A/N: Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry...etc.
Disclaimer: I have no rights, except those on the Constitution. Which doesn't give these characters to me. Nope, Stephenie Meyer has those. Talk about equality… haha jkk.
Misunderstandings
"Because I needed to talk to you Bella." yes, I definitely needed to do that.
"Okay? About what?" she asked questioningly.
I was going to say you and me, but that didn't seem right. "Us," I responded.
--
BPOV
"Us?" I responded questioningly. "What us? There is no us, I mean, there can't be-"
"That's what I wanted to talk to you about." he said as he cut me off. "But, wait, what?"
"Huh?"
"You said can't "
"Yes." I agreed.
"And what exactly do you mean by that?"
"Edward seriously. Even if you did want me, this couldn't happen." Were we really talking about this? The stuff I get myself into.
"Why not?"
"Edward! Be serious-"
"I am"
"No you're not! Look at yourself." I followed my own directions, and almost lost my train of thought. "Now look at me. The difference is almost tangible."
"Now Bella. " He said softly. "You be serious. You really think any of this matters?"
"Yes. Yes it does! You, Edward, are a freaking celebrity! You're part of a very popular band, you tour the world, you're talented, a gentleman, and you're…gorgeous." he was going to cut me off, but I had to show him how unworthy I was if he wouldn't see the difference for himself. "Edward, I'm just Bella. I'm a small town girl. I'm plain, middle class, and sick." I whispered the last word. "I mean, the clothes I wear are barely even mine, they're all courtesy of Alice, if I had my way I would never dress like this!"
"Bella, I don't think you see yourself very clearly. You are a very gorgeous girl. You're more different than any girl I've ever met, and you're just, I don't know, your so, Bella, it's fascinating."
"And I think you believe in magic too much. All it is, is an optical illusion. You see what you want to."
"And this sight isn't bad at all. Can I just explain what I see in you Bella?" he lifted my chin up so I would look in his eyes. He couldn't sway my decision. No I wouldn't let him. Its best for the both of us. I nodded anyway. "You Bella," he started. "are the most rarest creature I've ever seen. You're beautiful inside and out. You're smart, sweet, and funny. You are most certainly not plain. You're Bella, you're beauty itself. And yet, you're not like every other girl. You're real. You're yourself, no matter what you're wearing, or who's with you. You're shy, and innocent, and that is just irresistible. You're-"
"Edward! My darling! I've missed you! That slide would've been more fun with you."
"Single." I finished for him. Yet another difference we have. He let go of my chin and looked at me with confused eyes.
I moved back to the corner I was sitting at before, before he could say anything else to me.
I stared out the window the whole trip back. Uninterested in all the conversation that was going on, and at the stares I was receiving. Finally we reached the hotel, and I went straight to sleep. Everyone else went back to the tour bus.
I didn't tell Alice about the little talk Edward and I had, positive that she would take his side.
I have so many things bottled up inside me, one day I know I'm just going to burst.
--
"Alice, PLEASE!! I'm begging you!" I whined.
"Bella, we're just going to a club. You just have to hang out, you don't have to drink or anything. You could stay backstage for all I care." Alice tried to reason with me, but I still wasn't ready to face Edward. She didn't know that.
"Aliceeee," I sounded as if I should be wailing on the ground and spnning in circles of misery like a little 5 year old.
"Bella, what's going on?" Man! I was hoping she wouldn't ask. Great acting skills, Bella. Never was one to be able to hide emotions.
"Nothing, I just don't want to go, its been like what? 4 days? Can't blame me if I'm worn out."
"No, that's definitely not it." She said eyeing me skeptically. "It's him again isn't it?"
"No!" I said back defensively. "Most definitely not."
"Which can only translate to absolutely!" she said back with a huge smile.
"NO!" I shouted then stepped out the door of the hotel room instantly bumping into someone. Instinctively they wrapped their arms around me.
"Bella, you okay?"
"Oh yeah, um, thanks, sorry bout this." I gestured to our entwined bodies.
"So you guys ready for the show?" He asked as he untangled himself from me.
"I thought it wasn't until later?"
"It is, but we have to practice, first."
"Oh, okay cool, then, yeah, I guess?" Even though I don't wanna go… at all!
"Yeah, so the limo is out there, Emmett, Rose, Tanya, and Edward are there too, so you can go on in."
Great! No way of getting out of this one. "Okayy," I said a bit whiningly, I really didn't want to go to this.
"Alice still inside?"
"Nope! Right here!" She called stepping out into the hallway.
"I'll meet you guys downstairs." I told them, though I don't think they were listening, lip locking like that. Ugh. If I didn't love them so much, and if they weren't so cute, I would've told them to get a room.
I walked down, and waited on a bench outside the hotel. I decided I'd wait for Alice and Jasper to come down.
They were together all the time. He was even there when we went shopping today! No one in their right mind would volunteer to go shopping with Alice. He must love her. Well good for her, I just hope they don't go too fast in their relationship. But then, does Alice do anything at a normal pace?
"Come on Bells!" Alice called as she grabbed my wrist and thrusted me forward toward the limo. That limo. I'm getting tired of that huge long white metal box on wheels. It draws too much attention. And has unnecessary space, and air conditioners!
"Go!" she screamed at me pushing me into it. I stumbled inside, but was caught by a warm, strong grasp.
"Thanks Emmett"
"No prob!" he said through chuckles. "You're more entertaining than we'll ever be."
I was attempting to get up out of Emmett's grasp and my head turned to the right I saw something that made me just want to puke. Tanya was practically forcing her tongue down Edwards throat, it was disgusting. But it was a reality check. I realized I let Edward get to me I actually believed he meant what he said yesterday, in this stupid Kleenex box on wheels. 'Like me', my ass. Want me, probably, but I'm no Tanya, I'm no whore.
I let out a quiet hmph, and let all my weight on Emmett.
"Tanya get off!" I heard Edward tell her angrily, he probably realized me and Alice stepped into the limo, being the gentleman he is. Why can't he just be a regular rockstar guy, so I can be turned off completely! "Bella. What happened?"
Emmett lifted me and placed me on the space beside him.
No one answered, expecting me to tell him. I shifted in my seat nervously. I didn't want to talk to him!
"Bella tripped." Emmett said for me. "I caught her." Yes, exactly he caught me. Not the guy that said he would catch me any time I fell. Any time at all. Pfff. Lines. That's all they were.
I could still feel Edward eyeing me as if he wasn't sure to believe Emmett.
"Yes! Okay I tripped!" I looked right at him, angry at his stares, and not caring I had an audience watching. "I do that, alot! Didn't we already go over this? So stop looking at me like I'm keeping something from you! You shouldn't care anyway!" I yelled at him, at his hurt expression.
"Bella I-"
"Shut up Edward." Emmett told him. "You need to get your shit together."
Everyone was shocked. Especially me. Now that I really looked at Emmett, he reminded me of like, a big brother figure. He looked down at me and smiled. I whispered 'thanks' to him, then, looked out the window. The ride was quiet, except for the radio, but it was more like background music.
--
We pulled up to a club called 'BlackOut' and walked around back. There didn't seem to be alot of people yet.
We went down a short, dark hallway that had doors on either side of it. It ended in a spacious room that was dimly lit. Clearly, backstage.
"Finally you guys got here!" To our right was Mike…Ugh, Mike! He gave me a wink before continuing. "What was the hold up? The crowd shows around 7:30."
"You know people don't actually come til 9:00 ish, dude, that's when we're on." Emmett answered, thankfully not giving him the real reason for the hold up.
"Anyway you guys have to practice, and you only have until 7:00 so get going!" he said then stormed away.
"We have to practice, so you girls can pre-game if you'd like, at the bar, until we're done." Jasper said, nudging Alice, who was already linked to his arm.
"Yeah right Jazzy! You trying to get me drunk?" she asked him flirtingly. He smiled.
"Well looky there!" a voice called from behind us and a very tall figure with beautiful russet skin, and dark hair appeared.
"Jacob!" Emmett yelled toward him, and extended out a hand then brought him to him in a brotherly hug. "Long time no see!"
Jacob chuckled. "Yeah and who's fault is that?"
"That doesn't matter!" Emmett told him as Edward gave him a hug, then Jasper did so as well. "How've you been?"
"Good, as always, but it looks like you guys are doing better. New groupies I see." He said as he nodded his head toward Alice and I, and looking straight at me. He smiled a big happy cheeky smile. Wow he had nice teeth.
I couldn't help but smile back. He had this aura that just pulled you in.
He looked away toward Rose and Tanya "I recognize your old ones here. How yah doing, Blondie?"
Rosalie scoffed at him and stuck out her tongue, then turned away and looked at Emmett. "I'm going to the bar," she kissed him then walked through a door.
"Tanya." Jacob greeted her, then gave her a big hug.
"But I don't remember you two, must be new, I would've recognized your faces any day."
"Jacob, this is Alice and Bella. Bella, Alice," Emmett said to us" Jacob Black, club owner and loyal friend."
"Loyal? What am I your pup? Don't think so." He responded. "Nice to meet you two." He said as he extended a warm hand toward Alice and I.
"You too." We responded in unison.
"So how long have you guys been following the gang?"
"Jake." Edward said, almost as a warning.
"Just asking! I'm curious."
"Huh?" I questioned, confused.
"How long have you been with 'The Eje' now?"
"What?" I asked still confused. We weren't with them. Well, Alice yeah.
"They're not!" Edward answered, almost screaming it at him. "We met them here the other day. They're not with us." Ouch, that shouldn't of stung me, but it did. I winced, he saw. "I mean, they're not our groupies. They're not stalking us." he said softly.
Oh! I understood now. Haha, Groupies? Seriously. That is almost funny enough to get my mind of Edward, just a little. "Haha! You actually believed we would sink so low as to follow a band around? We're no groupies."
Jacob chuckled. "I should've figured, you didn't look like groupies, but I couldn't be so sure. So you guys are from here?"
"Not exactly. We're from a little town about 4 hours away from here called Forks."
"Forks?" he asked incredulously. Oh here we go! What utensils will be used to make fun of our little town this time? Will he be plain and use spoons, or is he a big daredevil and gonna go sporks? Let's see 'Jacob's response' for 500 Alex…
"You live near La Push?" Wow. What is: the not expected! Someone actually knew where we lived? I'm amazed.
"Sort of."
"Haah" He chuckled. "Well that would explain it."
"Explain what?" I asked confused.
"Your skin. I was beginning to think you were part albino." He said as he chuckled.
"Ha-ha, very funny, and what would explain the long hair? You like the feeling when it blows in the wind?" I said back to him jokingly. It was refreshing, I could never joke around with people, they were always afraid to hurt my feelings.
"Touche."
I smiled a big smile at him, and he returned the gesture. it was nice to feel so comfortable with someone.
"So you've been to the beach in La Push?" he asked
"Yup, First Beach, that's why we go there!"
"You should go cliff diving! Its real fun. You can't do it much here, and the view you get in La Push is a lot nicer. But I could never live there. Its too wet, how do you deal with that?"
"You get used to it. And it teaches you to be thankful for the sun." I told him, defensive of my little town, I loved it there!
"Yea-"
"We should probably get going." Edward said, rudely cutting Jake off. I glared at him, but he was too busy glaring at Jacob to notice.
"Go where?" I asked him.
"Practice." Oh, yeah, right! Their stupid concert thingy. "You guys should wait at the bar until we're done." He told us.
"Well you guys are welcome to stay backstage to, if you want," Jacob offered. It sounded like a good idea to me.
"Su-"
"No, I really think they should stay at the bar. Alice, you would want to see Jasper practice wouldn't you?" Edward chimed in.
"Of course!" she replied.
"Okay, what about you Bella?" Jacob asked me. I was going to agree but Edward looked really pissed, and I felt, for some reason, me staying would make it worse. What is wrong with this kid?
"No thanks, I should stay with Alice, make sure she doesn't get too tipsy," I smiled at him, then looked up at Edward who relaxed a bit.
He owes me, and I'm still mad at him. Luckily, this will be my last day I have to forcefully be with him, we're leaving for Forks tomorrow. But they're following.
Great! Not.
--
Wow. They were really great performers. I hated to admit it, but they were. Even with the lame club lights and fake smoke, they were still really good. But Edward seemed off a bit. I wouldn't have noticed if i hadn't seen him perform the other day.
Rosalie, Tanya, Alice and I were back, backstage waiting for the guys to come from the stage.
The club became instantly packed by 8:30. Paparrazi were everywhere. It was really annoying, I've never felt so bad for celebrities before. Its like a very shiny hell that's trying to blind you every 5 freaking seconds. Like seriously, do they use 5800 watt bulbs or something?
"You guys enjoy the show?"Jasper asked as he wrapped his arms around Alice.
We all nodded.
"Where's everyone else Jazz?" Rosalie asked. Edward and Emmett didn't appear from the stage yet.
"Edward go!" We heard Emmett yell, then Edward shot out fro behind the curtain to where we were.
"Edward!" Tanya yelled to him then hugged him like she hasn't seen im in ages, instead of an hour or two.
He looked zone out, and kept his arms to his sides.
"Eddie?" Tanya asked, confused..
"Edward. Go, you need to do this." Emmett said to him. What was going on?
"Bella." he called to me. Me, Why?
I was bewildered. "Huh?"
"I..." he trailed off, and Tanya let go of all of him, except for an arm.
"Bella he needs to talk to you." Emmett told me. "Give him a chance, let him explain."
"Explain what? There's nothing to discuss."
"I think there is." Alice chimed in.
"No there's not."
"Bella, there is." This was Rosalie, even Rosalie was getting into the mix!
"No I agree with Bella, there is nothing Eddie and her need to 'discuss'" Tanya stated.
"Exactly!" Ew. Did i just agree with her?
"Shush Tanya, this has nothing to do with you right now!" Alice yelled at her.
They started to quarrel. I was so confused. We already spoke. What more could he have to say to me?
All of a sudden I felt a warmth gripping my hand. I was about to struggle against it, but Alice, Tanya, and Rosalie's yelling was starting to give me a headache, I had to get out of that room, even if it was to heartbreak.
--
He led me through a door, to the outside, and behind the building. No one was out here except us two, and the shining city below us.
"Is there really more to say Edward?"
There was a long pause. It wasn't awkward or uncomfortable, it was empty, suspenseful.
"Yes." he finally answered.
I waited. I had nothing else to say. And I was afraid if I did say something, it would be the truth, and that couldn't be good.
"Bella." He closed the distance between us and cupped my face in his hand, and tilted it up, toward him.
"Wait. Before you say anything," I told him as I took a step away from him. I wasn't coherent with him in such close proximity to myself. "Dont. "
"But Bella, I like you." Really? No, no. He can't. Remember Bella: he's really saying he wants you, or any girl for that matter, he's a guy. But he's Edward Masen! How much more gentleman can you get than... no! he's dating a whore!
"No, you don't. You have a girlfriend, be happy with-"
"I have a what?" He asked me as if I told him he had an extra head or something.
"GiRL-FRIEND"
He busted out laughing.
"What?" I asked him so confused, I thought we were being serious.
"I'm sorry, its just, you're talking about Tanya aren't you?" he asked me.
"Well duh!" I told him.
"Eck! Me and Tanya, no way! I mean we have before, years back, but she can never seem to let go. She's very...clingy."
"Oh, I haven't notice" I muttered under my breathe sarcastically.
"I'm sorry if we gave you that impression Bella, but we're not dating, she's no more than a famly friend to me now. She likes to visit us sometimes so maybe she can find a way for someone to discover her so she can get her own start in this crazy industry. I know she's annoying but we all sort of got used to it" He shrugged.
They weren't going out. But they still make out. Not cool.
I shook my head.
"What?" he asked.
I laughed one humorless huff. "What do you want from me Edward?" I finally asked it. I asked the question that's been eating away at me like a termite on bark. If we're having our little confessional now, might as well get all my answers.
"Nothing... and Everything, whatever I can have."
"Without the cryptics, please." I begged.
"Bella I want you." Ugh! I couldn't let his words affect me, but he already did, long before.
"I can't be what you want though!" I told him. "I'm no Tanya! She's exactly the type of person I never wanted to be."
"Bella. That's exactly why I like you. You are so unlike any girl I've met before, and I've met a lot of girls-"
"Yeah and I bet you got to know them real well." I cut him off.
"Bella! You really think I'm like that?" he was starting to get angry now. "I would never!"
"You wouldn't?" I retorted back. "When Tanya came into the bathroom back in the restaurant yesterday and she talked about how you guys hung out in bathrooms or whatever, what was that, huh? I'm not like that Edward! I can't be! I never will be!"
"That' a misunderstanding Bella," he told me softly. "When we were kids we'd dare each other to go into the opposite gender's bathroom, and we'd kid around in there. I promise you I'm not like that. To tell you the truth, I'm a virgin. I was taught to respect women, and treat them sacredly," He was so convincing. I wanted to believe every single one of his words, to give in into this love spell, but I had to stay strong for the both of us. There had to be a breach in his gentleman act somewhere.
"But it's okay to shove your tongue down your 'family friend''s throat?" He took a step towards me and took my face into his hand again.
"No. It's not." he smiled. "You have to believe me, that I wanted no part of that. But what can I say? She's jealous of you Bella."
"Jealous? Of me? Yeah right. What world are you living in? Where I'm pretty and Tanyas are jealous, haah! riiighhhhttt." I said not believing him. That was impossible.
"It's true whether you want to believe it or not, Bella dear. You have a hold on me like no other. And Tanya can't stand that." he smiled again, crookedly this time, amazingly, spectacularly, I could go on for hours just describing that smile of his. But back to the matter at hand... What were we talking about again? Oh that's right!
"How can I possibly have a hold on you? I don't even have a hold of myself!"
"I already told you, you don't see yourself clearly."
"But..." I didn't know what to say. What was my defense? I wanted this just as much as he did. It would be so easy to give in. I looked up into his beautiful emerald eyes. They were so full of hope, so happy, curious, and a bit scared. How could I cause such a riot? What was I supposed to do now?
I didn't have time to make up my mind. All of a sudden I was thinking the next, I felt something warm, and velvet soft crash down on my lips. And they were just moving. It was effortless. Our lips were synchronized with one another. At the moment I didn't even care about what I was thinking, what I was about to say, or do. What mattered was right now, how I could feel fireworks exploding through my body. How I could see my future so clearly, if only I had one. How much the person in front of me meant so much to me in such a short amount of time.
How I was starting to get dizzy, but didn't want to stop kissing him.
Luckily, he pulled away, or I would've fainted right there in his arms.
"Bella," he whispered as he nuzzled his head into the crook of my neck.
"Edward, i can't-"
"Shh, wait." he placed his hand on the upper left side of my chest feeling my heartbeat. When it began to slow and return to a normal pace, he moved his hand down to my waist and intertwined his hands behind me, encircling me to him. My head rested on his chest, exhausted. "Bella" he called.
"Hmm?" I asked.
"Are you willing to give me a chance?"
I looked up at him then. Those same hope filled eyes as before. This was such a catch 22. Either way, we both get hurt. But I had to pick what was going to be less painful for him. But what was the right decision?
I shook my head, "I can't."
"You can't,?"
I shook my head again, and broke from his grasp.
"And why not?"
"I'm sick." I told him. Might as well stick to the truth, maybe it'll be easier this way.
"Why not?" he asked again.
"I just told you. Didn't you hear me?"
"I heard you," he told me. "I just don't see what your reason is."
"I'M SI-" I began to yell at him.
"I know. I know you're not perfect. No one is. But you're perfect for me. And that's all I care about, so I want you, flaws and all."
"But Edward! My sickness is a flaw that controls my whole life! I don't think you understand!"
"I do."
"You don't!" I argued.
"Yes."
"No!"
"I love you."
What? He what? Huh? Did I hear him right. No I couldn't have. He couldn't. No...no.no...NO!! "You can't" I responded weakly through tears. This wasn't suppose to happen! He can't love me!
"Too late."
"No."
"Then tell me." he said.
"What?"
"Tell me that you don't love me."
"I..." I couldn't tell him that. But I had to tell him something. It was now or never. I wouldn't ruin the future. No. I needed to give him what he wanted. For both of us. "I don't love you."
So I gave him the best lie I could. I looked right at his eyes. I could still see the green behind my tears. Hopefully he couldn't see the lie behind them. I wasn't going to ruin his future. He wants a happy life, and he'll have one without my interruption. And I needed this too. Free of the burden of causing more heartache than I needed to.
After I told him that I walked away. And didn't look back.
EPOV
"I don't love you" she said. She actually said it. I don't know if 4 words could hurt any more than that. Forget about sticks and stones. I would've taken those anyday. Bella didn't love me. I half expected it, but it still hurts, a lot. I tried to make my way back through the main entrance of the club but I couldn't make it, I broke down, and slid down the wall on the side of the building.
"I don't love you" Why? Because you're stupid Edward, you pushed her away. You freaking idiot told her to say those words anyway!But I wanted her to prove me wrong! I always knew such a pure creature like her was meant for someone more worthy than me but I still hoped. I felt like I had her, then at the end, she was gone...again...Just a dream. Just an angel.
But now, I was so numb. I just keep repeating those four irritatingly hurtful words over and over again. Wishing maybe I misunderstood her and she said do, she didn't even whisper the word don't!
"Edward!" I heard my name being called from afar. "Edward!!" I would recognize that voice anywhere. "Oh Edward! There you are!"
Tanya came beside me and tried to stand me up. I did. But I just wanted to plop back down again. I wanted to be alone, in the dark, not with some annoying prissy girl following my tracks all day.
"Eddie you look terrible! What happened?" she asked, faking concern. I don't need her pity.
I shrugged. I didn't really care for Tanya right now... Where'd Bella go?
"Is this about that Bella girl? She came in, in tears, but she healed pretty quickly she's laughing over by the lounge couches with Jacob. Don't sweat it Edward." Tanya said, as if reading my thoughts.
She's laughing? With Jacob? Was there something I didn't do right? Is there something wrong with me? Damn, I sound like a girl. But I don't care! Bella would choose Jacob over me?
"Tanya, what don't you like about me?" I asked her emotionlessly.
"What's not to like Eddie? Your cute, tall, handsome, famous," I spaced out on her words after that. Basically, I sounded shallow.
'flash'
What the hell? I was blinded by flashing bulbs. Oh Great. Paparazzi found me.
"Ohh who's this Edward, Your girlfriend??" They asked, I didn't answer, I just wanted to punch them in the face.
"Yes!" Tanya answered. "I am! I'm Tanya! Remember the name, remember the face!"
"Can I get a kiss between the cute couple?" The paparazzi asked.
Then I felt something slimy moving against my lips trying to pry the open. I complied. I really didn't care at the moment. Nothing mattered. She forced her tongue into my mouth and I just let her do whatever. It felt nothing like my kiss with Bella. My kiss with Bella was simple, and sweet, innocent, and irresistible. This one was hot, and sticky. Kind of gross actually. I pulled away and pushed Tanya off of me. I shoved the camera out of my face and went through the back entrance to the club.
Bella was in the room talking animatedly with Jacob. I just kept staring at her. She was breathtaking. And i remembered our conversation all over again. As if she'd think a sickness would stop me from feeling the way i do. But she kept using it as an excuse as if... it explained everything. Why would that stop me?
Oh. Oh no. How could I forget? Terminal. She's terminal. Bella has less than a year to live. Is that why she thinks its an excuse? Is that why she told me she didn't love me? Because she truly thinks she can't?
No, or she could seriously just not feel the same way. Most likely. But will I really be able to let her go? I'll have to. For her at least. If she doesn't want anything to do with me , she won't. However she wants it. Which is probably the case, because she seems to have forgotten about me and is getting very acquainted with Jacob Black over there.
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A/N:Sorry again.. for the delay! I started school and its stressing me out! Haha I hate it! I don't have much time to write anymore, but I don't want to give up on this story, or like pick it up months from now. So I'm going to try to update at least once a week, I can't make promises though! Haha, and it really sucks cause I'm starting to get into the more drama-y parts, and I love that stuff! But anyway, its the weekend and as you're reading this, Im working on the next chapter so MAYBE I can get it in tomorrow? Not so sure. I have to finish mi espanol tres tarea! :D Anyway! Hope you enjoyed. Sorry for the delay. Review Pretty Please!!
-Thank You Muy Mucho!x3