Chapter 11 – Insubordination
Thursday February 7th – Night.
"He just got off the subway on Carlton Avenue" Lexi told Jay reading the information from her phone. "It's like two blocks from here, go"
Jay put his foot to the floor, as Lexi switched off the siren and lights, not wanting to alert Jordan to their presence and give him chance to run. "Craig" Lexi answered her phone ignoring Burgess call over the radio asking for their location.
"He's walking down Carlton, toward the bike shop" Craig explained whispering in to his phone.
"Okay, I'm right behind you, I'll be there in a minute"
Jay took the corner too fast and wide, ending up on the other side of the street. Luckily it was a quiet part of town with no traffic around at the late hour. Lexi's eyes rapidly scanned the street looking for any sign of Craig or Jordan.
"There" Lexi yelled pointing to someone running back on to the street having come from the side of a building. "It's Jordan"
"I got him, I got him" Jay acknowledged slamming his foot on to the accelerator.
Lexi keyed her radio alerting CPD and the Intelligence Team. "50-21 in pursuit of a suspect on Carlton Avenue. Suspect on foot, wearing blue jeans, a black jacket, navy-blue baseball cap and white sneakers."
She threw the switch to turn on the siren and lights as they gained on Jordan, he turned whilst running and fired three rounds from his gun, one hitting the bonnet of the car, the other two hitting the windshield cracking it, completely obstructing their vision.
"Shit" Jay said spinning the car to a stop. They both jumped out pulling their weapons from their holsters. "You okay?" he shouted at Lexi.
"Yes, I'm good, let's go" she responded taking off running after Jordan.
"Chicago PD stop" Jay yelled as Jordan disappeared around the corner at the end of the street. They gave chase turning the corner in time to see Jordan drag a man from his car before stealing it and peeling away in cloud of smoke. They were too far away to chase him, too far away to see the number plate.
"Craig!" Lexi remembered quickly as a Ruzek and Burgess pulled up beside them. Lexi turned and ran back in the direction of their car as Jay updated Adam and Kim, instructing them to assist the victim of the car jacking.
Panic and adrenaline made Lexi's feet move, "CRAIG" she screamed down the street as she ran. "CRAIG" she raced around the corner where she had seen Jordan appear from finding Craig lying on the floor, breathing deeply and holding a wound on his left shoulder, trying to stem the heavy flow of blood. "Oh shit" she fell to her knees beside him putting pressure on the wound. Craig screamed at the pressure and the pain it caused. "You're okay, you're okay" Lexi assured him.
Lexi heard Jay turn the corner and immediately call for help. "50-21, we need an ambo at our location, we have a male with a gunshot wound to his front left shoulder. Be advised plain clothes officers on scene"
"I followed him down here and he jumped me" Craig explained taking short breaths.
"It's ok, you did good, you did good"
"Am I going to die?" Craig asked his eyes full of fear.
"No, no Craig look at me" Lexi leant over him a bit more so she could look in his eyes. "You see my partner here, his brother is a Doctor, a surgeon." Lexi explained trying to reassure the wounded boy. "I was bleeding out, worse than this, more than you are right now and he saved my life. The ambulance is on the way, we're going to get you to the hospital and he's going to help you too, I promise!"
Lexi stood by the glass window watching the doctors work on Craig, rushing around, hanging up bags of blood, preparing the tools they would need to help him. Jay stood beside her, a comforting hand on her shoulder. "You gonna tell me I'm not responsible for this one?" she asked him numbly.
"Detective Shay" Mike bellowed marching toward her a look of worry on his face.
"Mike" Lexi greeted Craig's brother. "He's okay, Doctor's are working on him now" she assured him pushing him back from entering the room. "He's going to be fine"
"Detective Shay" Commander Fischer called striding down the corridor flanked by Voight and Olinsky.
"Excuse me Mike" Lexi began smiling apologetically at him "I'm about to be fired"
"Because of Craig?" Mike enquired, he stepped closer to her turning his back to the stern looking men walking toward them. He spoke quietly. "We've got your back" he winked at her confirming his meaning.
Lexi thanked him with a quick twitch of her lips. "With me, now" Commander Fischer demanded holding the door of the Doctor's Lounge open. "You too Detective Halstead"
Lexi and Jay entered the lounge, Lexi avoiding looking at Hank who stood in the middle of the room, arms folded across his chest looking as pissed as he had ever looked. "Take a seat Detective's" Commander Fischer suggested.
Lexi wasn't going to take this lightly. "I'd rather stand"
"Fine" the Commander agreed closing the door. "I understand you had a call from the victim shortly before the assault?"
Lexi nodded speaking professionally, hiding her fury, she was angry at herself for allowing it to happen. "That's correct. He had sight of the suspect in a drug store, the victim asked if I wanted him to follow the suspect"
"And your answer was?"
"I followed the orders from my Sergeant and told him to back off" Lexi's lack of eye contact with Hank whilst she spoke wasn't wasted on the Commander.
"How did you find the victim?"
"He called me, told me he had followed the suspect against my instructions, and he advised me of their location" Lexi explained calmly. "Should I get my FOP rep?"
Commander Fischer sighed exasperated at her. "I'm going to need your badge and gun, you're suspended."
"Sarge" Jay pleaded looking to Voight waiting for him to step in on Lexi's behalf.
"It's fine" Lexi said holding a hand up to Jay from saying any more in her defence. She didn't need Jay being suspended too. "I could do with the rest anyway" Lexi remarked in defiance staring down Commander Fischer. She took her gun and badge from her hip and walked to Voight handing them to him, a small smirk played on his lips at her last act of insubordination toward her Commander.
"I'll hold on to these for you" Voight told her "as soon we can talk to the kid and get this all straightened out, you'll be having these back"
"You know where to find me" Lexi assured him.
"That I do" Voight confirmed his tone told her he wasn't done with that conversation, he had a few more choice words for her.
"I swear this unit will be the sole cause of my fatal heart attack" Commander Fischer spat walking out of the room slamming the door.
"Sit" Voight commanded Lexi as soon as the door closed. Lexi immediately followed his orders sitting on the nearest chair. "You disobeyed a direct order"
"I'm sorry" Lexi said simply, she wasn't going to try to defend her reasoning, Hank knew why she had done it.
Hank's angered voice raised in volume. "Don't tell it to me, tell it to the teenager bleeding out in the street"
"Sarge, he's going to be okay" Jay spoke up.
"THAT'S NOT THE POINT" Voight's bellowing voice reverberated off the walls of the small room. "A KID IS HURT AND THE SUSPECT KNOW'S WE'RE ON TO HIM!"
Lexi let silence fill the room for a minute, letting the emotions subside. "This is on me. Jay was only backing me up like he's supposed to"
"I know that!" Voight told her his annoyed tone telling her he didn't need her to state the obvious.
"The kid, Craig, will back me up" Lexi explained, "what I told Commander Fischer will be the official story."
Voight nodded his understanding. "I'll get your suspension lifted tomorrow" he advised calmly, the heat of the moment having passed. "but I don't want you back until Monday!" Lexi started to protest, Hank's commanding voice shut her down, "MONDAY! Take the weekend and think about how wrong tonight could have gone!" Hank dismissed her by leaving the room followed by Olinsky.
Lexi let Hank's word sink in, how bad could things have gone tonight? Craig could have been killed, Jordan could have hurt or killed her or Jay when he fired on them. The adrenaline and high running emotions overtook her, and she cried in to her hands. Jay immediately went to her embracing her in a tight comforting hug.
Someone knocked on the door then entered without waiting for a reply. "Oh, I'm sorry I didn't realise" Abby said stopping halfway through the door.
"Oh, now my days complete" Lexi laughed completely lacking humour. She stood and wiped her hands down her tear-soaked face.
"I'm sorry, I came in to talk to Jay" Abby explained.
"He's all yours" Lexi smiled insincerely crossing the room. "Talk, screw, hey get married again, do whatever you want, I'm past caring right now"
"Lexi!" Jay called after her, he didn't like this side to her. The bitchy attitude, a hint of defeat to her voice. Lexi ignored him as she shouldered past Abby in the door way. "Abby, now really isn't a good time"
"I just wanted to tell you the divorce papers came through" Abby advised walking further in to the room "I was going to bring them by your place later" she flirted with a smile.
"That's not such a good idea" Jay sighed.
"That's not what you said last night" she said stepping closer to him and lightly pressing herself against him.
Jay took a step back. "I told you that was a mistake"
"What? Because of her?" Abby spat maliciously.
Jay sighed running his hands through his hair frustrated. "Abby I'm sorry" he put a sympathetic hand on her shoulder "but I'm not going to do this again"
Abby pushed his hand from her shoulder angrily. "The papers are in my locker, come with me!"
Jay ascended the stairs toward his apartment, dragging his feet, walking slowly. He had only spoken to Abby for maybe five minutes, finally signing his divorce papers with Will as the witness. Then he borrowed Will's car, as his car was currently a crime scene, with the promise to pick him up from work later.
Jay had drove the route he thought Lexi would walk home, he had left the hospital no more than fifteen minutes behind her, she couldn't have walked that far, only he hadn't found her. He guessed she had jumped in a cab.
Jay had drove to her apartment, no lights were on and she hadn't answered the door. He had checked in Molly's, Otis had told him she hadn't been in there. He thought about going to Kelly's but changed his mind and went home.
Jay fished his keys from his pocket reaching the landing, he paused a few steps from his door seeing Lexi sat on the floor leaning against his door. "Hi" she said softly.
"Hey" he replied helping her up. They stood staring at one another for a minute neither one knowing where to start. "You should have let yourself in" Jay suggested after a minute before stepping around her and unlocking the door.
Lexi didn't comment following him through the door, not sure how to explain she would have felt awkward and wrong somehow being in his apartment without him there.
Lexi walked through in to the living room and stood looking out of his window, down at the street. She couldn't remember the last time she had been at his place, it felt a little strange. She had lived there for a while, it had always been a place of refuge for her. It was where she would go when she needed a friend, a place she always felt safe, loved, wanted, needed. Now it felt like a lie, like all those times she had found solace there, felt safe in Jay's arms had been a lie.
"Here" he said handing her an open bottle of beer pulling her from her thoughts. She smiled her thanks and took a long pull, savouring the cold bubbly liquid. "This isn't a social call is it?" he asked after swallowing a mouthful of his own beer. Lexi's head shake showed how miserable she felt. "What the hell was that back there? 'He's all yours'" Jay quoted
"I've tried Jay, I've tried to forgive you, to put myself in your shoes, tried to see it all from your perspective but I can't" Lexi's sigh was full of anguish and hurt. "I just can't, and now you're freaking wife keeps popping up and I can't pretend everything's all good, I won't!"
"I know it's not all good." Jay confessed sounding glum. "And I'm not asking you to forgive me"
"Then what are you asking of me Jay? What do you want from me? From us?" Lexi began to rant. "I can't deal with this sitting in limbo, wondering what's going on with us, trying to decipher what mood you're in, are you mad at me? Are you flirting with me? Do you love me? Do you hate me? Which is it?"
"All of the above" he confessed.
They stood in silence both contemplating their next words.
"I had this whole speech ready to tell you how I feel, but now I'm looking at you none of it makes sense" Lexi's tears spilled over. "None of it makes sense Jay, I've tried to forgive you, I want so bad to forgive you. To go back to how things were…" she couldn't finish her sentence, she took a deep breath reining in her feelings.
He sat down on the sofa, exhausted physically and emotionally. He knew Lexi needed a minute to compose herself. "if it helps, I'm officially divorced" he informed her.
Lexi laughed without humour as she sat beside him. "Congratulations" she toasted clinking her bottle against his.
They both drank from their bottles gathering their thoughts. Jay's divorce being official didn't change the fact that they were broken. The damage had been done, the crash of their relationship had been set in motion and was only going to gain momentum, especially after Lexi had slept with Kelly and Jay had spent the night with Abby.
Lexi took a deep breath not wanting to ask her next question, not wanting confirmation of a fact she already knew to be true yet needing to know. "You spent the night with Abby, right?" Jay looked confused prompting Lexi to continue "You left your cell phone at her place, she bought it to the district to you this morning."
Jay having sex with Abby had to be the only explanation for her returning his cell phone to him. Lexi assumed Jay simply been preoccupied with Abby, his phone hadn't even crossed his mind. She preferred to think Jay had woken and rushed to escape, maybe worrying about being late to pick Lexi up, forgetting his phone in his haste to leave.
She hoped it was the latter.
Jay couldn't control his shamefaced expression and he didn't need to speak to tell Lexi that she was right. "That's why I didn't ask about Kelly" he admitted sombrely. Jay shook his head at both of their misdemeanours drinking the last of his beer to keep his anger in check.
Jay had known Lexi had slept with Kelly, he had seen Kelly leave her apartment this morning. Why else would Kelly have been there so early? When Jay had seen Kelly leave, he wanted to believe they had been working out together, then Kelly had gone back to her apartment for breakfast. However, Kelly hadn't been dressed for exercise and the grin on his face as he walked to his car Jay knew what it meant. He had worn the same grin himself numerous times after being with Lexi.
Jay hadn't questioned Lexi on Kelly's presence as he had spent the night with Abby, but it didn't make him any less furious to know Lexi had been with Kelly.
Lexi didn't want to confirm his thoughts, didn't want to lie to him, yet wasn't going to apologise for it either. "We're stuck Jay" Lexi recognised "Neither of us know what to do around the other. We're in limbo. Afraid to admit it, say it out loud. But actions speak louder than words."
Silence surrounded them. Lexi's heart was breaking, or was it already broken, it was hard to tell lately. They had broken up, they both knew it but neither of them could accept it was over.
Lexi thought back to all her arguments with Kelly. All the fights they had over trivial things, screaming matches about forgotten things now. It was hard to not compare Jay and Kelly. But she knew if she had been having this conversation with Kelly, their voices would be raised, maybe some broken dishes, spiteful words would have been said.
Maybe the fact Jay and Lexi would still have to work together made the situation more civil, because they both had some much respect and admiration for one another made them both want to end their relationship on good terms.
Or was it simply because they were both still so in love, neither one believed this was a permanent arrangement and wanted to preserve what they could.
"So, who has to say it?" Jay queried quietly "who has to say the words?"
One of them had to say it aloud, make it clear there wasn't any chance of a reconciliation, not right now.
Lexi inhaled and then slowly released it, her voice quivering as she said. "It's over, we're over." Jay's gaze travelled from the floor to the ceiling, Lexi watched him from the corner of her eye as he took a few deep breaths. "No more flirting, absentminded touches and kisses" she demanded. "I still want you in my life" Lexi stated, "as my partner and friend, if that's okay?"
Jay nodded rapidly agreeing. "Of course, I wouldn't want anyone else to have my back"
Jay's cell phone rang. "It's Will" he explained before answering the call. Lexi took the opportunity to stand up ready to leave. "Yeah ok, give me half hour" Jay told Will following Lexi through his apartment to the door. "Hey, hold up" Jay said reaching for her hand. Lexi allowed him to stop her from walking and turned to face him. "Can I get a hug?"
Lexi reached out wrapping her arms around his neck and he squeezed her against him, his arms firmly around her waist, kissing the top of her head. "I love you" he whispered.
"I love you too" she sighed in to him before swiftly letting go of him and speeding away.