Chapter 11: The revival of the Fanfic.
I know I was gone for about a year but I'm starting to get back into it. Let's see if I can pick up where I left off.
Since I'm finally returning to the Chris, fry, and bender story I'd like to clear a few things up that I was mistaken about. I've watched a lot more Futurama now and I now know that the only time that bender acts drunk is when he's sober, the old guy's name is Professor Farnsworth, and it's not Headquarters, it's Planet Express. And another thing, time travel wasn't possible even in Futurama, unless you count the movie. Let's assume that this after the movie.
Disclaimer: I own nothing except the OCs I created. (Rachel, Heather, Butty, J.Z.)
Time: Unknown
The time machine appeared in a flash of color of your own choice. Chris, bender, and fry stepped out.
"Where are we?" asked fry.
They looked around. They saw a misty mountain passage. Before they could speak they saw figures ahead. They were walking towards them.
"Behind the rocks!" said Chris. As they hid behind some boulders they saw a group of monks walking and in the middle was something that they didn't expect to see. Another Chris was walking slowly followed by another bender and another Fry. All of them appeared about 10 years older.
"Holy cow!" said chris, "This is weirder than some kind of cheap twilight zone remake!"
"I know," said bender, "What could we possibly be doing with monks?"
"Maybe they're taking us back to their temple so they can worship us." Said fry.
The other two just looked at him.
"It could happen!" he urged.
Well, I don't know what they're doing but I'm gonna find out!" said chris. With that he ran off.
"Bender, we'd better follow him."
"Nah, the kid'll be fine."
"How do you know?"
"Because," Said Bender confidently, "Nobody dies when the plot is destined to have a happy ending. This is a comedy, and the hero never loses in a comedy. Except for that time we saw that one play."
Cut scene--
The planet express team is watching "Joseph and the amazing Technicolor dream coat".
The annoying narrator lady comes out and starts singing.
"Joseph, Poor poor poor Joseph! What are you going to do now?
Joseph, Poor poor poor Joseph! What are you going to do now?
Joseph, Poor poor poor Joseph! Stuck in a cell!"
Joseph stands and looks at her.
"Hey instead of singing like a drunken gorilla why don't you actually help me ya bitch?!"
Back at their seats Leela is disgruntled.
"This play is like some pothead infant from the seventies found the bible in his parents drawer, copied it on a typewriter blindfolded, and then faxed it to his monkey friend to write the lyrics."
Fry slapped his forehead.
"No wonder this play seemed familiar!"
(A/N: No offense to anybody who likes this play. Wait a second, yes offense! Get some better taste in theatre you freaks!)
End Cut scene--
"Alright fine!" said bender, "We'll follow him. But you owe me!"
And with that they ran off after Chris.
At the temple, the monks had just arrived with the older set of time travelers. Chris was hiding behind a boulder when he was joined by Fry and Bender. They looked on to see what was going on.
"Attention! We have come here to sacrifice these outsiders to the god almighty Liet Kynes!" (Dune is such a good book!)
"Crap!" said the older bender, "I hate being sacrificed!"
Then they placed them in a cage.
"So how are you gonna kill us?" asked Fry.
"We shall not give you food for a couple of weeks. Our religion forbids us from killing by hand."
"Then why do you need to sacrifice for your god? Isn't the definition of sacrifice something that you kill by hand to appease a god?"
"who the hell are you, the word police? Anyways, we're also squeamish so we'll come back in a couple of years to back sure that all the flesh is gone and we don't have to see it."
"What a bunch of wimps!" said bender.
"Oh yeah?" said the monk leader angrily, "Well in a couple weeks you'll be sorry! You'll all be like 'oh great master monk, we're so hungry and sorry! We should've never have doubted your greatness.' and I'll be all like 'well that's just too bad!' but then I'll feel bad and give you some burgers. But I won't put ketchup on them! Bwahahaha!"
Chris looked terrified.
"You monster!"
The monks got more serious.
"We must leave now. But we will be back in a few months."
They all left.
The group relaxed in their cage.
"Wow," said Fry, "I never thought we'd have trouble dealing a bunch of guys who worship MarthaStewart-ism." (No joke, that's what they actually worship.)
"Well Fry," said Bender, taking out a cigar. "That's what they said about Scientology. And now look! They make the earth's leading brand of Day by day calendars."
Cut scene--
A small boy gets out of bed in the morning.
"Okay quote calendar. Let's see what you have to say for Thursday."
He rips of the sheet and reads it.
"And Zoltar said 'we must capture the souls of this alien race and take them to earth. We shall put them in a giant movie theatre and run a bunch of movies about religion and beliefs thereby brainwashing them! Plus we'll also show them the complete Star Trek because, I mean come on! Then we shall release them into the air where they shall take the forms of various balloons! They shall drift into the bodies of the local monkeys and create the human race! So as I have said it, so shall it come to pass!' with that he returned to his quarters and smoked the rest of the pot. –Zoltar 8 90 12."
End Cut Scene--
"Besides," said Bender, "We're in a metal cage… with metal bars… and I'm a robot designed to bend metal… do the math genius."
"Oh man," whined Chris, "I hate Math!"
"I'll bend the freakin' bars! I'll bend the freakin' bars!" yelled Bender.
With that he stood up and tried to bend the bars.
"Crap! These bars are too strong." Said bender, "We'd need 2 of me to bend these."
"Well," said the younger bender, coming out from behind the boulder. "That's my cue."
"Holy Crap!" said the older bender. "Someone must've sold me the wrong kind of cigars again."
"Nah, we're just time travelers."
Soon the other two came out from behind the boulder.
"Well, now that all the questions are answered," said the older bender, "Why not help me bend these bars?"
"It would be my function."
The two benders grabbed hold of the bars and bended as hard as they could. The metal bars slowly gave way and they were free.
"All right," said the old bender, "I'm free! Thanks younger me."
"Don't mention it."
They then hugged and in the process stole each others wallets.
All of a sudden the monk leader burst in holding a large book.
"Hah!" he said, "I looked 'sacrifice' up in the dictionary and it says: 'The act of making an offering to a deity, in worship or atonement.' And it also says- Hey! Wait a minute! What's going on here?"
They all stood frozen for a couple of seconds and then fry spoke up.
"Speaking of dictionaries, did you know gullible is not in the dictionary?"
"It's not?"
"No, no. you can check if you want."
"All right I will!" he started flipping pages. "Hey wait a minute!"
"Run!" yelled the older chris as they jumped out the window.
"The prisoners have escaped!" shouted the monk, "After them!"
A long chase followed. They ran along the valley floor and up a mountain path. The monks were quickly gaining on them. Rocks whizzed past heir heads to try and knock them out. All of a sudden they stopped and were overlooking a 500 foot drop! It was a dead end!
"We're trapped!" yelled the younger Fry.
"We're boned." Said the younger bender.
"Not yet we're not." Said the older bender with finality. He opened up a control compartment on his canister-like torso and entered in some co-ordinates. Nothing happened for a few seconds and the monks were almost right on top of them. They all screamed for a couple of seconds but were then cut off when they were surrounded by a flash of green light. In seconds they had disappeared.
Well that was easier to write than expected. I hope it enshrouds their fate in a fog of mystery. I'd like to use the rest of the chapter to go back to the main plot.
Location: somewhere in Ohio.
The crew of Stewie, Brian, Rachel, Fez, Meg, and Napoleon were in better spirits because they had the third piece of the mega suit. They were trying to decide where to go next when some problems started to arise. This is how it went down:
They were all in the bus on an interstate when Brian drove up to a fork in the road. Also, there were two ways to go. Since there was nobody else on the road, brian decided to stop until they knew which one was the right path.
"Go right." Said Stewie, half buried in calculations.
"No, go left." Said Rachel, over Brian's shoulder. "It's faster."
"Like hell it is!" said Stewie looking up now. "This interstate merges off into a subnet of possible directions. Going right will have more exits."
"But the left way will have less people on it. It'll be faster, believe me."
"Less people? Nobody's on the road you twit!"
"That's because we're in between rushes. The lunch rush is in two hours! And don't call me a twit, you sadistic excuse for a football!"
Now everybody in bus looked up to hear this fight.
"Stop!" yelled Brian, "Let's not get personal."
"Brian," said Stewie, taking a few steps back. "Why should we trust her anyway? We don't even know her. She's so secretive about herself. How do we know she's not evil?"
Rachel was caught off guard by this.
"Me, Evil?" she said, appalled. "You're planning world domination! You're the evil one!"
"Yes," he said slowly. "But it's okay because I'm soooooo cute!"
All of a sudden fez stood up.
"I agree with stewie," he said, "In the Seventies we are very open to things."
"Now wait fez," said Rachel, "Since when do you get an opinion? Why are you even on this trip? We got what we wanted from you, what makes you think we won't just throw you out on the side of the road?"
"Hey you can't talk to Fez like that!" said meg standing up.
"Oh so now you're in love with fez?" asked Napoleon accusing.
"Well, I mean he's my friend and"
"Oh so now you're just going to throw me aside like used tissue." Jeered Fez, "Well Fez doesn't hang that way baby!"
"Go ahead Meg," Said Rachel, enjoying Meg's predicament. "Tell us who you're really with!"
Meg stood embarrassed for a couple of minutes because both guys were looking directly at her waiting. Rachel started laughing.
"Hey, you can't laugh at her!" yelled Stewie, angry. "She's my sister, My lame fugly sister!"
After that it was just a torrent of insults. (Fun activity: match the insults up with their targets!)
"You wannabe hat wearing loser!"
"You goofy haired bucked teeth retard!"
"You mangy little spy!"
"You dark-skinned perverted funny talking closet homo!"
"You tiny sadistic megalomaniac!"
"STOP!" yelled Brian. "You idiots have to stop right now or I'll chew your eyes out. I think that we're all just a little stressed out from driving so much. We need to find some way to relax as a group."
"I have just the thing!" said Fez pulling out a brown paper bag.
--
If you've watched "That '70s Show" then you know how the circle works. It only show a shoulder shot of one person at a time and the camera rotates in a circle so everyone has their input. By the way, they're high.
Rachel: Oh yeah, that's relaxing.
Fez: I know. I've wanted to share this with you guys for weeks. Does anyone have any toast?
Stewie: Hahahahahahaha. Oh my God, Fez. You are frikin' hilarious man! When did you get so fing Hilarious?
Brian: Hahahaha. D-d-dude! Man! D-dude man! This is so awesome. If you're in a car going the speed of light, what happens when you turn the headlights on?
Napoleon: Whoa man! You just blew my mind!
Meg: This is awesome! I'm finally popular! This must be what the cool kids always do! Hey you guys, am I starting to look more attractive?
Rachel: That only works with beer… and no. God, it's like all the colors fell out their places!
Fez: This is all fine and good but someone needs to make some toast! I'm serious.
Stewie: this is really great you guys. I mean I love you guys. You guys are my bestest friends. Oh, dude! My hands. They're like… flesh colored!
Brian: Oh my god, oh my god! You guys gotta hear this. Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
Napoleon: Oh! I've heard this one! Orange you glad I didn't say banana. Whoa man… I'm trippin'. And flyin'. I'm flytrippin'!
Meg: Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha.
Rachel: Oh man Brian… you're so cool, it makes want to make out with you. (She jumps to a different spot.)
Fez: Hey! You're violating the rules of the circle! No making out! No deep puzzling questions! And for god sakes someone better make some freakin toast or else!
Stewie: Oh, Oh sorry fez man. I have to go to the –hahahaha- thing at the… um place. (He gets up and walks into the closet.) Oh my God you all turned into coats!
Brian: (Making out with Rachel).
Napoleon: hey, you guys wanna see some sweet moves?
Meg: This reminds me of the time I … oh wait. I forget. Hahahahahahaha.
Rachel: (Making out with Brian).
Fez: Ok. That is it! No one is making toast so this circle is over! (He gets up and airs the RV out.)
Well that's my eleventh chapter. Please read and review. Nothing really happened in the main plot but that doesn't mean it wasn't entertaining. Whoa, dude…