So here's a slightly quicker than anticipated chapter, which serves as a bridge to the chapter that I promise will be up over the weekend. Thank you again for the reviews on the last chapter. And I know a few of you didn't quite catch the final series of texts, and who they went to... I meant to fool you a little there, but not completely! ;) I know Lauren's been a little erratic, but it's part of her journey from where she's been and hopefully where she's heading... you take the good with the bad, right? Anyway, small update here... hope you like it, and I look forward to hearing what you think about where it's headed and what you would like to see next!
Lauren was up and ready before Nadia, who was currently showering by the sounds of the water running upstairs. The smell of coffee was permeating the whole of the downstairs area. And Lauren welcomed the smell, she felt like she could just take the caffeine intravenously and it still wouldn't be enough. Her head was still a mass of confusion, and the whole of yesterday was feeling like a blur. She still felt mildly embarrassed about her behaviour, both to Nadia and her newer friends, but anxiety tended to do strange things to her. In the light of the morning, her views on the subject matter hadn't changed much, she was resolute and feeling confident in enforcing her standpoint, despite her lack of clarity on the final outcome. She needed the space she'd been asking for, desperately.
Nadia made her way down the stairs, wearing Lauren's bathrobe and her hair was up in a towel. She headed straight towards the kitchen area and sat at the table, where a coffee and a plate pancakes were already waiting.
"I've missed this." She said to Lauren, a small hitch in her voice giving away the sadness of the moment that she was feeling.
Lauren sat opposite her, with just her drink remaining. "I'm sorry about how I reacted yesterday. The whole thing."
"Sorry? Meaning what? Sorry about what happened? Or about what you said."
Lauren paused, considering how best to approach the subject. "I'm sorry about how I acted, and how I reacted. I'm also sorry for not being clear in what I mean, or in what I sometimes do."
"Okay. Do you still want me to leave?"
"Yes. And I don't say that to hurt you," Her eyes told of her sincerity, making Nadia swallow hard. "I do care about you. I wouldn't have stayed throughout the rough times if I didn't. But… but I meant it when I said I needed some time. For me. I really am not sure that I want to go back to all of that… to us… Things have changed for me. I don't think I feel the same way about us anymore." Nadia opened her mouth, to speak, but Lauren held up a hand, waving it slightly to stop her. "Nadia, if you truly love me, then let me have this time. And I'm not asking you to wait, you can walk away if you choose. But, personally, I need to figure out what I want right now, and I don't want to be worrying about you while I do that, or I won't be true to who I am."
"I was thinking I'd fly home today. I can change my flight easy enough. Would you take me to the airport?"
"Of course I will. And thank you." Lauren reached over and squeezed Nadia's hand.
"I can't pretend to understand this, Lauren. And I certainly won't say I like it, or support your decision. But, I don't want to lose you… so I'll wait for you and hope you come to the right decision in the end. This is a break, right? Not a break up?"
Lauren sighed, and looked down, away from Nadia's pained gaze, "It's more than a break Nadia, I really don't want to keep you hanging on, waiting for me to figure my shit out. Because honestly, I don't know when that will be… I want to see how my life here unfolds…"
"So what am I supposed to do?"
"I can't tell you that…"
"We're going to call each other, right?"
"Not right now… I don't think it would be appropriate to do that. It wouldn't be taking it in the right spirit… Look, email me if you want, but try to be respectful of the space. Otherwise, it's only going to get worse between us."
Nadia sniffed, and Lauren could see she was holding back tears again.
Nadia stood up, "I'm going to go change that flight, see how early I can get one home, and I'll get my things together."
Lauren watched her walk back upstairs. She felt like taking Nadia in her arms, she genuinely hated seeing her like this. But, she also realised that this was her conscience reacting out of care and not love, and acting on that concern would just confuse the situation even further.
Lauren had dropped Nadia at the airport, she'd managed to get a flight in the early afternoon, but insisted on Lauren taking her directly there, so that she could sit out the wait for the flight. Neither of them had said much on the drive, and when Lauren had tried to take the suitcase for Nadia, she'd snatched it away. Lauren understood the bitterness, and while she wished that their parting wasn't in such a frosty manner, she didn't yet know how to balance things any other way. It was something that she hoped would heal with time.
She'd left the airport feeling a sense of relief, and not nearly as much sadness as what she had expected.
And now, she found herself at the Dal, in desperate need of a drink.
Crystal was serving a man at the bar, and glanced over as Lauren walked up, smiling broadly at her. "Hey, Lauren! Bo will be back any second."
"Hey, that's fine. I'll take a beer when you have a second."
The man eyed Lauren as he retreated to his friends over by the pool table.
"Leave her alone Fred, she's taken!" Crystal laughed.
Lauren laughed slightly, "Not quite so taken, but also clearly not interested in Fred!"
Crystal placed the beer in front of her, "Oh! My mistake, sorry… I thought Bo said you had a girlfriend?" Crystal frowned curiously.
Lauren waved her hand slightly, "Oh no, no… it's a long story that I won't bore anyone with!"
"Lauren?!"
Lauren turned on the stool to see Bo approaching her from the entrance. Bo's smile was clearly surprised, but also happy to see her, lifting Lauren's spirits. She beamed a smile back at the brunette. "Bo! I thought I'd come see you, rather than call. I needed a break from the house, to be honest."
"No Nadia?" Crystal already had a beer in waiting for Bo.
"Why don't you two go catch up? I can handle things here by myself."
"Thanks Crystal!" Bo pointed to the couch on the left of the bar. "Let's sit there."
They made themselves comfortable on the couch, Lauren tucking one leg under her body, leaning her right forearm on the back of the seat. Bo, faced her smiling compassionately. "Sooo… Nadia's gone, I take it?"
"Yeah. I dropped her off at the airport before I came here." Lauren sighed.
"And?"
"And I told her we're on a break."
"A break? So you've not broken up?"
"Technically, it's more than a break." Lauren sighed, whimpering a little at the same time. "I should have just ended it Bo, but I couldn't. I care about her, and I'm worried she'll do something stupid…"
"She'll do something stupid, or you will? Come on Lauren! Are you just keeping her hanging on in case you decide that you've made a mistake? Please don't tell me that you're using her as some sort of security blanket. You're better than all of that, and I hope you know it!"
"No! I mean… I don't… no… I…" She took a long drink from the beer bottle. "Maybe I'm a coward. I couldn't tell her exactly, how I felt. If I told her how much she hurt me, I think I'd lose part of myself in that. I've never lost it with her like I did when you was there yesterday. My anxiety levels have been so high the past few days, that I feel like my skin is crawling. And now…. Now she's gone I feel a peace."
"So, you think it's over?"
"I think so. But really, I do need some time to focus on my life here. If Nadia and I are meant to be, then it'll happen in its own time again. She needs to move on as much as I do right now."
Bo smiled, "Well, for what it's worth, I think you've done the right thing. At least in regards to moving forwards." She looked deeply into Lauren's eyes. "You look like you've had a weight lifted off of your shoulders."
Lauren laughed, "And my god, do I feel like it's a weight lifted! I could barely stand there, for a while!"
"So, what do you want to do this weekend?"
"You still want to do something? I sent the text on a spur of the moment!"
Bo frowned in questioning, "Really?"
"Yeah. Nadia and I were deep in the middle of things, and Evony was texting me… typical Evony and she was being particularly suggestive."
Bo raised an eyebrow, "Okayyyy… she's um, something else…"
Lauren laughed again, "She can be. But it wasn't just her fault… I mean I did kind of respond to her. I guess encouraging that isn't a good thing. I just needed to escape a little from the fight I was in. And the attention for a second was favourable to it."
"Wait. You were flirting with Evony, in the middle of a fight with Nadia?"
"Yeah… I just got carried away. Anything to take me out of that mess. She ended up inviting me over for the weekend," Lauren saw Bo's eyebrows raise and her eyes widen. "I know, I know… and trust me, I'm not interested in getting in the middle of that mess of a marriage. Or whatever it is. As soon as I thought about it, and took a moment to consider that it was going beyond the flirtation, I stopped. And well, I sent you the text. I thought that it'd be good to occupy myself away from Evony, and well… I like spending time with you. If you still want to, that is?"
Bo looked at Lauren's face. She didn't seem the fragile flower of a woman, she'd seen over the past few days, but there was still that edge of vulnerability about her. Something that she could imagine people like Evony almost scavenging over. Something that made her feel almost protective towards. In the same respect, she realised that her own intentions towards the blonde were not completely honourable, and certainly not completely pure. She was trying not to get involved, as she could see that the situation was already a confusing mess, and not something that would be good for anyone to get themselves in the middle of. Bo also realised that she was probably over-analysing the whole situation right now, and that there was also something to be said about the friendship that was quickly forming between the two of them. As soon as she'd seen Lauren at the bar, when she walked in, she'd felt immediately lighter, happier. She couldn't ignore that, despite any feelings or complications that it was going to come along with.
"Yes. I do! I'm really glad you text me last night. I must admit I was a little worried, and I certainly wasn't expecting a message! But I had nothing to do anyway. The bar is fully staffed and I can easily take a day off! What do you want to do?"
Lauren beamed, "I don't know? Any suggestions? I still haven't seen much around here, and well anything that keeps me out of trouble is welcome right now!"
"Hmmm…" Bo looked to be deep in contemplation. She took a drink from the bottle, "I'd suggest a movie but that seems very pedestrian and also a little unsociable!"
"Yeah… let's do something fun!"
"Fun?"
"Oh come on, Bo! If anyone strikes me as knowing how to have a good time, then you're it!" Lauren saw the look on Bo's face. "I mean, in a good way!"
"In a good way?" Bo raised an eyebrow.
Lauren laughed, realising she was just teasing. "Yes… and you know what I mean! I trust that you'll come up with something." Lauren paused, finishing her beer. "But really, it's not something to stress about. I'll enjoy spending the day with you, and getting away from the past few days of stress!"
"Okay. Well, you've set me a challenge. And I think the bar has been raised pretty high."
"Really?!" Lauren questioned jokingly.
"Yes. I mean you already established that this needs to be fun! I'm not sure that I will be able to come up with anything to the standards that you're looking for?" Bo winked. " I mean what if you're a hard woman to please?"
"Oh, I'm easy!" Lauren stopped, colour immediately rushing to flush her cheeks, "I didn't mean…" She laughed, "You know what I mean!"
Bo paused just looking at Lauren acting coyly. "It's nice to see you laughing again." Bo added, sincerely.
"Well, I feel… refreshed." Lauren nodded at the understanding of her new found situation.
"And apparently, ready for fun!" Bo rolled her eyes, "What have I let myself in for?!" She stood, grabbing the empty bottles. "Okay, so I had better get back to work if I'm taking tomorrow off, you're welcome to stay longer if you want to hang out?"
"Nope. I'm good, I want to go home, maybe paint a while. And I want to make sure I'm all refreshed for this incredibly fun day out that I'm supposed to be having!"
"Whoa there! You're building this way too high! I'm an incredibly boring person in real life, and you'll probably be wishing you'd sat at home and watched paint dry by the end of the day!"
"Okay, maybe I should rethink this after all?! Evony did offer to dress up…" Lauren winked, "What time?"
"I'll text you as soon as I have an idea."
"Well don't leave it too long… you know, I may get inundated with better offers!"
"Hot pants… hot commodity… it makes sense. I will request your presence as soon as I can, and hope that you still have some room in your busy schedule to fit me in."
"Then I will pencil this in right now, and I will see you at some point tomorrow. Text me!"
"I will."
"Good."
"Good. Now I really am going back to work, before I get a coup from my own bar staff! "
"Wouldn't want that! Get back to work woman!"
Bo was glad of the rest of the day, at least it gave her a decent amount of time to think up something that they could do together the following day. Lauren had left in a good mood and Bo wanted to make sure it remained that way.