"Castle?" he says, raising a brow.
She opens her mouth and closes it, unable to find any words.
"My mother told me where I could find you. Can I come in?"
Beckett unfreezes and steps to the side as he walks past her. She watches him catalog the space, his foot tapping nervously on the floor. He rubs a hand across the back of his neck and turns to face her as she closes the door. She rakes her eyes over him, drinking in his new haircut and his freshly-shaven face. He still looks thin, but he has a healthy sheen and his skin is tan. Probably from the Hamptons. A quiver of heat blooms in her belly.
"My mother didn't tell me much about you, but she did say you were there the night of my accident last year. And you stayed with her and Alexis the whole night."
He's pacing the floor, spinning out his facts. It reminds her of when they were solving cases together and her heart leaps out towards him.
"You stayed in touch for a while after but then my mother stopped calling you. She didn't say why."
He stops and finally looks at her, his eyes searching her face.
"Then you broke me out of the hospital to stop them from pulling the plug on me."
He takes a step closer to her.
"Why would you do that? Did we—?" He motions between them. She feels like laughing but bites down a smile and shakes her head instead.
"Then why?
She shifts her eyes away from his piercing blue gaze, her heart pounding. She moves toward the kitchen and starts opening up cabinets.
"You want a drink?" she asks, pulling out a bottle of wine and some stemless glasses.
"Please."
She watches him gulp down half of his sauvignon blanc and finds herself staring at his golden throat contracting around the wine. It's weird seeing him drink something. She's used to having him creepily stare at her while she eats and drinks.
"Do I have something on my face?" he asks and pats his cheeks. She blinks and blushes, shaking her head. He takes another sip and then sets the glass down, his fingers tracing the base. He suddenly looks very tired and she wants to smooth out the worried creases on his face.
"I'm sorry to barge in here, but it's been a long day, and I just wanted something to make sense."
"Your mother told me about the custody suit. I hope everything works out," she says and he looks up at her, his eyes bluer than she remembered.
"You and my mother seem close. This used to be her place, right?"
Beckett nods as she takes a sip of her wine, deciding what else she should say to him.
"She wanted to make sure I had somewhere to stay after…" Beckett pauses, taking a breath, "After I left the loft. I was a tenant there for a couple months while you were in your coma."
"You were the tenant?"
"Yes, but I didn't realize it was your place until—" she stops, losing her nerve.
"Until what?"
Was she really going to do this? Tell him the truth? Her chest feels tight and her eyes grow wet.
"Hey," he says softly. "You don't have to tell me right now."
She tilts her head back, trying to hold back the wave of emotion betraying her. She hates him for a brief second. Hates him for making her feel this way.
She doesn't notice him get up from his seat and approach her.
"I'm sorry if this is too much," he says gently and she gasps when he reaches out as if to touch her in consolation. She reflexively takes a step back, her body vibrating. She doesn't trust herself if he were to touch her right now.
He holds up his hands. "Sorry."
She doesn't think she can do this. How do you tell someone you fell in love with their ghost?
"You're fine, it's just, uh, I don't think you'd understand it."
"Is it because you're a crazy superfan?"
"What?"
"I saw my books on your shelf," he says sheepishly.
"Your books," she says slowly, a thought striking her. She leaves the kitchen and disappears into the living room. Castle follows her apprehensively.
Beckett moves his books around, her fingers searching for something lodged behind them. She tugs at it and pulls out a stack of papers bound together by brass pins. It's worn and crumpled with red marks dotting the surface. She thumbs it open, tracing the notes she added in the margins. Castle coughs and she flips its shut. With a shaky breath, she holds the manuscript out to him and he takes it, intrigue arching in his brow.
"Heat Wave," he reads aloud and then flicks his gaze to hers. "What is this?"
"Something that might have the answers you're looking for," she says, shoving her hands in her pockets.
"Are you always this cryptic?" he asks.
The corners of her mouth lift into a small smile.
"You can take that with you."
He opens his mouth, uncertainty furrowing lines in his forehead. "Did you write this?"
"Only whatever's in the margins," she says, ducking her head to hide behind the curtain of her hair.
His eyes brim with question, but he doesn't push her further. He shuffles his feet.
"Is there a way I can reach you to follow up?"
"Your mother has my number," she says, avoiding his eyes.
"Right, well, it was nice meeting you, Detective," he says.
"Kate," she says, opening her door.
He smiles, giving her a warm look as he steps through the door frame.
"See you soon, Kate."
"Give Martha and Alexis my best," she says after him. His lips turn up before he turns his back on her. She watches him leave, not quite believing he'd been there in the first place. Once he's gone from view, she shuts the door and leans against it for a moment, trying to quell the beat of her heart and cool the sudden flush of heat on her skin.
So much for moving on.
The next day, she calls the boys and Lanie back, letting them know she's going to be fine. They want to protest her suspension but she doesn't want them putting themselves at risk. She'll deal with it when she wants to. Lanie pushes to get drinks with her, but she declines.
She barely fell asleep the night before, hundreds of different questions running through her head. What was he going to think of Heat Wave? Would it confuse him more? Was it too revealing? Oh, god. He was never going to contact her ever again, was he?
She leaves her apartment before she starts walking in manic circles and goes to the gym to blow off some of her pent-up energy.
She's hitting and kicking all of her fears and frustrations into a punching bag when someone calls her name, and she takes a step back, looking for the voice.
"Bex, is that you?"
Beckett spots her blonde friend weaving her way through rowing machines and weights, a small towel slung over her shoulder and sweat beading down her forward.
"Maddie?"
"Oh my gosh, how have you been? I saw you in the paper yesterday, and I meant to call, but I can't believe you tried to break that Castle guy out of the hospital! That's so awesome. The article said he's out of his coma now. Sounds to me like you saved his life," the blonde rambles as she takes a swig from her water bottle.
Beckett blinks and opens her mouth, a stunned laugh falling out. "Uh, yeah. I guess so," she says, wiping sweat from her forehead.
"You're in so much trouble for not calling me sooner! Have you seen him since? Does he know about you seeing his..." Maddie looks around and mouths ghost.
"There was a lot going on," Beckett says with a weak smile, shame growing in the pit of her stomach. She clears her throat, her brows twitching together as she inhales quickly. "And no, he doesn't know."
"Doesn't he remember?" Maddie says, quirking her head to the side.
"No, he, uh, doesn't," Beckett says, looking down at her gloved hands.
"Was there something important you wanted him to remember? Other than being a ghost?" Maddie prods, curiosity gleaming in her eye.
Beckett gives Maddie a long look.
"We became friends during our time together, and…I miss what we had."
"Sounds like you became a little more than friends," Maddie says. "The Kate Beckett I know doesn't just break anyone out of hospitals." The blonde winks at her conspiratorially.
Beckett coughs to hide the blush blooming on her chest and glances away from her friend for a moment.
"You're totally red right now! Shut up, you guys so had the hots for each other. Please tell me you had ghost sex."
"Maddie!" Beckett protests, pushing at the blonde's shoulder. Maddie puts her hands up and giggles.
"I'm kidding! Well, not really. I just wanted to know if it was possible."
Beckett snorts, covering her pink cheeks with a gloved hand for a moment.
"But wait, what happens next? Are you gonna tell him how you feel?" Maddie asks eagerly.
"He doesn't know who I am," Beckett replies, "But...he did come to my place asking questions about the article."
"What did you say?" Maddie gasps.
"Not much. I wasn't sure what to tell him. But I gave him a book I helped him write while he was...you know, but I don't know if it was the right thing to do. He's going to think I'm crazy."
"I'm sure he already does, sweetie."
"Excuse me?" Beckett says, her eyes blinking.
"You tried breaking him out of a hospital for seemingly no reason. But he still wants to know your story. Doesn't that count for something?"
Beckett's brows angle down in consternation. "I guess so."
Maddie places a hand on Beckett's shoulder and gives her a consoling look. "Listen, you've experienced tough things in your life and always come out stronger on the other side. If you don't tell him the truth, it'll eat you up inside."
"How can you be so sure?"
"Because you're the girl who stole her mom's make-up and snuck out of the house in the middle of the night," Maddie says, "And then cop to it the next day because you didn't like the thought of lying to your parents." Beckett scrunches her eyes at the blonde, a smile growing at the edge of her mouth.
"When did you get so wise?"
"Hey!"
Maddie flicks her towel at Beckett who throws her hands up in defense, grinning widely. Her cell, laying on a bench nearby, starts vibrating, and the grin slides from her face. She quickly grabs the phone after removing her boxing gloves from her hands and reads the caller ID. She doesn't recognize the number.
Turning to Maddie she says, "I think this is him."
"Him who? Castle? Answer it!"
Beckett inhales a breath and gives Maddie a nervous glance.
"I don't know what to say…"
"Just answer it," Maddie says, grabbing the phone and opening it. She holds it out to Beckett who takes it into her hand reluctantly.
"Hello?" a voice asks. The blonde throws her an encouraging thumbs up before Beckett brings the phone to her ear.
"Beckett," she edges out.
"Kate? Hi, uh, this is Richard Castle."
"Hi," she says shakily.
"Put it on speaker," Maddie whisper-shouts. Beckett obliges and holds the phone between them.
"I was wondering if you'd like to come over to the loft for dinner tonight."
Maddie mouths oh my god, while Beckett grips the phone tightly with her hand. Her mouth feels dry all of a sudden.
"Kate?"
"Say yes!" Maddie urges.
"Hello?"
"Uh, yes, sorry. Bad connection. I would…"
Maddie nods her head, rolling her hands together, looking at her expectantly. Beckett shakes out of her daze.
"I would love to," she finishes and Maddie pumps her fists.
"What time?"
"Does seven work?"
"Seven? Seven is great."
She curses herself inwardly for sounding so stupid.
"Great. I'll see you then."
"Great," she breathes out, a smile suddenly dimpling her cheeks.
Silence hangs in the air a bit, neither of them hanging up.
"Kate?"
"Yes?"
"I can't wait to see how the story ends."
Hope swells in her chest as words catch in her throat.
"Until tonight?" he asks.
"Until tonight," she responds softly, her heart thrumming in her chest.
She hangs up, a stunned grin spreading across her face as Maddie grasps her arm, squealing.
"Oh my god! You have to tell me how it goes. Will you call me after? Tell me everything?" she asks, bouncing on her feet. Beckett stares at her for a moment before enveloping the blonde in a tight, grateful hug.
"Thank you," she whispers into her friend's ear. Maddie squeezes her back.
"Anytime, Bex."
The guard flashes her a large grin and a "Welcome Back" when she arrives at his building fifteen minutes early later that night. Butterflies swarm in her stomach, fluttering up to her throat as she presses the elevator button to his floor. She tightly grips the bottle of cabernet she brought when she steps off into the hall and takes a moment to breathe deeply in and out before raising her hand to knock.
"Hey, you're early!" Castle cries out when he swings the door open, his fingers still buttoning the top of his light blue dress shirt. She catches a glimpse of his exposed chest and arousal zips through her abdomen.
"Did you bring wine?" he asks.
She blinks, flicking her gaze to his eyes.
"Uh, yes. It's a cabernet," she says, holding it out to him. He smiles as he takes it from her and she slips her coat off, automatically hanging it in the closet. He chuckles.
"You really used to live here, didn't you?"
She grins shyly, self-consciously tucking a piece of hair behind her ear. She follows him into the kitchen where they find Alexis on a stool and Martha behind her, the older woman helping her guide a spoon that stirs a bubbling red sauce.
Guilt crawls in her gut at the sight of the older redhead. It's been two months since Martha came to the precinct and offered her a place to stay. She hadn't answered any of the woman's calls since.
"Look who I found," Castle announces.
Martha looks up at her, her face breaking open with delight. "Katherine, you made it!"
Castle rustles in a drawer for a wine opener.
"That smells amazing," Beckett says, not quite sure where to stand.
The older woman whispers in Alexis' ear, entrusting her with the sauce before making her way to Beckett. The detective doesn't expect the warm embrace that follows, tears suddenly clogging her throat.
"I'm sorry," Beckett whispers.
Martha pulls back, her mouth pulling down into a frown. "Whatever for?"
"Shutting you out," she says, her eyes beginning to water.
"Hush, now." Martha murmurs, brushing her thumb across Beckett's cheek. "None of that."
A choked-up laugh slips from Beckett's mouth as she pushes the heel of her hands into her eyes.
"I don't know where that came from," she says.
Martha gives her an affectionate, knowing smile.
"Why don't you have a seat while I grab you a glass?"
Beckett nods and catches Castle gazing at her with curiosity, his hand paused at the neck of the wine bottle. She quickly casts her eyes down and twists her hands together nervously. She needed to get it together.
At dinner, the conversation flows easily. Martha is full of bright smiles and shows off her 30-day chip from AA. Alexis chatters about her favorite animal—otters—and Beckett talks about her father and work, carefully avoiding any mention of her suspension. She finds Castle looking at her when he thinks she isn't looking and her heart pulses.
When Alexis' eyes begin to droop as they clear the table, Martha gathers the girl gently in her arms and takes her upstairs to bed. Beckett admires Alexis' serene face, socked out on Martha's shoulder, happy that the girl has finally found some sleep. She turns to Castle as he puts the last of the dishes away.
"Is she going to be alright? With the custody case and everything?"
He watches Martha reach the top of the stairs with Alexis and scrubs his face with his hands, a tired sigh falling from his lips.
"Meredith is only doing it for attention. If I give her a monthly allowance, she'll be sure to drop it."
"That almost sounds too easy," Beckett says, raising a brow.
"You'd be surprised by the things Meredith will do to get what she wants."
"Oh, I'm well aware," Beckett says with a deprecating huff.
"What does that mean?" Castle asks, walking towards the counter and taking a seat by her.
"It's nothing. I didn't mean anything by it," she fumbles, taking a sip of her wine. He frowns.
"Did Meredith do something to you?"
Beckett stays silent, fiddling with the stem of her glass.
"She's the one who sent that picture to the paper, wasn't she?" he asks in the dead quiet.
She flicks her gaze to his, her eyes widening. "How—"
"I knew it! I'm going to kill that woman," he says, reaching for the landline.
"No, don't," she says, snatching the phone away. "It doesn't matter now, does it?"
"Of course it does. I mean, what about your job? How did they react to the article? I can't imagine it went over very well."
Beckett bites her lip.
"Oh, god," he groans, "Did they fire you?"
"No! Just a suspension. But I don't mind. I needed the break anyway," she says quickly.
"Are you sure? I'm good friends with the mayor. I could call him and smooth things over." He looks at her expectantly, his eyes begging for apology. "It would be the least I could do," he adds. Gratitude sweeps through her but she shakes her head, slipping off her seat.
"No...that's ok." She drifts towards the living room and takes in the space, noticing the differences from when she lived there. Alexis' things are scattered about and she can see Martha's colorful touch decorating the walls. It's cozy and lived-in. Not empty.
She turns to see Castle trailing after her. "I didn't come here tonight to get my job back," she says softly.
Beckett reaches the bookshelves separating the office and living room and glides her fingers over the spines of novels.
"Why did you come here tonight?"
She glances over her shoulder at him. She doesn't know if it's the wine or the look in Castle's eye, but she feels brave.
"To tell you the truth."
His eyes search her face, questioning.
"Ever since I saw you yesterday, there's something I can't quite put my finger on."
"Oh?"
"But then you gave me this." He walks past her into his office and picks up the Heat Wave manuscript. Her heart starts to race.
"And I thought maybe I wasn't just thinking things. I thought…" He fastens his eyes on her, his irises a luminescent blue. "That maybe this story isn't just like fiction."
Beckett takes a step toward him, drawn to him like a magnetic pull.
"You talk in here as if you know me. As if we know each other," he says. Her heart feels like it's going to beat out of her chest.
"Ever since I woke up from my coma, I've been having these weird dreams. And I didn't know what to think of them."
He sets down the manuscript and she thinks of the last night he was a ghost. When he told her she was his unfinished business, their hands glowing when they brought them together.
"It wasn't until tonight that I figured it out," he says.
I think if you could ever really touch me...I might wake up from all of this.
"Figured what out?" she barely whispers.
"I was dreaming about you."
It's like a switch flicks in her brain as he takes a step toward her.
He needs to wake up.
The world slows around them as she reaches out and takes his hand. He doesn't stop her as she slides her palm over his, finally touching him, finally feeling the flesh of him and pump of blood beneath his skin.
It's like a physical jolt being able to touch him, like every nerve in her body is electrified by him. She gasps slightly when a golden light appears between their clasped hands and the world spins.
And then his eyes, so blue and clear, find hers and he looks at her, awestruck.
She lifts her free hand up to lightly touch his cheek.
"Hey," she says as he takes her in, his eyes re-memorizing the planes and angles of her face.
"It wasn't just a dream," he says as if dumbfounded.
"No," she says and tears crowd the corner of her eyes. He brings his hands up to cup her face, his expression filling with apprehension and wonder.
"Kate?"
"Yeah," she says breathlessly, a tear-stained laugh falling from her lips.
"You made more time," he says hoarsely.
She nods wordlessly.
"Thank god," he says before his hands are tangling in her hair and pulling her to him, lowering his mouth to hers. His kiss is soft and eager and cracks her open. The back of her knees tremor, her whole body aching for him. She presses herself closer to him, her hands fisting in his shirt.
They only break apart when they run out of air and rest their foreheads together.
"Hi," he says, a dopey grin splitting across his face.
She curls her hands around his ears, her thumbs brushing at the jut of his cheekbone.
"I missed you so much," she whispers.
"I'm sorry I didn't come back sooner," he says, closing his eyes at her touch.
"You're here now." She raises herself on her toes, capturing his lips again. She doesn't want to ever stop, but she pulls away eventually.
Castle stares at her in amazement. "I can't believe I didn't remember you. I mean, why didn't you just tell me? Why give me the book?"
"Because you already thought I was crazy."
"But I would've believed you."
"I just didn't know if I believed it myself anymore," she whispers.
He wraps his arms around her and she lays her head against his chest. She feels the last of the bricks in her wall fall away, turning to dust. She's safe now.
"Did you mean what you said in the hospital?" he says in a low voice. "Do you…" he falters, "do you still feel that way?"
She lifts her head up and raises her hands to cradle his jaw. She looks into his eyes, his pupils wide and dark. Afraid.
"I tried really hard to feel something else," she says. "I tried to stop loving you." Her voice wobbles. "But I couldn't."
"Oh, Kate," he says, pressing a soft kiss to her forehead. "I'm so sorry," he murmurs. "I never meant to hurt you."
She blinks back her tears, sniffling. "I know," she says, a small smile blooming across her lips when she looks up at him.
"I think I was already falling in love with you again tonight. Before you brought me back."
A thrill surges through her. "Again?" She smirks as she lifts a brow.
"Haven't I told you I'm madly in love with you?" he asks.
"I don't think you ever got around to it," she says, "You know, with you being a ghost and almost dying and everything," she adds, holding back a laugh.
He presses his grin into hers.
"I love you, Katherine Beckett."
"Oh, yeah?" she says, circling her arms around his neck.
"Will you stay with me tonight?"
"That depends," she says, "Will you make me coffee in the morning?"
"I'll even make you breakfast," he says.
She laughs and he bends his head to hers, opening the seam of her mouth in a heated kiss. She sighs into him.
"Is it too early to ask you to move in?"
"Castle!"
"What? We've lived together before."
She rolls her eyes at him but smiles.
"That doesn't count, Ghost Boy," she says, slipping from his embrace. She keeps hold of his hand as she walks backwards towards the bedroom, tugging him after her.
"My safe word is apples," he says and she laughs again.
She stops him at the door, her hand on the knob, taking him in and reveling in the moment. Feeling the happiness coursing through her. It's been so long since she felt this happy.
She finds his eyes and the love shining out of them. She just wants him.
"Ask me again in the morning."
A/N: This story has been the biggest challenge for me as a writer, and I just want to thank you all for continuing to show up to review and favorite it. Your enthusiasm was always my number one encouragement and it's been an absolute joy. Yours truly, L