Author's Note: I want to thank each and everyone of you all for the favorites, follows and reviews. One of my goals/dreams when I started on this site, that I wasn't sure I'd ever get, was a 100 reviews. Now I have more than that and it still blows my mind.

I'm so happy people enjoy my story so much and I'm grateful and humbled by your compleaments. Sure I had two bad reviews last chapter, but I'm not getting stressed by it, since I realize now that I have so many more supporters. Thank you for putting up with crazy drama queen me and my irregular updates.

As a gift to my readers, when I recieve 200 reviews, I'll do something special for you guys. I'm not sure what yet, maybe you guys can give me some suggestions in your reviews or pm me.

I want to share with you all an inspiration for my writing, her name was Adela Florence Nicholson, she used the name Laurence Hope to get away with publishing poems when the time wasn't acceptable for woman to write such sensual stuff.

My mom was garage saling and spotted this old worn book called "Stars of the Desert" she knew I loved reading and bought it for me. I spent days wrapped up in the words and I still love reading all of her poems today. I'm not usually much of a poetry person, I rather read a story, since I think poems (no offence) all sound the same and are predictable. But her writing was so beautiful, so deep, so passionate and dark. I think that was the first time I read angst and discovered that I loved it.

Here is one of my favorite stansa and a quote from her,

I cannot forget-I cannot escape.

What are the Stars to me?

Stars that meant so much, too much, in my youth;

Stars that sparkled about your eyes,

Made a radiance round your hair,

What are they now?

"I would have rather seen you around my throat, crushing out my life, then waving me farewell."

The first rays of sunshine creeping through the window, might as well have been lasers beams to Rachel, who quickly covered her sensitive eyes blocking the harsh light. Rachel groaned as she felt her head busting into one of the most powerful headaches she ever had, she put her hands over her forehead in an attempt to block the pain and rolled over on her side so her face was facing away from the window. Rachel realized with a start how hard and unfamliar the surface beneath her was and it didn't feel anything like her bed. She opened her eyes and looked around realizing this room was not her bedroom.

Rachel panicked and jumped off the floor, her bones cracking with the sudden movement and her muscles aching, her body was not used to laying on a hard floor all night. She spun around loooking fearfully at the unfamiliar room looking down at the floor she saw her heels she wore last night discarded in the corner Rachel picked them up as she remembered where she went last night and realized she must still be at Quinn's house.

Fear and nausea overwhelmed Rachel, she covered her mouth, ran to a random door praying it was the bathroom. Rachel barely managed to not slip on the tile and lift up the toilet seat before she yommited.

So this was what a hang over feels like.

Rachel Berry vowed she would never, ever, ever, ever touch another bottle of liquor for the rest of her life.

She slipped out the large house littered with empty red plastic bottles, fallen lamps and strange people still passed out around the house. When Rachel found the front door she stepped outside, putting her hand to cover her eyes while she looked for her car. When she spotted it she ran toward it and once she was inside the car she opened the glove department and looked for her father's sunglasses and put them on using to shield her eyes from the light. As much as she realized she wasn't in any condition to drive she had no other choice and slowly crept down the street.

Thankfully the roads were car free this morning, there weren't many people out this early, and Rachel was thankful for the fact her head pounded against her temple and she drove home slowly feeling numb and empty and drained. Thank goodness McKinly had a labor day today.

Her house was only a few blocks away and Rachel arrived there shortly, even with how careful and slow she was going. She opened the door to her house with the hidden key and trudged up the flight of stairs, creeping down the hallway, before opening up her door to her bedroom. The morning light blinding her so she immediantly drew the blinds back and went to her bathroom to scrub her ruined make up off, before putting on a comfortable polka dot set of pajamas before collapsing on the pink bedspread.

An hour later Rachel woke up and her head was still throbbing. She headed to the bathroom wanting to scrub away this dirty feeling. She brushed her teeth twice, she flossed, she rinsed her mouth out with Listerine, turned the shower-head as hot as it would go, scrubbed her skin until it was red and vigorously washed and conditioned her hair. Rachel was out the shower scrubbing her hair dry with a towel when her eyes popped open in alarm as she realizes last night was a huge blur to her.

The realization last night was a completely mystery to her, stunned and frightened her to the core. She wondered how she was was just now thinking about this. Questions popped into her mind, Did she sleep with someone? Did she take naughty pictures for Facebook? Did someone drug her? No, this was just a simple hangover, and she woke up alone with her clothes, and underwear still on. That had to be some good sighs, right?

All Rachel could remember was her phone call with Kurt, deciding to crash the party, and Finn, and seeing Puck at the party. But the rest was still hazy and that frightened her.

Noah must have seen her at the party too, but he just abandoned her there. Didn't he realize what could happen to her when he so calously left her passed out? Didn't he care?!

Rachel thought he did, in his own disturbed way, care for her well being.
But last night had proven her wrong. Rachel knew she had to confront him, so with a determined face and steady hand, she texted him.

Puck replied a second afterwards telling her to meet him at the playground where his sister attended school a few blocks away from high school.

The first thought that crossed Rachel mind when she spotted Puck was that he looked absolutly awful. Defeated and broken. Few, if anyone, has ever seen Puck appear so weak. He had the bad boy look and loved living up to his reputation. Only yesterday when she saw him on her porch waiting for her, did he ever look so miserable.

Puck's head hung low and his broad shoulders were slumped as if they carried the weight of the world on them. He sat on a otherwise empty swing set, a cigarette was dangling loosely from his lips (he knew she hated smoking.) His whole arua read black and so did his clothes, from his black leather jacket with a black crew neck T-shirt underneath to his dark jeans.

Rachel wondered how he could be this unaffected by the cold as she wrapped her black scraf tighter around her neck, her hair whipping around the crisp autumn wind. She was thankfully for her warm red coat, black stockings that kept her from freezing and her black bonnet not blowing away with the wind. She looked the neat and wholesome, in other words the exact opposite way Puck requested her to dress. Defying him even in this little way made her feel a little bit prouder as her chin lifted up higher as she marched over to him. Confident that she would say what she had to say and leave.

Puck took a drag from his cigarette and blew grey foul smelling smoke her way. Rachel walked faster towards him, snatching it from his lips, tossing it in the dirt and crushed the ciggrarette under her red flats.

"What the f-"

"You left me there at the party passed out on the floor?! How dare you abandon me like that! In that house full of drunk guys! Don't you realize or care that any of them could have raped me!" Puck winced at her acquisitions, looking like a wounded puppy, but Rachel still continued. He would not get her sympathy. He didn't deserve it, "I thought, I thought you were starting to care about me but I guess I was wrong. Puck doesn't care about anyone but himself." She said beginning to walk away but Puck grabbed her wrist tightly pulling her back toward him.

"No princess, you're the selfish one here, not me." Rachel opened her mouth but Puck continued his stormy expression daring her to interrupt him. It was his turn to talk now. "You thought you could have your boy toy and me dragged along too? Well I'm not going to stand for that! You crash a party, without telling me, get yourself drunk and end up dancing on top of tables for men! Then when I was going to take you home and take care of you because really who know more about hangovers then me? But you completely lost it and yelled at me for no reason! Screaming that you hated me! You know that fucking hurt? Then you told me everytime you touched me you pretended it was Finn! And here I trying my best to make you love me. I bought you gifts, stopped the slushies, and I told you I loved you. I was actually starting to think you had feelings for me. How-How fucking dumb could I be?" Noah said with a self deprecating laugh that stung her.

"To think you could love someone like me. I'm just a Lima loser and you're this princess who's going to star in Broadway and how the fuck could I be so fuckin' stupid?" Rachel saw his wet hazel eyes, his face scrunched up in misery and felt her stomach clench tightly.

"Well I'm letting you go. No more auction, no more you having to follow me to practice and pretend like you give a damn." His rant over Puck felt drained, Rachel looked at him with those big doe brown eyes of hers and earlier he would have fooled himself into thinking that was because she cared about him. Now he only saw pity in those eyes. Puck never want anybody's pity, not even her's, so he began to walk away from her .

The emotion in his eyes confirmed he was telling her the truth. Even Puck wasn't that good of an actor. And Rachel was starting to remember last night, bits and pieces crept into her mind. Yelling at Puck, his hurt face before he turned and left. When he walked away from her Rachel felt something picking at her heart. Don't let him leave.

Puck felt his wrist being pulled and he spun around ready to tell her to back the hell up. But then she kissed him. And Puck gave up the thought of quitting Rachel he knew he never even stood a chance in Hell of being able to forget about her in the first place. He needed Rachel more than air and a set of lungs.

When she kissed Noah she remembered all those days she wondered if something was physiologicallly wrong with Noah because of his behavior. Now she was wondering if she had the same problems buried deep inside her because in that instant she needed Noah just as much as he needed her.

Noah groaned in protest when Rachel broke off their kiss. "Throw away that pack of ciggrates." She told him in a bossy and firm tone with a no nonsense look.

Wordlessly Puck reached into his pocket and tossed the pack on the ground. Rachel smilied before repirmanding him on how littering is, in some ways, just as bad as smoking. 'Why were you smoking in the children's playground anyway, Noah?!" Then, "Oh my God, Noah! You can't just leave ciggrettes here for the children to pick up!'

Noah tries to distract her with another kiss but noticed she was shivering and clutched her glove hand into his own leading her into his truck.

He listens when she talks the whole car ride about his cd collection, how he should keep his truck neater if she was going to be sitting here, is he going the speed limit and warnings to put on his seat belt. Puck offers small remarks back and she would think he's annoyed with her if not for that small crooked smilie on his face.

"Noah are we going to my house? Because I picked up those little things you like I could fix you for lunch." Rachel offered pleasantly still holding his hand.

Noah chuckled softly and Rachel's eyebrows perked up as she glanced over at him confused. What had she said that was so funny?

"Babe, I'm taking my lady out on the town."

"This is what you 'meant by out on the town?'"

"Like you're not happy. I know you love their vegan pancakes."

"How did you-"

"The Puckassurus got his ways."

Rachel rolled her eyes but let him lead her to the empty booth in th back. All the booths were empty expect a few middle aged men sitting scattered around the bar, their eyes locked on an old television set playing the news. Puck signaled for Rachel to get in first so he could sit next to her on the outside of the booth. Because sitting on the other booth would be too far away from her and Puck wasn't sure he could handle the distance. So he sat next to her wrapping his arm possessively around her shoulder. His smile was blinding as he felt Rachel leaning into his body. A feeling of contentment and peace filled his body for the first time in a long time he felt truly happy. It felt like he could breath again for the first time in who know how long.

Puck barely seemed to notice when the waitress appproached them. His right arm wrapped around Rachel and his left hand, which had removed her gloves, now played with her bare fingers. His eyes entranced by their entangeled digits. When the waitress cleared her throat he didn't even bother to look up at the pretty older blond woman, his eyes never straying from Rachel.

When he ordered his food his eyes were still locked on Rachel and stayed locked on her as he ordered for her. He ordered exactly what she liked from the double stacker maple pancakes to the unsweetened hot (but not too hot) tea with lemon. Rachel blushed impressed by the way he knew her so well but after the woman left she still told him it was rude not to look at the waitress even if she was secretly pleased on the inside to know that the attractive woman wasn't even a bleep on Puck's radar.

"Rachel?" Noah said after a moment, his voice strained, he was never so good with words but he new he had to explain some things to her. He tried to sort out the thoughts in his head into words she could understand as he stared at their interlocked hands, finding a small and brief comfort in the way they fit so perfectly together. And sighed getting ready to talk more in one sitting than he probably ever has in his life.

"Yes?" Rachel asked sweetly looking up at his face smiling. Puck smiled back at her, though it looked strained and Rachel wondered what could be wrong now. She watched Puck running a hand over his scalp noticing he often does that when he's upset. "What the matter?" Rachel asked frowning, everything had been going so well lately she wondered what could be bothering him, wondering if it has been the same thing that has been upsetting since after his football game.

"It's just... you know I'm not good with talking or emotions and shit, but I need to tell you some stuff." He looked nervously down at the table. Rachel turned to him and patted his hand with the one he wasn't holding gently urging him to continue, "Do you remember when we were kids?"

"You mean the pre-mohawk yielding Puck?" Rachel teased light heartidly bumping into his shoulder with her's, hoping she would entice him smile to smile back at her.

"Y'know even without the 'hawk I was still like, the most bad ass kid on the playground, and you didn't answer my question."

"Yes, I remember a young Noah, my knight in shining armor that saved my armor when Jacob pulled up my skirt up on the playground."

"Fucker needed two black eyes." Noah said scowling, tensing up, surprising Rachel with how angry he still looked at the memory.

Rachel's hand tightened around his and Noah relaxed under her soothing touch, she smiled warmly at him, "I remember you saying I looked like a princess, a jewish princess. The next day we got married on the playground you grabbed a ring pop and I gave you a flower I twisted into a ring. The next week you were pushing me in dirt... what happened?" Rachel wondered.

"Shit happened." Puck answered then muttered to himself while he surveyed the near empty diner for something or someone Rachel wasn't sure what, she tried to comprehend his words but he was talking too low and when the waitress came and left them their drinks, Puck stopped muttering or moving at all. He looked straight ahead of him as Rachel thanked the waitress. Puck waited for the server to leave before he talked again, his voice noticeably lower than before, "Did you hear anything about Quinn or her uncle?"

Rachel nods her head slowly not seeing about any of of this affects her and him, "Yes Kurt told me, Quinn isn't really your cousin, but her uncle is married to your mom and he was supposed to be in jail or something-"

"I'm a badass, but that dude has been to real county prison before, for killing someone. He's isn't the kind of guy you want to piss off. And he's a former a skin head so that will tell you, he's not exactly in favor of gay guys like dads or jewish people. If he found out, or Quinn told him I liked you, it wouldn't be very pretty for me."

Puck took a sip of his coffee and stuffed his hands on his pockets looking away, "One day after school he came to pick me and my sister up one day. I pointed to you wanting to show him the girl I liked, you were standing there with your two dads holding each other's hands. I guess he saw that and the Star of David sticker on your car. I got the worst beating of my life that night when mom had work. That was when he was still wearing the steel toed boats and leather belt. Shit stung like hell. Then he tried shaving my hair off with a buzzer, that's why I came back with the mohawk. When mom came home he just told her he was trying to me a hair cut. But I ran away before he could get the middle shaved off." Puck laughed under his breath at the memory, it wasn't a very pleasant sound, and then took a sip of his coffee. Trying to look cool and nonchalant about the whole thing.

"He beat you?! Noah, I'm so sorry-"

"'S cool." Puck said shrugging keeping his voice carefully casual, "Just toughened me up."

Rachel's mind is swarming, she has so much to say, and doesn't know where to begin. "I don't understand. If he is anti sematic, your mom is Jewish why did he, why did she, why would she...?"

"Was Jewish. Why don't you think mom goes to the synague anymore? Why I was so happy you made that jewish food? We eat nothing but hamburger, chicken and steak since Derrick... I don't even want to know what is in a hot dog." Noah said looking like he was about to gag.

"Why would your mother lower herself herself to someone like that?!" Rachel said appaled, only when she saw Puck's face did she realize it might have seemed like she was saying something against his mom and Puck turned to her sharply.

"Look, Rachel, I love you and shit. But you ain't got no idea about what its like to have your husband walk out on your for a damn cocktail waitress! My ma was all alone for the first time with two young kids. She was so depressed she couldn't get out bed unless she had work! I was only a kid but had to take care of Hannah by myself pretty much. Times were hard. Money was tight. Ma was a middle aged woman with two kids so she was pretty desperate for a man. Then she meant Derrick and moneyt wasn't so tight, she was happy and he got along well with me and Hannah. I don't even think mom knew what all Derrick was in to until it was too late and Ma already was in love with him."

Rachel looked down at the red and white checkered table cloth, not knowing where else to turn her eyes, what to say or what this new revelation would mean for them. Part of the news was still slowly sinking in and she could hardly comprehend what she heard just moments ago. This situation was brand new and Rachel didn't know how to handle it. She heard the footsteps of the waitress approaching their table with their food and forced a mumbled thank you out.

Puck dug into gritts, eggs and bacon like he was starved while Rachel cut of her pancake and took a tiny bite. Suddenly she wasn't very hungry.

"Look at me," Puck sighed as he put his fork down and gently lifting her chin toward him his expression softer, "It's hard to explain, but Derrick... he's not such a bad guy. He's chilled out a lot since I was a kid and the only father I ever had and he loves my family. I don't think it wouldn't even matter to him... he still with mom, ain't he, and she's Jewish. It's Quinn, she's got some kind weird hold over him, like he'd do anything for her. I knew Quinn would freak out if she ever found out we were dating or that I liked you. Then she would tell Derrick I done some horrible shit to her to get revenge. Plus Derrick wants me to date her for some reason, and it's just a big wad of shit I'm stuck in, I didn't want you to get sucked into it too. So in school I was trying to make it look like I didn't care about you, I wanted to protect you and me. But I realized some stuff after the party; you deserve to know the truth and I can't keep going around pretending all the damn time. Derrick and Quinn can go to Hell for all I care."

"I don't know Noah, this Derrick guy seems dangerous-"

"Are you questioning my badassness?" Puck asks with an arched eyebrow making Rachel giggle, "Don't worry about a thing babe. I'm a man. I can handle it. Besides he wouldn't hurt me if he wants to stay with mom, right? You trust me right, babe?" Puck asked looking into deeply into her eyes. The way Puck looked at her did her in. The great Noah Puckerman looked at her so pleading for her acceptance and with so much love. Rachel let go of her fears and grasped his hand and was rewarded with Puck's blinding smile, she never saw him look so utterly content and happy before, it was a sharp contrast to how he looked earlier today.

"I'm not exactly sure of my feelings yet, Noah. But I am willing to give this relationship a try if you are."

"Really?"

"Yes." Rachel answered back honestly. Because somehow, along the way, Puck became her world. But when wasn't he apart of it? Rachel had known Noah since they were children, as pre-teens and teenagers he bullied her relentlessly and she lived in fear of him. Then after the auction, when there relationship grew sexual he became her infactutation, in class she was distracted by dirty thoughts of him. Lust evoled into feelings. And now he was her everything.

Rachel realized it wasn't an ideal love, Puck wasn't the chivalrous knight from her dreams, but he loved her with all of his whole soul. Finn didn't match up to Puck's intensity, his love and desire. Finn was inconsequential puppy crush. And Puck had seeped into her life and became her everything.

When they are done eating, Noah throws a jumbled of wad of cash on their table, offered her his arm, they walked out the diner arm and arm, until they reached the door, which Puck held open for her.

When they walked outside before she could even take two steps, Puck was running in front of her and held the truck's door open for her. Rachel's eyes widen in surprise and Puck leans to her face, "Look, babe. I know I ain't been treating you right. But that's all going to change from now on. You're my girlfriend and I'm going to start acting like a boyfriend and not be such a dick all the time... least I'll try."

That is the most romantic thing someone ever told me. "Really?"

Puck smile lights up his face, he wraps his arms around her dainty waist and pulls her in close, "Really." He says before kissing her and Rachel lets herself melt into into his arms.

A/N: Me thinkits Puck didn't tell Rachel everything, will it come back to bite him? Hmm?

I hope I'm not making Puck sound very OOC he's supposed to be estentually the same, just with obsession added.

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