….. Chapter 11 …...

Trudging his way across the backyard, Daryl looked ahead to see Beth sitting outside on the porch with her back against one of its posts. Wrapped in an old blanket, she was gazing up into the clear night sky seemingly lost in thought. The sound of his footsteps crunching into the gravel broke her from her reverie and she smiled slightly as he made his way up the rickety steps.

''Hey...'' She said to him, pulling up her knees so he could pass by.

''Hey.''

''It's nicer out here than it is inside,'' She explained as she pulled the blanket a little tighter around her shoulders. ''...though probably just as cold.''

Not having a response, Daryl just nodded and hoped it would do. The full moon illuminated where she sat just enough to where he could see that the cool nights air had induced a flush of color to stain her skin. Despite the traces of blood left on the girl from his walker annihilation at the country club and the never ending layer of dirt that seemed to consistently cover them both, he was starting to realize that Beth was actually real pretty. When in the hell had that happened?

Suddenly feeling like a dirty old man, Daryl was grateful when she started talking again.

''I guess that's it then.'' Beth motioned towards the faint amber glow in the distance with a tilt of her head.

He leaned against the stair rail and chewed on the side of his thumb nail, still somewhat thrown off by his recent revelation. ''Yeah,'' He monotoned, ''…pretty much.''

Realizing that he was on the verge of drawing blood, he pulled his hand away from his mouth and flexed his tired fingers. Goddamn, what he wouldn't give for a smoke right now. His recommitment to their survival had brought with it a severe bout of nicotine withdrawal that had been easy to ignore while he was busy, but now – not so much. The stillness of the moment wasn't helping either as it attempted to send his depleted system into overdrive. Silence always made him edgy. It never lasted long and when it chose to end it was usually with chaos and bloodshed.

Beth gave the slightest of nods before looking out over the tree line to gaze back up to the night sky. ''Do you remember looking at the stars before all this happened? You know... when doing such a thing was considered normal?''

The question had been asked so quietly that Daryl found himself momentarily holding his breath just so he could hear it better. From where he stood just beneath the overhang of the porch, he looked up as well to see that the full moon was indeed surrounded by them... the multiple incandescent kind of stars that could only be seen this far out in nature. He had never really given it much thought... to him stars weren't nothing but stars. He dropped his eyes to see her staring up at him expectantly from where she sat. Shit, he guessed that was an actual question that was wanting an answer.

''Not really.'' He said with a shrug.

She gave a small smile that didn't quite reach her eyes. ''Yeah… me neither. That's sad huh?''

''What's that?''

''How the reality of things now can make you forget how life used to be.''

Daryl shrugged off the crossbow and slumped down onto the porch step across from her. As much as he wanted nothing more than to go inside and pass the hell out, the remembrance of the uncomfortable chair he was stuck with had him figuring that he could put off sitting in it for a while longer. He tilted his head back until it rested on the faded wood of the post at his back and pondered it for a second.

''It's jus' tha way it is, I reckon.'' He muttered despite knowing it probably wasn't what she wanted to hear. ''Not much that can be done about it… not now anyways.''

Now that he was off his feet, Daryl could feel all the muscles in his body begin to protest vehemently at the labor he had subjected them to all day. He had been running on fumes to begin with but had still pushed himself hard to get the job done as was his tendency. Now that it was, all the aches and pains he had ignored while doing so were making themselves painfully known. He sighed and pulled his knife from the holder at his hip. The handle of the damn thing was digging incessantly into his side and wasn't helping the situation any.

Beth caught his gaze and held it for a moment before asking, ''Are we still leaving tomorrow?''

''First thing.'' He said with a relieved breath as he finally found a degree of comfort. He distractedly pushed the blade of the knife into the wood by his knee, glad she had brought it up. ''Ya might want ta dig around an' find ya self somethin' warmer to wear. If ya think this is cold, riding out in the open will feel ten times worse. Gonna find a gas station or somethin', grab some oil an' whatever else we can use… but yeah, consider us gone.''

The girl was just staring at him oddly causing Daryl's brows to furrow in confusion.

''That a'right with you?'' He wasn't one to usually ask but then he remembered his silent resolution to try and included her in more of the decision making going forward.

''What? Oh… yes.'' She said in a rush, doing so as if suddenly reminded that she was in the middle of a two person conversation. ''I'm sorry, I was just thinking...''

There was a long pause and when it seemed that nothing more was forthcoming, Daryl found himself compelled to ask, ''...about?''

''About …my dad.'' She sniffed back a small smile. ''I don't know why, but I… I was just thinking that I get it now why he decided to quit drinking.''

Although the revelation was softly spoken, it still managed to catch his full attention. He didn't know what he was expecting her to say but it sure as hell wasn't that. Daryl felt his heart lurch in his chest. Christ, she wasn't about to rehash everything that happened between them yesterday, was she? He thought they had moved past that... or at least had been severely hoping they had. Being as dead on his feet as he was, he honestly didn't know if he had it in him to be able to withstand such a conversation right now.

''I mean… I wish I could feel like that all that time, y'know?'' She continued before ruefully shaking her head. ''That's not good.''

He guessed she meant the feeling that came from drinking too much, which in hindsight was understandable. Relieved, Daryl could only shrug, ''At least you're a happy drunk.''

''Yeah, some people I know can be real jerks when they drink.'' She made a point to say, though not unkindly.

Slightly embarrassed, he pressed the point of the knife into the wood even deeper. Wasn't like she was telling him something he didn't already know.

''What can I say… I'm a dick when I'm drunk.'' He offered lamely, not bothering to make an excuse for it.

Glancing through the hair that hung limply in his eyes, he looked over to see Beth smiling slightly at his muted response, her gaze nonjudgmental as she regarded him. Relaxing under the weight of it, he leaned his head back again and looked out past the piles of scrap metal and rusted car parts into the darkness of the trees that lined the area. The night was as close to normal as he could remember it ever being, almost like everything had decided to take a moments respite from the daily grind of surviving.

Pulling a deep breath, Daryl allowed his stoic guard to lower somewhat.

''Merle had this dealer, a jankie lil' white guy... this two bit tweeker who lived on the other side of town. One day we were over at his house watching T.V. or somethin'. It weren't even noon yet 'an we're all wasted… Merle was high..."

Daryl could hear his own voice low on the air as he spoke and had no idea what was compelling him to share this part of himself with her. Maybe it was the quiet of the woods that surrounded them or the fact that he had her undivided attention... maybe it was because he was still riding high on the fact that he'd gotten the motorcycle running… he honestly couldn't say. From where she sat nearby, Beth was waiting patiently for him to continue so he drew upon his recollection and did so.

"Anyways, we were watchin' this show an' Merle was talkin' all this dumb shit about it. He wouldn't let up… Merle never could. Turns out, it was the tweeker's kids favorite show… an' he never sees his fuckin' kid so he felt guilty about it or somethin'. He punches Merle in tha face for being an asshole 'bout it. I jump in an' start hittin' the tweeker… hard... like, as hard as I could. Out of nowhere he pulls a gun an' he sticks it right ta my head and says 'Imma kill you bitch.' Merle pulls his gun on him. Everyone's yellin'… I'm yellin'.''

Even now after all these years, Daryl could still feel the cold metal of the gun barrel against his temple. ''Anyways... I thought I was dead, all over a dumb cartoon about a talkin' dog.''

''How did you get out of it?'' Beth asked quietly, genuinely interested.

Daryl focused himself back on the present, having been momentarily lost in the memory. ''Tweeker punched me in the gut an' I ended up puking all over tha place. They both laughed their asses off an' forgot all about it.''

He looked down unseeingly at the knife in his hand, remembering all over again why he had chosen to suppress the long buried emotions that day invoked.

''Everyone's so fuckin' interested in knowin' what I did before all this. Ya wanna know what it was?'' He asked quietly as he looked over at her. ''I was just driftin' around with Merle, doin' whatever he said we were gonna be doin' that day. I was nobody… nothin'. Jus' another redneck asshole with an even bigger asshole for a brother.''

Beth held him in her gaze for a long moment before she said knowingly, ''You miss him, don't you.''

Daryl dropped his head as if she could read his mind. He missed Merle sometimes, usually when he least expected it. His life was so different now that the time he'd spent with his brother was slowly becoming a distant memory, one that seemed hazily surreal compared to the stark reality of the present. There was always a chance the two of them could run into each other again but deep down he knew it would probably be best for both of them if they didn't. His brother could be an instigating bastard who would never understand the choices he had been forced to make, the most glaring of which being how he had chosen to stay with the people responsible for leaving him to die on that Atlanta rooftop.

Beth was saying something and it pulled Daryl from the dark thoughts that held him in their grip.

''I miss Maggie. I miss her bossing me around.'' She leaned back and Daryl noticed that her eyes were glossy with a remembered sadness. ''I miss my big brother Sean. He was so annoying and overprotective. And my daddy. I thought… Well, I hoped he'd just live out his life at the farm. I thought Maggie and Glenn would have a baby, he'd get to be a grandpa. We'd have birthdays and holidays and summer picnics. He'd get really old and it would be quiet… it would be ok. He'd always be surrounded by the people he loved.''

She drew a long shaky breath as her voice hitched with the reality of the situation. ''Now that all sounds unbelievably naïve and stupid.''

''It's how it's supposed to be.'' Jesus, was that really the best he could do? He had watched the raw emotions play across her features and hadn't been able to come up with a single better response in the face of potential tears.

Beth didn't seem to care though. She was lost in thoughts of her home, the only place she had ever known before the turn. Daryl tried to recall any memories he had of the Greene family farm that didn't involve it being completely overran by walkers. As hard as he tried, the night the place fell out from under them was seared vividly into his brain, over-riding all others recollections in its wake. The smell of the fires burning, the sound of the screams that echoed across the dark pastures. He had seen plenty of shit since leaving the place, but the indelible memory of that night would be something that would never leave him.

''I wish I could just… change.'' She said softly, her blue eyes meeting his.

''Ya did.'' Daryl uttered for actually starting to believe it himself.

Unconvinced, her gaze remained wistful. ''Not enough… not like you. I mean, it's like you were made for how things are now.''

''Jus' used to this, y'know... things bein' ugly,'' Daryl pointed the knife in his hand loosely at the house's faded exterior, ''.… growin' up in a shithole like this.''

His shoulders fell with the realization that the place where they were at now was actually a damn sight better than the dump he had grown up in, which was especially pathetic considering that it was nothing more than a backwoods trash heap. It had always been a source of embarrassment for him as a kid. Even now he remembered how he would often opt to walk over two miles a day just so he could take the bus to school from a nicer area. Merle on the other hand hadn't given a shit but then again, he hadn't been stuck there as long as Daryl had. He had taken off without a backwards glance after one too many beatings from the old man.

''But you got away from it.'' Beth said, sounding confident in the presumed notion.

It didn't take much for Daryl to see that she actually thought so. He reckoned it was a small kind of accomplishment that like most of the occupants from the prison, she was able to look past the hillbilly accent and white trash persona to believe such a thing.

''I didn't really.'' There was no point denying it.

''You did!''

''Guess you gotta keep on reminding me sometimes.'' Daryl sniffed in response, giving her credit for almost sounding almost convincing.

''No. You can't depend on anyone for anything, right?'' She smiled fleetingly for a moment before a wave of sadness swept over her features. Pulling the blanket tighter around herself, Beth pinned him with a long melancholy stare. ''I'll be gone someday.''

''Stop...''

Daryl didn't want to even put such a thought out there, just in case the powers that be were still listening.

''I will.'' She said purposefully as she stared at him. ''You… you're gonna be the last man standing.''

For someone who'd only just come to terms with the idea of not wanting to be stuck out here alone, it was the absolute last thing Daryl wanted to hear. He could see why she would think he'd prefer it though, especially considering his shit attitude towards her over the last couple of days. Something had changed for him since then, something substantial… and he now he knew that there was no way in hell he wanted to end up like the poor dumb bastard that had lived here before, isolated and stockpiling junk only to die alone.

Fuck that.

Blindsided by the surreal realization that he just might need her just as much as she needed him, Daryl glanced back over at the girl, suddenly unable think of anything worse than being stuck out here without her despite how personally trying she could be.

Beth apparently guessed the reason for his pained expression because she paused for a moment before saying softly, ''You're gonna miss me so bad when I'm gone Daryl Dixon.''

Swallowing hard to counteract the lump of emotion that had inexplicably formed in his throat, Daryl wondered at what point during the conversation had it managed to turn so personal. He was usually real good at avoiding such things, the unbending anti-social tendencies he wore like a suit of armor damn near guaranteeing it. Somehow she had found a way to get past his defenses and even worse, he had let her.

''You ain't a happy drunk at all.'' Was all he managed to choke out in a lame attempt to lighten the extremely heavy moment.

''Yeah, I can be happy… but I'm not blind.'' Beth regarded him in all seriousness before saying pointedly, ''You have to stay who you are… not who you were. Places like this…'' She glanced around their surroundings before coming back to him. ''You have to put it away.''

''What if ya can't?'' He asked, meaning it. He needed to know.

''You have to… or it kills you.'' That ghost of a smile was back again as she placed her hand over her heart. ''Here.''

There was a long silence as Daryl contemplated all that was said. He almost wished it was that easy but he knew from experience that attempting such a thing had a tendency to blow up in his face… usually in the most disparagingly soul crushing kind of way. He wasn't proud of where he came from by any means, but he had learned how to apply what he needed from it and to keep everything else locked away deep inside. It was the reason he was who he was.

He looked over at Beth and held her in his gaze before saying quietly, ''We should go inside.''

The girl nodded slightly when suddenly her eyes lit up for the first time since they had started talking. ''You know what we should do? We should burn it down.''

Stunned into silence, Daryl sat there for a moment while she worried at her lower lip, waiting to see what his response would be. His initial gut reaction to the impulsive suggestion was tempered only by the hope that was plainly written on her face.

Hope.

The concept was almost as dangerous as following through with the suggestion itself.

For him, hope had all but flamed out back at the prison with Hershel's death and he hadn't been given a reason since worth trying to resurrect it from the ashes. The unrelenting guilt made sure it stayed that way and had almost been his undoing until he had been able to drag himself out of the hole and get past it. She had played a big part in that.

As they stared at each other, Daryl could feel himself getting caught in the calm conviction of the smile growing on her face. She was right… it had almost killed him - right where she said it would. If she could somehow manage to still hold true to hope after the death of her father then maybe this very moment was as good a time as any for the both of them to put it all away.

Pulling himself to his feet, Daryl yanked his knife from where he had stuck it in the wood of the railings to slide it back in its holster at his hip. He stepped past the sprawl of her legs to open the dilapidated screen door. As he did so, Beth attempted to hide her disappointment, pulling her knees back against her chest to wrap the blanket she was using around them. Hovering the doorway, Daryl glanced down at the girl now staring despondently back up to the stars.

''We're gonna need more booze.'' He noted gruffly before disappearing into the darkness of the house's interior, completely oblivious to the happily surprised face that watched him go.

…...

Thanks as always to those who follow and review this story. It's amazing to me that anyone would be interested enough to do so considering that it is nothing more than a small labor of love for two characters that mean the world to me. "What Still Lies Ahead" is coming along just as I planned and I know exactly where it's going to get to "Alone" and beyond. I also want to take a moment to acknowledge GeorgieGirl75 for the review, it really inspired me to knock out this chapter, so thank you!

No copyright infringement intended.