Mariana
I woke up and took in my surroundings. I'm downstairs on the couch and i can't believe i did that last night. i really have had sex with sarah, it wasn't just a dream. Sarahs arms are around me and she pulled me closer in her sleep. i looked at the clock, 5:30. i should get upstairs so no one gets suspicious.
"i'm going upstairs" i whisper in her ear and she wakes up a little.
"hmm stay" she said and she had the cutest happy smile on her face.
"My parents will waking up soon" i reminded her as i kissed her head and slipped out from the blankets. i put my pajamas back on then headed upstairs. As i laid in my bed i thought back on everything that happened yesterday. I know i was unable to sleep last night so around midnight i headed downstairs to see if Sarah was awake.
12:30 am
I tossed and turned for hours unable to sleep as i thought back over the very eventful day. I need to get up, i'm restless and i know i'm never going to go asleep so might as well go downstairs. I hope Sarah is awake and we can finally have some alone but when i got downstairs she was sound asleep. i was about to give up the idea and go back upstairs but then i heard her call my name.
"You watching me when i sleep? Thats kinda creepy!" she said and i smiled.
"sorry you are just so beautiful i couldn't help myself." i joked and sat down with her.
"Couldn't sleep?" she asked rubbing my right leg.
"yeah too much on my mind" i said liking the contact. i wanted to put my arm around her shoulder.
"me too, i didn't fall asleep until about an hour ago" she said.
"im sorry go back to sleep" i said but she just shook her head.
"no im up now" she said leaning her head against my shoulder. I put my arm around her shoulder.
"Mariana"she said softly and i took my arm off her shoulders. She laughed and grabbed my arm and put it over her shoulders again.
"i like this" she said.
"so do i… are you ok? I know today was a bit…" i started to say.
"long… emotional? like i said at supper i'd rather not talk about it" she said grabbing my hand.
Suppertime
She sat down next to me and everyone's eyes were on her. i wish they would stop, Sarah has had a long enough day, we both have. After supper moms asked to say downstairs.
"we have had a long enough day can't we save the conversation until tomorrow" i begged and the smiled at us.
"Mariana its ok. What was going on with Sierra today?" Stef said sympathetically.
Sarah shrugged,"Can we not?" she begged.
"Its just… please. This has been a long day and i would prefer not to talk about it now" she said her voice hinting that if it wasn't for how much she's cried today she would be crying now but i'm sure she has no more tears.
"ok" the both said and i sighed of relief. i would have been so mad if they made her talk about it.
"you can always talk to us about it or anything else for that matter whenever" Lena said speaking for both of them and it was a statement you could tell they both meant. Something i never really understood about my parents is how they just accept random kids like they are their own. Even if its temporary, which it normally isn't by the end but they don't know that at the time, they seem to just immediately treat them like their kids. Not that im complaining, they might have not adopted me and Jesus if they werent like that, i just dont get how they do it.
12:40 am
She moved from my shoulder and looked at me. I can tell shes still going through so much and i want to help her so bad. i wish she would talk to me about it. She seemed so upset today
with the whole Sierra thing. For someone who claims to just be the older sister she sure acted like a mother.
"Do you want to talk about it?" i asked and she avoided my glare.
"honey?" i asked after she didnt answer me for a couple of minutes.
"about what?" she asked finally. She knows what i mean.
"sierra" i said.
"we are just really close" she said but that's not enough of an answer. She called Sarah mommy today, normally siblings don't do that.
"You seem like it" i said and she sighed.
"i swear she is just my sister" I understand that, but she seems to think of her as her daughter.
"you sure about that?" i asked and she laughed humorlessly.
"Yeah im pretty sure i didn't give birth to her" she said.
"I get that. I mean you seem like you think of her as your daughter and she seems to want you to be her mommy" i said and she awkwardly played with her fingers.
"Yeah i guess so" she said and i can she feels uncomfortable.
"Its ok you can tell me" i said taking her hand in mine to try and make her more relaxed.
"My parents work all the time so I have watched after her since she was only a couple of months old. So since i took care of her more than mom and dad she thought i was her mom. Her first word was her calling me mama. i was the one who helped her take her first steps, she would go to me when she had nightmares. We were really close and you know we have a bit of a mother daughter bond." she admitted. I tried to imagine what it would be like to think of yourself as the mother of your little sister. She was fifteen years old and thrown into the responsibilty of being the mom figure to a newborn, and the kid wasnt even hers.
"Yeah i just feel like i'm abandoning her but theres not much i can do. I know Jess is good with Sierra. Shes taken care of her with me and for me before. Its just… i wish that was me" she admitted. Im not really sure what to say to that. i'm not very good at comforting people.
"Im sorry" i said. "This has to be hard on you" she met my eyes and then moved closer to me.
She leaned in and kissed me. She moved in closer and continue to kiss me. It was nice but i wanted more. I moved my arm that was on her back down and then up under her shirt. She stopped and i immediately regretted it. Why would i think it was ok to do that? Even if she wanted to i don't know what i'm doing.
"You sure?" she asked and my heart started pounding in my chest. Great what do i say now?
"are you?" i asked and felt like slapping myself. This is so awkward.
"Im ready but there is no pressure on you" she said and even though part of me wants to so badly another part is terrified that i'm going to mess up.
"what if i mess up?" i said awkwardly and she just kissed me. I know my face is bright red this is so embarrassing.
"baby you won't, you will be perfect. We are in this together" she said pushing the hair from my face and kissing me.
"I have never felt like this with anyone, i love you so much" she whispered in my ear and i kissed her again. I shook my head yes and she leaned up against me pushing me into laying down position.
Present
Well that escalated quickly! I thought thinking about what happened after that.
Sarah-Present
Well after everything that happened yesterday losing my virginity to the girl i love was not how i expected it to end. I can't even decide whether yesterday was a good or bad. On the good side i told Mariana i loved her and she honestly said it back. Also the sex was amazing. Unfortunately on a bad note i had Sierra taken from me again. As the thought crossed my mind i immediately felt like crying but i took a deep breath and pulled myself together. I will see her soon and Jess will take care of her, i reminded myself.
Being a Saturday morning we dont have school so im not woken up by many people getting ready for school at seven in the morning. So i slept into about nine, which is like slipping into two since at home i would be woken up at six by an energetic toddler, and then laid in bed for another half an hour. I headed upstairs, i got dressed shortly after Mariana left knowing that Stef has to work this morning and it would be weird for my pajamas to be on the floor, and went to Marianas room. Callie has already left for her guitar lesson so shes in the room alone.
Mariana was still asleep and i smiled at how peaceful she looks. i kissed her forehead and wrapped my arm around her waist. She stirred and smiled when she saw it was me.
"Hey sleeping beauty." i said as her eyes drifted shut again.
"Hey beauty" she responded and i can tell shes still half asleep.
"last night was amazing" she said opening her eyes sleepily again.
"It was" i agreed. It was perfect. I've come close to having sex with an ex-girlfriend and it just didn't feel right so i stopped it. Everything last night felt right and i can she agrees by the goofy smile on her face.
"I love you" i said.
"i love you too" she said before falling back to sleep with my arm around her.
I wasn't sure if i should have had them have sex but just decided to do it anyway. I dont know if i said this in this story yet but i've said it in others, I DON'T WRITE SEX SCENES! So dont bother asking for it or complaining about it sorry it just makes me uncomfortable. This is the closest i will go to actually writing sex for you guys so please respect that.
Also another important announcement: I will be going on a cruise on saturday to next thursday so dont expect any updates from me until the earliest next Friday. Sorry