"You should have told me, Val."

Uh-oh. He looks angry. But why?

"You've been back for four months, and there is no sign of you having or needing any…" It takes him a moment to find the words. "…feminine hygiene."

I should have known he would figure it out.

"You're pregnant."

"Yeah."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't… I couldn't…."

"Never mind, I know the answer to that. Because I know you, and I know you think that if you don't tell me, you can hold off the truth for a little while. But you can't. There is a baby growing inside of you whether you like it or not."

"I can't do it again, Zane! I can't watch another child die."

"Me neither. But we won't have to."

"You can't guarantee that."

"You're right. But you also can't guarantee that we will. And even if we do, I think you're stronger than you give yourself credit for."

He's wrong. I may be many things, but strong is not one of them.

Zane crawls into bed next to me. "How far along are you?"

"Not sure. About three months, I think." I pause. "We were kind of asking for it, you know."

"Yeah, I know. But how could we not?"

I chuckle. "I don't think either of us has a very good willpower."

"Oh, I do…" he says, "…most of the time. Except when it comes to you." I smile and blush a little. "Congratulations, Mrs. Tano."

"Why thank you, Mr. Tano." I drift off to sleep in his arms.

I roll along the ground. What is this place? My wheels crunch against the sand and the air is hot. The beach? No. There is no ocean around. I am in the desert. The arena! I recognize the ruined city in the distance. No, no, no! I have to get out of here! I push myself faster and faster, but I'm not going anywhere fast. Will I ever get out of this place?

I see people coming toward me. A lot of people. Definitely more than twenty-three. When I start to see the faces, I think I hear myself scream. Those are the tributes! All of them. But there are more people. Scorpi. Dahlia. All of my friends. My mom. Wren. No! They're getting closer. What are they going to do to me?

"You killed me!" That was the tribute girl from District 10.

"No, no, I..."

"You killed me!" Are they all going to say this?

They do. One by one, as they go past me. Nothing I say changes their glaring, angry stares. Katana says it, because I didn't help her in time. Conlan says it, because I let him sacrifice himself. It keeps getting worse though. Next come the people I really knew, the ones I loved. Scorpi, Dahlia, my friends, and my mom all say it, because President Snow was punishing me through their deaths. Next are strangers, though I recognize them as people from District 7- the ones that died in the bombing.

And then, last, comes the worst one. Wren. No! She's never this angry! She never says things like this! Surely she won't, not like the rest of them! But here she comes. I've never seen an expression like that on her face. I put my hands up as if I can stop the words.

"Wren, please, no!"

"You killed me!"

"No!" I scream. Her words are worse than a knife, severing my heart.

They're gone now. All of them. But suddenly I feel something on my hands, and look down at them. Blood. Hot, sticky blood. I try to wipe it off, try to rub it off, but it just stays. Nothing will get the blood off my hands.

"Hey, shhhh. You're okay. You're okay, you're here with me.

I'm sobbing and gasping. "Zane…"

"I know. You screamed their names. But it was just a dream, you're okay."

"I- I killed them!"

"No, you didn't."

"They said so!"

"No, they didn't. What you dream comes from your mind. It only shows what you think, not what they think."

"But you don't… understand."

"Don't understand!? Val, I understand all too well! I am a victor too, remember? And I did kill them. I was a volunteer!"

"I- I should be dead. Everyone would be better off if I had just died in that stupid arena!"

"No!" he shouts. I don't usually hear him that angry. "No, I was there once too. I know your remember that day! I know you were sane!"

Of course I remember that day. That was the day I saved his life. "Yeah. It was the day you realized I loved you too. But that's the thing I don't get. You faced all the same guilt that I did, but worse. You were as fed up with life as I am now. Where is that now? Why are you the one comforting me?"

"Because I realized- I realized how selfish I was. Suicide that day would have gotten rid of my problems, but what about you? What about everyone else I cared about? And I know it's been on your mind recently- don't try to deny it; I can tell. But I also know you've always hated your selfish side. Don't you see- you may have inadvertently hurt people in the past, but you would be deliberately be hurting me! The day I thought you died was the worst day of my life. Please, don't you EVER put me through that again! Please."

"I- I won't. I'm sorry. But why don't you feel guilty anymore? Why aren't you still broken, like me? Why don't you have nightmares anymore?"

"Oh, I still have a few. But what happened in my arena is the past. I regret it yes, but I realized that I couldn't let it control my life anymore. I think that's what's happened to you. Let go, Valeria, and forgive yourself for the bad choices you've made. What happened in the past is gone, and nothing can change what happened in it. Don't live for the past, live for the future, because at this point, it's all we have left."

I think about this for a minute. "I want to. I really do, but how?"

"When your past is brought up in any way, recognize that you made a bad choice, but rest in the fact that you're different now. Don't dwell in your shame. Instead of remembering how you were selfish in the past, actively make selfless decisions. Don't let what you've done define who you are. Who you are now, as a person, that's you." There's a pause. "Oh man, I sound like a counselor or something."

I chuckle. "It was a bit pithy, but it's just what I needed. Thank you." Then I remember something I wanted to know. "Why do you love me?"

He seems taken aback by the question. "There are a lot of reasons. I always loved you, you know that?" No, I didn't. "I guess not from the very first moment I saw you on television, but long before you had ever heard of me."

I guess, when I was crazy, I have a few vague memories of knowing he loved me while I still considered him a friend. I remember being confused, because no guy had ever liked me before. Especially not one older than me. I never had to "friendzone" anyone- until him. I had always figured that unless a guy was really ugly or really annoying- and Zane wasn't –I would automatically like him back, because I would take what I could get. But then, when I first met him, I had mentored tributes for a couple years already, so I was at nearly my worst psychological hour. The concept of loving anyone hardly ever crossed my addled mind. So we were friends for a year. Then, on that day, before it happened, I was able to connect enough thoughts to realize that I loved him. And it wasn't just a "like", just a "crush"; I really cared about him. And in the middle of that moment, I remembered that he loved me too.

"Of course," he continues, "my friends, my brothers, they never understood why I liked you. After all, and I think you will admit this, you're not like smokin' hott or glamorously pretty. And I knew that. But you also have your own sort of mysterious beauty, which they couldn't see but that I loved. But don't get me wrong, appearance was hardly what I cared about. You- you're a very complex person, and because of that kind of hard to describe. You're sweet and nice, but not so much as to constantly have a smile on your face. Sometimes you're likeable, and other times not so much. You're not mean or unfriendly, not usually anyway, but you can be kind of pessimistic- just part of your charm, mind you. You can definitely be angry, but you don't have a bad temper or anything. And not at all shallow.

"But your best qualities, the ones that really made me fall for you… well, for one, your complexity, which I just described. You're a very three-dimensional person- scratch that, you've got like seven dimensions! And also, the bond between you and your sister. The love you had for her, I didn't get to see a lot of it, but what I did see, and what I heard, was incredible. It was different than if you just loved her in spite of her disability- it genuinely did not make one ounce of difference to you. That was amazing to me. Lastly, you have kind of an underlying strength. It's not obvious- I don't think even you see it –but it's definitely there. A strength that says you will go on, you will fight through today, even if today is hell. You see, I like you for your appearance, but I love you for you."

I've just been listening, just soaking it all in. How does he know more about me than I know? Does he really love all that?

"Okay, Val, it's 3:00. We should probably go to sleep now."

"I love you so friggin' much."