Here's some Naomi and Katie for you, will be the last we've seen of Katie for some time now so I thought I'd make it long.
Question; what happens when a bordie and schizo get into a fight? Who might win? *haha* all right sorry, couldnt stop myself here. that's just a tiny spoiler. ;)
Always up for some suggestions, comments, critic. :)
Surprised brown eyes watch me in something resembling fear.
Fear from what?
Not me, that's for sure. Averting my own eyes I seek stormy blue ones to help me figure out why she is, obviously, not happy by my big romantic gesture. Only getting an indifferent shrug in response Effy keeps on looking out of the huge windows, looking at nothing.
Nothing?
How can I say that, assume she's looking at nothing when for all I know, there could be other worlds playing out in front of her eyes right now? Who am I to decide that this here, this moment is reality and not what Effy's seeing?
"Naomi."
She whispers it, almost chokes on my name and I try to remember why but come up with nothing. When she left psycho Bristol, she was in tears and very much in love with me, a complete opposite to what I see here.
Surprise and fear, don't I know how that feels? Isn't it fucking obvious? I for one, know exactly what's happened between her leaving and me arriving here.
She's cheated.
Katie's cheated on me, I can feel it. It makes its way, from the pit of my tummy, upwards and with it the anger, it's shaking me. I feel like a caged tiger, so ready to bare my teeth and pounce. "Who've you managed to fuck then, in what? A fucking day?"
The way she recoiled, tears filling her eyes and her bottom lip trembling, makes me flinch but I don't stop. Clenched fists at my side I am the picture of broiling anger and she can see it.
She knows exactly how destructive this is going to be. "Baby, you need to calm down." Talking in that voice, all low and slow, like every fucking doctor does, she's trying to make this stop, the huge cliff I am running towards to jump head first down off.
But my eyes, they cant focus on her any more, they look around wildly for any potential candidates. "Him? Was it him?" I pointed at a random lad, walking with his trousers almost hitting the floor as if he shat himself. "Oi mate!" Her hands go to my waist automatically, a simple touch I'd enjoy in any other situation only makes me angrier now.
I take a step forwards, forcing her to move as well, and she clings to me as I march towards him.
"Have you shagged my girlfriend?"
He's looking at me, completely baffled for a moment, but then I point at Katie and there's this blush crawling up his disgusting, acne covered neck. It's enough for my body to lunge at him and tackle the poor bastard to the ground. He has no idea what he's dealing with.
A sleep-deprived, hungover, down after days filled with pills and powder and h, out of medication borderliner is hitting him and he cant escape.
People all around me scream, they try to get me off of him but I dig my fingers too deep into his red skin. Katie's crying somewhere close to me, I think it's her ripping on my sleeve. Doesn't take much to shake her off.
I wont ever forget.
She tainted everything with one tiny little unimportant thing, made it all wrong and sad instead of happy and oh so fucking right.
When we have arrived at the hostel little Emily was waiting for us in, she almost fainted seeing us. I guess the after party smell wasn't as gone as we have hoped. Then, the only thing I remember is her yelling at me for what felt like hours, I guess she saw the lovebite pretty soon.
"How can you fucking do that to my sister?!" Big brown eyes so disappointed, as if I've cheated on her.
Clinging to her like she was my last hope to survive, I was tugging on her shirt, trying to get her to understand. "I don't remember! I'm so sorry I cant remember." I do remember a lot of crying, my still fucked up mind was playing tricks on me and Emily's face has transformed into Katie's all the time, confusing me. Effy gave me some pills on the ride to Liverpool, it was making my brain all mushy and stuff started not making any sense.
Then there was a ringing in my ears, and I was yelling louder for Emily to hear me. But she was only looking at me in disgust, trying to shake me off. "That's my sister you're hurting." She's almost hissed, throwing death glances at Effy, who wasn't fazed by it the tiniest bit. "NO! I never wanted to hurt her, I haven't. Please, you need to know that I didn't mean for that to happen. Whatever happened. I don't know, you cant end it, you cant." And then I've kissed little Emily.
It took Effy to push me off the Fitch, the wrong Fitch, but neither of us mentioned it afterwards.
Neither of us would mention that Emily didn't stop it, even though she wasn't pissing gone and knew exactly what was happening.
Her pained brown eyes had locked on mine then and they were so fucking troubled, I could only imagine how Katie would feel.
Everything gets a bit fuzzy after that.
There was a phone call, someone called me. I was relieved and I cried, but I cant get it together now, perhaps it was my mother? Maybe my doctor. But the guesses goes more to Katie.
Katie.
My girlfriend Katie.
I snatch my arms from around the blokes throat and look around with wild eyes, suddenly scared.
Effy's by my side right away, her long, slender arms wrapping around me as she keeps glaring at everyone surrounding us. "Fuck off! Nothing to see here." Looking down at my shaking hands, my breaths are just as shaky, mine and the lads eyes lock.
He's scared too.
"I swear I haven't shagged your bird, mate. Not my type, is she? A bit too curvy if you get what I mean." He's got the nerve to wriggle his brows and form a woman's body with his gross hands, going extra big on the arse.
My hands are around his throat again and this time, they let me punch him. "One more word and I'll rip out your chord box you stupid waste of space." Effy, who's still holding me, helps me to my feet and a crying Katie comes crashing into my arms. Automatically my hands start running up and down her back, and I try to whisper comforting words into her ear but I cant remember what the actual fuck happened.
The last thing I remember is the ride over to the clinic.
Effy and Emily were bickering the whole time, acting like lovesick teenagers. I guess they are. I was throwing glares at them, it made me mad that they haven't taken any notice of them though. Acted as if I weren't there and I hate being ignored.
I cant be ignored.
Hate me all you want, love me, what you'll do any way, but never, ever ignore me.
I cant cope with that.
Don't tell anyone that I told you the secret weapon to fight a borderliner.
Full on, no acknowledging ignorance. Not the fake kind, letting people suffer to only get back to them, no, the real ignorance. As if the person never existed.
"I'll go get Katie for visitation." Emily has said after we parked the car. But then, there's nothing. I must've lost it, my tunnel vision. Something must have triggered it, it doesn't come without a reason.
"Naomi, are you okay? Baby, look at me." Shaky hands cup my face and brown eyes, so lovely and wet run over my face as if to see that I am real. Or, that I am back in reality from whatever trip I have went to. "You scared me love."
I nod.
It's sad that I know how scary I can get.
My best mate, my old best mate, filmed it. It was the party after we graduated middle school, the camera's been running all night and some time during the end I've lost it completely.
It wasn't nice to watch but they made me.
"Come on, we'll go to my room." She whispers, even tries a reassuring smile but I cant smile back.
She's going to leave me.
I can feel it in my bones, she's fucked someone and she's leaving me. "No...no...no." Shaking my head I try, not very hard, to leave her embrace. "You're leaving me." With a sigh she wipes away some tears I must have shed without realising.
"I'm not." She whispers, her voice shaking as much as she is. "I promise I'm not."
My eyes search out blue ones, the ones that always find mine when I look, but this time, this time they are occupied.
They are locked on brown orbs, soooo similar to those I love so much, but so different all the same. The anger comes back full force, my nostrils flare. Katie's eyes follow my vision, they cloud over, but I cant concentrate on that long enough to realise what it is.
"Effy." It's whispered so softly, so fucking painfully broken that my heart clenches.
She knows.
She probably knew it when it happened.
Her soft, so tender hand takes mine and she leads me away while my eyes stay fixated on the new loved up couple. I can only scoff.
Emily doesn't have a fucking clue how to love Effy.
"Naomi we need to talk."
Her beds is soft, so much softer than our bed at Bristol's clinic. The whole room is much nicer, guess you get that for a shitload of money.
"What was that baby?" She's kneeling between my thighs, looking up at me through her always pained eyes. "You really scared me."
"I...I it was...sometimes I..." But seeing her watch me so resigned and carefully, brings my defensive walls come back up and I cross my arms over my chest. Cant show her that I am weak and cant even remember what happened. It is her fault after all. "You are the one who's not happy to see me."
She has the nerve to furrow her brows at my accusation. "What..I don't understand."
"You'd say that, it's easy, isn't it? You don't understand." I mock with a ice cold scoff. Well hello Naomi bitch, where have you been hiding? You finally came out to meet your lovely girlfriend you'll gonna chase away if you don't fucking shut your big gob? "If you wanted to break up with me you should've done it before you left. Fucking coward."
That's the thing.
I know, I fucking know that what I'm saying is so wrong, on so many levels but my heart...it feels all that fucked up shit and I cant stop myself. Not when I feel threatened. And right now, I feel like my heart is about to get broken.
"I didn't want to do that."
"You did!" Trying to calm myself down I take a deep breath and will my voice to stop fucking breaking. "You did."
"Baby look at me." Her soft fingers take my chin and move my head back so our eyes lock, and only then she continues with a soft voice. "I didn't want to break up with you love. But can you please be honest with me? I promise I wont leave you, but I have to know what the fuck that was. You really, really scared me."
"You fucked someone else." It's burned into my mind, fuck. All rationality is lost on me, only the way she looked at me, combined with that fucking thought made it so fucking real that I cant grasp what actually the truth is. "I know you did. You weren't happy to see me when I've fought everyone to get to you and break you out. They kidnapped you and you...you found someone else already."
They widen, her eyes do, as if she sees the mental case I am for the first time.
I snatch my arms away from her, crossing them defensively. Now she fucking sees it, now? Well baby, too fucking late.
"Naomi could you fucking calm down?" She's getting mad, but right now, right here, I cant understand why. She doesn't get the right to be mad, no. Not today. I do.
She's fucked someone else. "And fucking stop looking at me like I'm England's whore 2013 for fuck's sake, you've obviously had fun with Effy, not me." Pointing to my neck her face confronts, she's really trying to hold it together. "Do you see me running around strangling her? No."
"You don't care." It's out of my mouth before I can stop it and it was the worst thing I could have said. She's on her feet and pacing around, pointing sharp fingernails at me and glaring like the bitch she can be when she wants. "I don't care? Really Naomi, you gathered that from what? Me trying to see if you're back in this fucking world before I start yelling at you? Me trying to make sure you're fucking okay because you went completely nuts earlier? Yes, obviously I don't fucking care at all."
My wounded eyes try to meet hers but she's too mad, too busy pacing and raging. Too busy hating me.
"What the fuck do you even want here? You came to break me out, great, really fucking lovely. Remembered that some time between getting it fucking on with Effy and shooting up your vanes? Or was it when you snogged my fucking sister that you remembered me? Huh?" Almost shaking with anger Katie's fire spitting eyes finally land on me I really wished they hadn't.
The way she's hurting makes me sad.
Knowing that I am the cause for her pain makes it times worse. "Katie...baby" "No." Her outstretched hand stops me from saying any more stupid shite. "No baby! Right now I am fucking talking and for once in your life you're gonna listen and you're gonna listen good."
I blink several times, trying to blink away the tears.
It's in my bones, I can feel it...she's about to leave me.
"You fucking left the clinic when your mental state isn't anywhere near being ready for that. The worst thing?! You fucking know that but you ran away any way. Because of love, so fucking romantic Naomi, who knew?" My heart clenches, the way she takes the piss out of my big romantic gesture makes me shrink away and look to the ground.
Don't think I've ever felt that stupid.
Katie's not finished though, she's just started. "You got your shit, got fucking Effy, and I really cant stand saying her name right now." And I see it, she's practically choking on it. "Fucked Effy, had the party of the fucking millennia and decided that fucking heroin is the way to do that, nice by the way. One tiny thing that makes me love you so much more right now." Ouch. "Ooooh no, look at me."
My head is turned upwards by her not so gentle fingers until I'm forced to look at her. I don't think that the tears burning in my eyes touch her at all right now. She's looking well furious and they make her only madder. "Naomi no." A strangled sob tries to escape my throat but I know that it's the worst that could happen right now, so I try hold it in with all strength I've got left.
It only makes me shake pathetically.
Her fingers wipe my tears away angrily, the ones that have escaped now despite my efforts. "You don't get to fucking cry. This is your doing! You've fucked Effy, you found heroin to be the drug of your fucking choice, you snogged my sister after you went all crazy on her. Days later you finally arrive here and the minute I see you, the surprise to actually see you since I've known you've been in town for almost a week now registers in your fucking head as me cheating on you?!" By that point she's growling, shrieking would be too fucking nice right now. I wish she'd just continue yelling, but no,of course she has to be scary as fuck. Schizos can be scary.
She's schizophrenic.
Fuck, that thought hits me like a bucket of cold water. She's got schizophrenia, what the hell will she do to me? My black out, my tunnel vision is nothing compared to her freak outs. She's almost killed a girl by accident. Well, not accident as in accident but she had no idea she was doing it and she couldn't stop herself. What the fuck will I end up as? A bashed in head? Ripped out eyes she's always threatening people with?
"Then you look for a target and turn all crazy bitch, trying to kick seven fucking shades of shit out of him! Do you have any fucking idea how embarrassing that was? I'm new here, everyone thinks I'm a fucking nutter as it is, I certainly don't need you running around wild to make that point clear." Why is it that every word she says hurts like a fucking needle? I don't think that I can feel any worse than I currently am, what with her practically hating my very existence. "And stop looking at me like a fucking kicked puppy will you?"
"I'm sorry."
I want to leave, go far, far away from here and never look back.
Perhaps my apologising made her angrier, I really don't know. Somehow I feel like I don't understand her today, like we're sooo fucking far away from one another that I cant even see her any more. She's never felt further away.
She's on her knees, between my thighs grabbing my chin forcefully and making me look at her. That actually hurts. "Wake the fuck up Naomi!.I..I..I don't even recognise you any more." It's her turn to look down, sadness visibly washing over her. What? But...I am to blame here, why should I start yelling and make another scene when she's barley recovered from our lovely reunion?
She surely cant expect me to yell now, can she? "Why are you here Naomi, please, be honest. I cant take no more lies and shit today." Coughing, I try to make my voice work and not sound as fucking broken as I feel. "I...uh...I promised."
My helpless shrug, the way I finally meet her eyes brings a so fucking sad smile to the corners of her lips. "Who've you promised?" She doesn't sound angry any more, she sounds tired. Maybe we can take a nap later on when she's done yelling at me. I feel like I haven't slept for days. Perhaps I haven't. "You. He, he told me that you were being brought to another clinic...highly specialised in young schizophrenics. I...uh..I'm sorry, so sorry but.." I stop there, almost chocking on my words while I act like a fucking doormat, trembling and so fucking devoted.
What's wrong with me? That's not me.
"But what Naomi? Come on love, keep talking." The patience is back in her voice and it makes me draw in a shaky breath. I wipe my wet eyes with my t-shirts tummy fabric, only when I raise my eyes I see where hers are glued to. She's staring at my bare tummy.
In that situation! First she's giving me a right ear-bashing for fucking ever and now she's suddenly fine with eyeing my tits? How the fuck dare she?
I cross my arms and glare at her, making it known that I don't think her weird libido has here any room. "Fine, I'll do that if you fucking stop perving on me." She clearly heard the seriousness and edge in my voice, it makes her gulp and look away. There's a blush creeping up her neck, covering her throat and cheeks, her tiny elf ears are pink.
A sigh left my lips, how can I stay mad at her for nothing?
I mean, she is my girlfriend.
We haven't seen each other in, apparently, over a week and she's not cheated on me. So, seeing my naked torso turned her on, why the fuck am I that defensive?
Because she told me that I'm a shitty girlfriend, an embarrassment, and loads other things that's why.
It hurts.
I'm no expert in being in a relationship but I always thought that the beginnings were supposed to be all sunshine, sex, and smiles? Why wasn't she happy to see me? I've given up soo fucking much to get to her, it's crazy.
We haven't been together for long, a couple weeks only but to me there was something from the day I've kissed her for the first time. I feel so much, soooo fucking much when I am around her that it makes me want to be close to her all the time.
She is good, and god do I need good.
A couple days without her and I've got the results of what a complete fucked up tit I am. Shooting up H? Fucking Effy? Partying like a fucking raver without a care in the world? Snogging her twin, or her sister or what the fuck Emily is.
My head is all over the place.
There are suddenly thoughts bombarding my mind, reminding me of something that's growing so much with every little detail my brains shoots me with.
It's not metaphorically. It feels like my brain actually has a fucking barrel up against my temple and pulling the trigger with every new thought. When she had a go at me, only a few minutes ago, she said some nasty shit but she wasn't wrong, was she?
What was the thing that made me happily jump head first into this relationship? Her goodness. She takes her medication, she takes the therapy serious, she wants and needs to get better. What am I doing?
The first sign of trouble and I fuck off fucking everything well up the way I always do.
She doesn't deserve this.
She deserves soo much more.
Someone who doesn't yell at her when she says I love you for the first time.
Someone who doesn't accuse her of cheating only because she doesn't act the way I want her to.
Someone who can see the difference between their mind fucking them and the truth and not make her cry.
Someone who will get better so they'll be happy and fucking together in the future.
Someone who has a future.
Someone who can be her rock, regardless of their own problems.
Someone who doesn't get so caught up in their own emotions and feelings that they break down because she looked away too fast for my liking.
Someone not accusing her of something their own imagination created and she never ever even thought about, let alone did.
Someone who wouldn't depend on her with their whole heart and soul, who could survive without her for some time instead of feeling like dying as soon as she's gone.
She needs someone who's strong enough to be there for her, help her get through her problems and support her on every little fucking step she takes. Not someone too broken to be anything but a fucking burden for her when all she needs is her mind to be as carefree as possible for horrible therapy sessions and the aftermath.
My lungs tighten and I gasp for air when it hits me that she needs someone who is clearly not me.
Borderline is an umbrella term...every scientist and doctor says that borderline, as borderline doesn't exist.
If you are diagnosed with it there is a 99% chance that you have an eating disorder, addictions, hurt yourself in any way not only the stereotypical cutting and everything you can think of.
It is also 99% positive that you either hate or love someone. When you do...when you let them close...you live for them, you breath for them and it actually feels like you are dying when they leave you.
It is one of the hardest things, to love and leave a borderliner.
They catch you, like a spider, and when you give in you are so involved that you cant just leave. It's an co dependent relationship, friendship, affair, whatever. It is all or nothing and I don't think that Katie has realised that fully.
It pains me to already know that this will break her and not help her like I wish it would.
That I will be that ex for her.
The one that's the reason you get weary and you never fully recover from. The one that brings trust issues out of you, you never really can work through. The one breaking you. Simple as that. "No...no baby." Her hands are on my cheeks and her cute bahookie on my lap, straddling me. "Whatever you're thinking-stop it. It's just...I haven't pegged you for a bag-head honey and it scares me."
My eyes meet hers of their own when I hear that. "The H scared you the most from all of that? Are you serious?"
"I'm really not some boring, prude, lame arse Norman no mates but I thought, I don't know. I thought chang was the most you did, not heroin. Haven't expected that." Bringing my arms around her waist I pull her closer, dying to finally feel her warmth. She doesn't seem to mind, thankfully.
She's so fucking gorgeous.
"I'm not. It was the first time I've tried some and believe me I cant even remember any of it. It's either meds or amphetamine I enjoy. Either up or down but I really respect H too much to make it a habit, seen mates die of it you know. I was too far gone to care when I got my fingers on it, it's really not something I long to do again." I promised and I'm glad she finally sighs in relief. "You're not leaving me?"
She tries to look away, but my fingers gently turn her head back and I watch her hopefully. "Please don't?"
Telling me that she wont took her a while, but slightly nodding only once I got the answer I've wished for. I've hurt her, I know. "Can we..I'm so tired Kay."
She looks to her watch and sighs, not happy with what she sees. "You cant stay Naomi."
"I know. Thought just a nap? I'm really knackered and I'm dying to feel you again." She tries to fight the grin, but when my hands move to her butt she stops trying and rolls her eyes good naturally. Pushing her nose to mine she rubs them together before moving her lips to cover mine in a long chaste kiss.
It touches my heart more than any other kiss we shared until now. "Katie did you mean it?" She shakes her head, showing me that she doesn't want to talk any more. Instead she gently pushed me backwards til I hit the mattress and have her hovering above me. "When you said you loved me in our room?"
Stroking my cheek her eyes run over my face.
I'm scared of her answer. Now, thinking back I can see how my reaction must have hurt her, I made fun of it and fucked off with Effy. I actually pushed her off and left, how can she still be with me?
Leaning down Katie's lips meet mine, just gently resting there for a moment before she pulls away with a smile. Sincere. That's what Katie is, she is sincere and lovely and so fucking gorgeous I should fight tooth and claw to make her happy. "Of course I did. I don't say that just for the knack of it honey."
"I love you too, you know."
"I know."
"And I promise I wont fuck Effy again, not again."
"I'm glad." She nods. "Sweety, I've really got no idea how long I'll last before I bash her head in with a fucking rock if she wont stop acting like you're still hers."
It shouldn't turn me on, hearing her anger and the way she obviously tries to make a point of me being hers. Claiming me. It really shouldn't be such a huge turn on, no. It should make the free spirit inside of me scream and run for its life at the mere suggestion of someone having a hold of me.
My soul is ready though, and so fucking happily running towards the chains, with only excitement and so much hope it should make me sick. "I'm not." I breath.
Her pupils dial when the words hit her and she lets her body softly top mine. Left hand stroking my bare arm, right hand holding her head up, she watches me through hooded lids. The way she bites her lip, her shallow breathing and her left leg thrown across mine with her knee placed directly where I'd want her fingers or mouth to be, leave me snap my eyes shut.
I desperately try controlling myself.
There is this fire burning inside of me whenever she touches me. Every time she does, it is so fucking delicately and yet as if she knew exactly how to play me until I sing her name up to the heavens.
Sometimes she made me moan out really loud.
Some other times she made me bite down on her shoulder and shudder like I was being electrocuted.
Then there were times when I lay with closed eyes and a fucking smile as I came, under her lovely, so fucking amazingly shaped fingers.
One time when she did that thing with her middle finger, pointer and my clit for the first time it made me shriek out in surprise. What a lovely surprise that was, I had to ask her to do that again.
We slept in my bed, or hers, and I remember how it felt to wake up and have her warm body snuggled to me, always groping my tits in her sleep. There wasn't a time that I woke up without her hands on my boobs, such a tits girl.
Sadly that is all there is.
When I think back to psycho Bristol, and when I allow me thinking back, it shocks me that the clinic means one thing for me.
Effy.
Almost every memory I have of it contains her, mostly in the starring role.
Could we work?
Me and Katie, could we work even with this huge shadow of a mesmerising bone bag forever clouding over the memories of our shared nights, bed, dreams and kisses? Could we actually be together without Effy in the picture in some twisted way or another?
I only know what my body tells me right now, everything else seems to fade into the distance.
So with a determinant glance I circle her waist and pull her closer by the small of her back, suppressing a moan when her knee hits my poor clit.
But that is not what I want.
Well not right now.
I cup her neck and lead her down so I can kiss her the way I wanted since she left me standing by that fucking clinic's entrance. My fingers stroke the soft skin I find there, randomly playing with tiny hair I feel while my knee makes its secret way upwards to push into her centre.
Breathing heavily through her nose Katie has her closed her eyes shut really tight, almost as if she's in pain.
But I don't stop.
The hand I have on her back moves very slowly down so I can stretch out my fingers and run them under her shirt. Pushing the material upwards I let my hand tenderly wipe across her hot skin, almost passing out when I feel goosebumps I've made appear everywhere.
I make her chase my tongue before I teasingly wrap my lips around hers and suck. We giggle like cute teenagers having fun making out, and the most beautiful thing about that is that in that moment we are only just that.
There is no borderline.
No schizophrenia.
No Effy.
We are only two girls in love, ready to see where this first love will lead us.
Katie's thigh rips me from my thoughts. She's changed her position a little, leaving her completely on top of me and her right thigh between mine, grinding in a slow rhythm. It matches our snogging, slow but so fucking sexy and passionate. Her whole body moves with her thigh and I am surprised to find what a fucking turn on that is. She's hovering above me, no, not really hovering, it's actually only her torso and head that are a bit above me, not even that. I still feel her tits a bit above mine, so she's actually laying flatly on me. And, the way she moves upwards rhythmically so her thigh can make that wonderful feeling, my clit pulsating, it just looks so fucking sexy I cant help but pull her closer.
My hand has its own ideas, I was trying to behave after all, but it just stealthily moved to her sides, still my whole palm with outstretched fingers, and after touching every bit of her ribcage it just slid around. I'm having her right bra clad tit in the palm of my hand, just holding it as I try to savour the moment.
She hasn't stopped moving yet so that's a good sign, isn't it?
Thinking so, I let my thumbnail drag over her nipple and have to groan when I feel how hard it is already. "Fuck" Her movements have fastened, her breathing did too, and I feel it starting to grow in the pit of my stomach. She just keeps grinding, the way my jeans covered clit enjoys the most, while her teeth make their way from my lips where they've been biting around on to my jaw. She's scarping my skin with them and god do I like it. Brown eyes, so fucking brown that the colour should be renamed because nothing can be that brown, meet mine from time to time, watching for reactions.
Yes, we have been together for a couple weeks now, made out for a couple months but it's not like we were all shagged up in the clinic. Katie was a hard dopey sleepy head for a long time and then there was Effy suddenly talking and me spending the nights with her.
What I try to say is that we don't know our bodies that well. Not yet.
It all is still a bit fresh and new, kinda exciting and that's why I seem to be properly wooed by her simple grinding.
She's reached my throat with her lips. No idea why but she loves kissing it, Effy loved to bite it and fuck me I should really stop thinking about her. She's busy with Emily.
Katie stopped moving upwards, instead she is properly pushing her body into me now, making the contact between my crotch and her thigh soooo much more intense. Then her hands go to my jeans and she is panting into my ear as she tries to get me naked.
I'm a huge sap, cant believe I am actually fucking touched that she doesn't seem to want to move off of me. It's a hassle but I find her annoyance amusing when my leg gets stuck in the denim. "Fuck baby I'm sorry but these gotta go right now. I need to fuck you honey, right now." If that's not a turn on I don't know what is. "Spread your legs a bit." It's so breathy and hoarse that I open my eyes again- only to find myself wearing only knickers she's trying to get me out of.
When did that happen?
I don't know why I still find it a little embarrassing when she is about to see all of me. By god it's not the first time I've had sex but...I get self-concious when her eyes roam my naked lady parts. It's not that I don't like it, I do, she certainly looks like she likes what she's seeing. Perhaps it's the intensity her eyes emit.
It is a different kind of intensity than Effy's eyes hold.
I feel more than see her lips close around my left nipple. A delicious sensation of hot and cold teases me, brought by her breath, tongue and the air when she moves to my other tit.
Katie is everywhere at once, it's not as if I could tell you what she's doing right now. When my brain registers that she's dragging her open lips down my torso I suddenly feel her hot breath on my clit and wonder how she can be everywhere at once.
The only thing I know is that this time she made me moan really loud again.
By the time a persistent knocking registers in my brain I've got Katie to lose her clothes, leaving her only in her bra and knickers. My hand is dangerously playing with the waistband of the cute snoopy knickers and I curse, begging her with my eyes to ignore whoever it is. "It could be a nurse..or someone who heard you and came to kick you out..or"
"Emily and Effy." I finished for her, raising my brow.
I love the grimace her face turns into, all scrunched up as if she's disgusted by the idea of them being anywhere near us. Stretching my hand out I laugh at the way her eyes widen, knowing well what I'm about to do. She shrieks when the elastic band hits her skin after I let go of it. It got her to tickle me, me to top her and make her stop breathing when I sneaked my hand into her knickers and circled her clit. Without any warning.
She's so wet I have to wipe my finger on the inside of her knickers because I've slipped all the time. My efforts are frantic, and I act like I've never loved another woman before what with my eyes dancing around her face and body at huge speed, like I'm unsure if I'm even at the right place.
Sensing my dilemma Katie gently cups my wrist and pulls me down to kiss her, as she slowly started to move my hand again. This time I don't slip and trip over my own fingers.
You may wonder why I behave like that...perhaps you've guess right.
Even though Katie has made me see stars in the past weeks, I haven't touched her like that. It is the first time. Sure, there was a bit of groping and grinding at the clinic, one time my lips tasted her tits but that's it.
She always pulled back before anything could happen.
God I hope she'll let me do this now, she'll let me finish her off. That sounds really nasty, like I'm a bloke but it was hell to have her do all this amazing things to me and not be allowed to return the favour.
"Naomi, love no, stop." She whispers, just like every time at the clinic.
I cant hide the disappointment, annoyance or eye roll and she can see it all. Reaching for my hand she tries to pull me into a huge but this time I don't bulge. Instead I tug my clothes from the foot of the bed and slip back inside of them. "It's fine don't worry."
"It's obviously not fine. Do you know why I don't want you to...to"
"To fuck you."
It's her eyes that roll now, she cant take my childish tantrum serious, perhaps that's a good thing or that'd be the next round for today. "I told you at the clinic that I wont do it as long as you're fucking Effy."
With a sigh I pecked her cheek before pulling her shirt down over her head. She reappears with an amused expression and I grin, kissing her again. "I know. It's fine. Sorry, I just..I'd just really like to feel you. Didn't want to snap at you because of that, it's a thing I can understand. Especially now."
The knocking is back and I raise my brows and only then, when Katie nods, I open it to reveal a glaring Effy and shyly smiling Emily.