CHAPTER ELEVEN
Dean & Sam go shopping for food.
A week after Dean's release from hospital, Sam walked into the living room with his jacket and shoes. "Hey, Dean. I'm going shopping. Do you want to come?"
Dean looked up at Sam, before turning his gaze outside. "I-I..." He swallowed nervously, and shrugged. "Don't know, Sammy."
Sam wrapped his arm around Dean's bony frame. "Come on, Dean. I know you're a little nervous. You haven't been out since that walk we went on before..." He trailed off, not wanting to think of their last trip outside. "But you need to get some fresh air. You can't stay inside forever."
Dean took a deep breath, and turned to Sam. "Okay."
"Good. You can wear this again." He lifted his hoodie up, so Dean could see it.
"Why do you always dress me in that when I'm... sick or whatever?" he asked, reluctantly taking the hoodie.
"I don't know. But I want to make sure you're warm... and this will keep you from being cold."
Dean rolled his eyes. "My jackets do that too, you know."
"I'm trying to look after you, Dean. Don't start with me, or I'll have to start the tickle torture again."
"Ooooh. I'm scared," said Dean with a fake shudder.
"You will be. Come on." Sam took Dean's hand, and gently helped him to stand. "Are you alright?"
"Oh my god. Sam, I stood up. I doubt something is going to happen to me standing."
"I know I'm being overprotective, but I won't apologise for it. You could've died not that long ago... and you only just started eating a few days ago. So excuse me for being worried about my brother." Sam's eyes filled with tears, but he refused to wipe them away.
Dean's expression softened. "It's okay, Sammy. I'm sorry."
"It's okay. Now come on then, before it gets dark," he said, placing his arm around Dean.
"Sam, it's one in the afternoon. I'm not that slow," said Dean, gently elbowing him in the ribs as they walked into the kitchen where Bobby was.
"Hey Bobby, I'm going to do the shopping. I've got the list, and shouldn't be too long."
Bobby saw Dean was going with him. "Take as long as ya need. Make sure he doesn't tire himself, and make him rest if he needs it," he told him, trying not to smile at the look on Dean's face.
"Er... Hello? I am here you know."
"I know. But ya can't blame me and Sam for being worried."
"Fine, whatever. Can we go now?" he asked, before walking over to the door, without waiting for an answer.
"See you later, Bobby." Sam was about to turn when he heard Bobby behind him.
"I mean it, Sam. Look after him," said the older man with a serious expression.
"Of course I will. It's my job." Sam smiled at Bobby, and went after his brother. He frowned when he saw Dean standing at the door, looking outside nervously. "Are you okay?" he asked, putting his hand on Dean's back.
Dean jumped slightly at the unexpected touch. "God. Don't do that. I'm fine. Just... Let's go, Sammy," he said, taking a step outside, and walking out of the yard.
The two Winchesters walked in silence for several minutes until Dean suddenly rocked to the side. "Whoa."
"Whoa, hey," said Sam when Dean was almost knocked over by a strong gust of wind. He put his hands on Dean's shoulders to steady him. "Are you..."
"Yes Sam. Stop asking me that." Dean looked up with a shocked expression. "I can't believe I was nearly knocked over by a bit of fricking wind."
"Dean, a kid could probably knock you over right now. In fact... they'd probably weigh more than you at the moment."
"I'm... I'm trying, okay?" he asked, looking up at Sam.
"I know you are, Dean. And I'm very proud of you, and so is Bobby." Sam started walking with Dean, but he never removed his arm from around his shoulders.
They managed to get to the store with Dean only having to sit down twice on the way.
Once they got to the store, Sam picked up a basket. "This way," he said, leading Dean over to the bread. He noticed Dean was walking very close to him, and put his arm protectively around him. After getting the bread, they started walking in the direction of the shelved items. He stopped when Dean suddenly froze beside him. "Dean?"
Dean was biting his thumbnail, and nervously looking at all of the food around him. He suddenly felt overwhelmed as his heart picked up speed and felt as if someone had replaced his heart with a drum and was beating it in a fast rhythm. Dean's breathing hitched slightly as he closed his eyes so he didn't have to look at all the food surrounding him.
"Hey." Sam got in Dean's line of sight, and put his hand under his chin, lifting slightly so he could look at his face. "What's wrong?"
Dean opened his eyes again, and looked up at Sam's worried face. "Nothing... I-I'm fi-fine," he whispered, forcing a shaky smile to his face.
"You're not fine, Dean. You look like you've seen a ghost... which for normal people..." Sam trailed off, shaking his head. "What's wrong?"
"I-I don't know. I just..." Dean looked around the aisle, then looked back at Sam. He shook his head, and got control of himself by taking a deep breath in through his nose and letting it out through his mouth. "I'm sorry. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me. Let's get this over with."
Sam watched Dean with concern for a minute longer, before he nodded. "Okay. If you need to leave or anything, tell me and we'll go straight away."
"But what about the shopping?"
"You come first before some stupid food. I mean it Dean, don't pretend to be fine when you're not," Sam told him, turning back to the shelves. "Do you want anything from here? Do you want anything in particular?"
Dean looked around at the shelves of food, biting his bottom lip. "Don't know," he whispered, lowering his eyes to the ground. He clenched his hands into fists to stop the shaking.
Sam nodded, and moved further down the aisle. "Okay. Let me know if there's anything you want."
When they got to the candy aisle, Dean broke away from Sam, and picked up a bag of M&Ms with a trembling hand, trying not to get too close to the other bags of candy. "Can I get these?" he asked, quickly stepping back as if he was expecting something on the shelf to attack him.
"Of course you can. Get two if you want," said Sam, smiling proudly as he watched his brother get another bag. He knew it sounded stupid to be proud of Dean doing something so small, but at least he chose something to eat. "What else do you want?"
Dean joined Sam again, tugging on the hoodie sleeve nervously. He tried to stay in the middle of the aisle so he wasn't close to any of the food on either side of him. His eyes were darting around him as if they either didn't want to land on anything for more than a second, or were looking for a quick way out. "Uh... I don't want anything else from here."
"Alright then. Let's go to the next one."
After almost ten minutes of walking around the aisles, they walked over to the frozen food section. "What do you want for dinner tonight?"
"I don't care." Dean leaned a little into Sam and whispered, "Hey Sam? Are people staring at me? I feel like they're staring at me."
"Nobody's staring at you, Dean."
"Are you sure? How do you know?"
"Well, I know because there's nobody here. This aisle's empty," Sam told him, rubbing his arm.
"Oh," said Dean, embarrassed. He shook himself and took another deep steadying breath, as he wrapped his arms around his thin frame as if to protect himself from an invisible threat. "Sorry about that. I... People looking at me doesn't usually bother me, but I don't want..."
"It'll be okay, Dean. It'll take awhile for you to get better, but you will get there."
"I hate being like this. I just want to be me again."
"I know. Me too. Now come on... I don't know about you, but I'm a little cold standing here." When they made it to their destination, Sam opened one of the freezers, and reached in. "Ooh look. Fish sticks. I used to love these. Ooh," he said, waving the box happily.
Dean couldn't help it, he started laughing at his brother acting like a big kid. "You're a freak."
"Hey," Sam pouted, pretending to be sad, but he was actually happy he had made Dean laugh. "Ooh. Look, burgers. Do you want some?"
"Uh... S-Sure Sam," answered Dean with a shaky smile.
Sam grinned again, and put a box of frozen burgers into the basket. "Ooh pizza." He reached over, and picked up a box. "Do you want anything else from here?"
"What the hell is wrong with you? You're acting... weird."
Sam raised his eyebrows, trying to look innocent. "What? I'm not doing anything." He knew he was acting like a big kid, but he wanted to take Dean's mind of his nervousness around food. "Oh, let's get some cereal," he said, walking over to the cereal aisle.
"But I don't eat breakfast."
"I know you don't... now. But you're going to have to start. You can't live off one meal a day. And even then you don't eat much. Now come on, or I'll throw you over my shoulder, and carry you there."
"Fine, you big freaky weirdo."
"I heard that." Sam playfully hit Dean's arm, being careful not to hit him hard, since he didn't want to knock him over.
"I said it loud. Good to know you haven't gone deaf," he said, making Sam laugh.
When they got to the cereal aisle, they started looking for something all three of them liked. Sam sighed when he saw all the different kinds, so he grabbed a random box, and threw it into the basket.
"Hey Sam, can we get some soda? I'm thirsty."
"Yeah. Come on," he said, walking over to the selection of drinks.
"Do you want one?" asked Dean, opening the fridge, and picking up some orange.
"Yeah. Same for me," said Sam, turning in a circle to look around once more to make sure he hadn't forgotten anything. "I think we've got everything... Unless you want something else?"
Dean's green eyes wandered around the store, and his breath caught when he saw a group of people walking over. "Uh... I-I don't think so. Can we go now?"
Sam frowned in concern, and threw his free arm around Dean again. "Yeah, come on."
To get there, they had to go through one of the food aisles. Sam's frown deepened when he noticed Dean leaning into him, and almost shying away from the food and the people they passed. "Do you want to leave? I'll put the food down, and we'll go if you want."
"No. I'm alright," he whispered, looking down at the floor as they quickly walked to the checkout.
"Are you sure?" asked Sam, squeezing Dean gently, not caring what people thought about him with his arm around his brother.
When they had paid for the food, they walked out with their bags.
Dean had never been so relieved in his life when they finally walked out of the store. His heart and breathing seemed to have calmed down to a steady rhythm at last, and the shaking in his hands calmed to the slight trembling he was used to.
Sam looked around, and saw some benches not too far away, so he led Dean over to them. "Are you alright?" he asked, sitting beside him.
"I'm a little tired," Dean confessed quietly, finally letting out a deep breath he seemed to have been holding in. "I haven't even been walking that much, and it's tired me out."
Sam smiled sympathetically. "I know. But I've read it's normal to feel tired easily. You can't have much energy from not eating."
"I've told you, Sam. I'm trying my best," said Dean, trying not to lose his temper.
"Hey, hey. I know you're trying. But it's not your fault you're depressed... and the eat..." Sam stopped when he saw Dean glaring at him again. "Sorry," he apologised, knowing Dean hated that word.
Dean shook his head and closed his eyes as he felt a wave of dizziness wash over him. "Forget about it," he said, putting his hand to his forehead.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing. I just felt a little dizzy for a second."
"I'm calling Bobby," said Sam, getting his phone out of his pocket. "He can pick us up."
"Sam, I'm fine," said Dean, putting his trembling hand on Sam's arm. "Stop panicking."
Sam ignored him, and waited until Bobby answered. "Hey, Bobby. Can you come get us in the car? Dean's not feeling so good."
"I'm fine," Dean tried to tell him again.
"I'm on my way, Sam. Where are ya?" asked Bobby, going to get the car keys.
Dean rolled his eyes as he listened to Sam giving Bobby their location. He raised his eyebrows, and turned to Sam after he hung up. "Have you finished being a mother hen now?"
"No. I'm worried, okay? I remember before when you passed out, you said that you were dizzy then. So you can't blame me for..." Sam trailed off, tears filling his eyes.
Before Dean answered, the Impala pulled to a stop beside them. "How is he?" asked Bobby, getting out of the car.
"Er... HE is right here. And I'm fine, I felt a little dizzy for a second. But Dr Paranoid here got all... paranoid."
"I'm not paranoid, you said you felt dizzy," said Sam, putting the bags into the back of the car. When he finished, him and Bobby helped Dean into the passenger seat.
"I want to drive. It's my car," said Dean, crossing his arms.
Bobby got into the driver's seat, while Sam got into the back. "You can drive all you want when you're better."
Dean scowled. "But that'll take months. I want to drive my baby. She misses me."
"I'll let ya pick the music," offered Bobby, lifting out the box of cassette tapes Dean kept in the car.
"Oh joy. I might blow up with excitement in a minute," said Dean sarcastically, reaching over to take the box to pick some music. When he pulled out a tape and put it into the cassette player, neither of the two men were surprised when Metallica's 'The Unforgiven' came on.
While Dean listened to the music, he sank down a little, and rested his head on the back of the seat.
Bobby shared a concerned look with Sam, before he started driving them back home.
When they arrived, they started unpacking the trunk of the car to carry the shopping in. Dean picked up one of the bags, but Bobby took it off him.
"No. Yer not carrying anything."
"I want to help, Bobby. I'm not an invalid."
Sam walked over, and guided Dean into the house. "You need to rest."
Bobby got the bags out of the car, while Sam helped Dean inside. The younger Winchester walked Dean over to the couch, and helped him lay down, before covering him up.
"I swear, I can't do anything. I'm fine, Sam. I'll be completely bored if I've got nothing to do... I may go insane," said Dean, wiggling his eyebrows.
Sam laughed. "Nothing new there then."
"Hey, I'm sick, you can't pick on me," Dean moaned, his bottom lip poking out.
"You're admitting you're sick now, are you? You were fine a minute ago."
Dean shifted uncomfortably. "Can you put the TV on?"
"Sure. What do you want on?" asked Sam, getting the remote.
"Just go through the channels, there's got to be something on."
"Okay." Sam sat on the couch, and lifted Dean's legs onto his lap. "What about this?" he asked, stopping on an action movie.
"Sure. Why not."
Several minutes later, Sam grinned, and started tickling Dean's feet.
Dean laughed, and kicked Sam in the ribs. "Get off, you freak."
"What? I didn't do anything," said Sam with an innocent expression.
Dean mock-glared at him, and turned on his side to face the screen.
It wasn't long before he fell asleep.
A couple of hours later, Sam was sat watching Dean sleeping.
"Hey, Sam. Are ya going to wake sleeping beauty for some food?" asked Bobby, popping his head around the door.
Sam nodded, and leaned forward to wake his brother. "Hey, Dean?" he said quietly, stroking Dean's arm gently. "Are you going to wake up for me?"
Dean moaned, and moved slightly. "Wha-?" he asked sleepily, sitting up slowly, and rubbing his eyes. "What's wrong?"
"It's time for dinner. Do you want me to ask Bobby to bring yours in here?"
"Hell no. I think I can make it to the kitchen. And if you even think about carrying me, I'll kick your ass."
Sam rolled his eyes, and helped Dean stand up by putting one arm around his waist. When Dean was ready, he nodded, and the two walked into the kitchen.
"Hey, it lives," Bobby joked, putting the food on the table.
Dean sat down at the table, and immediately started playing with the food with his fork. For the first time in his life, burger and fries didn't look all that appetising, and made him feel nauseous just looking at it.
"What's wrong? You used to love burgers."
Dean shrugged. "I know, but I just..." He dropped his head into his hands, and sighed in annoyance. "I can't... Sorry."
"Hey, hey. Shh. It's alright... If you can't eat this, I'll make you something else," offered Sam, pushing his chair back to stand.
"No. It's okay," said Dean, reaching over to stop Sam from standing up. "Eat yours. I'll be fine."
"Okay," Sam agreed. "But as soon as I'm done, I'm making you something."
When Sam was done eating, he stood and went straight to the fridge to get Dean something to eat. "What about some chicken? Or... Ooh some pizza?"
Dean swallowed heavily. "Uh... How about a sandwich?"
"Okie dokie. A sandwich coming right up," said Sam, getting the chicken slices out of the fridge.
"Er... Okie dokie?" asked Dean with raised eyebrows. "Since when the hell do you say 'okie dokie'?"
"I don't know. I'm in a good mood, is that illegal?"
"No. But it's weird."
Sam put a few pieces of chicken into two slices of bread, and cut it into four. "There you go," he said, placing the plate in-front of him.
"Thanks." Dean took a deep breath, and picked up a small sandwich. He tried to ignore the two men staring at him, and took a small bite, chewing slowly. When he swallowed, he smiled slightly at Sam. "It's good."
Sam grinned at him. "Great. Try a little more."
Dean nodded, and took another bite. He managed to eat only one piece of the four, but it was the most he had eaten since he got out of hospital. "I'm done."
"You did great, Dean. You ate a full piece, instead of only two or three mouthfuls." Sam stood suddenly, and clapped his hands once. "This calls for celebration."
Dean stared at Sam as if he had gone mad. "I only ate a quarter of a sandwich, how the hell is that something to celebrate?"
Sam shrugged, then his eyes went wide when he remembered Dean's anti-depressants. He got them out of his pocket, and gave one to Dean. "There we go."
"Thanks," said Dean, taking it with a mouthful of soda. "What are we going to do?"
"Do you want to watch the Shining? Ooh, then we can watch one flew over the cuckoos nest."
"Awesome. What are we waiting for?" asked Dean, getting up and rushing into the living room. "Come on."
Sam and Bobby laughed at Dean's excitement as they followed him into the room to see him already sitting on the couch.
"I'll be back in a sec," said Sam, going upstairs to get the DVDs. He came back down to see Bobby in his chair, and Dean sitting back on the couch with the blanket over him again. "Shining or cuckoos nest first?"
"THE SHINING!" yelled the two men at once, making Sam laugh.
"The Shining it is." Sam put the DVD on, and joined him on the couch. "You did good today, Dean," he said, putting his arm around him, so he could lean against him.
"Shh. I'm watching the movie," Dean whispered, not taking his eyes from the TV.
Dean only managed to watch the Shining and almost half an hour of one flew over the cuckoos nest before he fell asleep.
Sam smiled, and held Dean a little tighter. "Hey, Bobby. I'm going to get Dean upstairs, he won't sleep too good on the couch. See you in the morning." He got up carefully and slowly so he didn't wake Dean up, and lifted his sleeping brother into his arms.
"Night, Sam. Shouldn't ya wake him up? He'd kick yer ass if he knew ya carried him to bed like a pair of newly-weds."
"He's tired, Bobby. He barely sleeps during the night. I'm not waking him up, he needs his rest."
Bobby rolled his eyes. "Fine. Do ya need any help?"
"No. I've got him." Sam adjusted Dean slightly, and started walking up the stairs. "It's alright," he whispered when Dean shifted slightly.
Dean sniffled sleepily, but remained asleep, unaware of Sam carrying him to bed.
When he made it to their bedroom, Sam gently nudged the door open, and carried Dean over to the bed furthest from the door. "There we go," he said, laying him down gently, and covering him up.
"Goodnight, Dean." Sam climbed into his own bed, laying on his side so he could watch his brother sleep until he fell asleep too.
TBC
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