Vasilisa –
"No."
Dimitri doesn't meet my gaze when he speaks, "What do you mean no?"
"I mean no!" I say, moving so that I am standing in front of him. "You can't do this, it's suicide!"
Despite the fact that I am standing less than a foot away from Dimitri, he is still able to avoid making direct eye contact with me, "It's the only way," he says, staring directly over my head and out the window of my bedroom.
"The only way to do what? To get information on the Havens? You heard Rose! They're a myth!"
The Havens.
Victor doesn't like to call them that. For him, the Havens are just a place where people are free to learn about whatever they want. He thinks the name makes them seem trivial. But the Havens mean different things to different people. They are something every kid in the compounds grows up hearing about. We don't get bed time stories about princesses and dragons, although the tales about the Havens seem just as far-fetched. Depending on who you ask, they could be a place where everyone has access to electricity and running water, a place where children are taught how things work, or even a place left virtually untouched by the Pulse – all of those notions seem like just as much of a fairytale as pumpkins turning into carriages to me.
"Look at me!" I demand, trying to make myself taller. "They're not real! Do you really think that Executor Ozera would let a place like that exist? And even if it did exist, you getting yourself arrested and shipped off to a government holding facility won't accomplish anything, it will only get you killed!"
"We can't keep living like this," he says, gesturing around my bedroom. "We shouldn't have to learn by candlelight, we shouldn't have to hide what we know," his voice is increasing with volume as he speaks. "I don't want to work in a field for the rest of my life, and you shouldn't have to live in constant fear of darkness!" Now he is looking at me, his dark eyes glinting with rage.
I back away from him slowly, staring at him with wide eyes. Dimitri is always so composed, and seeing his chest rising and falling out of anger is startling.
"None of that is worth risking your life!" I tell him in a shaky voice. "I don't want you to do this for me!"
"It's not about just you,' he says in a low growl. "Think of what the Havens could mean for us, for all of us – you, me, Victor, Adrian and his parents. We could start over; we could live our lives the way we wanted to, we wouldn't have to be so scared all of the time."
I continue backing up until I can go no further. Once I've reached the door, I press my back against it and sink to the floor. "Why does it have to be you?" I ask in a small voice. "Why can't Rose just go by herself?"
"She has no reason to, government holding facilities are meant to do just that – hold prisoners." He is talking to me like he would a child, and maybe I'm acting like one, but I don't care. "If she arrests me, she can enter the facility under the pretenses of transporting a dangerous criminal."
"So what?" I ask bitterly. "Is she just gonna slap a pair of cuffs on you and the two of you will ride down South together, where she will break into a secured room, find some magical folder that will tell us that not only do the Havens exist, but where we can find them?"
"Lissa…" he starts.
"I haven't finished," I snap. "The story gets better, next Rose will find out that her parents are alive, and then the two of you will stroll out of a heavily secured government facility, hand in hand. You'll come back and we will all ride off into the sunset together. Is that your brilliant plan?"
He walks over to the window, keeping his eyes fixed on the crescent moon that hangs against the dark backdrop of the night. "It's more complicated than that," he says quietly.
"Then what is the plan? You and Rose were gone for nearly three hours."
"The less you know," he says, "the better."
I clamber to my feet, clenching my fists at my sides, "If you're not going to listen to me, and you're not going to tell me what you and Rose are planning, then why even bother coming back here? Why are you even here?" I want my tone to be stern and accusatory, but I sound like a little girl.
He turns to look at me, his face perfectly blank, "I wanted to say goodbye."
My vision blurs, and it takes me a moment to realize that it's because I'm crying. "Why?" I say pleadingly, "Why are you doing this?"
"I already told you why."
"No, why are you saying goodbye?" I ask, but I'm scared I already know the answer. "Is it because you're not coming back?" My words are coming out in between choked sobs.
"I don't know," he says. "It might not be an option."
The thought of Dimitri not coming back is almost too much for me to bear, and so I change the subject, "When?"
"When what?"
"When is she going to…" I swallow hard, "arrest you?"
"Tomorrow," he says, shoving his hands into his pockets. "Rose says that it has to be public."
"What can she even arrest you for?" I ask, hoping I've found a flaw in their plan.
"Rose was sent here to investigate Victor because he was sponsoring our gatherings," he says mechanically. "She's going to claim that Victor had nothing to do with it – "
"You're taking the blame," I say cutting him off. I don't need him to finish.
He nods, "Arresting me gives Rose a reason to travel to the holding facility, and it shifts any suspicion away from Victor."
"Does Victor know?"
Dimitri only nods.
"Of course he does," I say under my breath.
Victor is a brilliant man, and I think much of his brilliance can be attributed to his ability to see any situation objectively. He wants what's best for people, he seeks and he believes in the greater good, but he also believes in sacrifice.
"What was that?" asks Dimitri.
"Nothing," I tell him.
Neither of us says anything for a long time.
"I guess this is goodbye," I finally say.
"I guess," he says, walking toward the door. "Lissa…try to think of this as a good thing. If Rose's plan works, we could leave this place."
"And if it doesn't?" I say, stepping aside so that he can leave.
"Rose will come back," he says firmly. "With or without me."
"I thought you couldn't tell me about the plan?" I say bitterly.
He ignores my snark, "I made her promise to come back. If the Havens exist, she'll find a way to get you there."
I bite my lip, "Do you trust her?"
"I have to," he says, reaching for the knob. He pauses before twisting it. "I'll see you soon."
I watch him leave without another word. I'm surprised that I don't immediately resume my crying when the door clicks shut. Instead, I peel off my dress and grab my lantern off the dresser and put it on the night stand next to my useless lamp. I climb into bed, and I try to make myself as small as possible beneath my blankets. I wait for the tears, I wait for the shaking and shallow breathing, but nothing happens. I don't feel anything, I am completely numb.
I hadn't said good bye, not really. Dimitri is the closest thing I have ever had to a brother, and I had let him walk out of here without saying goodbye. At the time, I had been so angry and I had taken it out on him. I was mostly angry with myself, for being so helpless and for feeling so abandoned. Asking him to stay was selfish. I had told him that he couldn't go because it was dangerous, but really, I just didn't want to be alone.
I squeeze my eyes shut and let out a deep, shuttering breath. I realize then, that I can't afford to be selfish or helpless any more. I won't survive acting the way that I have, relying on others to save me and to take care of me, people like Victor, Dimitri, and even Rose. I make a promise to myself, to be more understanding, to be selfless, and to be stronger.
…
I wake up to the sound of a sharp knock at my door. Before I can tell the person to come in, the door swings open.
"Get up," says Rose, waltzing into my room uninvited.
She is wearing her uniform, the crimson belt around her waist causes me to panic for a brief moment.
"Excuse me," I say bunching my blankets up over my bare shoulders. "Do you mind?"
"No," she says walking over to my closet. "Why are you still in bed?"
"It's where I sleep," I tell her, deadpan.
She starts rifling through my closet, "Well you're going to be late for work."
"Work?" My heart starts racing at the thought of returning to the RDC. "I thought you said I didn't work there any more?"
She tosses a dark green dress onto the bed, "I did say that, but now that Cal has been…dealt with, some one will need to take over his position."
I blink back my surprise, "Me? I can't do that."
"You can," she says bending down to grab my boots, "and you will."
"Rose…"
She cuts off my protests before I can even formulate them. "I know you hate it there, but I need you to do this…we all need you to," she adds for emphasis.
"That doesn't make any sense," I stammer. "Why do you need me to do anything?"
She drops the shoes on the floor directly in front of me, "It might not make sense right now, but it will." She stares at me and wrinkles her nose before speaking again. "You should probably take a shower."
She turns to leave, but I call out to her before she can, "That's it?"
She peers over her shoulder at me, her dark ponytail swaying as she does, "What's it?"
"You're leaving today, aren't you? With Dimitri?"
She hesitates, "Yes," is all she says.
"Will you tell him something for me?"
Something resembling regret flashes in her eyes before she responds, "What is it?"
"Tell him goodbye, and that…that I'm sorry."
She won't look at me, "Anything else?" she asks impatiently.
"Just…keep him safe, okay?"
Her back is still to me, and she hangs her head, "I'll do my best."
"Promise me!" I demand. "Please…" my voice falters.
"I wish I could." She raises her head and walks out before I can say anything else.
…
I decide to follow Rose's advice, and take a shower, albeit a very short one. The water cuts off halfway through it and I am forced to wipe the suds off of me with a damp towel. I put on the dress she had thrown at me and rush out of my unit, not bothering with breakfast. I pull my wet hair into a bun as I walk across the compound toward the RDC. I find myself wondering when Rose will arrest Dimitri.
Maybe she already has.
I shake my head, remembering that Dimitri told me that it would need to happen in public.
There is a line of people waiting outside of the RDC when I get there. Inside, the building is empty. I pull out my ledger from behind the counter and unlock the bars. The first person steps up to the counter.
"Name?" I ask, keeping my eyes focused on the lines of my paper.
"Lissa," says the girl standing in front of me. "It's me."
I look up to see Jill standing on the other side of the counter, "Right, sorry. What do you need?"
"Just some aspirin, two bottles should do it."
"Okay," I say distractedly.
I write down her name and her order in my ledger, and then fill out a separate sheet of paper with the same exact information.
I hand her the second sheet, "Take this to the warehouse, they'll get you what you need."
"Are you okay?" she asks.
"Fine," I mumble. "Next?"
I repeat that same process over and over again for the next three hours, not bothering to pay attention to the people or their requests. I give everyone whatever they ask for, I don't check them against the logs to see how much they've requested in the past, I don't do anything beyond scrawling out the names of people and supplies and sending them to the warehouses where the resources are actually stored.
A commotion at the back of the line breaks up the monotony. I crane my neck over the counter to try and get a better look. Soon, I can see Adrian shouldering his way past angry civilians. My heart clenches.
"Lissa," he says breathlessly, once he reaches the front of the line. "Come with me."
I don't need any other explanation, the look of fear on Adrian's usually carefree face tells me everything I need to know.
I reach forward and slam the bars shut, I lock up despite the angry protests of everyone still in line. I meet Adrian outside and he grabs me by the wrist, pulling me toward the main square of the compound. There is already a crowd gathered there, but I can't see past them to whatever has drawn their attention.
"The investigator," Adrian yells over his shoulder. "She's got Dimitri!"
We reach the crowd and Adrian immediately begins cutting through it. His nails dig into my arm as he pulls me after him, but I hardly feel them.
"She showed up while we were working, and she arrested him," he says, shoving past an elderly woman.
"Sorry," I say, moving past her.
"She said he was responsible for spreading illegal content throughout the compound."
Before I can respond, Adrian and I bust through the front line of people, and I see what has drawn the crowd.
Dimitri is surrounded by a ring of guards, his hands held behind his back with metal cuffs. He keeps his head held high, and his expression devoid of fear or any other emotion. My eyes eventually find Rose. She is standing in front of Dimitri, brandishing a short, lethal looking nightstick. Her eyes are narrowed and she radiates strength and deadliness. She is trying to lead Dimitri and his captors past the crowd and toward the building that serves as a temporary jailhouse in our compound.
The people don't part for her they way they had during the Anniversary speech, they're angry. Some are shouting, some one even tries to throw a rock, but it skids to a stop at Rose's feet. Her eyes flick to where it lands, and her free hand moves toward one of the pockets of her jumpsuit. If the mob scares her, I can't tell, if anything she looks annoyed.
"Solider scum!" some one shouts, accompanied by another flying stone.
Rose takes a small step to the right, and it flies past her. Her lips curl up in a wicked grin, and the hand that had been hovering over her pocket reaches into it. She withdraws a black, metal object that I've never seen before, it's bent at a ninety degree angle. She raises it with one hand, and crosses the nightstick under her wrist with the other.
A few of the older people in the crowd gasp, and some one yells "gun."
Gun.
Rose has a gun.
She moves her arms in a wide sweeping motion, the crowd ducking when the barrel of the gun passes over them. She shouts something at the mob, but I'm not listening. My eyes are fixed on the firearm. The people blocking her path scurry out of the way, and Dimitri's guard moves forward. They leave the clearing, and the crowd trails after them, following at a safe distance. I watch as Rose leads Dimitri into a windowless building. Rose throws her head over her shoulder at the last moment, her eyes somehow finding me. A million different thoughts seem to pass between us in that one moment.
"Come back," I mouth.
She nods, and the door slams shut behind her.