I didn't say anything. Xach put his hands on his hips and walked in a circle.
He shook his head when he stopped and smiled. "It's kind of ridiculous because I've always had something for you. But now I realize it's too late."
I couldn't believe it. This boy, no, man was telling me he's always had feelings for me?
Xach would wake me up at the ungodly hours of the night and then keep me up late to talk about how he excelled in training. He would yell at me that I messed up his concentration or if I got upset at him, he said it was because I was a stupid little
girl. He would go with my parents anywhere before they could ask me or I could ask them. He always made sure to be away with Luke on my birthday.
"After all these years, is that why you treated me so badly?"
"Yes. I tried to hide it as best as I could. You see, I thought you felt the same when you treated me just as badly but I guess that isn't true, is it?"
I really thought he did hate me so I just hated him back.
"Padmé." I looked up at him. His words were unbelievable.
"I don't want either of us to be hurt in the process of this fight going on, so do you have feelings for me?"
His dark eyes asked the question most are afraid to answer, even me.
I said the first thing that came to my mind. "Yes," I breathed.
He took slow steps up to me. "Do you want this to happen?" He gestured between the two of us.
I swallowed, thinking back to what happened with Ky. "Yes," I whispered again.
His face was inches from mine as he brought his hand to my face, tracing his thumb smoothly over my lips.
"Do you want me to kiss you?" He whispered on my mouth. My lips trembled, awaiting his. Both his hands held my face as he waited for my response. I heard a slight whimper and quickly realized it came from me.
I was so lost in the intensity I almost forgot to answer.
"Yes."
I felt him pull my face closer to his, his lips brushing mine, his tongue playing against my mouth.
He's fucking teasing me and it's working.
I gave an irritated groan.
I saw his smug grin before he finally decided to give in.
When he did, my great uncle burst out the door, making a grand entrance.
"Look at my two favorite Jedis!"
Xach dropped his hands and stepped away from me until he was leaning against the wall.
I wanted to be back in his arms. My body felt empty and cold.
"I should go," he mumbled. He straightened his robe and left quickly.
We were planning on going out as a mission. I was scared. How many people have already died because I'm hiding? Even if no one wanted me to do it, I'm going to fight during this excursion.
Ky and Xach both kept their eyes on me the entire time. I looked down thinking about what happened with Xach. Was I dreaming? No, his face was evidence enough I wasn't. He's such an idiot.
My dad was between me and the boys. He caught on. I panicked and looked back down, continuing to listen to my mom.
How did I know? I had to stay behind with my dad.
"One of these guys, and I think you know which one, doesn't care about you. I don't want you getting hurt."
I took a large step back. "Uh okay Dad. I'm sure I'll be fine."
If he's talking about Xach, which I'm sure he's not, then I'm sure he's totally wrong. Xach wouldn't do that to me. Or maybe I was wrong.
"This is so weird. You dating? Ugh."
"Dad! Shut up!"
Nightmares flooded my mind almost every night.
I walked out of my room and tiptoed through the cold halls.
I heard someone walking down a different hall and followed the sound.
My dad was walking with something in his hands.
"Dad?"
He spun around, holding a bowl of cookies. He looked so guilty that it made me laugh.
"Gonna share?"
We sat with our backs against the wall and our legs outstretched.
"Xach said you'd never know."
"I'd never know what?"
"That he liked you." He shook his head and bit into another cookie.
I looked down at the cookie in my hand.
"You've been having nightmares again, haven't you?"
"Who said they stopped?"
He inhaled and looked away from me for a second.
"I hate that you have this problem."
Maybe it'll go away since I have nothing else to hate... Except myself.
I nibbled at the cookie with my eyes burning.
"What are they about?"
Usually he just says he understands and walks away.
I blinked at him a few times before realizing the answer.
I shook my head as I swallowed the piece I bit off.
"Padmé, what are they about?"
His voice had more intensity. I flinched at the sound of it.
I looked up and saw the mask on him.
I shook my head causing tears to fall.
"I saw Kylo Ren. Every time, Dad."
I hid my face in my hands, afraid of his expression. His energy dissipated around me.
"I-I thought you were going to kill me."
I heard him set the bowl aside and I looked up. He put his arms around my waist, pulling me to him.
I put my arms around his neck and held tight.
His hair tickled against my cheek bringing me back to a time fifteen years ago when he would hold me in his arms and I would just fall asleep.
His voice brought me to reality. "I'd never hurt you."
I nodded on his shoulder. I could fall asleep right now. My dad has always been like a big pillow.
"Maybe you can sleep easier, hm?"
I didn't answer. He let me stay in his arms a little while longer.
I was walking back to my room when I noticed another figure in the halls. I almost thought it was my dad again.
Xach was wearing black sweatpants and a black t-shirt. I've always loved him in casual clothes.
He was outside my door with his hands in his pockets.
I saw him straighten when I came closer.
"I heard you get up but I didn't know where you went. Are you alright?"
I smiled and put my arms around his neck, playing with the ends of his hair.
"Yeah. C'mon."
He grabbed my wrists that were around his neck.
"Wait, into your room?"
I dropped my arms and opened my door, dragging him in.
"Padmé this, this isn't ri-"
I fell into bed and yanked the covers over me, patting next to me.
He stared at me for a second before climbing in next to me.
His face nuzzled into my neck as he pulled me into his body. I would not be able to sleep with the Force screaming at me.
I climbed on top of him and felt his whole body stiffen.
"What're you-"
I grabbed his hands and placed them on my thighs.
"Padmé, I really don't-"
I leaned down to his mouth.
"You should've kissed me the other day."
I saw his jaw clench.
"You know I wanted to."
"How much?"
He caught my gaze before sitting up, pressing his forehead to mine. He pulled me farther on him. I let out a shaky breath, feeling his hands run up and down my thighs.
"Padmé."
His voice chilled me to the bone.
His fingertips travelled up my spine.
He can't do this to me again. He was even staring at my lips.
"Xach," I whined.
His lips finally took in mine.
It was powerful. His hands went from my back to holding my face.
He laid back, letting me run my hand through his hair slowly.
His mouth got hotter on mine.
I wasn't going to live through this if he kept going like this.
His hands skimmed under my shirt. My skin burned to his touch.
It almost bothered me how easily I was giving in to him so quickly. I was lowering myself into him completely.
He pulled away to sit up and throw off his shirt.
"Shit," I laughed. I was on my back this time.
He dipped back down, locking my hands above my head.
This vulnerability, I wasn't used to it. I don't think I understand any of what's happening. It was almost uncomfortable and confusing.
I turned my face away and he kept pressing his mouth on me.
"Xach."
"Hm..."
"I can't do this..."
He lifted himself to look at me.
"I'm really tired," I lied.
I was too embarrassed to admit to myself the reality of it.
He rubbed my cheek before lying next to me.
"I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me."
I grabbed his arm and laid my head on his shoulder.
I heard him murmur something but I was too far gone at that point.