What is Ultra 64 fighting for? Peace, love, and laughter. That, and kicking ass! Mega Man X4 is up next!
ATUHOR'S NOSE: This one's pretty damn long, actually. It kinda stretches the definition of a supercondensation, but remember, this is Revokov-style.
It's after the events of Mega Man X3, the one for the SNES that we didn't do.
U64 Fans: BOO! BOOO!
Shut up. This is random selection. Anyway, TWO things are happening at the same time. One: some cloaked dude is talking to the reploid equivalent of Andre the Giant.
???: You must destroy the Maverick Hunters!
General of the Repliforce: No can do, mystery man who I'm sure has to be the bad guy from the past three games.
Two: resident bishonen guy Zero has a nightmare, starring some guy who looks vaguely familiar…
Dr. Wily: Our rivalry gives me motivation in life. Now kill him!
Zero: Hey, wait, aren't you dead?
Anyway, with those two intro movies out of the way, it's time to start the game! The titular wuss from the last three games, Mega Man X, as well as the aforementioned Zero, head to Sky Lagoon for various reasons. Either way, they meet Magma Dragoon, who flies away just as the whole floating city…
Knuckles: HEY! THAT'S MY SCHTICK!
…goes down. Clearly he's the perpetrator. Anyway, they traverse the fallen flying city and Zero meets his girlfriend Iris. X meets diddly.
Iris: Ow, my robotic equivalent of an ankle~!
They both fight KING DRAGON, and he falls down. Then Colonel shows up.
Colonel of the Repliforce: Oh look, there's my sister. I'm off to rescue her!
Maverick Hunters: License and registration, please.
Colonel of the Repliforce: How dare you!
After that scandal, Repliforce decides to make their own nation of people. Er, robots.
General of the Repliforce: Today's our INDEPENDENCE DAY!
Colonel of the Repliforce: Hey, I love that movie!
???: Wait, that actually worked? Holy sh-I mean, OF COURSE IT WORKED! It's my brilliant plan, after all.
In 21XX, war is beginning.
Double: All your base are belong to mavericks! You know what you doing?
Mega Man X: For great justice.
Meanwhile, Iris is at Zero's side of the HQ.
Iris: My brother started the coup! Don't fight him!
Zero: No… really? I never expected that! Now I have no reason to fight him at all!
Iris: …
Zero: But I'm still going to fight him, you know.
Iris: Damn it.
Zero traipses through enemy bases, while X finds important stuff.
Dr. Light: Here's the Force Armor. You can destroy bigger stuff with this.
Mega Man X: Does this make me less of a wuss?
Dr. Light: No.
He's wrong. X actually gets the coolest move in the game with this armor: the Nova Strike. Anyway, Zero rushes to enemy base!
Bosses: Wait, we have descriptive lines now? COOL!
"X and Zero are sure they are very nice lines, but they still wipe the floor with four of the eight Maverick bosses" Who comes up with this crap?
Revokov: …Don't look at me.
Zero gets a call from Colonel Sanders.
Colonel of the Repliforce: I am so going to own you, n00b.
Zero: Shame on you! You caused this coup, right?
Iris: Seriously? I have to stop them? But watching them argue is sooo fun~!
Read the script, Iris.
Iris: Awwww~
Colonel: Oh look, my chauffer's here. Next time, there will be no mercy! (leaves)
Zero: Repliforce must be stopped!
While Iris is torn between rooting for her brother or lover, the less-wussified Mega Man X goes all macho and tackles the other three bosses and Dragoon.
Magma Dragoon: I'm going to burn you to a crisp, especially since I was the one to make Sky Lagoon fall.
Mega Man X: Wait, you did that?
During this fight, you're probably in a Ride Armor, which makes the battle significantly easier. So while Dragoon is making like Akuma, X is doing Zero's thing by stabbing him. Seriously.
Magma Dragoon: Hadouken!
Dragoon still gets his ass handed to him on a silver platter, though. Anyway, with him down, X takes down the other three: Walrus, Stingray, and Beast. With that, the dynamic duo of awesomeness encounters a problem.
Zero: Where's Iris?
X: Never mind that. LET'S GO!
X and Zero rush to the Spaceport, leaving Double in charge.
Casualty: Hey let's go pick on Double!
So they do, which is a very stupid idea because…
Double: It's MORPHIN' TIME!
Double turns into the ridiculously named Jello Man and kills them in the bloodiest scene in Mega Man X history. That's not sayin' much, though. Meanwhile, Zero engages T3H C0L0N3L in mortal combat. (Not to be confused with Mortal Kombat.) And wins.
Colonel of the Repliforce: Though my body may die… my spirit… will live… FOREVER! (dies)
Too bad androids don't have spirits. Anyway, Iris sees the whole thing because she's a l337 h44x0r.
After Colonel bites it, X and Zero go up to that one space station in orbit that isn't the Space Colony ARK! Once they get to Final Weapon, they, as screenplay man Revokov once said, "Quickly get lost and wander into identical rooms". X finds Double, who is now Jello Man.
X: You're a Maverick too? Who's next? Zero?
Double: Yep.
Speaking of, Zero is trying to convince Iris that killing her bro was the smart thing to do.
Iris: Let's fight!
Zero: I don't wanna…
Iris: Too bad, bitch!
They all fight. X and Zero beat them to Mega Man X character heaven. Or in the case of Double, Hell. Zero, however, is in anguish.
Zero: WHERE'S MY WIIIIIIIIIFE?
He gets over it long enough to beat General Andre, who tells him that someone hijacked the control system for the Blowing-Up-The-World laser that all good revolutionaries have to have. Guess who?
Zero: YOOOU!
Yes. HIIIM.
Sigma: So, you thought you could go a whole game without me, eh? Also, Zero, this next cutscene's for you!
A cutscene plays, effectively extending the game's length by about five minutes. Also, describing Zero's penchant for violence.
Zero: No wonder I feel like killing X all of a sudden!
Sigma: JOIN ME NAO!
Zero: ……Nah.
They fight. Sigma is like the Space Grim Reaper, proclaiming how he's going to turn our heroes into space dust, but Zero still wins. Sigma then is like two people now: Alien O'Gun, and Large McUglyface, but Zero still wins. Then Sigma says:
Sigma: OH YEAH. I STILL HAVE ONE TRICK LEFT UP MY SLEEVE!
Sigma activates the laser, but then General Andre shows up to ruin Sigma's plans at the last minute. And then, after they cram into an escape pod, X and Zero contemplate.
Zero: Are we all mavericks, or is our lives controlled by an outside source…
X: You mean the player? Yeah, he's a bastard, ain't he?
MEGA END X