NiuNiu Note
The school has started, but it seems that the end of this year will be quite easy. I might be able to update this fic more often, yay!
Now there's also one shot fic or Renji and Inoue readable and it's named Comment Parler: Are you man enough? Just in case if you're in love with this couple (as I am!) and haven't notice it yet. I can promise that if you like this fic, you'll like that fic, too ; D
I will most likely start another longer RenjixInoue fic after I've finished with this. I've got so wonderful reviews for this I think there would be people becoming happy if I wrote another longer fic. That's all thanks to you and your comments! Thank you again!
And you know, what's funny – episode 233 came out and in the Shinigami Golden Cub extra was Shuuhei looking at Matsumoto, who had bikini on. Guess I foresaw that, putting them in the fic way before episode 233 ahahahah!
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It was silent. As silent as it ever could be. Almost too silent. Turning to lie on his stomach Shuuhei let out an annoyed groan, muffling it into his pillow. His neck and back felt sweaty from the night's heat and the air seemed to stay still. Trying to fall asleep Shuuhei couldn't get rid of the worry he felt over his comrade. Frowning he remembered the hint of sadness in Matsumoto's voice when she had bragged about the drinking during the working day with Renji. Hisagi knew it has been more than drinking, both of them mourning after the loved ones, but he had remained silent. Yet still it bothered him. No matter how much Renji was behaving like nothing would have happened – perhaps to keep the seat of the lieutenant he had fought so hard for – it still didn't take away the broken heart. He really must have been in love with he girl. Taking a deep inhale Hisagi thought about the time Renji had been released from the prison. He had been pale, like a dead, walking corpse, dark circles under his dull eyes that were still red from grief. He had sneered for him and Matsumoto, something in a very Renji like manner. Kira had been there too, with Hinamori, both of them looking horrified. Naturally they had been worried to death over their old classmate, but Renji had only gave the same faked sneer for them too, claiming to be alright and murmuring an excuse to walk away from them – something about "getting into a shower and wanting to have a proper meal". They all had looked at his distancing back, Hinamori running few steps after him calling Renji's name just be stopped by Shuuhei. She had gave him big, sad eyes, but realising it was perhaps better to let Renji go Hinamori had only nodded silently. Feeling anger towards the laws of Seireitei in this especial case Hisagi had wondered could anyone help Abarai in the end.
Noticing how his eyelids started to feel heavy and hot Hisagi stretched with a big yawn. He made a mental, humorous note that Matsumoto had once seen him yawning like that and told him he looked like a cat. The conversation had also contained something about Matsumoto's sword Haineko, but Hisagi wasn't able to remember that anymore. He was way too tired even to get annoyed about the damn heat…
His senses suddenly picked up a wild aura of someone, accompanied with hurried foot steps. Barely managing to lift his head up from the pillow the rice paper door was yanked open. His eyes widened with a gasp.
"What is it, Hinamori?!"
The girl looked shocked, like someone who have just survive from a certain death. Her eyes were full of tears that tried to stream down to her cheeks.
"It's Renji", she sobbed hollowly "I can't wake him up, you need to help me!"
Hisagi bounced up from his bed, not bothering to dress up more than his hakama-trousers, which he hastily tied up with the belt. He ran like a storm right behind crying Hinamori, who showed him the way. Soon they reached the little back yard, with a small bond and a stone garden. Hisagi felt how the all blood escaped from his veins when he took the first glimpse of the lifeless looking body of Renji. He lied down on the grass on his back, head bent backwards.
"I don't know what's wrong with him", Hinamori whimpered helplessly, watching Hisagi dropping on his knees to examine Renji. "I found Abarai-san from here while having my regular evening walk…. He was lying on his side and I thought he was sleeping, but, but… he doesn't reply and his skin is so cold… I tried to help him to breath better by bending his head backwards.. Oh god Hisagi-san, what's wrong with Renji…!" Her voice broke into a sad sobbing.
Hisagi listened to Hinamori, but didn't pay much attention to it. He was too concerned about Renji. Checking of the man was still breathing and did he have a heart beat, he turned to Hinamori's side.
"Hinamori, go to the captain Unohana, quick! Abarai needs help, right now!"
She didn't need more commands. Hinamori spurted off, running as was as she was able to towards the medical quarters. Hisagi turned his attention back to Renji, shaking fiercely his shoulders.
"Abarai-san, Abarai-san! Can you hear me?"
No answer.
"What has happened? Abarai, you need to open your eyes. What has happened?"
He didn't receive any answer this time either. Renji's eyes had turned over in his head, mouth dry and lips apart. His body was limp and like Hinamori had said, cold. Cursing himself for not taking his shirt with himself to have at least something to cover Renji's chilled body with Hisagi inspected the man closer. Like he had assumed, he found no traces of the unknown energy around him. There were just Renji and he.
"Abarai!" he roared loudly, slapping the man across the sweated face to wake him up from his trance state. "God damn Abarai, what have you done?"
For his surprise the red haired man groaned something, very weakly though. His lips quivered a bit.
"Abarai!"
He got no answer, but Hisagi knew the man heard him from the sighing groan he has just let away from his lips. Hisagi shook Renji again, staring at his half closed eyelids.
"What was it? Answer me!"
He remained silent and lifeless as Hisagi had feared. Having all kind of horrible ideas running in his head Hisagi checked Renji's pulse again, finding it still being weak and rapid. When Hisagi adjusted Renji's head to a better position the man on the grass whined quietly.
"Hi…Hisagi….?"
He jolted, bowing his head lower to hear Renji's voice.
"Abarai! Can you here me? Stay awake. I need to know what happened", Hisagi spoke hastily with a determination in his words. Renji gulped down dryly, eyelids trying to flutter fully open.
"…I…wanted…"
"What, what? Come on, stay with me. What did you do?" Hisagi urged, patting Renji's face to keep his back rolled eyes at least half open. His skin was sweaty.
"Zabimaru….."
"What?"
Renji took a shuttering breath, tongue licking his lips just barely.
"It's broken", he sighed, sounding miserable. Hisagi's eyes widened in a shock. Renji's sword was... broken?! How?!
"Don't dare to joke with me, Abarai", he tried to laugh it off, not really wanting to think his comrade and old junior student would be perhaps breathing his last breaths. Having your soul sword broken meant the owner's soul was broken, too. He noticed how Renji collected his strength to speak out. He waited patiently for the red haired man to open his mouth, the voice strangling in his throat.
"I thought if….. I went close…. enough the gates of ….death… I could perhaps ….see a glimpse of …her…. " he spoke quietly, desperation colouring his weak voice. Hisagi's face paled. So, he had been right with Renji. Renji had---
"He's here, captain!"
Hinamori's bright voice rang across the silent night. Turning to look over his shoulder Hisagi saw how Hinamori leaded Unohana and Isane to the park. Hisagi moved giving space for Unohana, who looked calm and peaceful as always. She was like a mother for all of them, never showing just how much worried she was over the injured shinigamis.
"Abarai-san is conscious. He just talked a bit", Hisagi informed the older woman, not bothering to repeat what Renji had murmured sadly. He watched Unohana inspecting Renji with Isane, letting still crying Hinamori press against his side for comfort. He scooped the girl under his arm, cursing that it had been her to find Renji like this. She cared so much about both Renji and Kira…
"Let's take our Abarai-san to the medical quarters for the treatment", Unohana spoke softly, receiving a nod from Isane. Then she turned to look at Hisagi.
"Could you help carry Abarai-san, Hisagi-san? Hinamori-chan, I wish you could come along, too".
Hinamori nodded, eyes still shut from preventing her to see Renji's lifeless body on the cold grass. Hisagi on the other hands hesitated for a second.
"What about captain Kuchiki?" he asked.
A warm, wide smile appeared to Unohana's lips, brightening the dark garden.
"I wouldn't worry about that. You know Kuchiki-san. He probably already knows about this. He's always one step ahead of others."
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The fresh air tickled his nostrils and he sneezed a bit, cursing the head ache that made him suffer. It was almost like a hangover, but not quite. He turned his head away from the breeze, groaning. His mouth felt dry and he just wanted to puke.
"Renji-san?"
He hadn't expected to hear that soft voice. Slowly opening his heavy eyelids Renji's narrow eyes met with Hinamori's big, moist ones.
"Oh god, Renji-san! You made us all so scared!" she breathed out, both happily, both scolding, hugging her old classmate dearly. Renji answered the hug, still bit dazed from the previous events. He let her cry against his sore neck.
"What where you thinking?" Hinamori continued looking up to Renji with a cry wrenched face. "I heard from Unohana-san it was something poisonous. Be thankful she had right medicine here", she sniffed , wiping her eyes.
Renji stared at broken Hinamori, lips parted. Thoughts raced in his head as he tried to come up with some kind of answer. Should he be honest, or not with Hinamori? Could she take the truthful answer? Then on the other hand Renji hated the idea of hurting Hinamori by lying – she would eventually find out the truth. And thus, he decided to be honest.
"That's right", Renji croaked, pulling himself up to a sitting position and breaking the embrace. "That stuff could be poisonous."
"What stuff?"
He grinned sadly, taking a straight look to Hinamori's questioning eyes. "I'm not going to lye to you", he said with a raspy voice. "We both have been there, Hinamori. In those towns, in those streets. Same and yet different. You know what I mean with 'the stuff'".
He watched how his friend's eyes filled with horror, lower lip shivering. She squeezed Renji's arms tightly.
"…From where did you get it…?" she asked shakily, never letting Renji's eyes escape from hers. She was afraid to ask it, to be honest, but she wanted to know. She watched how Renji pondered the answer in his head – like he always did when being in a difficult situation – but finally he spoke.
"I have contacts. Some old faces from the streets. Nothing I'm befriending with usually. Just some guys I know", Renji croaked. He tried to smile. "You shouldn't worry about it".
"But still…!" Hinamori howled hollowly. "Trying to over doze yourself…! You're an idiot, a stupid cowardly idiot…!" She wanted to ask what was wrong with Renji, but she knew. Knew more than well and being exhausted from the worrying Hinamori broke into a load sobbing, burying her face to her tiny palms. Her breath hitched. "Just one stupid moron who doesn't care how others would feel if he died."
Renji listened to Hinamori's lecture with an expressionless frown, listening to how her heart's fragments clanged against each others, accompanied with her big, moist tears. Did she care of him that much? …He wasn't worth of those tears. He has never been worth of anything.
"I'm sorry, Renji-kun", Hinamori sniffed breaking the silence between them. She didn't find voice to speak more, and waving his hand Renji accepted the apology.
"No, I'm sorry. Sorry to make you worry", he murmured awkwardly, turning away from Hinamori. His bare feet landed on the cool tatami floor.
"Could you help me out site?" Renji was ashamed of asking help, but he reasoned it might make Hinamori feel better if she could lend him a hand. He would manage to walk to the porch by himself just fine, but for Hinamori's sake he pretended the other. She nodded him with a still moist hum, rushing to his left side to give him support. Renji stood up slowly, feeling rather dizzy and sick, but he pushed them away. Hinamori did her best to help much taller Renji to walk to the wooden porch's edge, helping him to sit down. He looked beaten and tired.
"Is this good?" she asked about the place she had helped Renji to sit down. He murmured positively.
"Is Zabimaru okay?"
"Not yet. The sword master is still repairing Zabimaru", she answered, looking down the pale man.
"Is there anything I could do?"
"…Bring me a cigarette…" Renji groaned, running his fingers over his tied hair. The sunlight hit his eyes like an arrow and Renji tried to shade his eyes by bending forward. He immediately regretted the idea of getting out site.
"I can't do that", Hinamori breathed out and a small smile crept to her face. She sat next to Renji and patted his hunched back. "Maybe some green tea instead?"
"No. I'll puke it out anyway…" Renji moaned desperately, staying in the bend position, forehead almost touching his knees.
"Would you want something else then?" Hinamori tried, wanting to make her friend feel better. It hurt her to see Renji so weak and fragile, so desperate and lonely. For a long time there was only silence, Renji leaning forward and Hinamori waiting for a command from him with patience. Her small palm staid glued on Renji's middle of back. Finally he shifted a bit, head bending even lower, like when feeling dizzy.
"I just want her. That's all I wanted. All I will ever want".
A cold knife stabbed Hinamori's heart, but this time she didn't feel like saying anything. Instead she moved closer and laid her upper body against Renji's hunched back, fighting back the urge to howl again. She knew he did the same. His board frame, wide shoulders and strong arms were just the reflection from the past beneath her embrace.
"Hinamori, do me a favour", Renji said silently, not moving at all.
"What favour?" she asked with quiet tone, listening to his ragging breath, ear pressed against his back. His sides moved with the pace of his breathing under her arms.
"If I don't recover from this shit, help me to be with Inoue".
Hinamori's soul almost stopped when she heard what her friend was wishing for. Shutting her eyes she let silent tears roll down to the dark fabric against her cheek.
"You know I can't do that…" the small girl whispered with a pained tone, nuzzling her face against Renji's back. "You're too dear for me for that." He didn't reply and taking a deep breath to calm her shaking voice Hinamori continued "I'm not a killer, Renji-kun. No one will do that for you. No one".
"Ikkaku will", he protested and received a shook of a head from Hinamori.
"No he won't. Nor will Kuchiki-sama either. You're part of this world, part of our team and existence. You're Renji Abarai. And beside, think about Zabimaru. I'm sure he would feel sorry if he disappeared against his own will. He's a little rascal who would most likely haunt you forever after the death just because he would still have wanted to bite some Hollows and bad guys", Hinamori smiled, trying to ease the tension in the air. She felt how Renji took a deep breath, like getting ready to protest her words, but in the end he just exhaled deeply.
"Yeah, he would do that", Renji admitted deciding it was perhaps best to leave this matter. He didn't know why he had even blurted out his desire to die for Hinamori. She had already witnessed it. He was just one weakling. Always loosing the battles, not even managing to end his own life… He was only a shame for Seireitei, he knew it…
"Renji, look".
He rose up slowly to look to the direction of Hinamori's pointing finger. A hell butterfly was coming closer to Renji. He reached out his finger and the butterfly landed on it. Renji paled.
"It's from captain", he informed Hinamori, who staid pressed against his side. "A personal message."
"You should hear it out", Hinamori urged Renji, who nodded and closed his eyes to accept the message. After a short moment the black butterfly took off and started it journey back to the direction it had came. No specific emotion was readable on Renji's face, which made Hinamori curious and worried.
"Captain wants me to take some time off", Renji explained feeling himself a complete failure. "I can keep my badge and status, but he dispels me from work for few weeks…"
Hinamori couldn't do anything but feel sorry for Renji. Why the bad luck was following him like this…?
"Abarai-san? Hinamori-chan?"
The softest voice ever snapped their attention and turning around they saw Unohana standing near the door frame. She had the same warm small smile and gentle look in her eyes as always.
"How are you feeling, Abarai-san?"
"Better", he said bluntly wondering when Unohana had managed to arrive. She always moved with such silent grace it was almost impossible to hear her approaching. Renji hoped Unohana hadn't heard about his request for Hinamori…
"That's good to hear. Glad to see you out site in the sunlight. It makes good for you", she continued softly, turning her attention to Hinamori. "Thank you for taking such a good care of Abarai-san, Hinamori-chan. Could you excuse us for a moment?"
Hinamori hummed and stood up, taking the final glance at Renji, who muttered thanks for her. Unohana followed her walking until Hinamori had disappeared away from the room. With a elegant steps Unohana walked to Renji, who also stood up and bowed to the captain.
"I'm sorry to cause so much trouble…" he murmured ashamed. Unohana cocked her head and smiled down to him.
"You sure are one troublesome young lad, Abarai-san", she admitted gently, making Renji to blush. She gestured him to straighten himself up.
"I'm shocked to see what you have tried to done to yourself, Abarai-san. Hinamori-chan ja Hisagi-san, as well as all the captains, are aware of this matter. I need to say we're all highly disappointed of your actions."
Renjis eyes cast down to the floor with guilt when he listened to Unohana's lecture. Compared to Unohana he was still the little kid playing in the sand box. Thus he remained silent.
"All this have made us to decide to do some special arrangements with your case, Abarai-san".
His throat tightened, but Renji gathered his willpower to speak.
"I just received a message from my captain. I'm aware of the arrangements".
"That's just one part of the new arrangements", Unohana corrected Renji with a motherly tone. A playful smile appeared to Unohana's eyes, which boggled Renji.
"…There's more?" he finally asked feeling insecure of hearing the answer. Maybe they would take his shinigami licence away? Or send him back to the streets? Give him a fulltime sentence in prison? Tie him down to prevent him hurting himself?
"Yes, one very important thing concerning your future", she nodded and straightened her back. Renji stared her with keen eyes, waiting for the final sentence that would land on him. He never received it. Instead he got words that made his world turn upside down.
"She's alive, Abarai-san".
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