A/N: I own nothing...please enjoy and review and comment. I love hearing from everyone!

Hurdles

"Are you sure you can take another two days off?" Holly asked running her middle finger up and down Gail's spine. She added her index and ring finger and felt Gail quiver beneath her touch. She didn't hold back the smile teasing her lips; she and Gail were still magic in the bedroom as far as it was concerned and for some reason that made her breathe a sigh of relief. It had been nearly a year, but the passion was still there…quietly, fiery, all-encompassing.

Gail bit down on her lower lip and slowly turned onto her back to look at Holly. "I haven't taken time off in over a year, Holly. I think I can take a three day weekend…" Gail saw the questioning look on Holly's face. "There wasn't really much need to vacation Holly, and I had to train my team," Gail rationalized.

"And now your team is so good they can function without you?" Holly teased kissing Gail's neck.

"They are good," Gail admitted, "and they appreciate flexibility."

"And you are plenty flexible," Holly quipped. "I feel guilty," she said after a few moments. "This all being so easy for us to get back into…"

"Would you have preferred it being difficult and awkward?" she wasn't asking to be funny, but the thought had crossed her mind too. She hadn't been with anyone of any significance since Holly, but she hadn't assumed it would be that easy to get back into a rhythm with her.

"I didn't say that," Holly shook her head. "I'm just saying…I was worried about comparing …" she admitted.

Gail sat up and allowed her eyes to fully focus to the sunlight cascading across Holly's rumpled sheets. "Comparing with who," Gail asked softly. "Holly…there is never going to be a comparison between you and anyone."

"You say that now…"

"I've always said that," Gail corrected her kissing Holly's forehead. "Shouldn't I be the one worrying about comparing to previous escapades?"

"Escapades, huh?" Holly said sitting up too and stretching. "We only dated a few months, Gail," Holly said purposely leaving Elle's name out of the conversation. "There wasn't much time for …"

"But there was time for it some?" Gail's blue eyes searched Holly's.

"You and she are not in a competition, Gail," Holly reminded her softly. "I'm here with you…"

Holly's words were broken by the buzz of Gail's phone on the nightstand. Gail ignored the sound, wanting to actually get to the bottom of her feelings a lot more than reading a text message right now.

"Holly…it was hell being without you," Gail said honestly. "I can't do that again…so we need to do whatever it takes to clear the air…to have our fresh start."

"Gail, Elle is not in the shadows waiting and she was the only other person I date while we were apart," Holly vowed. "There is no one, but you," Holly said tenderly kissing Gail's mouth. "What about you?"

"You know there is no one else…" Gail said quickly.

"I mean during the last year …."

Gail's eyes went to her lap, not wanting to admit that there had been a few dates used to occupy her mind. None had gone anywhere, but she had taken a few people to bed to stave of the sting of loneliness in her weakest hours. It wasn't easy to admit, the fact that she had used other people, or that in the end her heart had bled for only Holly's mouth and touch, but she had been overall too ashamed and suborn to admit that to herself.

"There were a couple," she admitted weakly. She watched the spark dim a bit in Holly's eyes and the unsure grimace flash across her face.

"I don't want to be jealous about that …but I am."

"Holly, it was nothing …"

"I know …but thinking about you with someone else …it kinda makes me sick."

"I am your ex's boss, Holly…" Gail reminded her. She watched Holly sink back into the bed.

"Are we going to be able to work this out, Gail? I mean, really make a go at this …or are we fooling ourselves?"

Gail lay down also and pulled Holly into her. "You know we aren't fooling ourselves. It just hurts, Holly. I was an idiot and did something to hurt us both, but we want to be together…right?"

"Yes…" Holly said softly turning to face Gail.

"Then we aren't fooling ourselves," she brushed a piece of hair from Holly's face. "I love you, we love each other." Gail heard the buzz of her phone once again.

"You should probably at least check that…" Holly smiled. Yet instead of checking her phone, Gail pressed her lips against Holly's.

"I can think of better things to do…" Gail whispered against Holly's mouth.

"We have three days…" Holly reminded her. Gail took a deep breath and reached back to grab her phone.

"It's just from Chelyn," Gail laughed. "She's just giving me an update. Do you think it would be rude to tell her not to contact me for three days?"

Holly shook her head, "Yes," she confirmed. "I'm going to make breakfast…" it was almost noon. "Or lunch for that matter." Holly slide to the edge of the bed and found her robe.

"No…don't get out of bed," Gail said reaching but missing Holly. "Hols…" Holly ignored Gail's plead and instead headed down the hallway to the kitchen. "Fine," Gail said typing a quick message to Chelyn and then tossing the phone back onto the nightstand. "I'm gonna grab a quick shower then," Gail called out. She moved to Holly's drawers and pulled out a tee shirt and pair of shorts and headed into the bathroom. She turned on the shower and waited until the water heated up a bit before opening the glass enclosure. Instantaneously, the memories of the last time she had been in that shower flooded her and Gail had to take a deep breath. "Not now…" she pleaded with herself; "not now."

"I made blueberry griddle cakes…and I know you are going to say what's the difference between pancakes and griddle cakes but…" Holly said backing into the room with a tray. She sit the tray on the desk in the corner of the room and looked around. "Gail…sweetheart…" she turned to knock on the door, but stopped herself. "Gail…" she called out turning the knob of the door slowly. She could hear the water running and the entire room was steamy, so Holly couldn't make out Gail without squinting. She was sitting on the side of the tub, gripping it tightly. "Baby," Holly said kneeling in front of Gail. She was still clothed, but now her shirt clung to her from the sweat and steam.

When Gail didn't answer, Holly stood and turned off the running shower. She sat down gently beside Gail. "Baby, are you okay?" she asked after a moment. The patience and understanding was apparent in her voice, but Gail didn't trust it to look at Holly. Gail could still feel tears sting the corner of her eyes, so she closed them. "A panic attack?" Holly asked already knowing the answer.

Gail took a fortifying breath and stood. She opened her eyes, but didn't look at Holly. She moved towards the pedestal sink and turned on the cold water. Splashing her face slowly, she bit back the tears and panic of Holly seeing her this way. "Can I just have a minute?" she asked meekly.

Holly wanted to protest, wanted to make Gail talk about this, but knew her attempt would be futile. She left the bathroom and closed the door gently behind her. She loved Gail so much and hated to see her struggle, but Gail refused to let her in sometimes. It had been the same way towards the end of their relationship; Gail pulling back and Holly feeling helpless, and honestly, Holly didn't know if she could do it again.

She looked up when she heard Gail open the bathroom door. Their eyes met for a moment, and Holly assumed Gail would look away and try to conceal the embarrassment from having another attack. Instead she came and sat beside Holly, playing with her fingers gently.

"Are you okay?" Holly offered tenderly.

"Yeah…worried, but okay?"

"Worried about your health?" Holly assumed out loud, rubbing Gail's shoulder.

"No," Gail's blue eyes searched Holly's brown ones.

"Gail," Holly said taking a deep breath and threading their fingers. She pulled Gail in close and kissed her forehead. "I love you. I just want you to be well." Gail's phone vibrated on the nightstand. "It scares me that this keeps happening, sweetheart. What if it happens when you are in the middle of police work...or a crime bust…?"

"I've thought about that and it hasn't happened," Gail said. She could hear her phone vibrating in the background. "I'm very careful…"

"You can't control it," Holly's brown eyes were attentive, but anxious. "We should get you some treatment…"

And there it was, the fixture or patch that Gail knew was inevitably coming. This was why she didn't want Holly to know… "I'll be fine," Gail choked. "I don't need to be fixed," she turned around and moved towards her phone, which now began the annoying ringtone that signified she was getting a call. She answered it without preamble, "Office Blaise…what?" she didn't mean to be short with Chelyn, but this was not a great time. "What do you mean," she asked… "When Chelyn? Okay, don't do anything without me…no I'm coming…give me and hour…" she could feel Holly move from beside her.

"Something important?" Holly said dryly once Gail had hung up from the call.

Gail didn't want to tell Holly that she wasn't particularly needed, but preferred to leave instead of having a conversation about her panic disorder. She only shrugged, "I'll be back in an hour or two…" she expected Holly to protest, but Holly felt like she needed some space too.

"Two hours it is…" Holly said leaning against her dresser, feeling as unsure as ever.