A/N: Okay so first up thanks for the reviews especially Woman of Letters, you have really helped keep me motivated and on track and giving me some really great ideas.
Also I need help, I have no idea to pair my oc with, do I go Legolas, Aragorn, both of them or someone entirely different? Thanks guys :)
"Finley, fin please… oh vanima er you must wake," the voice is so familiar that it is like warm chocolate spreading through me as it seeps into my consciousness. God I miss chocolate, I struggle for a long while to open my eyes but eventually I do and as I do so I see Aragorn's face above mine where it is quickly joined by Legolas'.
"What happened… oh Valar, tarien what has happened?" Legolas exclaims falling to his knees on the other side of me.
"I saved Boromir," I mutter hoarsely, "I could not save Gandalf but I thought I might be able to stop Boromir dying without it altering too much," I break off coughing and then screaming as the coughing pulls on the deep arrow wounds in my shoulder, "Please… get them out," I cry and I can't bear to look at the anguish on their faces.
"What are we to do?" Boromir asks from slightly behind Aragorn, where he is standing with Gimli.
"We dress her wounds and then we go in search of the others," Aragorn says and as I listen it suddenly occurs to me that they are talking of splitting up to go off after the hobbits separately.
"No," I rasp and they all stop and turn to me as I try in vain to sit up only to cry out in pain again and sink back to the floor. "Frodo and Sam must continue on their own, we are to go after Merry and Pippin but I think you must leave me, I cannot run and you must if you are to catch them," I say and they stare in open shock for a minute or two before all moving in on me again.
"Don't be ridiculous girlie," Gimli almost laughs as Boromir says something similar.
"You have proved your worth there is no need to be a martyr," Aragorn says gently and a sudden anger rushes through me making me temporarily forget my pain,
"I am not being a bloody martyr," I shout in indignation, "I am just stating facts, Boromir should have died, I don't know why I haven't yet but I do know that I cannot run and you have to if you are to catch up with the beasts who took Merry and Pippin," I am wheezing by now and the pain is back in full force, so strong that it is making black spots dance before my eyes but even so the lasting humiliation and hurt is still there and I pull away from both Aragorn and Legolas.
"Tarien…" Legolas starts picking my hand up in his but I snatch it away quickly despite the stabbing sensation this causes in my shoulder.
"Don't, either of you, how dare you… men… you're all the same, you cannot now start being kind again just because I am wounded, you hated me an hour ago… I cannot… I am not well enough to deal with you…" I break off refusing to meet their gazes as I think finally coming up with a plan, and a small smile appears on my lips as I realise I can use my knowledge to my advantage at least a tiny amount. "Gimli," I say looking up at him and deliberately not addressing the other two sitting beside me, "you and Aragorn and Legolas must track the Uruk Hai and look for Merry and Pippin, Boromir will help me and we shall meet you, trust me I know the path you shall take I can use my knowledge to our advantage for the first time," I smile and eventually they concede, leaving bandages and paste and herbs for Boromir and instructing him to guard my life which makes him quite angry too which makes me want to laugh again but I am tired now, too tired and in too much pain and when he turns to me again once they are gone he looks concerned as his hand finds my forehead and then both hands rush to pull out the arrows and stem the bleeding. I am just thankful that the darkness takes me before the second arrow is removed.
The world seems to ebb and flow, a series of colours and images and sounds. I have no idea how much time has passed or how far we have travelled, I know only that I can't seem to stop shivering and yet feeling far too hot at the same time and I know that it's not good. I know that I need some antibiotics and I could do with a series dose of morphine too and for the first time I both miss the world I was from and genuinely fear for my life. It's funny really, ever since I got here I have been terrified of dying, of going home, of pretty much everything and yet at the same time I had believed that they would save me, a little bit of me had believed that the stories were true and that the men here were super human in their ability to save the world and helpless little me. How disillusioned I had been. Yet at the same time I was scared at how easily my heart would still probably forgive them if they asked it of me, Oh I could really do with some real medicine and sleep before I was driven insane.
"Where are we?" I murmur as I feel Boromir set me down on the ground,
"We are but a few hours walk from Edoras, we shall be there soon Fin, you just need to hold on for me," he replies quietly and I feel his hand against my head again and shiver violently against the chills running through me.
"I'm fine," I whisper attempting to smile whilst still unable to open my eyes but I don't need to, to know that his face is serious and there is no mirth in his eyes.
"You are burning with fever Fin, the paste and herbs are doing little to heal you and it has been several days already," he says almost to himself.
"I'm dying aren't I?" I say and the shivering grows more violent again as I feel him pull a thin blanket more tightly round me.
"I shall not let you die Fin, I need but a few minutes rest and then we shall be on the move again.
"Maybe this is the way it was meant to be," I muse half to myself, "You were supposed to die so I should die, it would be better that way, you can do a lot more to help save this world, maybe that is why the Valar brought me here,"
"You must not speak like this Fin, Aragorn and Legolas would be beyond helping if you were to perish," he says immediately.
"They would be fine, they barely even like me," I say in a whisper now.
"For someone who claims to know so much of our world there are certainly gaping holes in your knowledge, especially when it comes to elves and the dundien," he says almost sternly and I mull over this for a while but am too tired to respond and so just let myself drift back into a restless sleep.
The next time I awake I am aware of a lot of noise and struggle to open my eyes, finding that even with them open and daylight clearly surrounding us, everything is blurry and I can't work out why.
"Boromir," I whisper cringing inwardly and the weakness in my own voice.
"We are here Fin and it looks like the others are here too," he is saying,
"That's good," I manage before the darkness takes me again. Softness surrounds me and I feel clean. I get that it's a weird thing to say but when you've been trekking around in the open for days and weeks on end not showering or bathing and then you fight and become covered in blood and sweat both you and the enemy you can feel it and it's disgusting. But this feeling of cleanliness is as close to heaven as I could imagine being and the pain that had been so strong was now no more than a dull ache that ran through me and whilst I still felt exhausted I could see things clearly when I opened my eyes which was more than a little reassuring.
"Awake at last my friend, I was worried for a moment I was too late," a voice says from the corner and looking over a smile spreads across my face.
"Gandalf, I have missed you a lot you know," I say and he chuckles as he sits and smokes his pipe, "so how is it being Gandalf the White?" I ask after a moment and quirks an eyebrow at me before laughing again.
"I am very well but I cannot stay long," he replies and I sigh a little,
"You must ride out soon to find Eomer," I say and he nods before gesturing someone forward and I turn to see Aragorn and Legolas standing in the doorway with a tray of food. I look away quickly not ready to see or speak to either of them despite the fact that I know very well that we could die, well I could die, at any moment and I should not hold grudges but I was still very confused about… well, about everything.
"Where is Boromir?" I ask instead, ignoring the two of them as they set down a tray of food and stand awkwardly.
"He is well my friend and is resting also," Gandalf answers, "I must speak to the king, you have much to discuss," he adds as he gets up and is gone before I can reply and so I huff a small sigh and stare up at the ceiling waiting for the two of them to say something.
"Fin…" Aragorn starts at the same time as Legolas says,
"Tarien,"
"Please," I say stopping them both, "please don't, I am too tired to hear this," I say trying my best to keep my composure.
"But I… we…" Aragorn tries again so I hold up a hand to him and he stops again.
"You blamed me, you never tried to understand what happened and I don't hate you for that, I even sort of understand it but I am not ready to forgive it," I whisper proud that my voice didn't break and that I haven't broken down in tears in front of them.
"I am sorry tarien…" Legolas begins trailing off as he struggles to find something to say but instead he turns and leaves looking dejected and fairly anguished actually which confuses me slightly as does the same expression being on Aragorn's face before he also leaves. I know I don't have the best track record with men but come on! I mean the Valar drag me over from my world, in a very painful manner might I add, then they make sure nothing is bloody easy or as it is supposed to be and then just when it looks like not one but two men quite like me and I am in danger of becoming some kind of Mary Sue, they conveniently hate me until I prove them wrong and now I kind of hate them a little bit. Well HO-FUCKING-RAY life is just a barrel of laughs at the moment.
I spend most of the afternoon intermittently sulking and sleeping until a knock on my door alerts me that Boromir is outside and I smile for the first time since I awoke and saw Gandalf as he walks in.
"How are you Fin?" he asks gently and I smile at him.
"Almost as good as new…" I start until I see his frown and smile a little feeling a slight blush rise on my cheeks, "I am weak still but no longer in pain," I amend and he smiles too.
"Well that is good, I wish that you could spend longer in bed recovering but…"
"Gandalf has already left then and we are to make for Helm's Deep?" I ask and he nods only mild surprise showing on his face now, they seem to at least be getting used to me knowing what is going to happen.
"He did ask one thing of you though," he says shifting uncomfortably and I have an uneasy feeling I know what it is.
"What?" I ask and he does not quite meet my eye as he clears his throat to speak.
"He asks that you make peace with Legolas and Aragorn before we leave, he says you know what we face and so you should be prepared," I sigh at this knowing that it is the truth but not liking it and so I just nod a little and he takes the hint before getting up to fetch the two of them.
"Boromir," I say as he is about to leave and he turns back to me stopping in the doorway.
"What is it my little friend?" he smiles and I blush again at the nickname,
"You were supposed to die back there and I… well, I… Gandalf was right obviously I do know what we face and I know what should happen to everyone, except you and I and so… be careful I don't want to have gone through all of this just to lose you in a few days time," I stutter and he smiles.
"Finley, you have given me the chance to fight and regain my honour I could have asked for no greater gift and will do everything I can to protect you,"
"I don't want you to protect me," I protest, "I want you to stay alive so that you may see your brother again and help to protect him," I say and he smiles.
"You have a big heart my friend, I can make no promises in this war but I will do my best," he smiles as he exits and I have but a moment to prepare myself before there is another knock on the door and Aragorn and Legolas enter both shamefaced and awkward looking.
"Let me speak first," I say the second they are inside and the door shut and they both nod and sit quietly in the chairs on either side of the bed, silently waiting for me to speak. "I have spoken to you both about my past what I have never spoken to you about is my history with men, I mean my romantic history," I stutter blushing furiously and then taking a moment to compose myself. "I mean, well, it hasn't been very good, much like the rest of my life, I seem to have a habit of choosing men who either stray too easily or who prefer to keep my in line using their fists," I pause again as I hear the slight growl from both man and elf and I have to remind myself that I don't like either of them at the moment as my heart clearly wanted to jump into forgiveness far too easily, bloody useless organ. "Anyway when I came here I was so confused and when you both started speaking to me and looking at me as if you… as if you cared, I couldn't understand it, I couldn't believe it and just when I was beginning to think that my second chance could be something really special you abandoned me at the first hurdle," I almost want to laugh at the expressions on their faces at my reference to hurdles but don't instead I just sigh heavily. "You knew that I couldn't tell you anything, you both heard Gandalf tell me not to tell you anything, surely you are clever enough to have worked that out but you just turned your backs on me and I don't know how I am supposed to forgive that. How do I trust you not to turn your backs on me again?" I finish and they are silent for a long time.
"We were wrong tarien," Legolas says eventually and Aragorn sighs heavily through his nose before speaking.
"You changed everything, when you crashed into our lives and into the fellowship you changed everything and it was… a struggle to work things out, to work feelings out," he breaks off and I feel myself flush, not quite as eloquent as the stories make out, I mean he is almost saying that this whole thing is my fault right? I am pulled back into the present by Legolas beginning to speak.
"I have never before been confronted by death like that, not of someone I was close too, not since I was an elfling and too young to understand it and I was confused and lost. We were both grieving and concerned for your safety and… we realised as soon as we had calmed that we were in the wrong but did not know how to make things right," as he finishes speaking a silence falls over us all as I think over what they have said.
"I don't understand," I say eventually,
"What is it you don't understand vanima er?" Aragorn says and I look at him for a while before turning my gaze to Legolas.
"What is it you want from me?" I ask eventually.
"I want you safe and happy, I want your heart as you have mine," Legolas says immediately and I nearly stop breathing.
"As you have mine too," Aragorn says and I actually do stop breathing at this point, oh this was all wrong, what the fuck was I supposed to do now.
"I can't… what the… Oh… what…" I stutter out random words unable to work out what to say or do.
"I am sorry vanima, we did not mean to upset you," Aragorn says and I can hear the regret in his voice and it almost makes me want to cry, these men were seriously messing up my emotions!
"I just don't understand how you are talking like this is normal, in my world you'd be like fighting with each other or trying to out do each other or something," I say and they both smile a little which really infuriates me.
"We have fought tarien, a lot, but there is a war on and your happiness and safety are more important," Legolas says quietly and I put my head in my hands for a moment as I try to think.
"I can't make a decision like this right now, it's impossible you two are impossible, what kind of a decision is it anyway, if I chose you," I break off looking at Legolas, "I will get old and I'll die and you will wither too and I could not do that, you need someone immortal and beautiful like you. And if I chose you," I turn to Aragorn now, "You will become… I will never be worthy of who you are and you are destined for, you are supposed to be with someone else and the people of… no one will understand," I break off shaking my head in despair and frustration. "This is crazy, I'm supposed to be mad at you right now and all I'm doing is telling you how I am not worthy of either of you,"
"Tarien, none of what you are saying is true but you are right this is not the time for that, just… can we be friends before we ride out again?" Legolas asks and I sigh again before offering him a tiny smile,
"Okay," I say in a whisper, "I am tired of being angry when there is so much to concentrate on,"
"Vanima, we shall earn your trust back, I will never let you down again I swear it, your friendship means everything to me," Aragorn says and I smile at him too.
"Okay but please, can we take this slowly, I am not sure what to think or to feel at the moment," I say and they both smile and nod their heads looking years younger, "what do the elvish words you keep saying to me mean?" I ask as they stand.
"Now is not the time, get ready, we ride out in a couple of hours," Legolas says and then they are gone and I throw myself back onto the pillows and stare at the ceiling for a second before grabbing a pillow and putting it over my face scream into it in frustration and confusion.