LOVE IN A TIME OF CALAMITY
Part 2: After Catastrophe
Chapter 11: First Aid
A day late, but at least I have a good excuse! Author's note at bottom.
Chapter warnings: light PTSD/trauma
Knock, knock, knock.
Zelda bolted upright in her seat, eyes dry and achy as they flew open at the unexpected noise. Drool had pooled on the sleeve of her dressing gown, and her hair, which had been splayed across the numerous papers stacked atop her desk, pulled papers to the floor at her sudden movement. Swiveling towards the door, she quickly scrubbed her face—a private indulgence she would never be caught doing in public, as she attempted to gather her bearings.
She cleared her throat before speaking. "Come in!"
Impa entered the room with hasty strides, papers stacked haphazardly under her arm as she shut the door behind her.
"Good morning, Princess. Do you have a few moments? I have some documents regarding reconstruction that require your urgent signature of approval."
Zelda nodded, absently gesturing for her to bring them to her desk. Her mind floated in the nether between wakefulness and sleep, signing where Impa pointed without really comprehending the document's purpose. As she completed her final signature, hand cramping from the prior night's work, Impa gathered the documents in a stack and bowed, excusing herself from the room.
Sunlight streamed in through the windows, warm and bright, indicating it long past sunrise. Zelda rose from her chair, stretching and hearing her joints crack and creak in protest. She hadn't meant to fall asleep, if one could really call that sleep. She'd been working through the night again, and had stopped to rest her dry, weary eyes for just a moment… and then Impa was knocking and the sun was up.
Her extremities felt cold and achy despite the sunlight's warmth streaming through the windows. Walking to the bed to retrieve a throw blanket, another knock sounded. She stared blankly in exhaustion at door, feeling a twitch in her right eye; it seemed her day had already decided to begin, whether she was ready for it or not.
-:-:-:-
By noontime Zelda's exhaustion had given way to manic frustration, and she felt ready to pull her hair out. She sat rigidly at her desk, struggling to ignore the stabbing aches of her stomach as she calculated work orders. It had been… likely too long since she'd last had a proper meal. Winton, who had just departed after a brief discussion of construction efforts on the southern Castle Town wall, even commented on her haggard appearance—in the politest manner possible, of course. She had, with effort, politely dismissed him and chalked it up merely to poor sleep, and he'd seemed satisfied in his concerns.
In the wake of his departure It seemed, much to her relief, that she would have a blessed moment of solitude to breathe between the day's many meetings and tasks. She attempted to settle more comfortably in her chair—her back ached terribly, though only so much comfort could realistically be had sitting still half the day—intending to fill the time with less demanding activities; but the solitude was not to be, as yet another knock sounded at her door and Zelda grit her teeth at yet another interruption.
"What?!" She shouted from her seat, eyes boring angrily into the form before her.
"Lunch is ready, yer highness."
Zelda huffed angrily, refusing to turn from her work. Could she not get a single moment?! Goddess damn it all!
"Come in," she called tersely, hearing the door swing open and shut at her command. Meredith made her way towards her without speaking and Zelda pointedly ignored her, adding sums in her head as the maid moved to set the tray down on the table beside her. Absently reaching for a paper across the table, her arm crossed paths with Meredith's sending the small pitcher placed on the edge of the tray to the floor, its contents spilling across the stone. Something inside Zelda snapped.
"Damnit, Meredith!" she shouted as she rose from her seat, fury evident in the set of her shoulders and the quivering of her arms and hands where they rested flat atop the desk.
Meredith shrunk from the Princess' infuriated gaze. "I'm so sorry, yer Highness! Please, forgive me! I'll 'ave it all cleaned up, good as new; I'm so sorry…"
Zelda shut her eyes, taking a deep breath and forcing herself to count backwards from ten as Meredith continued to blabber. She had gone to far. Struggling to reign in her growing urge to throw something, Zelda flippantly waved her hand, dismissing the apology.
"It's fine, just… see that its cleaned up."
Meredith bowed repeatedly as she made for the door. "Of course, yer Highness, I'll be back in jus' a momen'…"
As Meredith beat a hasty retreat Zelda ran a hand down her face tiredly, far more than simple physical weariness weighing her down. She didn't notice Link peering through the door as the maid left, eying her with a hardened gaze and tight frown.
-:-:-:-
Zelda stared, unseeing, at the two blue scarves stacked neatly in her hands. As she had worked on them, they hadn't felt so… weighty, so significant. It was just another sewing project, another menial task on the long list of tasks to complete for the funeral. But now, folded neatly in her hands just as they'd been the day she'd gifted them…
Nothing had been found within Vah Ruta and Vah Medoh—no bodies, only the Champions' weapons. As a tribute, Zelda had made two replica Champions scarves—a task she'd finalized over the latter half of the day in an attempt to calm her unreasonable fury at Meredith—as gifts for King Dorephan and Elder Kanneli. After the funeral next week, she was to make a formal visit to offer her condolences, and these were to be presented then.
In many ways, this was all that remained of them. In many ways… this was the tangible evidence of her failures—here, in her hands. They were… Her hands began to tremble and she tensed the muscles in her arms to the point of pain to force them to still. Tearing her gaze from the blue fabric she lowered her hands and made for the dresser to tuck them in a drawer where she could ignore them until she set out for Zora's Domain.
Her trembly journey to the dresser was interrupted by a knock on the door. The hour was late and though no one further was expected, somehow she wasn't surprised. Why should she have a moment of peace? Ever? At any point? Zelda ground her teeth, feeling the strain on her jaw. Since no one was expected, no one would receive her audience. She was too drained to put on a polite face, and if she was honest, she really didn't want to yell at anyone again. She'd felt rather ashamed of herself after the incident with Meredith.
"Come back in the morning," She called brusquely at the door. She was irked to hear how strained her voice sounded in contrast to the calm collection she'd been aiming for. Shaking her head wearily, she headed back towards the dresser resting along the back wall, but the sound of a soft click caught her attention and she turned towards its source, startled.
Link stood in the room, hands resting on the door handle, much to her surprise. He had never entered without permission. Was something the matter? Was there a security breach?
"Link? Why are you… what's the matter? What's wrong?"
He looked uncomfortable but resolute, slowly approaching her where she stood between the desk and the dresser, stopping short halfway there, hand outstretched in placation.
"Everything is fine. I was only hoping to speak with you for a moment."
She eyed him with confusion before his words processed and irritation flared. She stared flatly at him. Seriously? He wanted to chit-chat? NOW? Didn't he know how busy she'd been today? He'd been right outside her door most of the time, he should have seen the near non-stop flow of people coming in and out as she worked. It was past dinner time and most of the castle had retired—this was, finally—finally—her time. He would just have to buzz off. She turned from him, reaching the dresser and tucking the scarves neatly in the top drawer as she spoke with half-heartedly disguised condescension.
"That's very nice, Link, but I'm afraid it will have to wait till morning."
Choosing to ignore him and continue on with her business—maybe he would get the hint, she made for the desk but was stopped by his hand on her arm, gently holding her in place.
Affronted, irritated, and exhausted, she looked to him with fire in her eyes, yanking her arm away in the process. Opening her mouth to rebuke him, he interrupted her, speaking softly but firmly.
"When was the last time you ate?"
Zelda stilled, mouth agape, surprised by his unexpected question. Then her irritation flared to life once more. Really? He was wasting her time with… what, her meal schedule?
"I don't—what does that have to do with anything?" she spluttered.
"Answer the question." His eyes were firm and despite her irritation she felt compelled to answer.
"I don't… I don't remember. What does that matter?"
His gaze swept her face and pinned her under his scrutiny as he replied, softly but seriously, "It matters because you're falling apart."
Zelda felt her mouth fall open in stunned indignation, feeling a flush creep up her neck. How… how dare he! She was managing just fine, thank you very much! What right did he have to question her competence?
"I beg your—"
"You haven't eaten your past three meals, and you barely ate anything before those. I know you've been having nightmares and working through the night instead of sleeping. You're snapping at Meredith—you never snap at maids; Zelda, you can't keep on like this."
Ignoring the discomfort that settled in her stomach at the knowledge he'd been aware of her… sleeping troubles, she drew her lips into a tight line and locked eyes with him, boring into him with her anger and frustration. She spoke lowly, warning clear in her tone.
"I appreciate your concern Link, but it is unwarranted." She gestured firmly with her hand to the door. "Return to your post. I have work to do."
Link eyed her sharply, meeting her fiery gaze unflinchingly.
"No."
She faltered. Did he just disobey a direct order?
"No?" She said incredulously.
"No," he repeated firmly, "Not until you've stopped to take care of yourself. You said you wanted us to be able to speak openly and honestly with each other, so I am. Eat. Get some sleep. You can pick up where you left off later."
Anger burned in her veins. How dare he use that—her words—against her! He had no right! He had no idea—didn't come close to understanding… Work was the only thing she had! She had responsibilities! People were counting on her! She had—she had to…
Her frustration boiled over, and before she realized what she was doing she heard her own shout echo angrily in her ears. "I am FINE, Link! Leave me be!"
He took a step towards her, raising his own voice in response as he gestured up and down her figure, frustration and concern warring on his face. "You are not fine! You're pale as death, there are bags beneath your eyes; you look ill! Why are you doing this to yourself?!"
"Because it's MY FAULT these people are dead!" she screamed. Blood was pounding in her ears and she felt light headed as the force of her rage exploded outward with her voice. Her head felt suddenly unbearably hot, and blackness crowded in at the edges of her vision. Opening her eyes—when had she shut them?—she looked up to find herself in Link's arms, legs splayed awkwardly beneath her on the floor. Her limbs felt trembly and weak. Had she fallen?
Link held her tightly and spoke softly as he gazed at her with troubled eyes.
"Is that really what you think?"
She hadn't meant to say it, and until she did she hadn't realized it to be the truth of how she felt. Goddesses… what was she doing? She couldn't meet Link's eyes. Shame and embarrassment and a building urge to cry welled within her, and she couldn't bear the pity she was sure must be prominent on his features. Link's voice broke through her thoughts, softer this time.
"Is that why you've been pushing yourself so hard?"
Trying to keep the tears which threatened to fall firmly behind her eyelids, she shut her eyes, attempting to skirt the question.
"No one else on the council would have spent the time and effort to honor these people's deaths as they deserve to be honored." She answered quietly.
She felt Link's fingers beneath her chin, tilting her head gently towards his.
"That wasn't the question I asked."
As she opened her eyes to look at him, his bright blue eyes filled not with pity but with genuine concern, she felt the tears she'd been struggling to suppress fall down her cheeks. Seeing her tears fall his expression softened, and his hand shifted to wipe away her tears with the pad of his thumb. Her eyes closed as she leaned into his touch, his warmth infusing her broken spirit.
Leaning forward without a word she embraced him, his arms moving to wrap tightly around her, holding her firmly against his chest. Finally, after days of subconsciously repressed emotion she gave in, burying her face into his neck as the tears flowed freely and silently down her cheeks. Her fingers dug into the fabric of his tunic as the force of her sobs rocked through her body, and he pulled her closer. It was several minutes before they parted, Zelda wiping the remaining tears from her cheeks as she sheepishly avoided his gaze.
His voice was kind when he finally spoke.
"Have you eaten anything today?"
Mutely, Zelda shook her head.
"I haven't…" her voice was watery, and she cleared her throat before continuing, "I haven't been able to eat."
Link nodded in understanding.
"And sleep? Have nightmares been keeping you up?"
Zelda nodded. "I'd rather just stay awake most nights than…" her voice trailed off as the dark, foggy forest invaded her mind. Shaking her head to rid herself of the mental image, she distracted herself by fidgeting with her fingers.
He eyed her appraisingly, wrapping his hand gently around her forearm.
"Can you stand?"
"I—I think so."
Grabbing her other arm, he helped her to her feet, escorting her to one of the set of twin armchairs, which she dropped heavily into.
"Stay here—I mean it. I'll be right back."
Giving her one last meaningful glance, he then turned quickly and headed for the door, shutting it softly behind him.
Zelda leaned her head back, staring up at the ceiling with a faraway gaze. Damnit if he wasn't right; she had been pushing herself way too hard. But what else was she to do? Every fiber of her being felt agitated and on edge—she couldn't eat, couldn't sleep. Work helped distract her from that. She'd known, on some subconscious level, that at some point she would have to figure something out; she couldn't stay awake forever or starve herself. She just… wasn't ready to make those considerations, not when there was this much left to do; Not before she had a chance to make things right.
Her thoughts circled in an incoherent fashion for some time before she heard the door re-open. With effort she moved her head to glance across the room. She was greeted by the sight of Link shutting the door behind himself, carrying a tray laden with items: a teapot, cups and bowls, a bottle filled with purple liquid, and a large plate of food.
He walked quickly over to where she was seated, setting the tray down upon the end table between the two chairs and taking the opposite seat. Lifting the teapot he poured the steaming tea into each of the two cups, then gestured to the one closest to her.
"Start with this."
Zelda took the cup from the tray and raised it to her lips, blowing on it before taking a sip. It was spicy and sharp and a little bit bitter, but overall it wasn't bad.
"What is it?"
Link smiled self-consciously, rubbing the back of his neck, something she'd noticed he did when nervous, "Family recipe. My great-great-grandmother was something of an herbalist, and came up with it to help my great-great grandfather cope after the Labrynnian war."
She eyed the liquid curiously and pondered his words. The Labrynnian war was infamously grim, a dark stain upon Hyrule's otherwise peaceful history. Records indicated hundreds of soldiers returned a shell of their former self; apparently one of them had been Link's ancestor.
"What does it do? Or rather, what is it for?"
"Think of it as a more palatable elixir. It's got a variety of herbs to help with symptoms of stress, some of which are for appetite loss and sleeplessness."
Zelda felt heat rise to her cheeks. Symptoms of stress. Right. Silly, incompetent Zelda. Link's playful expression melted as he noticed her embarrassment. He caught her gaze, looking to her seriously though his eyes were kind.
"Zelda, you don't need to hide that you've been struggling. This is a difficult time for everyone, but for you especially. No one judges you, least of all me. You need to give yourself time to grieve."
Zelda felt her blush return. Somehow he knew exactly her problem, even before she'd even fully processed it herself. He made it sounded so simple… But it didn't feel simple, far from it. She took a long swig as she contemplated a response, avoiding his gaze.
"I appreciate you saying that, but…" She turned to him, eyes silently communicating the feelings she didn't quite know how to explain—its so much more complicated than that, "I'm the Regent of Hyrule now. I'm supposed to lead this Kingdom, to be strong for my people; and I'm falling apart over a simple funeral."
Turning away, she said quietly, "I'm just… I'm not… I'm not strong enough."
Link's expression shifted as he gazed at her for a long moment before responding, "I can't say I understand how heavy the burden of leadership must feel. It might take some time before you get the hang of it, and you'll probably need a little help along the way, but… you can do this." Zelda lifted her head to look at him, skeptical, but against her better judgment a glimmer of hope formed at his words.
"I do, at least, understand what you're feeling right now. You feel anxious and stressed to the point of nausea; the smell of food makes you want to throw up; you're constantly tired but can't sleep, and when you do you're plagued by nightmares. That about right?"
Zelda nodded sheepishly, but Link only smiled knowingly in return, "You're not alone—you're not the only person to ever go through this."
Downing the last of her tea she gazed into the bottom of her cup, at the dregs which had escaped the teapot's filter, tentatively asking the question which had surfaced in her mind some time ago.
"Have you… have you ever gone through this?"
Link eyed her, his demeanor subtly shifting as he hesitated. After a moment, he nodded slowly. Turning his own cup thoughtfully in his hands, he answered in halting words.
"I… when I started my formal training with the Hyrule military—I must have been about twelve—my unit was brought out on our first field exercise to the Gerudo Highlands. We… were ambushed by the Yiga, and I—I killed one of them defending another soldier who'd been injured. It was the first person I'd ever killed, or ever seen killed. I couldn't eat, couldn't sleep for days after. My father helped me to get through it, taught me how to cope—just as his father had before him."
Zelda gazed at him raptly with renewed respect, but also more than a touch of sadness. When she spoke, her voice was barely a whisper. "Just like you're doing for me now."
Link's eyes held hers knowingly, but he didn't speak.
"I never knew—" she faltered, "This kingdom asks so much of you, and you have given it so willingly." A beat of silence passed between them before he responded.
"The same could be said of you," he said, taking a slow sip of tea, "Do you regret the sacrifices you've had to make?"
Zelda stared into her empty teacup.
"I suppose not. Sometimes I wish fate had dealt me a different hand, but I do not regret the difficult choices I've had to make along the path I was given."
A rumble echoed through her body, emanating from her belly and interrupting their conversation. She looked up, startled, embarrassed but smiling.
"Link, I think… I think I'm hungry. I think I'm really, really hungry."
Link smiled, a humor in his eyes replacing the earlier solemnity. Lifting the plate of snacks from the tray, he extended it towards her silently.
-:-:-:-
It was an hour later before Zelda had consumed the contents of the generous and varied snack plate almost entirely on her own—a true feat in the company of one such as Link. Though anxiety and guilt still gnawed at the edges of her mind, she felt as though a huge weight had been lifted from her. So long now had she gone without food she'd forgotten its nourishing and rejuvenating effects.
Link kept her company while she ate, but with the plate now empty and her food settling comfortably in her stomach, exhaustion was beginning to catch up with her. Unfortunately that only resulted in the feeling of achingly heavy limbs—her mind was still far too wound up for her to be able to sleep. Link seemed to notice her change in mood, and reached for the bottle of purple liquid.
"When you're ready to sleep, take two spoonfuls of this. I'll warn you ahead of time, it tastes absolutely terrible."
Zelda eyed it suspiciously.
"What is it?"
"It's a sleep draught. It'll help you fall asleep and keep the nightmares at bay. Its a staple in the barracks."
Zelda frowned upon hearing his latter comment. She wished desperately for a Hyrule where such things weren't necessary. Nonetheless, she was grateful for it.
Link stood and began to stack their dishes. She watched his methodical movements with a ghost of a smile tugging at her lips. Though she still felt tired and stressed and anxious, it finally all felt a little more manageable.
"Thanks, Link. For… everything." Her voice was soft, but heartfelt.
His head lifted and his blue eyes caught hers, boring into her as he held her gaze, a faint smile upon his lips. The intensity with which he looked at her made her chest constrict, though not in an unpleasant way.
Link broke their locked gaze, turning back to the table to gather the last of their dishes, gripping the handles of the tray tightly as he stood. Shaking herself of the feeling Zelda rose as well, escorting him to the door. Upon reaching it, she held it open for him as he passed through into the hall, turning briefly to her as he bid her goodnight.
"Sleep well."
She nodded as she smiled.
"I will. Goodnight, Link."
He cocked his head and smiled in return, his gaze lingering before he sharply turned and made his way down the hall.
Zelda closed the door, feeling lighter than she had in a while as she headed for the wardrobe and changed quickly into a night dress. Comfortable and ready to try sleep out once more, she moved to the end table where the sleeping draught sat. Unstoppering the bottle, she poured out a spoonful, bringing it to her lips and swallowing quickly. It was biter with an unpleasant aftertaste that lingered far too long on her tongue. Pouring another spoonful, she downed it quickly, suppressing a cough as she popped the cork back in.
She made her way over to the bed with a new perspective. Perhaps, finally, she could once again enjoy its downy softness and smooth, soft sheets. Slipping under the covers and pulling them up to her chest, she felt her eyelids slide shut the moment she laid her head upon the pillow.
For the first time in far too long she slipped quickly into a deep, dreamless sleep, and slept the whole night through.
A/N: Yaaay, another chapter down! Sorry I'm a day late. I would have posted yesterday, but internet went out (all over town actually), so I gave up till Comcast got their rears into gear and fixed it late last night.
We're officially just over the halfway mark for part 2. There's a sort of filler chapter next (a good one, though, with plot importance, so fret not), then 5 chapters which are part of the same mini-arc, which I absolutely love. Can't wait till we get there. Chapter 14 is one of my favorites so far.
Unrelated, I've been working on a side project because I need to get my head out of LIATOC for a bit, its turning to mush in my brain and I don't want that. I've been enjoying all of my writing so far and I'd like to keep it that way. It's a short ZeLink piece, probably about 5-7 short-ish chapters (at least by my standards), which came about as a result of my husband and I making dirty LoZ jokes while playing BoTW together, so it's full of UST and limes galore. It's also a bit crack-ish, but it'll be fun. You'll love it. Once I'm done with it I'm just going to toss the whole thing on here, so look forward to that.
So... yeah! Hope you enjoyed. Thank you so much to all who reviewed last chapter! Markus-Antonius; Artificial Python - Thank you, I really appreciated your comments! I'm doing my best; Artificial Phython - Thank you, I'm glad it came across well!; CoOpGame - Also thank you! I've been working hard to try and make my characters complex and interesting, I'm glad it comes off well; lordrednight - Also thank you!
Leave a review with your thoughts, and I'll see you all next week!