171 AG

How long had she been standing on the balcony? All sense of time had drained away, and in the empty darkness she was rooted. Her resolve came back to her in waves, eroding the ground beneath her feet until she couldn't stand still any longer. She was in motion. She had made up her mind. She was leaving.

She had already decided, out on the balcony, to head straight through the crowd with her chin up and her head held high and her eyes straight ahead. She had thought to shoot straight through the slowly dwindling crowd, keeping herself steeled against the barrage of laughter and the burning bright lights all the while. She had almost gotten all the way to the door before she slowed. She turned her head in one direction, and then the other. She wasn't looking for Su. Surely, she wasn't. And in the end, she made it out onto the courtyard without interruption.

She continued, until her momentum could carry her no further. She came to rest beneath a tree with a wide canopy of leaves. She wondered what the weather was like, outside the domes. Was it a nice night? Would it rain?

"Were you leaving without saying goodbye?"

"Su…" Kuvira said her name, and she felt her chest grow tight. She turned, and Su was already close.

"Kind of funny, since we didn't even get to say hello," Su said teasingly, and the softness of her voice was maddeningly sweet.

"Su, we need to talk." Kuvira tried to say as seriously as possible as she turned to face her.

Su smiled. "Alright, let's talk. What's on your mind?"

"I don't even know where to begin..." Kuvira said, her voice trailing off as she looked down. Now that Su was right there in front of her, she realized she didn't even know what she wanted to say.

Kuvira felt Su's fingers against her neck. Her palm was warm and soft against her cheek. Su coaxed her gaze back up, and she looked into her eyes. Su looked concerned, with a tinge of surprise.

"What's wrong?"

Kuvira stood still as she pressed her cheek lightly against Su's hand. Her fingertips brushed against loose strands of hair. She had wanted this. Craved it. And how easy it would have been, at that moment, to lean forward and raise her arms to pull Su in. To embrace her, and move forward. To kiss her lips, and forget.

But she couldn't forget.

"There are bandits attacking travelers, practically outside our walls. Did you know?"

The hand at Kuvira's cheek went still very suddenly. Su hesitated. The silence burned like a brand.

"Where did you hear that?" Su said in a voice as beautiful and clear as crystal.

"It doesn't matter. Just tell me the truth." Kuvira's voice strengthened as it rose to a crescendo. Tell me the truth, or it's over. That's what her voice said. That's how the light in her eyes cut in against the black and the green in the shadow of the tree. There was no mistaking her intensity. And while Su paused and searched for an answer, a leaf fluttered through the air and fell to the ground in silence.

"Of course I've known," Su said flatly, and slowly, cleanly, she dropped her hand. Her fingers brushed against Kuvira's cheek, and the sensation, however fleeting, was bittersweet. Kuvira's sharp green eyes narrowed.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Kuvira said, and now the words came fast, pouring out of her and exploding into the air between them, fiery and hot. "We could have helped. We still can. If I'd known-"

"No, Kuvira. You've known from the start that we won't involve ourselves in the Earth Kingdom's business." Su said powerfully, and her expression was complex. Her thin lips and narrowed eyes said everything. Controlled disappointment.

"But if we defeat the bandits now, they won't dare attack again. This is our chance to end things before they begin."

"What makes you think that was their first attack?" Su said bluntly, and the weight of hit Kuvira like a club.

Kuvira said nothing. Her expression was unreadable. Su reached out and put a hand upon Kuvira's shoulder.

"Kuvira, think about it logically. If we were to send our forces out onto Earth Kingdom territory, even for the benefit of innocent people, the Earth Queen could easily construe our actions as an act of war. We've been left alone for a reason," Su paused. She looked around. The inside of the dome was lit up with reflected light from the buildings beneath. The light played against her delicate features beautifully. "Zaofu has a level of stability I've worked my entire life to build. I won't risk ruining it."

Kuvira looked away, but her hard features seemed to relax slightly. She looked suddenly very tired.

"Why didn't you at least tell me?"

"To what end? I can't be telling you everything. There would never be enough time," Su replied. She paused, seeming to reflect on what she had just said. Her eyes softened.

"And I've been busy, lately."

You've been avoiding me. Kuvira thought the words angrily, but she couldn't say them. Her tongue was numb and dead in her throat.

"...I know." She choked out. "You have a city to run."

"And you have a city to protect."

Su had taken a step forward, and the hand at Kuvira's shoulder slid downwards. Insistent fingertips pressed against the fabric, brushing past the muscles beneath her arm. Su was leaning in to kiss her. Her tenderness permeated the air around them. The bright warmth was a clever liquid, flowing deep into the cracks of Kuvira's composure.

If things had been different, Kuvira thought that maybe she would have given in, but things weren't different. Everything was exactly what it was. She took a step back and pulled herself out and away from Su's gentle grasp.

"I can't do this. Not tonight."

For a moment, Su looked surprised. Surprise became hurt. It was an expression Kuvira had rarely seen. She had to look away.

"Fine." Su said abruptly, "I need to return to the banquet anyway." The finality in her voice made Kuvira's stomach turn. Su crossed her arms over her chest. Just as she was about to turn away, a voice rang out behind her.

"Ah, Su. Here you are."

It was Aiwei. Kuvira looked up. He was standing just outside the shadow of the tree that they stood beneath. How had he snuck up on them without Kuvira's notice? Kuvira realized he was looking between them. A small smile crept onto his lips. The light glittered on the rims of his glasses and the jewelry that hung across the side of his face. His face was like a mask; Kuvira couldn't read him, but in her heart she suddenly knew. It came upon her like a wave crashing against the rocks at the edge of a cliff. He knows.

Su turned towards Awei and returned his smile.

"You've found me. I was just heading back."

"There is a rather... pressing matter. I had hoped to find you alone."

Kuvira's eyes narrowed. She was just about to say something, but Su took a step forward.

"Tell me here; now."

"Very well," Aiewei replied, looking unperturbed. "The Avatar and her entourage have heard about your daughter's new-found abilities. They will be arriving in Zaofu by way of airship on the morning of the day after next."

174 AG

If I looked back on it now, would I be able to tell you things could have been different? If I knew then what I've grown to understand; if I held all the cards in my hands from the start, would I have seen it? Would I have been able to avoid losing you?

When did it all start to fall apart? The purple light? Opal's eyes from beyond the window? I don't think you should join me. Those were your words. Was it the guilt in your voice when you said them? There's no use in wondering, but in these quiet night hours I can't stop myself.

There are stars outside the windows of the compartment. The sky is full of them. I can barely see the wilderness beyond the darkness. There's a mountain off in the distance. The shadow of it looks like the silhouette of a body. It reminds me of you, laying on your side with your back towards me. I would wake up early and stay in bed with you, drawing lines from the nape of your neck to the small of your back with the tips of my fingers. You made soft noises in your sleep...

I realize I've knocked the inkwell off my desk only because of the sound it makes when it meets the compartment's steel floor. Before I have time to stand up, Baatar opens the door.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. Did I wake you?"

He smiles and shrugs. "Couldn't sleep anyway." He glances around the compartment and his eyes rest on the overturned inkwell. "What happened?"

"Oh, you know how writing can be."

He looks back at me, and he smiles. It's these small moments that we share between us that keep him going, I think. I know how charming I can be, but all the charm in the world won't lift the weight of responsibility. I watch him as he walks to the inkwell and bends down to pick it up. After he sets it back down on my desk he sits at a bench set in against the wall on one side of the rectangular compartment, but he's not looking at me. He's studying the map behind me.

I wonder if he compares this life to his old one. We've never talked about it. Suddenly I'm wondering if I should ask him, but I stop myself. His old life was a life that included you.

"What are you writing?" Baatar asks.

"A formal agreement for the Governor of Yi."

"Do you think there will be resistance?" Baatar asks carefully.

"I'm not sure, but it doesn't matter either way."

"I still don't understand why they resist at all. Their people are starving, they've lost their homes, and they're constantly being invaded by bandits. It's not living; they're barely even surviving. How could they refuse our help?"

"They don't see it like we do, Baatar. At least, not yet." I pause. He's looking at me, listening attentively. "Part of why we're here is to… re-educate them."

He gives me a knowing look, and when he smiles I can't help but do the same.