Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
AN: I am in the process of fixing this story, there were a lot of mistakes, some content might change, if it does I will let all of you know. I just felt that as the story goes on Edward lost some of his edge so I wanted to fix that.
This chapter has a lot of content added to it.
This is also being posted at The Writer's Coffee Shop Library.
Chapter 10
Charlie took my arrival home in stride, seeing as I showed up at his door at two am with tears running down my face mumbling that I was an idiot. He pulled me in, walked me up the stairs and put me in my old bed. Later that morning he sat at the kitchen table as I explained everything. Well everything but about mine and Edward's little sexual encounters, I seriously didn't think Charlie should hear about his daughter having sex in a supply closet.
I told Charlie about Edward and how much I wanted to be with him, but that Edward didn't want to have children with me, ever. My father couldn't understand why a man wouldn't want to have a child, especially one with someone as wonderful as me. At least that is what Charlie said. He then hugged me and told me I was his greatest gift and greatest joy in life. He firmly supported my decision by calling Edward a fool and a dickhead. Yes Charlie said dickhead.
The rest of the day we made plans. Part one we put into effect that day. Charlie took my letter of resignation over to the police station and faxed it to Jasper for me. Then he called Billy out at the rez and got some of the boys to agree to help me move out of my place in Seattle. And Charlie got a rental space to store my stuff nearby. Then he explained that I was home, and that I never had to move out if I didn't want to. I would miss the city, but I was starting to believe I didn't belong there.
In a way I could see that my father was in fact enabling me to run away from my problems. Though in his defense, he only wanted my happiness and seeing your daughter crushed on your door step has to have an effect. And seeing as I had run to him not to long before, clearly he was now in over protective mode wanting to keep me close by.
Jasper called my cell reminding me that my contract stated that I needed to work my two weeks notice out. I called his office phone after hours reminding him that I had several weeks vacation I had yet to use that he could apply as my notice. He called back, again I let it go to voice mail and tried to explain that it didn't work like that. Charlie upon seeing me cry in the kitchen listening to my voice mail got out of me what was going on and called Jasper himself. Whatever Charlie said must have worked because when Charlie handed me the phone Jasper sighed and informed me that my resignation had been accepted, effective immediately and my two weeks notice waived. I was also getting a nice check for all my back vacation I had never used. I tried to argue that wasn't necessary but Jasper informed me it would be direct deposited Monday into my account and not to argue. He then hung up on me.
Letting go of my job had meant letting go of the Cullens. I never realized how much they had come to mean to me until they were no longer in my life. Jasper and Emmett were like the crazy older brothers I would never have. Carlisle and Esme were like second parents to me. Rose and Alice my sisters. And Edward, God I couldn't even think of him without crying. It hurt so much to be without him, that sometimes I was close to forgetting about having a child and just run back into my lovers arms.
I realized not long after I got home that I had fallen in love with Edward. I had tried to fight it, but I knew that I was in fact in love with him. He was smart, kind, witty, handsome and he was able to see past my walls and was able to get to me. No man had ever done that. I honestly doubted that any other man would be able to again. This news however didn't lessen my resolve, it only strengthened it. Knowing that I loved him made me want to protect him. I knew that if I went back the issue of a child would always come between us. Breaking us apart. I would hurt him more in the long run, than I did now by my going. This had to be better all around.
I was overjoyed the day Jacob, Embry and Quil brought my things to Forks. My laptop and my soft sheets that were worth every freaking penny I spent on them made me do the dance of joy. The boys laughed when I fell while doing said dance of joy on my father's front lawn. My clumsy nature once again causing my downfall. Though the thought that came to mind while they laughed, that Edward would just worry and pick me up hurt worse than the fall did.
It wasn't too hard to find a job. My qualifications were stellar and the recommendation of the police chief led to a job as an office manager for Masen Development. It was a development company that had been building homes in the pacific Northwest for over 50 years. They had offices all over. However they had a pilot office here in Forks that was working on remodeling and building environmentally friendly homes only. They worked in the neighboring towns as well, but were cutting overhead cost by basing this project out of Forks. It was a good job, decent wages and a lot more free time than I had at Cullen Inc.
Charlie and I fell into a good pattern. I cooked dinner 5 nights a week, and he promised not to blow up the microwave again by putting the whole jar of sauce in. Irina would feed him the other two nights, or he'd have pizza. I think my moving here may have hurt the diner financially since Charlie was once their number one customer. No lie they had a plaque with his name and picture saying Best Customer. Personally I believed as much as he ate there over the years he's probably invested enough of his money to be a part owner.
Irina and I sort of got along. She would drop hints about rentals opening up in town, and then tell me how happy my Dad is that I moved back home. I think she missed the sexy times with my Dad. Which made me want to vomit. Though the dropping of rentals hints stopped when Charlie heard her one time and stepped in. "Why the hell would she want to rent some place when this house is going to be hers someday anyways? Plus I love having my baby girl home." He smiled at me and took another gulp of his beer. Clearly Irina realized then that if it came down to choosing between us, he'd pick me. Hell he even gave up his sexy times at the house, even though I offered to find a new place, or go out to the movies or something. He said I could go to the movies if I wanted to, not because I thought he needed alone time and that this was my home and no one would ever change that. He also added that he didn't want to be a bad influence by having premarital sexual relations in the house. And people wonder why I'm so old fashion.
I went two months without hearing anything from the Cullens. Two months in which I dreamed of Edward. I often would cry at night for my lost love. I wondered if Charlie kept me so close because he sympathized. He had lost my Mother years ago because she at the time hadn't wanted a child. The irony was not lost on me.
Two months, three weeks and one day since I'd last talk to/been with Edward I received a phone call in the middle of the night.
"Hello?" I mumbled. I had been sound asleep and figured only an emergency could be behind this call. I knew Dad was on duty so I worried.
"Bewa." A familiar yet slurring voice hit my ears and my stomach dropped.
"Edward?" I asked softly, instantly awake.
"Come homes." He demanded.
"Edward I am home." I replied. It was only a half truth and I knew it. I was at home in his arms more than anywhere else. But that was the one place I couldn't be.
"Mine." He grunted. "Need you."
"Goodbye Edward." I hung up the phone and fell into deep sobs. The next day I got a new phone and number.
~0~
Another month flew by and the holidays descended upon us. It was two days before Thanksgiving and somehow I had become the designated cook for Charlie's group of friends. My three movers, Billy and Irina were all going to be piled into our small home watching football and stuffing their faces. Irina offered to help, but honestly I tasted her cooking before and no way was I doing it again if I could help it. She made macaroni and cheese soup and rock hard hamburgers. Not cool.
Of course Thanksgiving dinner is why I'm now standing here in the Thriftway shopping for a turkey that was big enough for all the carnivorous males about to descend upon my household. Jake, Quil and Embry alone could eat 20 lbs of turkey at one setting.
"Bella Swan?" A voice I didn't recognize got my attention.
"Yes?" I looked at the woman around my age smiling.
"Bella I haven't seen you since high school." She squealed pulling me into a hug. She was pudgy and cute with really dyed blonde hair, and I had no fucking clue who she is.
"Wow high school, so long ago." I mumbled out, trying not to seem like a clueless bitch for not knowing her.
"Kate does your Mom want canned Cranberries or fresh?" A man asked the woman in front of me and I did a double take. No way was this Kate Standish.
"Garrett get both I can't remember for the life of me." She laughed. "Bella that's my husband Garrett, we came home for Christmas so Mom and Dad could meet their new Grandbaby girl." She then proceeded to pull out a picture of a pretty little baby girl with light blue eyes.
"She's adorable." I smiled. This was in fact Kate Standish, I recognized her parents in the picture beside the one of the baby. She had put on around 20lbs and lightened her hair, but it was her.
"Are you here visiting Charlie?" She asked nicely.
"I kind of moved back in with him."
"Wow." She looked shocked.
"Yea I was working in Seattle and had a bad break up and wanted to come home." It was a short and not completely truthful explanation but I barely knew this woman.
"Understandable. Hey if you want to get together this week let me know." She handed me a card with her cell number on it and I smiled. We exchanged a few more pleasantries and I had to excuse myself to get home in time to feed Charlie.
The ride home I had flashes of a baby girl with green eyes sitting on my Dad's lap while Edward held me tight. I was still so fucked.
~0~
Two twenty pound turkeys, five side dishes, lots of crescent rolls and seven pies were being feasted upon at the Swan dining table, and living room sofa because we needed the extra room. Honestly I think Jake ate a whole turkey himself. It made me think of Emmett, which made me think of Edward and my happy mood dissipated. I made it through the meal though and desert. We then settled in front of the television to watch Felix and the Seahawks take on the Cowboys.
Irina helped me clean up and I sent a pumpkin pie home with Billy and Jake. I figured it wouldn't last the night. Charlie was napping on the sofa and Irina and I had to laugh at his snoring.
"I think he's in a turkey induced coma." She giggled.
"Tell me about it." I laughed. "This is the first year in six years he's had off for Thanksgiving, I think he's enjoying the experience to its fullest extent." I joked.
"I know he usually volunteers to work because you only came for Christmas. This year he wanted to be here with you." I smiled at her.
"I know, I felt bad about that but I had to work the day after so there was no point to drive down for three hours and drive right back." I sighed.
"He understood Bella." She assured me.
"He's a great Dad." I suddenly said and she broke into a wide grin.
"He would say you're a great daughter." Impulsively I hugged her. It wasn't as motherly or wonderfully warm as hugging Esme, but it was nice.
The ringing phone broke me out of my thoughts of Esme and the other Cullens. I walked over to answer it before it woke Charlie up.
"Hello?"
"Bella!"
"Jake?" I laughed didn't his ass just leave?
"Bella can I talk to Charlie?" He sounded upset.
"Sure let me wake him up." Irina hearing me ran over to get my Dad. "It's Jake he sounds upset." I told him handing him the phone.
"Boy this better be good I was sleeping." Charlie said gruffly. "What?!?" He sounded pissed. "I'll be there in ten minutes." My Dad slammed down the phone, grabbed his badge, gun, and car keys then left without a word. His face had been pinched and he looked livid. Someone was going to feel the wrath of Chief Charles "Charlie" Swan.
~0~
EPOV
The leaves have all turned and fallen, the sky has gotten greyer if that is possible, the cold has taken its hold. All of this is nature's way of proving to me that even though I've lost everything time goes on, life goes on.
I pulled open the bottle of bourbon and started filling my glass for the fifth time this evening. The fire burning down my throat makes me remember I'm alive, the numb of the alcohol helps me make it through the night.
It's been over three months since my life walked out the door. I couldn't explain and she wouldn't listen. Then the anger took over and I began to wonder if she just wanted me for a kid, and it hurt. So like the monster I am I took it to far. Now I'm floating on a sea of ninety proof all the way to drunkville.
My family beg me to just go after her, tell her the truth. Do something other than drink away my life. When I demanded that they stop, that it was over and we had to deal with it they tried to set me up with someone else. I had laughed in their faces and stormed out of my parents' home. They haven't tried to set me up again. Though they were trying about everything to make me human and whole again. It was never going to happen without her. Bella was my other half, how can I be whole with that part missing?
Jasper and Emmett both complained that I let her walk away to easy. They didn't know that I'm still taking care of her. Grandfather Masen's company that I inherited upon his death pays her the same as she made here, while working her only half as hard. She really had little to do. I felt like in a way I was taking care of her, that I made sure she could pay her bills, and that she wasn't over worked. Call me a controlling asshole all you want but I love her and I know she'd never accept a large lump sum dumped monthly into her checking account.
I went so far as to buy an house in Forks that is being fixed up. If she decides she no longer wants to live with her Father, I will find a way for her to rent it. Cheaply. I was making it safe so my love wouldn't have to worry. All new wiring, plumbing, flooring the works.
I promised myself I wouldn't bother her. Wouldn't go after her. She wanted freedom and I would give it to here. And I have already screwed up once since she walked away. I called her at a low moment in the middle of the night, drunk begging her to come back. She rightly hung up on my dumb ass.
Every night I battle with myself. My self hatred over the fact that I wanted to give her everything, but couldn't give her the one thing she wanted caused this internal battle. Half of me wanted to find a way to give her want she wanted, the other screamed that if she loved me it wouldn't have mattered. All of me wished I had played my hand differently.
My phone ringing pulled me out of my self hate fog.
"Yea?"
"Edward turn on the news!" Alice screamed at me. And I quickly fumbled for my remote. I put on the news and saw nothing unusual just the weather guy promising a forecast after the break.
"Al there is nothing on but commercials." I complained.
"CBS news Edward."She informed me, her voice sounded like she was crying. I quickly flipped the channel.
" Once again a shoot out happened at a small gas station at the boarder of Forks and La Push Indian Reservation. No details have emerged as of now on who is inside and who is doing the shooting. A tragic way for this small town to end their Thanksgiving day."
The camera panned around, I saw the crowd mostly tall Native American men, a few women thrown in. However what caught my eye was a pale white woman holding on to a slightly taller, slightly tanner woman. Bella was there. My Bella was near a shoot out. She was in danger.
"Alice I have to go!" I shouted and she whimpered.
"Be careful Edward!" I hung up and began searching my address book.
"Dominic get to gas station that's on the news. Bella is there. Make sure she is safe."
Now I was glad I took that extra step in protecting Bella. Besides the job and the home if she needed it, I had a bodyguard on hand to protect her should the need arise. Dominic wasn't around since it was late in the evening and she was suppose to be at home with Charlie as was suppose to have the night off. Damn.
I knew I was in no shape to drive at the moment. But I also knew this pushed me over the edge. I couldn't be away from her, not being there to make sure she's safe, to hold her, to love her was getting to me. All these years all my heart was hers. I needed to clean up, I needed to pull myself together. I was going to get my life back. This time I wasn't taking no, even if I had to kidnap her, Bella was coming home where I could watch over her.
For now I would have Dominic watch her. If something went wrong I would go to her immediately. However I wanted to sober up and put myself back together before I went to get her. I promised myself then and there I would have my love back in my arms by Christmas morning. Only a month and everything would be alright.
~0~
BPOV
Idiots! Plain and simple they were stupid idiots! The call that pissed Charlie off so bad? Turns out two seventeen year old boys got wasted on acid and decided to rob a gas station for beer with their Dads' hunting rifles. The media of course turned it into some big shoot out. The only person hurt was one of the boys who shot his big toe off. Both were now sitting in Charlie's jail waiting on the judge who was more than a little pissed to have his holiday weekend ruined.
Irina and I had rushed to the scene when she got a call from her friend about news trucks showing up and Charlie cussing like a sailor outside of the Citgo station. We found out the whole story once we got there. I had worried about my Dad, not about him getting shot, but about what he was going to do to those boys when he got his hands on them. But I have to say I am proud of him, he handled the situation humanely, he only put the cuffs on too tight and called both boys dumbasses to their faces. Of course the boys parents couldn't wait to get their hands on their children. I heard red ass and won't walk for a month out of at least one father. I wouldn't want to be them right now. Really wouldn't want to be any of them!
~0~
Two weeks later the media had gone home, the boys had set court dates and I felt like I was being followed. Weird. I received a Christmas card in the mail from Esme and Carlisle with a note begging me to call them. They missed me and Esme really wanted to talk to me. After three hours of fighting it I called but only got the answering machine. I left a short message wishing them a happy holiday. I really didn't know what else to say. I also mailed them a nice card and small note wishing them well. I really did miss them. All of them.
That night I had crazy dreams, all of them about Edward. He was screaming for me. Begging me to come home, but every time I tried to reach out to touch him he was pulled back. I also dreamed of a loud explosion and fire. Edward was screaming for me to keep back, stay safe. I could feel pain flowing from his body, blood dripping down his face. I woke up screaming so loud Charlie came into my room and rocked me as I sobbed.
Every night for a week I had the explosion dream. Every night I felt Edward being pulled further and further away from me.
~0~
The sun was bright through my window waking me from a restless sleep. I looked to see snowflakes gently falling down. I groaned. I also heard the banging on the front door. It was only eight am, who the hell was that? Grabbing my robe I ran down the stairs startled to see Alice standing on my front porch.
"Alice?" I said in shock opening the door.
"Bella get dressed you have to come!" She screamed running up my stairs. I followed behind her.
"Alice what is going on?" I begged.
"It's Edward." My stomach dropped. "Earlier this week he was in a car accident. This is the first time I've been able to get away to come get you. He's been in and out of consciousness, each time he wakes up he calls for you." I fell to my knees.
"Alice," I sobbed, "is he, do they know…?" I trailed off.
"They don't Bella. They have already performed surgery twice. He's been stitched up, bandaged and there was some internal bleeding they finally got it to stop though." She sobbed back pulling me into a hug. We sat there rocking for a moment. Just needing to feel each others' comforting touch. The image of my love, my Edward beaten and scarred filled me with strength. I had to get to him.
I rushed around throwing clothes in a bag, and on myself. Quickly brushing my hair into a pony tail and brushing my teeth, throwing both brushes into my clothes bag. I grabbed Alice and we rushed out the door. I called Charlie on his cell and explained to him what was going on and where I was going. He wasn't happy that it involved Edward but he could understand.
We drove fast, way too fast to the small airport in Port Angeles. It was quicker to fly than to drive to Seattle. The small Cullen family plane waited on us there. Before we knew it we landed and grabbed Alice's car back to the hospital. She filled me in on the details and I was shocked at how similar it was to my dream. Edward standing back from his car while it exploded. After the crash he had pulled himself out and made it far enough away before the explosion to save his life. Thank God.
When we reached the hospital we rushed up to the ICU floor. The Cullen family was huddled together watching the elevator. Carlisle pointed to the room and I took a breath and walked in. There he laid my sweet Edward. A cut above his eye that had a couple of stitches, a little bruising and a ton of machines hooked up to him. I watched him for a few moments, breathing him in. Feeling whole for the first time since the time in the office supply closet, where Mrs. Cope had walked in on us.
"Edward?" I whispered. Nothing. "Edward?" I said a little louder and his eyes fluttered open. The green gaze even dulled by medicine were still beautiful.
"Bella?" He asked harshly.
"Yes." I walked closer to his bed, touching his un-bandaged right hand gently. "I'm here, I just found out." I assured him. I wanted him to know I came the minute I knew he needed me.
"Why are you here?" He demanded.
"Because you asked for me, you needed me…" And I need you was my next phrase but he cut me off.
"Go Bella, you don't belong here anymore. You walked away from me four months ago, do you really think I want your pity now?" He basically yelled. Tears fell from my eyes.
"Edward…"
"Go!" He pointed to the door and I ran out. Emmett gathered me into his arms and rocked me. He kept whispering that it would be alright. I knew it wouldn't Edward didn't want me anymore.
Love was dead.