Right, well, i know i said that this would be the last chapter buutt its almost 11 at night and i have to get up at 7 tomorrow so I'm gonna leave it where it is. Enjoy :)

Disclaimer: ha! God, youre funny.. thinking I own it...

I was right, he was where I thought he would be. the problem was that he wasn't exactly in the condition I thought he would be in. he wasn't in the condition I thought hed be in at all.

the hour after that is still a little blurry, wether that's because I don't want to remember it or because I spent the better part of it with my head buried in my hands trying to block out the image of him lying there, in between his wife and daughters graves with an empty pill bottle tossed carelessly, next to him.

yeah, that's right. the bastard decided that he would end it all. I mean, who realy cares about how anyone else feels about him not being around anymore. of course, no one can really give a shit that he could be dead right now, leaving me and the team in the waiting room of the hospital without a clue. Because you know, I wasn't in love with him or anything.

a slight wimper bought me out of my internal rant. I looked up to see grace sobbing into rigsby's shoulder. rigsby was sat silently with his shoulders shaking, holding onto grace like she was his lifline, tears silently making their way down his face. cho was sat stoicaly as ever face staring straight ahead, the only sign of his distress was the wet lines that were echted onto his face. me? I couldn't do anything, I just sat there, staring into my hands. I couldn't even cry. and it was all his fault.

Nurses came and went, calling to the families of patients, faces grim as they delivered bad news or splitting grins when they told them that the operation was a success. I studied them and learned what each nurses face said before they called to the families. they were very clever, never giving anything away until the families were close enough to hear, but within the hour or so of grace sobbing and numerous people getting good or bad news id come to learn the tells rather well.

that's why, when there was no one else in the waiting room, a nurse came in I sat up a little straighter. maybe Id be able to tell what she was going to say before she said it. after about a second and a half, I realised that it wasn't going to happen. her face was about a frozen as cho's. no tells what so ever.

she stopped in the doorway and surveyed the scene before her. Grace still crying into Rgsby's shoulder, him still holding her. Cho still sitting there silently, dried tears having made little lines down his face. finally, her eyes settled onto me. all I could do was stare right back at her, silently begging her to give me a sign of good news. with her eyes still holding mine she opened her mouth to speak.

"Teresa Lisbon?" her voice was stern but held what sounded like a waver of sympathy. I stood up immeadiatly, maybe a little too fast for my heads liking. I stumbled a little and mabe my way over to her.

"yes? that's me," my voice sounded strange, like I'd just gotten over a bad cold, "is there any news?" hed been in there for around three hours now and to tell you the truth, I was starting to loose hope.

her face was still a mask as she said, "I'm sorry, ma'am, but there has been no change in patricks condition but we found this in his pocket. it's addressed to you." she handed me a crumpled envelope. I took it with a shaking hand and that's when it finally happened. The great, emotionless teresa Lisbon finally broke down.

my eyes registered his neat handwriting on the front of the envelope and I just lost it. he had the nerve to take himself away from everything. away from me and he wirtes me a freaking letter? I don't bloody think so! I clenched my fists, not even registering the fact that the letter was now shrunched within it and I screamed.

I don't know how long I was like that, crumpled in a heap on the waiting room floor making a soulnd that my own ears didn't even recognise. I don't know how long it took for the nurse to realise that something was very wrong, that I wasn't just upset that he was almost dying, that I was actually debating wether to stay curled up in that ball for the rest of my life or to storm into whatever room they had him in and shaking him awake just so that I could kill him myself. I don't know how long it was before I realise that I wasn't in the waiting room anymore, but in a hospital bed of my own with grace staring down at me.

"hey, boss, how are you feeling?" she had a strained smile on her face, like she was sacred that I was going to snap and kill her at any moment.

"I'm fine, really," I said at her mistrusting look, I was cooled down now, "hey, could you please pass me the letter that Jane wrote me? how is he by the way? any news?"

she shook her haed sadly, "sorry, no news. Cho and Rigsby are still waiting." she handed me the letter, "I'm just gonna go wait with them, a nurse should be in soon." she smiled sadly and left, leaving me by myself to read his familiar writing.

To my dear teresa,

Annnddd there we have it :) Not sure when ill be able to update next so dont kill me in the meantime :) Reveiws are welcome, so dont forget to push that button down there :)

P.S. i may have accidently deleted my other mentalist story; Stay? by complete accident... when i get my laptop back i'll put it back up:)