A/N: Guys, I'm so sorry for the long wait. I've had a massive writer's block, and I've been not feeling well lately. Will you forgive me? And thank you for all the reviews, I mean I know I asked for them, but you should know that I'm always grateful for them, because I want to know your opinions, alright? Even if they are not positive.

This is dedicated to my dear beta Ky again and to valiantmongoose, because they have been motivating me (and they put up with my drunken ass last weekend)

I don't own anything.

Warnings: Language

I burn to make you understand
One wrong word and it all may come crashing down
For the fates are devious by heart
They envy you your dreams, so they'll let you drown

And there is no why, there is no how, it's like the sky, just one free flow
But you're here right now, and this is your show, so take a bow, cos the show is on right...

Here and now with all dreams realized
Would you choose still more time to do
Don't fall down when it's time to arise
No-one else can heal your wounds

Once again taboo becomes your law
What you want seems taken by another tide turning
Away from our flower field where we used to lay beneath the sky,
riding dreams to some other side

Do they burn, the wishes whispered, like secrets, they yearn, just to be heard
I'm done with questions, I have no answers, the choice is yours, cos the show is on right...

Here and now...

The bigger the lies
The more they want to believe them
And like a vice
Hold on to what they believe in

Here and now with all dreams realized
Would you choose still more time to do
Don't fall down when it's time to arise
No-one else can heal your wounds

Here and now with all dreams realized
Would you choose still more time to do
Don't fall down cos I need you to rise
No-one else can heal my wounds

~Poets of the Fall, Heal my wounds

Magnus ran. He ran as if he was being chased by a pack of furious werewolves. However, it was not the first time that he escaped from his problems in such fashion.

It was a cold December night, the end of the Christmas Day to be exact. It was snowing peacefully, white flakes created a fairy-tale-like view. One could admire a slightly disfigured, but still beautiful snowmen made by hordes of cheerful children from the neighbourhood. 11-years-old Magnus Bane gazed at the perfect Christmas sight with his clouded, dulled eyes. A sad smile tugged athis lips when he saw a family diner in a house opposite his. He observed as the parents and their babies laughed, immersing themselves in the Christmas spirit. He wished he had such a holiday. He longed for the warmth of hug or praise. He longed for everything that kids his age took for granted. Suddenly his bedroom door smashed open, revealing huge, towering body of his father.

"You ungrateful freak! You'll explain to me right now why you have such low grades!" he threw Magnus' tests' sheets into the wide-eyed child's face. The boy whimpered, curling into himself. That seemed to enrage the green-eyed man even more. "Don't you dare cry now! You brought it on yourself, you worthless piece off shit. I don't even know why I bother with you. You are nothing but a disgrace!"

Magnus pushed past his dad and ran down the stairs and into the cold December night. He really didn't want to be a disgrace. As he curled up in the park, trying to retain the warmth inside his tiny body, he promised himself that next time he would do better than a B.

The model could feel hot tears streaming down his cheeks. He couldn't forget the hurt in Alec's piercing, blue eyes as he pushed him away, or the blissful sensation of the artist's mouth on his own. He slowed down, and touched his lips absentmindedly. He felt so torn.

On one hand he wanted Alexander. He wanted to see his little, shy smiles, to observe the way he painted or drew. He longed for his kisses and even something more. For the first time since he became an Escort he desired somebody with every last fiber of his body. On the other hand he didn't want to hurt the boy. And if Alec knew what he did for living, how he allowed the other men to ravage his body… That would rip thorough all of the protective layers the artist possessed. And Magnus didn't want that. All he wanted for the perfect, blue-eyed boy was to be happy.

He staggered a little as he turned the key in his front door, and ignored the incessant ringing of his phone. He quickly stripped, leaving only hisboxers on, and laid on the bed. He nuzzled into the crimson covers and let the tears run again. He had no idea what he would do.

The door closed with a sound of finality. Alec stared at the empty space right in front of him, he couldn't comprehend what had just happened. He felt dazed, and his head was spinning a little. He knew that he shouldn't have kissed Magnus, it was too soon. But the booze stripped him of any self-control, and he couldn't help but listen to his urges and emotions.

For a second, he thought that his feelings were reciprocated and he even thought that the gorgeous model seemed to enjoy his clumsy kissing. But then Magnus threw him off and ran away. He could feel his lip slightly trembling, he hated the taste of rejection.

A seventeen-years-old Alec brought the covers to his chin, blushing slightly. It was a stupid thing to do considering he had just lost his virginity to the very boy he was being stared at. The cold, black orbs were trained on him accusingly, the sneer present on Sebastian's face. His boyfriend's platinum blond hair was wet from the shower he had just taken.

"Why are you not dressed?" he hissed, frowning. He narrowed his soulless eyes, his lips curling with distaste.

"I…I t-thought…"Alec stuttered, his azure eyes downcast. All of his happiness suddenly escaped at the speed of light. Even though the whole process hurt so much, he was delighted, because his beloved boyfriend seemed to enjoy it so much. And he wanted Sebastian to be happy, that was the most important thing. Maybe next time it won't hurt so much?

"Oh, this is rich. You're the type who wants to cuddle, aren't you? Do I look like a girl, Lightwood?" the blond laughed mercilessly. Alec shook his head, biting his lower lip, and trying to chase away the sudden urge to cry. "Exactly. I am a real man. And real men do not do that, capisce? Get dressed, my parents will be home soon, and you don't want to get out of closet now, do you?"

Alexander shut his eyes tightly, and willed his bitter memories away. It was not like that. He got involved with Sebastian emotionally, and the heartless bastard abused that. Magnus was not like that. He clearly didn't like him, and he was responsible enough to let him know that. He might have been more gentle with it, but Alec was not blaming him. He practically assaulted him. The model had every right to behave that would call the gorgeous man, and apologize. Hopefully, he would talk to him and let him explain.

He clicked on Magnus' name on his cell's screen, and waited patiently, but frowned when the call went to the voice mail. He repeated the act several times with no results. He cursed, and bit his lip forcefully, leaving a little dip.

"Alec, are you okay?" Isabelle asked. Even as a fifteen-year-old she was gorgeous. Her dark, long hair cascaded down her back, the beauty of her huge, almond-shaped eyes was enhanced by subtle make-up and Alec couldn't help but think that as her older brother he would have a lot of work with protecting her. He knew that Izzy was tough and independent, but he couldn't get rid of his brotherly instincts. For him she would always be his little sister. And that meant scaring off every guy that wanted to take advantage of her.

"Yeah, I'm fine, why do you ask?" He inquired, playing with his cell-phone absently. He was anxious; he hadn't heard from Sebastian since yesterday, since his boyfriend practically shoved him out of his door. He knew that he had an important reason to do that – after all his parents didn't know about them, and they wanted to keep it that way – but it still hurt. And now he wasn't calling him back, even though Alec had been trying to contact the blond incessantly since the morning. Alec gnawed at his lip, and looked at the empty screen of his mobile. He wondered whether Sebastian was mad at him. He seemed really irritated last night. Or maybe he was not annoyed, merely disappointed, Alec thought with panic. What if he was so bad in bed, that his boyfriend was now avoiding him?

"You've been on edge all day long, and you're wearing a scarf. Do you feel well? Did you catch a cold?" She scrunched her forehead, and gazed at him searchingly. Alec could feel a blush slowly rising on his cheeks. If only she knew the reason for the scarf.

"I'm fine Izzy, I'm just waiting for an important call. Don't worry about it," he brushed her off and reached for the book lying next to him. Reading had always calmed him down.

His gaze landed on the unfinished bottle of tequila. He reached for it, swung it back, and swallowed the booze with huge gulps. He very well knew that he would regret it later, but for now he wanted something to stop his mind from thinking.Anything would do.

"She eyes me like a Pisces when I am weak
I've been locked inside your heart-shaped box for weeks
I was drawn into your magnet tar pit trap"

He really wished that that infuriatingly loud melody would stop playing. A surge of piercing pain shot through his pounding head and he groaned. He slowly opened his eyes, and instantly regretted it - the room swam in front of his blue orbs, making him nauseous. With a quiet moan he curled up on his side, burring his face in the pillow, praying for his headache to lessen soon.

Last night suddenly came back to him in full force, and all he wanted to do was to hide from Magnus. He suppressed the stinging, angry tears, because he knew that it would make his head hurt even more – even though he couldn't comprehend how the pain could even get worse. He had been so dumb last night. Not only had he gotten so pathetically vulnerable and talked to Magnus about his parents, but then he "attacked" him and made him leave. The model would probably never speak to him again, and he wouldn't really blame him. What the hell had he been thinking?

After a moment he realized that his phone was ringing. Of course, you idiot, it was your ring-tone that woke you up. Really bright this fine morning, Lightwood, aren't you? He slowly reached for the hellish device, and hit the button to answer.

"Yeah?" he croaked, and winced at his scratchy voice

"Alec? Where the hell are you? You were supposed to meet me at the park twenty minutes ago, what is going on?" The artist cringed at his sister's loud, shrill voice. Christ, why did she have to scream like a banshee? As far as he was concerned he was never drinking alcohol again. He didn't get it why people did it if the aftertaste felt like that. Even the thought of booze made his stomach rumble and he barely held his nausea back. Normally, the first thing that he would do in the morning would be to get a cigarette, but right now even that seemed revolting to him.

"Jesus… Please don't shout. What time is it?"

"It's ten o'clock. Are you alright?" He heard a concerned voice, and couldn't help but smile at his sister's protectiveness; even though he was the older one. And why the hell did he oversleep so much? He usually got up at six or seven and went for a run. He loved the morning jogging – it woke him up and let him gather the strength for a day – but right now all he wanted to do was to curl up and sleep. Preferably for a day or two.

"I know this will sound insane, Izzy, but do you know any hangover-cures?" he managed to get out and heard his sister's gasp of surprise. It really was quite pathetic that he was asking that of his little sister, but he picked her up from too many parties not to realize that she very well knew all the remedies.

"What? Hangover? You?" She sounded not only astonished, but also worried. "Just stay in bed, I'm on my way, okay?"

"Okay, just let yourself in," he croaked up, and his head hit the pillow again. He closed his eyes with relief and waited for Izzy to fix him up – for now he pushed Magnus out of his mind. He felt shitty enough.

As Isabelle stepped into his brother's bedroom, she couldn't help but wince. His clothes were scattered around, and he was curled up in his bed in a fetal position. She sat at the edge of the huge mattress and gently caressed Alec's cheek. His azure eyes popped open, and she smiled at him.

"Hey, how are you feeling?" she asked with concern. Looking at how pale her brother was, it was not good. She wondered how much he must have drank to have such a painful hangover.

"Awful… Can you do something about that?" He croaked out, his voice quiet and scratchy. He gazed up at her and tried to smile. "Sorry I stood you up."

"Just sit, I will bring you some pills and make you a strong coffee."

When she came back from the kitchen with Tylenol and steaming mug of black coffee, she heard a noise of retching from the bathroom. She sighed, placed the supplies on the table next to Alec's enormous bed, and went in to help her brother out. She gathered Alex' unruly hair that had been falling into his face, and gently rubbed his back, trying to soothe him. When he stopped for a second, she could feel him shaking slightly, and she was sympathetic, she really was, but she also needed to get out of him why exactly he was so hung-over . When asked, he simply answered that Magnus brought the booze, and then something happened and he left. After that Alec apparently fell into the bottle.

She couldn't help but be pissed off. So far she was really glad that her brother had found the model, because he was genuinely happy, but now something had happened. And even though Alec wouldn't tell her what "that something" was, she knew that it was most definitely bad. She could feel how tense and sad her gentle, blue-eyed brother was. Andwhoever was the reason for that, would pay. The door-bell rang, and she sighed as she went to see who it was.

The door revealed a tall, slender boy, probably her brother's age. His clothes were fashionable and she couldn't help but admire the indigo blue vest and gray, glitter shirt he was wearing. Even though she admired his tasteful wardrobe secretly, she narrowed her eyes – he was the reason that her brother was puking his guts out right now.

"Hello, you must be Magnus. Nice to get to know the man that brings booze, lets people get wasted and then fucking leaves them alone. Come in, come in. You need to wait a little bit though, Alec is too busy vomiting the very booze you brought."

She couldn't help but smirk at his gaping face.

A/N:Let me know, that you are still reading?

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