It was a hot day in the middle of July and the county fair was in town. I strolled through the crowds with my hand clutching my Aunt Mary's arm.
"Here you go, Logie-pie," she said. "Open your hand." She put an ice cream cone in my twelve year old fist.
"Thank you," I said.
"Anything for you, sweetie."
We kept on walking along the gravelly road with the sun beating down upon us. The farm animals that they display every year were coming close, since I started to smell them. Mary took me down another direction and we stopped.
"Horses, Logie-pie!" she enthusiastically told me. "Come here and touch their faces. I'll hold your ice cream."
She switched out my cone with the forehead of a large horse. I petted him and grinned. "What color?" I asked.
"He's a brown horse. Oh, he's so sweet, isn't he?"
"Yeah…"
The horses were always my favorite part of the fair. When I was younger and I could see, I used to love watching them walk around in their pens, playing with each other. But now all I could do was barely touch them and imagine what they looked like. Even the color brown lost its meaning.
"Why did I have to lose my eyes?" I asked.
"I-I don't know, honey," Aunt Mary replied, all of the happiness leaving her voice. "I really don't know."
I let my hand roll off of the horse's face and Mary gave me my ice cream back. I licked some of it, but it was melting so much in the heat that it was making a real mess. We kept walking.
"I'm glad you're still here, at least," said my aunt. I didn't reply. Even though I was young, I was old enough to have no will to live.
As we left the stalls were the animals were, the sun came back out. It was beating down on us hard. I tried my best to remember what the fair looked like, but the more I thought about it, the further and further away the memory slipped.
"Ohhh," my aunt suddenly gasped. She let go of my hand and I stopped walking. I heard her coughing rapidly.
"Aunt Mary?" I called out.
"L-Logan," she sputtered. I heard someone collapse onto the ground, and suddenly there were footsteps all around me.
"Someone call an ambulance!" a man yelled out. I froze in my place, ice cream running onto my hand now.
"L-Logan, don't…eugh…don't move," Aunt Mary gasped.
"What's happening?" I asked in desperation. Why couldn't I see? Why couldn't I help? A person came up to me and put their hands onto my shoulders.
"She's your aunt?" they asked. It was a woman.
"Yeah," I replied. Now my heart was beating fast and I started to cry.
"It's okay, it's okay. She'll be fine, I'm sure." I flung my arms around the stranger and started to cry against her chest.
"Why…"
Breakfast turned out to be much less awkward than the conversation that preempted it. Kendall quickly realized that Logan was a little awkward because of his life's journey, but by no means a weirdo or a creep. He did his best to convey this to Carlos, and he could only hope that it sunk it.
"These are really good," Logan said, now halfway through the pancakes the other couple had prepared.
"Well thanks, Logan," Kendall said. "Pretty much the only thing I can cook well."
"Oooo that's not true," Carlos argued cutely. "You do chili alright."
"Who fucks up chili?" Kendall laughed.
Logan giggled to himself at their conversation. Is this what couples do? This cute banter? Was he doing it with James without even realizing it?
"Kendall?" Logan asked.
"Yeah-huh?"
"What do you look like?"
"A beast," Carlos butted in. "A sexy beast."
"Blond and eyebrows," James said quietly.
"I guess I can't argue with any of those!" Kendall said with a laugh. "Why?"
"I just want to imagine," Logan said.
"Fair enough. Well like James said, people talk about my heavy eyebrows. But I also have green eyes. I guess an angular face. Never really thought about it."
"And Carlos?"
"I'm Latino, so my skin is darker than you all's," Carlos explained. "Right now I'm keeping my hair real short. I work out a lot. I dunno."
"Hmmm okay. What do I look like?"
Kendall and Carlos looked to each other. Kendall narrowed his eyes and Carlos grinned. They turned back to Logan at once and both said, "Cute!"
"Ha-aah. Okay."
James patted Logan and the shoulder. "I can't argue with that," he said.
They finished up eating and James took Logan back to his room. "What do you want to do now?" he asked.
"I feel like reading, but…"
"I don't have any audio books," James said. "I can read you an actual book though."
"What do you have?
"You ever read science fiction?"
"Not really."
"Well if you like fantasy, you'll probably like this." He sat Logan down on his bed and grabbed a small novel from his desk. "Here. I'll read some and you let me know what you think."
"Cool."
James sat beside him on the bed, and Logan settled his head into his new boyfriend's lap. James opened up the introduction and began to read.
"'You'll never get away with this!'
Ada Yero, princess of the Turi, screamed at the dark lord Ghorr. He had captured her just days before, keeping her in a locked chamber on his space ship. Now, he had tied her to a contraption in order to obtain the powers she possessed.
'Well, you keep thinking that,' Ghorr said in a low, gravelly voice. 'But I am the one in charge. So your efforts to fight back are petty.'"
As he read on, Logan became more and more involved with the story. He had never considered life on other planets, so the concepts were very intriguing. The princess sent a telepathic message out into the universe which happened to be picked up by a guy on Earth, thus beginning his space adventure.
" Zach stood in the middle of the spacecraft and looked around quizzically. He wondered if this was actually real after all. At the console sat two humanoids, who looked happy to see him."
"I like it," Logan interrupted.
"Oh yeah?" James asked.
"Uh huh! It's so cool. Have you read it before?"
"Loads of times," the taller boy explained. "It's actually a queer lifestyle sort of sci-fi. Zach falls in love with another guy, not the princess. It's funny but also cool."
"I wanna keep reading it!"
"Okay, but not now," James said. He put the book back on his desk and then gave Logan a warm hug.
"Why not?"
"I just want to cuddle with you for a little while."
"Ummm okay."
James rolled Logan onto his back and gently climbed atop him. He leaned down and put a series of tiny kisses all over his face.
"You're so beautiful," James whispered. Logan giggled and blushed. "I wish you could see how…muah…beautiful you…muah…are."
"I guess," Logan sighed. James quickly ran his tongue over his lover's lips. He quivered in delight.
"I think I should bring you back to your apartment tonight," James said.
"Why?"
" 'Cause you need to be home and stuff, right?"
"I dunno."
"Well I don't know how ready I am for you to move in with me."
"Mmmm," Logan sighed sadly.
"Ohh, well, I dunno. Let me take you home and I'll think it over. Okay?"
A little smile flicked across Logan's face. "I don't want to sleep alone," he said.
"I know you don't."
"So decide quickly."
"Heyyy, don't rush these things!" James teased. He put another kiss on his face.
"Is that…" Logan began cautiously. James raised his eyebrows.
"Is that what?"
"Is that your, uh, haarrdd onnn?"
"Yeah. I mean, if you're talking about the firm thing poking you in the tummy, yeah."
"Ohhh."
"You can touch it if you want," James said, feeling a little awkward. Was that the right thing to say? "Or not, if you don't."
Logan's eyelids lifted up briefly, showing the rolling, creamy eyes beneath. He made a noise of hesitation, but held out his hand and felt around to James's pants anyway. His fingers touched the outside of his erection and quickly retracted.
"Ohhh," Logan said.
"Is it okay?"
"It's really big," Logan giggled. "Mine isn't that big."
"No worries, they're all different sizes."
"Really?"
"Yep. I'm sure yours isn't small though." James clapped his hand over the middle of Logan's crotch. He was sporting quite a boner himself.
"AHH!" Logan cried out. He gasped sharply, but James didn't move his hand.
"How does it feel?"
"Ohh, it feels good," Logan hummed. James rubbed his palm in circles. "Nooo, no I don't want this," Logan suddenly spat out. James moved his hand away instantly.
"Why not?"
"I don't know. I don't think I'm ready."
"It's okay, no worries."
"Sorry," Logan said.
"I mean it! No worries. No worries means no worries, okay? I promise." James climbed off of Logan's waist and put another kiss on his cheek. "Whenever you're ready. I'll wait. Or whatever."