Thank you to everybody who read or reviewed the last chapter. Your reviews definitely got me in my writing happy place.

You're going to need a tissue for this chapter, because I swear I almost started crying while writing the first few paragraphs.

The wake-up scene in this chapter is to be substituted for the version in the movie because, although I am about 90% sure certain actors would be willing to film this scene, Paramount would go apoplectic at the mere idea. However, please insert Bones smartass dialogue, because that was pure gold, but I'm not rewriting it verbatim. I love Bones, even when he's being an asshole (okay, especially when he's being an asshole).

Warning: Sexual content

Because this was integral to the plot, I decided to raise the rating of the version on FF instead of posting a clean version here.

Chapter 6: All That Matters

If you asked Jim why he did what he did in the warp core he would say that he would do anything to keep his crew safe. As he made his own death march, Chris's words about how someday he was going to do something so spectacularly fucked up that he was going to take everybody down with him kept on playing in his head. In those last few moments, Jim was determined to make sure that day would not be today.

The truth was that Jim was not that altruistic. He doesn't remember the exact moment that he realized that his dream about Spock dying in the warp core chamber wasn't some crazy dream, but rather a side effect of "emotional transference" (sometimes he really does hate Other Spock). But once he figured it out, he knew there was no way that he was going to let that happen in this world. He just knew he wasn't going to come out of this alive. Jim would happily die a thousand times if it would keep Spock alive. The rest of the crew surviving was just a happy bonus.

In the event of his highly probable demise, he wrote quick messages to his husband, his husband's best friend, and his brother. The letter to Kevin was the hardest to write, even if it was the most simple.

From: KirkJT

To: KirkKR

Time saved: 6/8/2259 4:40:43

Time sent: 6/9/2259 00:00:01

Subject: Your brother really is a fuck up

Take care of mom for me. I'm sorry.

Love, your brother always

He sent his mother a message too, but without words, because he didn't have time to write his mom a letter. That would take days. Instead, it was just a music file containing the song Headlights* with the subject line I'm sorry. All the messages were sent using his delayed delivery system. If things turned out better than expected he could pull back the messages and not deal with a lot of pissed off people. Considering his whole body feels like it's on fire, he's not going to have that chance. At least he got to say goodbye in his own way.

He was just glad that Spock was with him for his final moments because honestly, he was fucking terrified. It hurt so much and not just physically. He didn't want to leave him behind, but he could leave this world as long as he knew that Spock was safe. Jim knew that Nyota would take care of him, even without his final message. She was probably the only person that loved Spock as much as he did, just in a really different way, contrary to what a certain condescending friend believed.

Okay so he really shouldn't die still being mad at Bones, but he doesn't have the time.

Shit!

He should've sent him a message too, but he didn't think it would come to this. Okay, he did, but he didn't.

For his entire childhood, Jim was resentful of his father playing the martyr. He was furious at the man for leaving him behind to deal with asshole stepfathers and crazy moms who went off the wagon spectacularly. He hated him for so long for playing the hero and leaving Jim behind to pick up the broken pieces.

Now that he's on the other side of the glass with his hand pressed up against Spock's, he understood why George Kirk did what he did. He died so that Jim and Winona could live their life because he loved both of them so much. He has heard multiple times that the ultimate show of love is to give your life, but he didn't understand what that really meant until now. Jim will do the same as his father, because he really does love Spock, more than life itself.

Maybe Spock will be mad at him too, but he really doesn't give a fuck because as long as Spock is alive to be mad at Jim, that is all that matters. With his last breath he made sure that Spock knew that he loves him so much.

Or at least at the time he thought that was his last breath. Now, he feels Spock's presence inside him. Everything is disjointed, but he hears Spock's voice clearly. Half of it is in Vulcan because that is usually the language that Spock thinks in when he is stressed. However, he can make out a litany of "I love you", "don't leave me ever again", and "I'm sorry". Yes, Spock is actually using contractions. He doesn't say them out loud, but sometimes Jim can hear them in Spock's thoughts.

Words fall away for memories. He remembers their first kiss with a bad Maroon 5 cover playing in the background. He remembers the taste of Spock's mouth that first time.

He remembers the first time things went beyond heated make out sessions during their first Christmas together. He remembers the feel of Spock in his mouth and the taste of Spock on his lips after release. He remembers the touch of cooler skin against his sweat soaking body and the touch of Spock's hand wrapped around him.

He remembers the first time they made love. He was fucking petrified. He was afraid Spock would leave, afraid that the man would figure out that he wasn't worth it, that underneath the tough captain personna, he really was that screwed up. He remembers being face-to-face with Spock. He was still afraid, but he wasn't. Spock's mouth is on his, he was inside him completely, both in body and mind, and he could deal with his fear because Spock was with him. He didn't have to go through it alone. He would never be alone again.

The words "I love you, T'hy'la" bring him out of the memories as his eyes open. He has no idea where he is, except this is not Enterprise and Spock is still with him. There is too much natural light and whatever he is wearing is a lot itchier than his uniform. That's when he realizes that Spock is above him with his fingers grazing his melt points.

"Spock," Jim whispered as he reached out to touch his husband's face. It felt so good to feel Spock against his fingers. He didn't think he would ever get to experience this again.

"I was certain a mind meld between James and Spock would wake him up," he heard a voice that was distinctly Vulcan say in the background.

"Wake up?" He whispered the words. Bones' response was to tell him not to be so melodramatic, as he started scanning his body. According to Bones, he was barely dead and they created some miracle drug out of the blood of "he who will not be named" to take care of his radiation problem. Jim isn't paying attention because Spock is now caressing his face and everything else is falling away. He needed to feel him. He needed to know that Spock is here and everything is real and this isn't his twisted version of the afterlife, not that most of his generation believes in that.

Spock was- okay, now Spock's mouth was on his. The man tasted like chocolate, hazelnuts and croissants, along with the taste that is purely Spock. It's a rough kiss with teeth and tongues and hands that are going everywhere. At some point he could feel Spock rolling onto the bed and, for all intents and purposes, was straddling him.

"I don't think he's feeling power-mad or despondent, just horny." He heard a voice that he would recognize anywhere, because the woman has been one of the few constants in his life since he was 10 years old.

Okay, the situation had to be bad for the mere fact that Dr. Suarez was not only back on earth, or wherever the hell they were, but also in his hospital room. This was not good at all. He was expecting the mother of all therapy sessions due to his martyrdom, or rather attempted martyrdom.

"I bet you didn't think that the results would be so pornographic, Dr. Weston," Dr. Suarez said, actually laughing. "Is super blood an aphrodisiac? This is not normal."

There may have been a pause in the conversation, but Spock was sucking on his tongue, so he really didn't pay attention.

"Okay, under normal circumstances, this probably would be normal sexual behavior for two people who had oral sex during a vid-conference with the admiralty. However, this is not normal after being in a coma for eight days. What the hell did that super blood do to him?" If Spock's hands were not all over him, he would probably be upset that his therapist just told two other people about him going down on Spock during a Vid-conference with the Idiots That Be. Nobody else knew about that besides Chris…

That's when it hit him. Chris is dead—but Jim is not, because Spock is kissing him as if his life depends upon it. In a way, Jim does feel like at this moment, his life depends on Spock kissing him.

"God, I didn't need to know that. I don't need to see this," Bones said with an audible sigh, but he's not paying attention. The only thing that matters is Spock. He can hear Spock in his head apologizing. Apparently those emails (and teaching Kevin how to hack) were biting him in the ass because Kevin was a complete ass to Spock and now his husband believes that Jim's "death" was all his fault.

"You've just been in a coma for the last eight days after being severely irradiated. You need to stop making out now," Bones shouted, but Jim really didn't care. He just needed to touch Spock. He wonders if he kisses the man enough, Spock will realize that none of this was his fault. He sends these thoughts through their bond, because he can't be bothered to speak. That would require him to stop kissing Spock. That was just not an option right now.

"I don't think that's going to help," one of the other doctors murmured.

"This is actually typical behavior for Vulcan couples after a near-death experience, Jim vaguely hears the Vulcan doctor say. He wouldn't be surprised, because Vulcans have a tendency to keep their kinkier habits to themselves.

As he kept making out with his husband, he heard the following from his favorite grumpy doctor:

"Don't put your hands there!"

"Will you please stop straddling my patient!"

"Christ, you've been in a coma for a week. This is no time for you to be trying to fuck your husband. You're in a hospital for god's sake!"

And finally, "I will hypo both of you if you don't stop now."

"Oh please, you're an amateur," he heard his former therapist say as she actually dumped a bucket of ice water on top of him and Spock.

"Both of you get back on your beds, NOW!" Dr. Suarez said, using her best doctor voice. "I know you two miss each other and are happy that you're both alive, but Jim, you just regained consciousness after being in a coma for the last eight days. Also, for four of those days, Spock was in a coma with you. Both of you unbelievably horny gentlemen keep your hands to yourselves. Otherwise, I'm going to be a little more direct with my placement of the ice water." Her tone told Jim exactly where she would pour ice water, but he wasn't concerned with that.

"Wait, you were in a coma too?" he asked worriedly. "What happened?" he asked, finally coming out of the fog of being comatose for eight days.

"I tried to tell you, but you were too busy being humped by your husband," Bones retorted.

"Tell me again?" he asked hoarsely.

To be continued.

Remember your reviews keep me in the writing happy place. If you're interested in a fluffy Jim and Spock story with a lot less angst than this one, please check out my two stories for KS Advent 2013, Operation Cheer Jim Up and I Think There are Rules About This Sort of Thing.

*I chose to use the song Headlights by Eminem because the first time I heard it I thought this song fit Jim and Winona's relationship in this story perfectly. Because in the reboot films, Jim is a connoisseur of 20th and 21st century rap and hip-hop, I could see him being familiar with the song or at least a remake of it.