November 21, 2008
I watched Dad out of the corner of my eye as he read a book. I was getting better, bit by bit. The backlash of what happened had wreaked havoc on my body. It disrupted my nervous and cardiovascular systems (which makes me glad for angelic healing powers. Without them I would be dead), caused some of my grace to go rouge (broken arm from that, easy fix), and has ironically made me stronger.
It sounds stupid, thinking that me almost dying made me stronger, but it's true. Dad had asked me to show him my wings so he could check for injuries yesterday and doing that caused backlash. It wasn't a lot, just enough to shock me. My guess is that trials like that make my soul stronger. I'll have to wait for Sorath to come today before I can know for sure.
"Hey, Dad," I said, catching his attention.
"Hm?" Dad asked, looking up at me.
"Did Castiel get back from finding out what happened yet?"
Dad flinched. "... No, not yet."
"How bad is it?" I muttered, suddenly downcast.
Dad closed the book and came over to the couch I was laying on. He sat on the armrest by my feet (something Michael yelled at him for on the times he's seen Dad do it) before he answered.
"Very bad. As far as Cas has discovered the demon wiped out several groups of angels that were protecting various Seals. Thirteen Seals broke in the time you were missing."
This was my fault. If I hadn't opened the door to my room, if I had made sure that the house was 100% demon-proof, if I had only been stronger. I was to blame for thirteen Seals breaking. That was 36 down, thirty to go.
Dad's eyes softened. "It's not your fault, Gale. I don't blame you for what happens, neither does Michael."
"I wasn't strong enough to defeat him. I caused this," I whispered, "I'm just some piece of Nephilim trash like he said."
Dad got up faster than lightning. His eyes burned with a gentle anger. "Don't ever say that again! You are Gale Atkins, daughter of Lexi Atkins and the angel Jael. Nephilim isn't a word that describes you! You're a strong young woman that is taking a stand! Don't let anyone tell you different, especially not a demon like Bundon!"
I didn't respond. Dad ran his hands through his short black hair before wrapping me in a warm embrace. I heard his wings unfurl and felt them wrap around me as well. Dad had pulled me up from where I was lying so I was sitting up and pulled against his shoulder.
"I love you Gale," he told me quietly.
I felt a tear fall from my cheek. I let out a quiet sob. Maybe Dad was right.
"I love you too, Dad," I replied quietly through my silent tears.
I was grateful when I woke up. My dream still echoed in my head, always the same words… dirty half breed. I pulled myself into a small circle and closed my eyes. It was just a dream. It was only a dream. That isn't real. But it feels so real…
There was a gentle knock on the door. I got up off of my bed before answering.
"Who is it?" I asked. My voice was only slightly shaky from my dream.
"Castiel. May I speak with you?" the angel replied.
I glanced down at the tank top and sweatpants I was wearing. "Sure."
Castiel seemed to glow. This was my first time seeing him in heaven (when I wasn't half unconscious), and let me tell you, that made a difference. His blue eyes seemed bluer and brighter, he held himself higher, and his usually neat hair was messed up again, making it seem like a dark halo around his head. I struggled to not stare at him.
"What's up?" I asked, crossing my arms and finding sudden interest in the floor.
"The ceiling. Why do you ask?" Castiel replied, confused.
Right, I never explained that. I smiled slightly. "It's just another way to ask how someone is doing."
"I am well. Have you recovered?" he replied.
"It's hard not to with an archangel and my dad constantly asking if I'm OK. I'll say this, it could have been worse."
"Indeed."
I let a moment pass before asking a question. "What did you want to talk about?"
Castiel got nervous. "I was wondering… if you'd like to go visit the Garden with me."
That got me confused. I went out into the garden all the time. Wait… the way he said it, capital-G garden. Is he talking about the Garden of Eden? Why would he want to take me with him? Why show me it?
"Sure. I'll have to check with Dad, he's been a bit overprotective since Bundon."
"Alright. I'll be in the library."
"Hey, Castiel. What time is it?" I asked before he left.
"It is just after 11:00 in the morning," Castiel told me.
Holy crap I slept in. I went over to my dresser in the room after Castiel had left and I closed the door. I pulled out one of the outfits, a white tunic and a matching long white skirt. I pulled on a pair of silver colored flats before leaving the room. I found Dad in Michael's kitchen, seeming to be trying to cook pancakes. I do mean seeming to try.
The pancakes were burned. The ones on the pan were burning. The batter was thick enough to have the whisk sticking straight up. Dad was in the middle of talking to Michael and not paying attention to the food.
"Um… Dad? The pancakes are burning," I told him as I entered the room.
Dad turned to the stove and snapped his fingers, making the mess disappear.
"Let's not ever talk about that ever again," he suggested.
I smiled and nodded. Michael sighed before he snapped some food into existence (I'm not sure how it works. I'll have to talk to Dad about that.) for my breakfast.
"Next time, Jael, pay attention to what you're doing," Michael reprimanded.
Dad pulled off the best kicked puppy look I've ever seen on person, and trust me my little brother could pull off a good kicked puppy look.
"Go on, eat," Dad told me after he was done looking for pity from the older angel.
Michael had made a simple meal of scrambled eggs and bacon. Let me tell you this, you haven't had eggs and bacon until you've had some of Michael's. I guess it's just that food in heaven tastes better (I've noticed it in the things they've been feeding me the past few days, they're way better than anything on Earth. Sorry, Mom.), but it could just be that Michael is a good cook. After I was done the archangel made the dishes disappear.
"Hey Dad, Castiel asked me to go to the Garden with him. You OK with that?" I asked.
I barely heard the quiet "About time," from Dad.
"Sure. Go ahead. I'll just stay here and bug Gra-" Dad said with a huge grin. He only stopped dead when Michael gave him a hard glare.
I smiled before leaving the room to go meet up with Castiel. Michael had a large library in his house. It was nothing compared to the one in the main square, but it was still bigger than most libraries I've seen. The room was large and two of the walls were covered in bookshelves that reached the ceiling fifteen feet up. There were some smaller shelves in the middle of the room, each standing at most five feet. Against the two other walls were some couches and chairs with tables by them. Some paintings hung from the walls as well. The room was lit up despite the lack of lamps or other artificial light sources.
Castiel was sitting on one of the couches reading some book. As I walked to go to where he was I couldn't help but notice how the scenes in the painting changed to show what I would see if I were actually where I was standing. I've seen other paintings like these throughout the house, and I asked about them once. Michael just said that they were windows into someone's heaven. Anyways, Castiel closed the book when he heard me coming close.
"Return," he told the book.
The book literally flew across the room and put itself neatly on a bookshelf, where I assume it came from. Castiel stood up and smiled at me.
"What did Jael say?" he asked.
"He said I could go," I replied.
I left out the part where Dad looked like a child that had just been given a bucket full of candy. I want to figure out why before I talk about it to anyone.
"May I?" he asked me, holding out a hand for me to take.
My guess is that he's asking to fly us there. Good call on his part. I still have no clue about how to fly. I put my hand in his and I felt him fly us to a different place.
The Garden was beautiful. The grass was a beautiful green and perfectly kept. Huge trees were growing around, creating shade from the warm sunlight. Flowers of all shades of reds, yellows, oranges, and any other color imaginable grew in various places. Greenery was among the flowers too, accenting and highlighting the natural beauty of it all. Everything was placed expertly so nothing looked out of place, like it often did on Earth. There were many animals around of all kinds. Hawks and falcons flew overhead, snakes hung in the trees lazily, lions slept under the sun, and cows grazed on the soft grass.
In short, it was amazing. Castiel watched as I looked around a soft smile gracing his features. I loved the way his eyes crinkled a little bit with the smile, almost like they were smiling too. Speaking of his eyes, I swear I saw a look of longing in them.
"It's so beautiful," I said, spinning in a circle to see everything again.
"Indeed it is," Castiel replied. "May I ask how much you know about angels' culture?"
"What part? Dad gave me a bunch of notebooks filled with stuff."
"Courting."
"Nothing, why?"
Castiel was silent for a second before he motioned for me to follow as he started to walk through the Garden.
"It's customary to take one you wish to court to the Garden," Castiel started.
Oh. That's why Dad was so happy. Wait… back up the train. Castiel wants to court me? I mean, what? That's crazy talk! Shutting up now so I can hear the rest.
"Courting for angels means more than it does to humans. Humans treat it so carelessly now. For angels it's a commitment to another. It's a sign of devotion to your beloved."
Silence passed for a moment. I was struggling to put the pieces of why this was happening together.
"So you want to court me?" I asked, seeing if I was understanding this correctly.
Castiel simply nodded, seeming to be embarrassed.
"Any other formalities?"
A shake of his head.
I looked at Castiel for a moment. His dark hair was still messy, just the way it was when I first met him. His blue eyes were downcast, but I knew that if I looked into them I would practically see the depths of the ocean. His lips were parted slightly as I've noticed he tends to do when he waits for me to reply to a question. His long trench coat open, as it always was revealing the suit he had on underneath. As usual, his tie was loose. He was perfect. Everything about him was so perfect, and I was the opposite of that.
Despite wanting to say yes I didn't deserve it. I was a weak little Nephilim. I had so many problems, some of which I was still learning about. I failed to protect some of the Seals, and thirteen were broken while a demon had me possessed. Castiel deserved better than me. He deserved another angel, someone that wasn't as flawed as the broken Nephilim I am.
I looked away. "I can't. I don't deserve someone as good as you."
Castiel stopped walking. He gently moved my chin so I was looking at him. His eyes were full of love, love that I knew I felt deep down. Love that I was struggling against.
"If we only got what we deserved I would never have met such a wonderful woman," Castiel told me, looking me straight in the eye.
The love I felt for him broke free of my control and I hugged him tightly. A silent tear (or more, it was hard to tell) fell down my cheek. Castiel returned the warm embrace.
"I love you Cas," I whispered.
Cas replied in quiet enochian.
November 21, 2008
If I were to quote Dad I would write "It finally happened!" but I won't. Cas basically asked me out today. I almost said no. He's so much better than me. Right now I'm just a broken Nephilim, looking for her place. Cas countered that with saying that he wouldn't have met such a wonderful person if we only got what we deserve. Looking back, I agree with him.
The universe judged me for being a Nephilim. Other than Mom, Kade, and Derek, Cas was the first person that knew the truth that gave me a chance. Before that I always hunted alone because monsters knew what I was. They judged me when they saw me. That never ended well for them, to say the least. I'm glad Cas did that. I'm grateful for the chance at life he gave me.
Gale Atkins