Dawn
Chapter 11- Demons
Katara was standing in a dark room. A cold wind blew and she shivered. She sensed that there was another presence in the dark, but she didn't turn to look.
"Who are you?"
"You need not know my name, small one." a slithery voice whispered in the dark.
"Why am I here?" she asked slowly almost sleepily.
"You are here, my dear, to realize your destiny." the voice purred in her ear.
"I am?" Katara didn't move at all, "destiny is a funny thing."
"Oh, sweet child, you have much to learn." a picture formed in front of Katara. "Look little girl, is that you?"
The picture was of Katara waterbending. She looked extremely happy with a large grin on her face.
"Yes, that is me." Katara said.
"No, child it's not."
"It isn't?"
"No. That is the mask you wear. You hide your true face from your friends."
"I do?"
"Yes, this is your real face." as the voice spoke the picture changed into a scene where she was crying.
"But I'm crying. I don't want to cry." Katara said in a drifting tone.
"Ah ,but little one, how many times have you had that face on when your friends are asleep?"
"Many," Katara said, "many times. Many times I have cried in the dark."
"Yes, my dear, many times. I must go now but I will see you again."
Katara felt the presence leave and she slowly drifted in the blackness waiting, but for what she didn't know.
Katara came awake slowly. The first thing she was aware of was how warm she was and how delicious that warmth felt. She seemed to be encased in a warm cocoon. It had been a long time since she was that warm. Even the pillow against her cheek seemed to be resonating heat. Next she was aware of a strange 'thump-thump, thump-thump' against her back. It was almost soothing but so foreign that she wasn't sure. The next thing she noticed was not by her wandering mind. She felt a strong arm pulling her closer to a muscled body and a slight breeze of hot breath on her neck. Katara panicked for a moment, what was going on, who was behind her? Thoughts swirled around her mind as she tried to look behind her without disturbing the person next to her. She didn't want to move and have an enemy throwing punches because he was grumpy from being woken up. She craned her neck to try to see who was behind her. The person she saw first brought a blush to her face ,then brought rage. Katara threw Zuko's arm off her waist and pushed him on to the hard ground, off the sleeping bag. Zuko came awake confused and with a furious Katara towering over him. What was worse, Katara had two water whips in her very capable hands.
"Zuko you have exactly ten seconds to explain why I woke up to not just you near me, but physically hugging me, while I was unconscious. What the hell happened last night?!!?" Katara said through gritted teeth. She was just barley keeping her cool.
"Katara I swear I didn't..."
"Ten......nine...."
"You were freezing to death!!! Your body was literally ice cold, you either fainted or fell asleep and almost fell into the coals of last night's fire. I caught you just before you got burned. If your body temperature dropped any lower you would have died. The only way I could think of to warm you up fast enough was to start the fire again and sleep next to you. I'm naturally warm because I'm a firebender. I swear Katara I would never disrespect you! You have to believe me!" Zuko poured out in a rush. He had worked hard to try and gain some trust from Katara, this couldn't be the end. Katara lowered her water whips a little.
"It might be me being an over-trusting fool but I believe you." she bent the whips back into the bowl of water they had collected the day before for morning washing. She sat down away from him.
"Katara... what happened last night?"
"You're asking me?!"
"I mean what happened to you? You were fine one moment and passed out the next!" there was a strain in Zuko's voice that Katara couldn't quite place. She put her head in her hands,
"Zuko," she looked at him, her heart beat pounded in her arms and head, "I really don't know."
"Did you dream last night?"
"Yes, and no. I can remember images... a voice... but nothing clear. Only one thing stuck in my mind and it kind of scares me." She got up to pace as she talked.
"What is it?"
"There was a picture of me crying and a cold voice saying, 'your real face'. But that's it. Everything else is all jumbled pictures and voices and feelings."
"And you were crying in the picture?"
"Yes."
"Hmm...Katara how long ago was the first time your friends saw you cry?"
"Huh? What do you mean?"
"You were talking about it before, about the time your friends saw you cry, when you decided to hide that part of you from them. How long ago was that?"
"Oh, I don't know, maybe three or four months." Katara looked away, fiddling with her braid. She was uncertain about this line of questioning.
"Hmm." Zuko was deep in thought. Something was nagging at his mind but he couldn't remember what. He had a feeling it was important.
"Zuko... what are you thinking?"
"Hmm..."
"Zuko?"
"..."
"Zuko!"
"What?!?" he snapped out of his daze.
"What are you thinking?"
"I'm trying to remember something but it's just not coming!" Zuko breathed a small jet of fire out his nose in frustration. To his surprise Katara giggled. When Zuko turned his head around sharply she quickly put both her hands over her mouth.
"What's so funny?" He demanded.
"Nothing! Nothing!"
"Katara..."
"Fine, fine. It's just... you still have that temper of yours. It just strikes me as funny." she smiled again pulling her hands away from her mouth. Suddenly her head started to pound and pain rushed behind her eyes. She gasped for air and fell against the stone wall behind her. She slid down the rough wall and hugged her knees, forehead resting against them, breathing hard breaths in and out.
"Katara!" his anger forgotten, Zuko rushed to her side, "What happened? What's wrong?"
"My...head...gods...my...head." She gasped out.
"What happened? Katara, what happened?!?" Zuko was next to her again, hands in the air next to her shoulders, unsure of what to do. He wanted to hold her in case she passed out again but wasn't enthusiastic about what Katara's reaction might be, seeing as she was freaked out already about waking up to him.
"I don't know. I don't know. Oh gods Zuko," She looked up and into his eyes, "help me." the pain increased and a tear leaked out of her eye.
Zuko saw a tear roll down her cheek, he guessed that the pain was immense, Katara didn't cry over a simple headache. As the tear fell, a scary calm expression covered Katara's face. Her eyes lost their focus and goosebumps raised her skin. In a second it was over, but Zuko couldn't stop staring.
"Zuko...why...why are you staring at me like that?" Katara asked wearily.
"Don't you remember what just happened?!?"Zuko said in surprise.
"Yes I got a headache and stumbled against the wall and then you came over, and...and then... and then the pain went away....and now," she shivered rubbing her arms, "and now I'm freezing! How did it get so cold in here?"
"That's not what I meant. Right after you shed a tear, you got this look on your face and your eyes wouldn't focus and you got goosebumps. Don't you remember any of that?!"
"Zuko...what are you talking about? That didn't happen. Did it?" there was fear in Katara's eyes.
"I swear to you ,Katara, it did happen." Zuko looked into her eyes, there was so much fear in those eyes.
"Zuko..." she whispered, "Whats happening to me?"
They just looked at each other for what seemed like an eternity but was really only a few seconds. The moment ended when Katara shivered violently, her body shaking visibly.
"How could I get so cold?" she stammered out, "I was warm a minute ago."
"Katara, give me your hands." Zuko said.
"What!? Why?!"
"Just do it."
She hesitantly put out her hands and Zuko took them.
"Gods! You're freezing! He reached up and touched her forehead, "You need to get warm NOW!"
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, if you think your going to get away with what ever you did last night you're dead wrong." Katara pulled her hands away and looked at Zuko with fire in her eyes, daring him to object.
" Gods Katara I'm not like that! You just need to sit next to me." Zuko shuffled back a little ways and covered his face with one hand. Katara thought she saw a blush on his face.
"Fine, I'll let you warm me, but we have to be outside." She staked out the entrance of the cave.
'She still doesn't trust me.' Zuko thought, 'she doesn't want to go outside for the scenery, she wants to be close to something she can bend.' He sighed and headed out of the cave.
Katara was sitting a few feet from the spring. She was hugging her knees to her chest and her head was turned away from him. He could see her shivering. The thing was, it was a summer day, the sun was up but it was like she couldn't feel it. Zuko sat down next to her and tapped her on the shoulder.
"Yes?" she said without facing him.
"To firebend you warm I'm going to have to put an arm around you, is that okay?" His voice was rough with embarrassment.
"Fine, whatever." Her voice was listless. There was no trace of her former anger.
"You're really okay with this?" Zuko was slightly shocked considering what she had acted like before.
"Yes, no, I don't know anymore. Suddenly it feels so empty. Suddenly -I- feel so empty. Suddenly I realize that dreams don't come true, least of all my dream, and that the point of life is to be alive, but how can I do that when I feel so dead. Is it even worth fighting this...thing...this....disease, that has taken over my days and nights?"
"How long?" Zuko's question was blunt and direct.
"What do you mean?" Katara still didn't face him, her voice stayed listless and calm.
"How long have you been having these random pains and cold spells?"
"Since Ba Sing Se." Zuko winced.
"Did you ever let your friends see you when they happened?"
"No."
"Why?"
"I couldn't let them see me being weak." She shivered again and Zuko remembered what he needed to do. He sat beside her and put an arm around her shoulders. He sent waves of heat off his body and into hers. He could feel the cold of her skin when he touched her and was surprised that she wasn't passed out.
"Katara you are not weak. You need to let your friends know what's happening. What if you got hurt? Your feelings are part of who you are. Katara listen to this: you must never give in to despair, if you allow yourself to slip down that road and you surrender to your lowest instincts. In the darkest times, hope is something you give yourself. That is what my uncle told me right before I left him to find myself. I was near despair, I was confused and angry. I was loosing myself. Katara, you are loosing yourself, don't give in to despair, never forget who you are." Zuko unknowingly spoke the words of Katara's dead mother.
Those words echoed in Katara's mind: -never forget who you are -never forget who you are -never forget who you are- And images of her mother flashed through her head, a faded memory of her mother singing her to sleep, of her mother making her a doll, giving her food, dancing with her one festival night, of her mother's warm smile and deep blue eyes, and then the tragic fresco of her mother lying on the snow, blood dripping from her stomach handing her daughter the necklace she wore even now and whispering -never forget who you are-.
By the time Zuko was finished speaking, Katara's face was turned to the front. Her lips moved in a silent statement -mother-. She fell back, as if passing out, but her eyes were wide open.
"Katara? Zuko laid her on the ground gently, worried, "Katara!?" he was growing more alarmed the longer her eyes were open and she wasn't talking. "KATARA!!!" Zuko shouted, fear seizing him. He checked for a pulse on her wrist and got one, she was alive. What was going on? Something major was wrong. Then a thought entered his head, what if this wasn't a physical problem, what if this was mental or spiritual. Zuko thought back to his time in Ba Sing Se, when he had been battling between his old life and his new life. He remembered how sick he had become when he was in the darkest part of his battle. He also remembered how his uncle had cared for him, he wasn't sure he would be here if Iroh hadn't been there. He knew that he needed to be there for Katara now. The only problem was, he had no idea what to do.
Images were flashing through Katara's mind faster than she could comprehend. When suddenly they stopped. She felt the chill presence once more and once more it spoke.
"Hello child, have you been showing your true face?"
"A little."
"I know I forced you to show it."
"You caused me that pain? And all the times before it?"
"Yes, my dear, but it was all for your own good."
"How can pain be good?"
"It helped you to show your true face."
"But I don't like to cry."
"Oh, little girl, don't hide. Why should you be happy when your mother is dead, your father is in prison, your friends don't understand you, the fire nation has taken Ba Sing Se, and the hope for the world is a small child who is grievously injured? You have no right to be happy, you have no right to have hope." the voice lost it's caring tinge and turned acidic.
"But Aang is alive and we have time before the comet."
Katara was sent rocketing back from a slap by an unseen hand.
"Stupid girl! You have no right to hope! You are weak and empty. No one shall ever love you because you have nothing! You are nothing! Even those who have nothing shall hate you!"
"But what about my friends? They love me."
"Fool! People lie! You think they are your friends but you are wrong. It is human nature to lie and cheat and twist others to your will."
Katara was getting desperate. She needed something in her life that could not be twisted, something that could not be doubted. She reached for the first thing that came into her head.
"What about Zuko? He's like me but he's also the opposite. What about my relationship with him?"
"You mean the relationship were you lick each others wounds? You have nothing and no one, my dear."
Katara wanted to cover her ears. This wasn't right! It couldn't be!
"no,no,NO!" she screamed.
Zuko was laying Katara down on her sleeping bag when she let out a cry and a red mark spread out on her cheek. It looked like a slap mark.
"how in the world..." Zuko whispered. A second later she mumbled "...what about Zuko..." His curiosity was peeked now and he wished he could see her fevered dreams.
"no,no,no!" she said, pain in her voice. Her skin was still deathly cold. He started to firebend her warm again, propping her torso against his and hugging her around the waist. "Please be alright, Katara." he whispered.