Note- This chapter is dedicated to Posionchik88, who inspired me to work more on this fic after she reviewed my other stories. I always struggle with Lomax, so that's why this hasn't been updated in a month.

Move On and Break Down

Chapter Eleven

May 2008

Maxie needs Logan. She knows that now. There is no denying it anymore, so she won't even try. There is only one thing on earth that makes her heart stop aching and her soul stop feeling numb-and that one thing is Logan Hayes kissing her.

She's almost certain she does the same thing back for him.

But he's so damn pessimistic and bitter that he can't just enjoy the feeling. Can't just take his reprieve from being in constant pain and be thankful he found it. No. He has to look for ways to ruin it.

So less than twenty four hours after they made love- no, it was not just sex, she is a liar but she won't lie about that- he shows up at her job with some crazy theory that they are about to be arrested for a murder they didn't commit.

Maxie does not want to hear that garbage. She don't need another reason to feel terrified, or fear the morning that is coming. She wants Logan to give her what he did last night. His lips on her. Some peace of mind. A way to quiet the demons on her shoulders and ghosts in her head.

She pulls him into her Kate's office, knowing that if her boss walks in she will be so fired but wanting him too much to let that stop her. Its already eight pm. Kate won't be back tonight anyway.

Maxie shoves Logan against the door.

"Happy?" she taunts him. "You remember what that feels like right? It was just last night I made you pretty damn happy."

His hands cup her face when he whispers "You want to live in the land of denial, huh, Max?"

"This is the only reality I give a damn about right now."

Her lips slam into his. There's nothing gentle about the way she kisses him. Nothing kind and soft. No sweetness. Nothing that feels like love. But there is love there. Angry, jaded, untrusting, needy, desperate, uncompromising, sometimes shameless and sometimes shame filled, love. Maybe it is wrong to feel anything at all for him. Maybe its her ultimate sin.

Even knowing that won't stop her now though. Nothing can make her give him up another time. Not when she knows this. Not when she knows he can make her feel alive again.

Maxie kisses him fiercely. Doing her damn level best to show him the version of love that she can offer him now- imperfect but real.

Don't be an idiot, she silently tells him, Take it. Take me.

XXXXXXXXXX

Logan grabs her by both arms, his mouth never leaving hers, and yanks her close to him. Then he twists them around, so she is the one with her back against the door. He jerks away from her. His eyes zone in on her mouth- the short little gasps of air she is letting out, how her lipstick is smeared. He nearly groans out loud when her tongue darts out and swipes over her bottom lip.

He wants to see her only as someone to screw around with...he wants to make that lie work for him. Take the easy way out another time. But he just can't quite go there in his mind. For as much as Logan lies, its impossible to lie to himself right now about what this second chance with Maxie means to him.

Her every kiss brings him back to the land of the living.

Logan knows he does not deserve her kisses. He knows that most other men would walk away from her, out of respect for Cooper, if nothing else.

He's a selfish bastard for taking up again with his best friend's girl, now that his best friend is too dead to put up a fight for her. So what? He's been worse before. Over her. He's been every shade of wrong already. What's one more?

Justifications. He's so very good at them. He just needs to string together enough to make this be okay.

She grabs his shirt and presses her hands up underneath it. "Get this off. Now."

A slow grin curves over his lips. He reaches behind her and quickly slides down the zipper on her dress. "You first."

With a smirk, she takes his dare and pushes her dress off her shoulders, letting it pool around her feet. She steps out of it.

His eyes move down her body, as he swallows hard at the sight of her in a pink thong and strapless bra. Logan's hands cup her face and he is just about to kiss her when she makes a sound that stops him.

Maxie smiles. "Strip for me."

With his eyes locked on hers, Logan steps back and peels off his shirt. He kicks off his shoes. Holding his hands out to his sides, he silently conveys to her that if she wants his pants off, then she will have to flick open the button. She takes a few steps, till she is pressed flush against him, and does just that, then slowly slides down the zipper. Her hand brushes over him but she moves back quickly.

He wants her hand back on him so bad that he tries to slide out of his jeans in record speed and only ends up falling on the floor. With a giddy, carefree laugh Maxie straddles him and says "You are such a mess...you know that right? A walking disaster."

"Believe me, I'm aware, darlin."

She leans down. Her bra clad nipples rub against his chest, as she nips at his ear and whispers "But you're my disaster." She sits up slightly, so that there eyes can meet, as the moonlight streams in the window over them. "Aren't you?"

XXXXXXXXXX

Maxie knows she is just asking for trouble. She should just take the sex he is offering and leave it at that. But sex will not save her life. And it sure as hell won't save her soul. She needs him for more than just for sex and, God help her, she is gonna have this crazy, reckless man as her own. This time around he will belong just to her.

Logan eyes bore into hers, but he doesn't say a word. Instead his hands come up and undo her bra, letting it fall off of her. His hands cover her breasts.

Her hands cover his. "Say it, Logan. Don't hold out on me...don't you dare."

He caresses her, still staying silent. She bites her lips as his ministrations send sparks shooting through her.

Maxie whispers, as her voices cracks with emotion, and her hips grind down against him. "You know you are...you know it."

Why does he have to make this all so hard? she asks herself, just as he starts to massage her faster and rougher. Her hands run through her own hair as she cries out in pleasure and arches her back, pressing her breasts more into his hands.

The past, the future, the pain, the tears, the lies, what he has said before, and what he won't say now, all disappear as Logan rolls her over and brings his mouth to hers. She's too caught up in his kisses to fight with him anymore. It feels so damn good to be kissed by this man...no wonder he can make her go half crazy...anyone would go crazy over kisses like this.

XXXXXXXXX

His mouth is a secret weapon he can use to make her stop thinking, and so he does. Logan knows he should have just told Maxie the truth: Yeah, I'm yours. You ain't noticed that by now?

But he couldn't get the words out.

For if he breaks her this time, there will be no Coop to come and save her. She'll be left in pieces and it will be all his fault. Still...he's gonna risk it anyway. Cause he isn't strong enough to turn and walk away. She's offering him a shot at salvation. Even if he thinks he don't deserve it and it can't last, he's gonna take it anyway.

His mouth breaks away from hers and starts to kiss down her body. Every place his lips touch he treats like a precious discovery...like this is the first time all over again...but this time its not a hot, sweaty, hard, fast, dirty little afternoon screw...this time he makes love to her, like he did the night before in his truck. For if Logan is diving back into madness with Maxie, it will not be just for the sake of a quick fuck. If she is his now...then she gets all of him...his mixed up mind, his tattered heart, his bruised soul and broken spirit...and his love.

All or Nothing. Take it or leave it, he silently tells her as he slides inside of her and her legs wrap around his back. You really want this, girl? His eyes met hers. You think you can handle me loving you?

Almost as if she can read the questions in his eyes, Maxie tells him "Yes."

He starts to move in her and, for a little while there, life does make sense to Logan. This is why he didn't die yet...her.

Maxie still needs him around.