Beta's sharp rap on the door woke me suddenly. I sat up in surprise. I looked over half expecting to see Haymitch sleeping beside, but he was gone. Of course he was gone. He was far too smart to get caught. Still, I felt empty, alone in my bed. He was supposed to be beside me. He was supposed to be by my side until I breathed my last breath. I called back to Beta that I was awake and slid out of bed pulling on a soft blue dress that caressed my skin. It wasn't quite as smooth as the gray dress but still much finer than anything I had ever owned in District 12. Not that I owned anything anymore. I didn't even own myself. My life was claimed by the Capitol, and the rest of me belonged to Haymitch.
I slid open my compartment door and slipped into the hallway as he came out of his own room. His gray eyes locked on mine and he flashed me a smile. A secret smile. It vanished as soon as Thaton joined us. It changed into a scowl. The scowl that belonged to everyone else. His smiles were only for me. The one thing that was mine. The only thing that mattered. Haymitch.
I turned away from the other two tributes and walked off in the direction of the dining car. I hated these moments, the moments when the Capitol owned me, when they controlled my every action. I wanted to spend my last days my way, not playing the part of their puppet. But it was the only way I could protect Haymitch. My husband. The title made me smile, but it felt odd. It didn't quite fit. The feeling took me back, back to childhood. When I played house with Carlene and Melody. We were playing at being grown up, but we were not grown up, not really.
My stomach twisted as I thought about the previous night. I wanted to be with Haymitch. He was the only one I had ever wanted. But in the light of day our rash actions burned brightly. This would not help us in the arena. It was cruel of me. I was only making the inevitable worse for him. I would die. He would live. Haunted.
I wanted to scream. Every decision I made just seemed to make things worse. I just wanted to find whatever happiness I could in the next few days, but I did so without considering what pain I would inflict on the one person left that I loved. The one person I would willingly die for.
As I entered the dining car and took my seat, I noticed a person at the table whom I vaguely recognized. It took me a moment, but I placed him as a Victor. He won the games before I was old enough to be reaped. I was pretty sure he was from District 2, so his presence here confused me.
He noticed me watching him, and offered me a smile that I'm sure was supposed to be charming, but it sent an uncomfortable shiver down my spine. I offered a nod but didn't speak. I didn't trust my voice to be steady.
"Brutus, I see you have met Maysilee." Beta Dinkerman said cheerfully as she walked in, followed by Ruma, Thaton, and Haymitch.
"Yes, we were just getting acquainted." Brutus replied, his eyes raking over me. I avoided looking at him. He made my skin crawl. Haymitch glare at the Victor named Brutus, his jaw stiffening as though the thought of Brutus doing anything with me was not alright to him. His response helped a little. I knew there was nothing either of us could do, but it helped to know that he wanted to protect me.
"Brutus was so kind as to volunteer to help Sadine mentor all of you!" Beta informed us as Sadine Marikina, the one and only Victor from District 12, walked in. From the footage of her games that sometimes aired along with the others during the annual Hunger Games, I knew that Sadine had once been beautiful, but she wasn't beautiful any more. Years had turned her once fine gray eyes dull, and her face was sallow. I had heard people claim that she turned to morphling after her games, but I had seen that addiction first hand. My Grandfather drowned his pain with morphling as cancer ate away at him. He hadn't been there anymore at the end. He was something else, something that had taken my Grandfather's place. Wide eyed and gaunt.
Sadine almost looked the part, but though her eyes were dulled with time, her words were sharp. She was changed, but still present. She was still what she'd always been, and that was the problem. She didn't want to live with it anymore. At least that was my theory. She took a seat far from Brutus and began picking at her breakfast without acknowledging any of us.
I didn't like the idea of Brutus as my mentor, but I liked the idea of Sadine even less. At least Brutus might impart some advice that would get me past the bloodbath. I picked at the food in front of me but didn't eat much. We would be at the Capitol soon, and the thought had me feeling nauseous.
Beta introduced each of us to Sadine and Brutus. One never looked up from her food and the other never looked away from me. I decided to imitate Sadine and stared hard at my plate. Beta jabbered on for a while as we ate. About scheduling, then next few days, but I couldn't care less. I'd go in the direction they sent me, but I wouldn't do it with the eagerness Beta seemed to think a tribute should have. Eventually she excused herself and left us with our mentors. One ruined and the other ruthless.
"Do any of you have any skills?" Brutus asked as soon as the door slid shut behind Beta. Ruma shook her head and Thaton shrugged. District 12 didn't exactly impart a lot of wisdom on its children, except how to go hungry. Haymitch just glared at Brutus wordlessly. We both knew he had plenty of skills, not to mention a knack for surviving and the instincts of a hunter, but he wasn't about to volunteer that information. So I cleared my throat.
"I know plants. Which ones heal, which ones kill." I said slowly. I knew it could be useful in the arena, it wasn't uncommon for tributes to ingest some berries that they believed to be safe only to be responsible for their own deaths. Brutus smirked, probably thinking the same thing.
"Well, that's something." He agreed. "Not much, but something. Anything else?"
I shrugged.
"Get up, all of you." He ordered. We obeyed, Haymitch most slowly, of course. Brutus made us stand in a line. He walked past each of us, studying us as he went. Assessing us. Deciding who, if any of us, he was going to help. As he walked behind us, he paused behind me. His warm breath washed over my neck, and I had to force myself not to bolt. I had to appear strong, unbreakable. His whisper brushed against my flesh. "You're a pretty one, I'd hate to see what you'll look like when you come out of the arena. Come by my room tonight and we'll see what we can do to prevent that."
Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Haymitch's fists clench. I jerked my head almost imperceptibly, but I knew he'd listen. He wasn't rash. Haymitch knew exactly what he had to do. He was trying to get me home, and setting our mentor against us would not do either of us any favors.
"I'm not for sell." I replied smoothly. Sadine looked up and her glassy gray eyes locked on mine. For just a moment they flickered with life, but then she looked away. I felt Brutus's finger trail down my back. I couldn't suppress my shudder.
"Everyone has a price." He assured me. I couldn't take it anymore; I jerked away and glared back at him.
"Touch me again and it won't be me paying the price." I snapped. I stormed from the car and didn't stop until I was safely inside my compartment. I sat, waiting for the train to slow, to bring us to the Capitol. As I waited, I ran my fingers over the smooth metal of Mrs. Abernathy's pin. My pin. My Mockingjay.
I felt and odd shift that told me the train was slowing. Knowing someone would come find me if I wasn't with the other tributes and not wanting to give Brutus an opportunity to be alone with me, I made my way back to the dining car. The food had been cleared away, but everyone had returned to their seats, waiting. Always waiting.
I never thought I would be waiting to die, knowing for sure that I could not escape my fate. Even if I could I wouldn't want to. Brutus was right, everyone had a price. Mine was Haymitch.
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