with you before you leave," I say, standing up.

"Do you?"

"I'm really sorry. I was a jealous jerk and I never should have said the things I did. You're incredibly talented and I let my jealousy get the best of me. I apologize."

Katara's quiet, her eyes on mine. For a moment, I'm worried she's going to smack me again. Then she speaks. "I accept your apology."

"Do you forgive me?" I hate the way my voice cracks.

"Yes."

Relief floods through me. "Thank you."

She smiles and we walk downstairs to join Uncle for breakfast. He smiles when he sees us and lays a box on the table, a gift for Katara. She gasps when she opens it and pulls out a barrette made from a white lotus tile. Uncle promises that it will keep her safe as she clips it into her hair and thanks him profusely.

We walk her out to the ship and Uncle embraces her before she climbs aboard. I wish I could embrace her too, but I'm the Firelord and need to be professional. So I just shake her hand and attempt to swallow the lump in my throat as they sail away. Uncle puts a hand on my shoulder. "She'll be fine."

"Promise?"

"Firelord Zuko…"

"I know."

At first, everything's fine. Katara sends notes via messenger hawk when she reaches each new nation and if a nation needs aid. Aang wants paint for the air temples, but nobody else wants assistance. That isn't surprising. I'm sure the Earth Kingdom especially wants nothing to do with us. When she reaches the air temples, my mind begins working in overdrive. I start thinking about Aang and Katara together and it makes me sick.

One night while I'm working on my memoir, I realize I've written a line of Katara's name instead of the memory I was working on. I sigh and put my brush down, then pull out my sketchbook. There are so many pictures of Katara; she's an amazing subject, especially when she's waterbending. My hand is moving without my permission, sketching her in her training clothes in my arms. Her skin so smooth and soft, her flat stomach, her silky hair, her fingers tracing my body…

I sit up so fast I almost fall over. Bad thoughts. Not now. I need to talk to Uncle.

"I can't stop thinking about her," I say by way of greeting.

"It's hard to be away from someone you love," Uncle says.

I sit at the Pi Shou table and bury my head in my hands. "Not love. I'm just…used to her being around."

He smiles. "You loved Katara even before you joined the Avatar."

"How do you figure?"

"Remember the day Katara threw you with the snow column? She's the only person who ever beat you, and she intrigued you."

I'm quiet, my thoughts jumbled.

"Just think on it, Nephew. It might help."

So I spend the evening in my mother's garden, thoughts solely on Katara. Uncle was right about one thing; Katara had intrigued me at the North Pole. She's also the only person who's ever touched my scar. I can feel her fingers now, softly tracing my face. I had changed in Ba Sing Se.

I dip my hand into the fountain and let the water run through my fingers. If I do love her…that explains why it bothered me so much that I betrayed her. Why I cared so much that she hated me before I helped her find the man who killed her mother. Come to think of it, that also explains my uncontrollable urge to kiss her and why I didn't want her to leave.

I can imagine her with her with me now, sitting beside me on the fountain, her hair falling over her shoulders. Tucking a strand behind her ear and watching her blush. Looking deep into her eyes and leaning in and…

Stop! I splash water on my face. I'm the Firelord; my duty is to my nation. I start back down the hill, then pause, looking up at the moon. I feel panicked all of the sudden, so I speak to the moon spirit. "Princess Yue, please keep Katara safe. I need to see her again."

I pretend she promises.