Title: No Requiem

P O V: Erin Lindsay

Safer an Essay by Erin Lindsay

Mrs. Stefani Grade 10 1999

We all have issues that's a common fact it's not an excuse or a joke it's just real. It's life some people have issues that are small in compassion to others. Some people over dramatize their issues. We've all known those types of people their in every country every city every school every office.

I have a friend we call her Beats because she has this philosophy that music is they key to life, she claims that's why we have hearts because hearts have beats which keep us moving feeling breathing living.

She believes it's safer to protect our hearts to hold our cords close she builds up walls that no one can possibly climb. She thinks that when she meets the right person she'll feel safe enough to let those walls crumble.

She doesn't take risks she lives her life sheltered maybe I have a role in that as well, I do anything and everything I can to protect her to me she's like a little sister. I take the hits so she can stay untouched.

I've learned that safer isn't always better. All I have to do is think about Beats story and know that just because your safe inside a home doesn't mean that your safer in the world.

Sierra Jessica Ampersand born to her parents Militia and John Ampersand March 15th 1983 in San Diego California she's the oldest of two kids her little brother Anthony is two years younger than her. Militia was head of the Children's Hospital in San Diego her husband head of finical services of the same hospital. Which meant long hours away from their young kids, leaving them in the care of their nanny.

Their parents loved them they showed in the every chance they got. Providing them with the best schools in the state, they showered them with material belongings. They sent them on vacation with their nanny every summer to the most expensive resorts money could provide.

They had allowances out of the hemisphere as they grew they learned money can buy a lot of things. Except love their parents weren't at their soccer or basketball games, they didn't cheer for them at states and nationals nope that was their Nanny Alexandra. They learned to depend on her.

It was Alex who helped Tony build his race car so he could beat the town bully at the annual San Diego Boy scout box car tournament.

Alex was the one who helped him learn to read who taught him how to swim, Alex who held Sierra's hand when she learned how to do a double back flip of the beam. Alex who held Sierra when she fell rollerskating who cleaned her knee kissed her check. Alex who sang to them who made their Pb & J without crust who added extra cheese to the mac and cheese.

Alex was the one who noticed Sierra started having trouble breathing when she was climbing steps or tumbling at gymnastics class. Alex took her to the doctor held her hand while she underwent test after test.

Who explained to Sierra what Cystic Fibrosis means who helped her to learn how to use her inhaler. Who pounded her back every morning ever night. Alex made them feel safe know what love is.

October 1990

"She said call me mommy"

Sierra remembers the day clearly at only eight years old she remembers Alex taking her hand giving her ice cream a treat she wasn't allowed to have because it causes mucus which for a CF patient is bad.

"Were going on a vacation baby just the three of us" Why should she question her? Alex has always provided Sierra and Tony with a safe up bringing. Fun after school activities awesome vacations. She was eight she had no knowledge of parental permission. She couldn't know that Alex did not have it that day when she packed some suitcases, snacks pumped up the music.

They sung along to Disney songs they pointed out weird and awesome landmarks she taught them about each state they went through. They slept safe at night she read them bedtime stories.

"This is going to be our new house aren't you excited baby girl?" She remembers squealing giving her a hug as she ran to play on the new swing set. She doesn't remember the town or the city she was too young for such trivia details.

"Were going to play a game babes, you are no longer Sierra you are Jazzebella because Jazz is the grooviest music around and you are the bell of the ball" "You my little man you are Mikey because Mikey Mantel was the best damn Yankee there was!"

"Yes I love it! Thank you Alex no wait what's your new name?"

"What shall I be called Sweeties?"

"Mommy!"

"We have a mommy silly"

"It's okay Jazz if he wants to call me mommy I won't argue in fact you can call me mommy to"

"Won't my real mommy get sad?"

"No baby because she wants you to be happy she knows I make you happy mommy is an affectionate term for someone who keeps you safe warm loved don't I do that for you?"

"Yes"

"So it's okay to call me mommy"

"Okay I guess that makes sense can we go shopping mommy I need some new clothes"

She remembers the shopping spree they went on how she encouraged her to try new outfits how she let her cut her hair pick out the new color. She remembers eating new food going to the doctors saying her new name as her new mommy smiled laughed and kissed her checks till she squealed pushing her away laughing.

"Remember your Jazz now and Jazz is fierce she's strong she moves to her own beats screw those pop tunes she's soft she's sweet she relaxes you, just remember that you'll be fine at your new school"

It was the first of ten new schools each in a different city all within five years that they moved around to every time there was a different excuse. "I got fired" "My company is transferring us" "This city is too expensive" "I started to believe our parents didn't want us"

"Every city we had a different name" I remember her telling me this one day as we lay under the bridge staring up at the stars. Star that was the last name she picked out for herself "Because she told me I was going to be a star, that's why we moved to LA she got me an audition for a preforming arts school out there."

"That school was dope Queen they had everything an aspiring artist could want, every morning we were greeted by a chorus of singers students would just join in every day was like a big jam!"

"I learned so much from being there" I learned how to count out the beats to hold out a note how to harmonize we learned how to create our own rhythms how to incorporate it with others no matter how different they were from each other we learned how to edit produce. How to analyze, to look deeper beyond the surface. Interpret build my vocab."

"Mostly though I learned the truth"

She remembers while out in La for an assignment she saw the poster on the record store with her face and her brothers. The words glaring across her eyes from the page screaming the truth out her.

"Missing Children Alert! Please bring them home!

Sierra and Anthony Ampersand

Missing since: October 1997

Missing From: San Diego California

Age Now: Sierra 13 and Tony 11

Sex: Female/ Male

Race: White

Eyes: Sierra has Green eyes/ Tony has brown

Hair: Sierra had blond hair/ Tony has Brown

Weight: Sierra was 89 lbs/ Tony 55

Sierra will need medical care she has Cystic Fibrosis both kids were last seen with their Nanny who goes by the alias Alexandra Parke. Alex's real name is Quinta Jorgenson she is a fugitive from Puerto Rico wanted on kidnapping a seven year child named Rico Rodriquez who was last seen in the spring of 1993. She is considered armed and dangerous.

If Seen Don't hesitate call the center for missing and exploited children call 911 or 1-800-843-5678 [1-800-the-lost] 619-531- 2000 or 858-484-3154. Emergency from outside of San Diego: 619-531-2065. The children's parents are offering an award of 12,0000 for any information that leads to the safe return of their kids.

She remembers the shock the fear the sicking rush that sent her crashing to her knees right there in the middle of Hollywood as she threw up. She can still feel the adrenalin coursing through her as she went to her brothers school to pick him up. The blinding rush of her spinning head as she hailed a cab and got on a train with him out of LA. She had no clue where she was going all she knew was she had to get away from Alex.

She ended up in Chicago with no money no medication. They slept on the streets for the first night huddled together. With in three days she was approached by a women who offered her shelter for the night.

She didn't trust her but she was cold hungry and having trouble breathing so she accepted the offer.

For a week they were feed given new clothes got to see a doctor, watch movies exist like normal kids. All good things come to an end though right? By the next week the women who called herself China told them if they wanted to keep having it so good they had to work for their luxuries. She brought in her teenage son and forced Sierra to sleep with him. While she recored it her son brought over his friends who all paid China to sleep with her and Tony.

For three months she chained them up on the bed and forced them to sleep with hundreds of men, women, teenagers.

Anthony Marco Ampersand was 12 when he was killed by a client who strangled him while he raped him from behind. Sierra has never forgiven herself she sneaked out the window that night and never looked back.

"You've given me hope Queen"

Hope that not every single person is out to hurt her use her the way Max did when he found her huddled in a corner coughing shaking. He brought her food warm coffee before he took her into the bathroom and made her pay him back. I was there when she was brought in selling for Max. I could see how scared she was how she had been not only hurt but traumatized.

I didn't know her story I didn't need to just to know she needed saving. The way I wished someone would of done for me when I was seven.

I paid Max back with what he would of made her do I took on her debt so she could have some sort of normalcy back. Why? I owe her nothing.

Honestly I don't know. I just see greatness in Sierra. I see a child who had her childhood ripped away too soon. That angers me kids should be allowed to be kids. So I made a deal with Max for Sierra to get the medical care she needs.

Max could care less who he gets it from as long as he gets money and sex. Sierra and I get the money through the drugs we sell for him. I take on her clients through prostitution but I keep half of Max's cut of the money he gets my body.

I wish Sierra would go home but she's ashamed she's scared I know how that feels she's afraid she's too dirty to be loved now by her parents. She feels Safer on the streets which she's known for most of her life then she does inside a home with four walls parents who love her. It's sad but it's her reality. It's reality for over 20,500 missing children who sleep on the streets and in strangers houses every night. Hoping praying for survival doing whatever nasty tricks they have to just to see the dawn of another sunrise.