I'll Follow You Into The Dark

Chapter 11

"Well hello again mister Deeks I thought this day would never come." Sidorov whispered in Deeks' ear as he held a gun against Kensi head. He had somehow got into Kensi's apartment and taken her hostage.

"What do you want?" Deeks asked never taking his eyes off Kensi, he knew that she wasn't the type of person to show weakness but he could tell she was scared out of her mind.

"I thought it was pretty simple, either you come with me or I take your girlfriend here." Sidorov said pressing the gun harder into Kensi head.

"Deeks don't do this; I'll be fine I promise." Kensi yelled out before a shot went off and Kensi fell to the ground. She was lying there motionless with blood polling around her.

"DEEKS! Deeks wake up!" Kensi yelled, ever since they went to bed that night Deeks has been shifting back and forth. It wasn't until now that Deeks started to scream waking Kensi from her sleep to see what was the matter. Once she saw Deeks she knew what was happening, the nightmares have started.

"Kensi! I'm sorry Kensi I am so sorry.' Deeks yelled still sleeping; Kensi knew she had to wake him up. From her experience with Jack she knew that touching someone while they were having a nightmare like this was a big no-no.

"Deeks it's okay, I need you to wake up. It's me Deeks. It's Kensi I'm right here. Just wake up please just wake up." Kensi knelt down right to him and whispered into his ear. Slowly she saw that her partner was coming back to her. His eyes slowly opened and they looked her square in the eye.

"What happened? What's going on?" Deeks asked surprised that he was in his partner's bed with her kneeling beside him. He was confused and didn't understand what on earth was happening.

'It's okay, you had a night mare but you're okay now." Kensi told him now stroking Deeks hair trying to get his heart rate to slow down. Kensi could feel it when she placed her hand against Deeks' chest. His heart rate was sky high and needed to come down fast.

"I'm sorry I don't know what happened." Deeks felt ashamed that Kensi had to see him like that. He was weak enough in her eyes without Kensi having to see him like that. The last thing Deeks wanted was to let Kensi down by becoming as weak as Sidorov told him.

'You don't have to say you're sorry okay? I just want you to know that I am here no matter what." Kensi told him getting back into the bed and pressed herself in Deeks as much as she could without hurting him.

"Do you want me to tell you what happened?' Deeks asked her. He knew that Kensi would ask him eventually but he needed to get this out now or he might never be able to say it.

'You don't have to say anything Deeks really." Kensi didn't want to pressure him into anything but it was killing her inside not knowing what was going on with him that caused this type of nightmare.

"He had you. Sidorov I mean, he managed to escape and get you. He held a gun to your head, you told me to go that you would be okay but then he pulled the trigger and you fell to the ground." Deeks told her, as he described the event of his nightmare his grip on Kensi's waist grew tighter and tighter.

"Deeks I want you to know that no matter what happens I will be coming back to you. Through hell or high water you won't lose me okay?" Kensi knew what she was saying wasn't true but she would say anything to make Deeks feel better at this point.

'Kensi you can't say that. Just like I can't promise you that I won't die. After what happened I don't know if we can promise anything about not dying to each other." Deeks knew he was being an ass but it was the truth. With the work that they did, with the people that they caught death was just around the corner all the time.

"That doesn't mean that I wouldn't like to promise that. Deeks Sidorov is dead I saw his body myself. There is no way that he is ever coming back." Kensi told him, she too was having some trouble sleeping but obviously not as much as Deeks was. She knew that this killed her partner, that she saw him when he was like this.

"Go back to sleep Kens." Deeks told her as they both drifted back to sleep. After Kensi was in his arms Deeks didn't wake up any other time during the night

NCIS LA

Deeks was the first one to wake up in the morning, once the shock of waking up next to his partner wore off he was enjoying it. Seeing Kensi burying her face into his chest was a sight that he never thought he would see. He was snapped out of his trace when the doorbell rang. Deeks waited for Kensi to get up but when that didn't happen he decided that he had to go get the door. Carefully he tried to get away from Kensi without waking her up; once he was free he could see her feeling around the bed to find him. Fortunately she settled on using his pillow as her back up Deeks. The sight made Deeks grin once again before he left for the time being.

Deeks ran down the stairs to answer the person outside the door who had never stopped ringing the door bell. Her threw open the door and was shocked to come face to face with Sam standing there.

'What are you doing here?" Deeks asked, the last person he wanted to see right now was Sam. The memories all seemed to flood back when Sam was around. What seemed to start out as a perfect day was going downhill fast.

'We need to talk." Sam told him, he now felt a little stupid showing up here as Deeks answered the door in nothing but some shorts. That's when Sam got to see the bruises and bandages across Deeks' chest from his various injuries. Deeks knew that Sam was staring but he didn't blame him, who wouldn't stare at someone who was black and blue everywhere?

"We have already talked Sam and from where I stand there is nothing left to say." Deeks said to the other agent, this was not the time or the place to say everything that they each were feeling. But then again what was the right time or place to do it?

'Yes we need to talk. I want you to know that it's okay to not be fine." Sam said as Deeks closed the door behind him but only after he picked up a shirt that had been lying on the floor of the apartment.

"How do you know? How do you know that I'm fine or not? What are you some kind of expert when it comes to how I'm feeling?" Deeks asked, he didn't think that it was so obvious that he was struggling day by day. All he wanted was to be back to his normal self again.

"Deeks I know you're not okay because I'm not okay either. No one is alright, not you or me, not Callen or Kensi or even Hetty." Sam said to the detective, after all it was the truth. Sam himself was struggling to be the man that his family needed. He was struggling to be the man that he knew he was. Sam wanted to be the man that he was before all of this happened.

"Oh like you're not okay. Sam the mighty SEAL who isn't afraid of anything." Deeks said in a sarcastic voice. In the three years that he knew Sam there was nothing that Deeks knew of that could get under his skin.

"Yeah I'm not okay. You wanna know what I did last night? I slept on the floor of my kids room, I slept there because all of my nightmares are of Sidorov getting to them. So I stay there to show myself that they are okay and are staying here that they're not going anywhere." Sam told Deeks hoping that sharing what haunted him at night would get Deeks to open up as well.

"I get it. I flinch whenever I hear something that sounds like a drill. Blenders, hairdryers and it sucks it sucks a lot. I can't talk about because then I'm back there in the warehouse and I don't know what to do." Deeks told him, this was the first time that he was truly taking to anyone about what was really happening inside his head. He knew that it would crush Kensi if she knew that he didn't tell all of this stuff to her but the last thing she needed was more on her plate.

"WE all have to talk to someone every once in a while." Sam said handing Deeks with a card that had a phone number of a shrink that Sam used on it. Deeks wasn't the only one that needed to get things off his chest and Sam knew that the best way to do that was to talk to a professional.

'Does Michelle know about everything?" Deeks asked wondering if he was the only one not wanting to tell the women that he loved about the things that could make everything change. He knew Kensi wouldn't look at him any differently but Deeks would look at himself differently.

'She knows most of it; how about Kensi did you tell her?" Sam was the first person on the team other than maybe Hetty who knew that the two of them were involved with one another. Deeks had to believe that Sam supported them or he would have told everyone by now.

"No I can't tell her, at least not now. She has done so much and for her to know that it hasn't helped as much as she thinks it has it would break her and I don't want to do that. I promised her that I wouldn't turn out like Jack and look at me' Deeks said, he looked down at his watch, it was almost ten now and knowing Kensi she would be up any minute now.

'Deeks Kensi knows you're nothing like Jack, she does expect you to be a hundred percent at least not now. Just talk to someone alright?" Sam said before he waved goodbye and left to be with his own family. Deeks went back inside and climbed back into bed with Kensi hoping she wouldn't notice that he left in the first place.

NCIS LA

"Good morning." Kensi said opening her eyes o look at Deeks who was staring at her. It felt nice to wake up to her partner, she felt safe and like nothing to happen to them in this moment. It was like after years of walking around their thing everything came full circle

'Did you have a good sleep Sunshine?" Deeks asked kissing Kensi head as she stretched out her arms and legs while she got out of the bed.

'Yes I did. Now do you wanna make me breakfast while I shower?" Kensi asked hoping Deeks would make her breakfast. She needed a second to herself to try and figure out what to make of what happened last night.

'Your wish is my command." Deeks said making his way down to the kitchen where he found that Kensi had very limited food to prepare breakfast with. Somehow he managed to find some fruit and some frozen waffles which he made for both of them. Deeks knew at some point or another he would have to tell Kensi about what was going on but right now everything just seemed right.