Author's Note: I you're from Illinois, then I suggest you don't read this. BUT STAY IN YOUR OWN STATE FOR 4th OF JULY! I CANNOT TAKE YOU TOURISTS! Even though I don't live in Three Lakes, I used to; God, you Illinois tourists are annoying. Admiring every single lamppost…FTM! The characters in this chapter are real people.

Chapter 11: Curse you Illinois!

Tron and Zertonix saw a new world up ahead of them. It was a small town; covered by forests, lakes and….that was about it. Anyway, Tron figured that Tim could be there. So why not land? Well, he would've, but there were thousands of gummi ships! Loads of ships were lining up for just one planet!

"I do not believe this!" Tron groaned.

"Wanna hear my solution?" Zertonix asked. Bit suddenly flew up beside him.

"Yes!" it beeped.

"Sure," Tron replied. "Make me laugh."

"We blast our way through!"

"Yes, yes, yes, yes!" Bit beeped happily.

"No!" Tron shouted, angrily. "We are civilized people forward slash programs; we shall keep…being…civilized."

"Fine…booger head."

Tron was still stuck in the space traffic jam to get the planet. Tension was building up in his hard drive; his eye twitching, his fingers dwindling, his teeth gritting. Then he finally had enough.

BLAM! KAPOW! BOOM! EXPLODING SOUNDS! LOUD NASTY NOISES! KABLOOIE! KERPOW! BOOM TO THE POWER OF TEN!

In case you were too stupid to figure out what happened. Tron blew up the ship blocking his way. There, he did it. He gave in to Zertonix's suggestion. I hope you're happy. Back to the story: he blasted his way through the ships and reached the planet before the police arrived.

-

Tron landed on top of a gas station, called Citgo. He and Zertonix got out of the ship naturally. They suddenly found out who all the ships belonged to. Tourists! Thousands of the buggers! All their cars or ships license plates read 'Illinois.' Tron was puzzled.

"Zertonix, why would 'Illinoisans--"

"No Tron, you call them F.I.Bs."

"Huh? What does that mean?" Tron asked. Zertonix whispered it to him. "Oh…ok then, why would so many F.I.Bs come here?"

"It's because it's 4th of July week! I learnt that people come here to see the landscape and crap like that. This must be Three Lakes, WI!"

"Three Lakes…ok, Illinoisans…is that a Thoughtless?" Tron said, pointing to a pale tourist complete with a Hawaiian shirt, Capri pants, a baseball camps, and a camera.

"Hmm….I think it is. HEY YOU STINKING THOUGHTLESS! LOOK OVER HERE!" Zertonix screamed his lungs out at the Thoughtless. The Thoughtless looked at them, raised his camera and took a picture. "Damn retard."

Zertonix got frustrated and drew his hefty sword. He jumped off the gas station roof and marched towards the Thoughtless. It rushed to Zertonix, in hopes of his imagination. Zertonix raised his sword but suddenly, someone grabbed him! Zertonix looked behind him, some Illinoisan had grabbed him.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Zertonix yelled at him.

"Do you think that the lamppost next to you is pretty?"

"Huh…what? Uh…yeah actually, the color is ni…hey wait a minute!" Zertonix called over to Tron.

"Dude," Zertonix whispered. "I can't kill the Thoughtless because of these F.I.Bs keep interrupting me!"

"Let me try" Tron said. He raised his keyblade to strike the Thoughtless. Same thing happened to him, except the Illinois dude asked him what color the sky was. The tourist Thoughtless smiled as it reached for Tron's head. Was this the end? Of course not! We haven't reached the end of the story yet! If you watch movies, you know something will save you in the last minute!

POW! POW! POW!

A paintball capped the Thoughtless and the two Illinoisans in the head, causing the paint to get in the eye and ultimately killing them. Zertonix and Tron looked in the direction of the shot. There were three people in camouflage and wearing paintball masks. By their heights you could tell that two were teenagers and one was an adult.

"Put your hands in the air!" the adult commanded. Tron and Zertonix raised their hands slowly. "Now follow us" the man ordered. Tron and Zertonix did so; otherwise they'd feel how painful a paintball from 1ft away is. The three paintball players lead them to an evangelical free church.

Inside the church were two unmasked teenagers. One was blonde, quite tall and wore a Harley Davidson t-shirt. The other was slightly older and had dirty brown curly hair.

"Are they tourists?" the blonde asked the three paintball players. The adult removed his mask. He was in his twenties and had curly brown hair.

"We don't know, we found them trying to hit some tourists and a pale one" the man replied.

"Tourist?" Zertonix said out loud. "Nah, we're just trying to find some whack job bent on world domination!"

"Sure," the man said. "That's what they all say."

"Really?" Tron asked.

"Well…no not really, but it seemed like the kinda time to say that."

"Well," Tron continued. "We're trying to find some dude named Tim Thoughtless; he commands the 'pale ones' as you call them."

The paintball players looked around uneasily. Tron figured that they feared the Thoughtless. The man looked at Tron and Zertonix. "My name's Eli" he said, offering his handshake.

Tron shook it. "I'm Tron, this is Zertonix." Zertonix waved his hand. Eli smiled.

"Well, the guy is Jon," Eli said while pointing to the unmasked blonde. "That's John Meeder," he said pointing to the other unmasked teenager.

The others took off their masks. The shorter teenager wore glasses and had short brown hair. The other was a lot older and had long blonde hair. Eli introduced the young boy as Gabe, and the older one as Josh.

"We fight the tourist every 4th of July week," John said. "We don't have a problem, but these pale ones have been giving us a hard time!"

"Oh by the way," Tron said. "They're called Thoughtless, not pale ones. They steal imaginations and convert others into them."

"Ok," Gabe replied. "But they've been pestering us and we can only take 'em out with paintballs, tourists keep interrupting other attacks."

"Makes you wonder, have the F.I.Bs teamed up with the Thoughtless?" Zertonix suddenly said.

"Ok Mr. Governor of Illinois, you've got a deal," Tim said. "I'll help you conquer Three Lakes so you guys don't have to come every 4th of July week."

"Ok Tim…what's the catch?" Mr. Governor asked.

"Umm…you supply…umm…carrot….flavored…ice cream! That's it! Carrot flavored ice cream!"

"What? Carrot flavored ice cream? What about gold?"

"Sod gold! We Thoughtless love carrot flavored ice cream! It reminds us of the hunt!"

"Have you even tried it before?"

"No...but it will!

"Carrot flavored ice cream is very hard to make. Have you considered--"

"DAMMIT BOY! I WANT CARROT FLAVORED ICE CREAM!" Tim pouted at the top of his voice.

"Ok! Fine…what about platinum?"

"HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO REPEAT MYSELF? JUST GIVE US THE BLOODY ICE CREAM! GOD!"

"Fine, but there is a resistance force consisted of paintball players, a guy with a key sword, a guy with a big sword, and dog which understands the word 'steak'" the governor warned.

"Hmm…Tron and Zertonix are here? This could prove deadly in my plot to get carrot flavored ice cream" Tim said to himself (out loud).

"What's with you and carrot flavored ice cream?"

"RESPECT MA AUTHORITY BEEYATCH!"

Tron was armed with a paintball gun and padding. Zertonix was giving a new gun since Santa almost wrecked his own one in the last chapter. "Sweet," Zertonix chuckled. "I can cause damage with this!"

"Yep," Gabe said "and, if you're careful, you can even blind and kill people!"

"Yep, I did that to some guy from Kansas!" John Meeder laughed. Suddenly, the building shook violently!

"Son of a pork chop!" Jon shouted. "What the hell was that?"

Eli filled his paintball gun. "Let's move out! Tron and Zertonix, welcome to Team Burt!"

Tron and the Three Lakes gang ran into town. In front of them were thousands of Illinoisans and Thoughtless (who don't take their job seriously), all branding pitchforks and torches.

"What's this?" Tron asked sarcastically. "The Windows 98 era?" Everyone stared at him. Josh suddenly chuckled.

"Ha, I get it!"

Tim was standing next to a bunch of test tubes and other scientific crap. The Governor of Illinois arrived at the scene. "Tim, what are you doing?"

Tim poured some chemicals into a beaker. "I'm creating myself a 'brother' if you must know."

"Why?"

"I'm lonely…Bill was my only family" Tim sighed sadly.

"You have me" Governor said.

"Yeah, but you're a dossers! I mean, look at yourself!" Tim replied curtly. Tim rolled the pupils he wished he had in his vacant eyes. He dumped a white fluid into the mix. BANG! A massive explosion…well, exploded!

Tim wiped the ashes off his red sweater. "Ok, I that was a success."

The Governor fumed. "THE WHOLE DANG ROOM BLEW UP! YOU CALL THAT A SUCCESS?"

"Well how do explain the Super Thoughtless in the blue t-shirt and red pants?"

Lo and behold, Tim was right (for once). A Thoughtless, in the attire that Tim said, stood before them. He was like Tim in everyway but had brown hair instead of blonde. "Sweet! I shall call you Taylor."

"Sounds alright to me, mate" Taylor replied.

"Good, now together we shall rule the universe!"

"Blimey! I don't want that! I'm a nice lad!" Taylor cried. Taylor dove out of a window with a loud crash. He climbed back in and grabbed two automatic pistols. "Yeah…I'm gonna take these." Taylor then rushed off.

"Dammit!" Tim screamed. "I forgot to add the angry pills!" The Governor picked up a bottle and examined it. It read 'Angry Pills: Guaranteed to make anyone bent on city/county/state/country/global/universal domination.'

Team Burt waited for the Thoughtless and the Illinoisans to make their move. They had their triggers ready for action. Tron was about to fire at the lead Thoughtless. When suddenly without warning, a brunette Thoughtless in a blue t-shirt and red pants landed in front of the Thoughtless. It jumped to its feet, holding its guns in the air as it shouted.

"I'm clean! I swear to…to…the great…pixie…in the sky…what's his face? God? That's it!"

Tron looked puzzled. He then decided to communicate to the paranoid Thoughtless. "Umm…why aren't you attacking us?" Tron shouted.

"Huh? Oh, I was genetically made to not blow the living crap out of anything good. If they're bad, I BLOW THE S--- OUT OF IT!"

"How can you tell…fo'shizzle?" Zertonix asked.

"I have sensors, and my name is Taylor Thoughtless dammit!" Taylor glanced behind his shoulder. A thousand glaring mobsters were behind him. "What…am I in the way?"

The mob roared. Taylor fell back to Team Burt. "Mind of I help?" Taylor asked Eli.

"Sure, the more the merrier."

Suddenly, Tim and the Governor of Illinois appeared in front of them. "Ha-ha fools! Soon we can rule Three Lakes! Soon we can--"

Gabe shot his in the leg. Jon and John Meeder did the same. Eli and Josh followed up. Tron and Zertonix fired 112 shots each. "Eat that F.I.B!" Zertonix yelled.

The Governor pulled himself to his feet. "Ouch…never mind! We still have the Thoughtless on our side! We can still win my fellow Illinoisans!" The Illinoisans cheered and chanted: Kill the W.I.Fs! Kill the W.I.Fs!"

"Actually," Tim said. "Since we've already got the carrot flavored ice cream, we can sod off, leaving you to be painted. Cheerio!" Tim raised a cone of carrot flavored ice cream and cheered "FTM!". The Thoughtless did the same, but said "sticking it to the man" and then disappeared into shadow portals. The Illinoisans looked blankly at Team Burt, who had their paintball guns ready. Taylor switched his auto pistols ammo to paintballs.

"FIRE!" Gabe screamed. The sound of paint splattering was heard miles away.

The multicolored Illinoisans were beaten back to their gummi ships in the end. Tron grabbed his keyblade and left for the Highwind Alpha. Zertonix quickly followed. "If you guys ever stop by, don't be a stranger" Eli said.

"Yeah, we could catch blue gill and bass" Jon added.

"You have e-mail?" Gabe asked. "I've got MSN. I'm called crazy chicken, or powerless chicken."

"Sure, next time we will!" Tron replied. Tron and Zertonix waved good bye to the people of Three Lakes and left on the ship.

Tron collapsed on the captain seat and sighed deeply. Zertonix jumped into the co-pilot's seat. Then they heard something in the kitchen. Tron summoned his keyblade and dashed for the room. The fridge was wide open, and someone was stuffing his or her face. Tron crept behind the culprit and raised his keyblade. He slammed the keyblade into the person's head! The perpetrator crashed to the floor with a thud. "What was that for Tron?" the person asked crossly. Tron sighed.

"Taylor, how the hell did you get in here?" Tron asked.

"Obviously through the door" Taylor replied sarcastically.

"Well what are you doing here?" Tron asked.

"I wanted to tag along, you don't mind do you?"

"Uh yes!"

"Please, I've got no where else to go, my brother is evil, and I…I can dance!"

"Fine, you can come with us!"

"YAY!"

Next chapter: FOR NARNIA!