Again, I'm really sorry for the delay, this chapter was difficult to write, I had it almost done a week ago, but it took me a bit longer to find proper inspiration to write the letter. I'm not completely confident about this, but I really hope you like the chapter.

Also, a big thank you to everyone that reviewed or added this to their alerts! Thank you so, so much! 3

Hetalia belongs to Himaruya Hidekazu

Chapter 11

Feliciano ran through the small streets, feeling his heart running as well in his chest, he was anxious, he didn't want to stop anytime soon, he was so flustered that he didn't even want to stop and think about what have happened.

The previous events, the whole morning planning, the night before, everything was piling up on his mind. He remembered how long it took him to finally fall asleep, in the small basement where he was hiding his stuff, it was comfortable, and it wasn't ugly. He had a proper bed, a dinning table with chairs, even a small kitchen, he knew the best places in his city after all, but it was a bit humid, you couldn't help it in Venice.

He had stayed up a few hours just embracing the letter that he had worked so hard to write, there were so much feelings on it, he went from excitement to fear, the Italian had one of the longest nights of his life, just imagining as much possible scenarios as he could. Ludwig forgiving him, hating him, saying that he was a liar, hugging him, yelling, asking a lot of awkward questions, and… Ludwig not coming back… That was, without any doubt, the one that he feared the most.

It was such a horrible thing to imagine, he rolled on his mattress trying to scare that idea away. But it didn't work, he was still thinking about it, the one thing that he couldn't take, losing the most important person that he had ever again. What would happen to him if he weren't able to see Ludwig again, to hug him, or sleep by his side? Suddenly the loneliness struck him. I cannot live without you… And in the moment those words escaped his mouth on a whisper, he covered his face with his hands, in realization of something that for some reason he hadn't see before.

Feliciano stood there for a moment, trembling a little, until a soft smile appeared behind his hands. In a blast of emotion he ran to his suitcase and looked for a new piece of paper, and wrote rapidly, just a few words were enough for him to feel satisfied about it. He stared at it, in misbelieve, how could it be that never knew? But it was done now, and someone peace filled his mind and finally, after folding the small paper carefully and storing it back in his suitcase, he went to sleep, just a couple of hours, but they would be enough.

The sunrise had come so fast, and yet the Italian was full of energy, he was able to hear the music that came from the outside, as if his whole city was trying to encourage him. He took it as a good sign, and went to make himself ready, he wanted to look at his best, not just for the carnival he loved so much, but also because he was going to see him, he wanted to meet him so badly, he couldn't wait.

After a quick bath, he opened the wardrobe, and took out his astonishing outfit, and began to dress up, he made sure that his hair looked perfect too, well except, of course for that rebellious curl was a lost cause. His clothes were amazing as well, the suit, mostly red with golden frills, was almost sparkling, there was also his hat, decorated with the same colors, looking a bit like a crown.

And the most important piece that completed the costume, a mask that covered half of his face, it was golden, black and white, adorned with delicate details in golden glitter.

He stared for a moment, feeling proud of his work, it was really beautiful, he was sure that he was going to be admired and yet, no one could distinguish him into the crowd. But he knew he would be able to find Ludwig, being awkward in his usual clothes, or even more, in some carnival like outfit. He laughed a little imagining the poor German wearing something like that, not that he wouldn't look fine, but there was not a single chance that he would like this clothing style.

The sudden memory of his best friend gave him the final courage that he needed to go out. It was just a matter of time until he could see him, he just needed to look a bit for him and secretly put the letter on his pocket. Then he would yell at him from a safe distance, so that he could tell him to read it. Escaping was not a problem, there was going to be thousands of people, and the streets of Venice had a bunch of secret passages. It was the perfect plan for the very first day, subtle and safe…

Well… at least that was the plan, but here he was running now, after meeting Ludwig in the most awkward situation possible, it took him a big effort to stay cool. They were so near, for a moment he just wanted to forget his complicated plan and hug him, but he knew that wasn't an option, he wasn't prepared to answer all of Ludwig's questions, he had already worked a lot to explain as much as he could on the letter.

Feeling that he needed to breath, Feliciano finally stopped running. There was no way that the German could follow him, so he felt safe enough to sit and have a little break, before going back to his hiding, he wanted to enjoy the carnival a little anyways, it was still so early, about 2 o'clock, there was still so much to see. But he was forgetting there was someone that did know Venice almost as much as he did, and that would never be fooled by any outfit.

"So, you ought me an apology, don't you?" An angry voice said behind him.

Feliciano froze in his place, and without turning he whispered. "Fratello…"

oOoOoOoOo

Ludwig sat down on a bench for a moment, wondering just how was he supposed to even tell someone where he was so that they could help him out of the city. His italian wasn't very good either, so he felt that he couldn't ask anyone for directions, they talked way too fast, anyways. Sighing he took his phone out, at least he could ask them to look for him, it could take a while, but he couldn't figure out something better than that. He was just anxious to get home and read his letter, more than anything.

"Hallo, ah… Hungary… I'm done here… ja, I… I'll explain later but I'm… well, I just don't know where I am, so…" He listened to her for a second and then looked around. "I'm just next to one canal, and there are some small stores… and the building is red, but there isn't any proper reference I can give you… it looks like any other place in Venice…" He took a pause to listen again and then answered with a tired voice. "Ja, I'll wait here… I won't go anywhere, I know, I'll wait for him."

This was too much, he was stuck in here until they were able to figure out where in the world was he, and it could take some time. But he knew what he wanted to do; it wasn't as comfortable as it could have being in the house, but he was impatient to know, to understand. So he took the letter out of his pocket and unfolded it. Suddenly, fear came over him. He didn't feel ready to know things that could make him hate Feliciano, even if he doubted there was something that could do that, his hands were trembling a little and he couldn't set his eyes on the paper.

He took a deep breath, and tried to remember the reasons he had to do this. Feliciano… he was scared, he had run away because he was scared, and Ludwig was his best friend and never noticed he was feeling that way… nothing more was needed, he cared too much for him as to run away from this. And having found his determination, he began to read.

"Dear Ludwig:

First of all, I'm sorry, I've brought you so many problems these last days, I even lied to you the other day, but… that's not the only lie I have told you, and I need you to know, what, and why did I do it."

He closed his eyes for a second, feeling slight pain on his chest. Were there so many lies? Was it because he couldn't trust him? He opened his eyes slowly again and continued reading.

" I'm not sure where should I start, I guess I'll tell you what happened that night. You see… I have some… sleep issues… Actually, it's being a long time since I slept for a whole night, I can't even remember the last time, but it was probably when I was a small child. I know you may be thinking about my siestas or how hard it is for me to wake up on mornings. Well… I'm tired, really tired as you can imagine… But that's not it, not when I'm with you at least…"

He stopped again, remembering, he was once told about this, but he didn't want to believe that he wouldn't notice. But it was true. He had failed to Feliciano, he was there sleeping so easily every night, while he was there, all by himself in the dark… the german was now feeling guilty…

"Because I'm quite used to just stay awake, I don't really care about darkness either, sorry if I said it was scary... But it's your fault… well, not like that. How can I explain… the reason why I like to sleep in your bed, not really sleeping but anyways."

His eyes blinked in curiosity for a second, he had always wondered about this behavior…

"Ludwig it's 'cause you make me feel peace… the one that I lost long ago… when I see your sleeping face I don't feel frustrated or angry at myself anymore, so I can just rest by your side. But, well I don't stay in your bed all night, I usually go watch tv, or make pasta… you know, I try to distract myself, since nights are so long."

His face felt a bit warm, but he needed to stop and think for a second. Those were lies indeed, but not very important ones… There was something that he didn't understand. It wasn't a big deal if he wasn't really afraid of darkness, but it seemed as if Feliciano had a hard time getting to the actual issue.

"But, that's not what I had to say, and right now I feel like I can tell you everything that's on my mind… even if it will probably end up like a complete mess, please give it a chance, ok?"

He sighed, feeling that the real thing was coming, he was trying real hard not to feel anxious, but it was proving to be a hard quest.

"My true self is not the one that you know, it must sound horrible, but the one that you appreciate, the friend that you think you have, I'm probably way too far from that."

Now, that did sound confusing, what in the world was the meaning of "not being the one he know?"

"I'm not… as happy as I seem, I can feel happy of course, don't think I was lying when I was with you, 'cause in those times that you were there, I was truly feeling joy, those were the only precious moments that I was honest, so please don't think that was a lie too."

He felt like grabbing Feliciano by the shoulders in that very moment. What are you talking about? You're not like this, who is the person that wrote this? He was starting to feel slight frustration.

"But, I really can't say I'm happy, I haven't being real happy for a long time, you know, being happy, it requires peace of mind, and I totally lack it. That's why, I can't sleep, except for those moments when I'm by your side at night, of course, but even if that helps, my head is always full of confusing thoughts."

Ludwig felt his head aching. You're not happy? Why is that? You're always surrounded by people that cares about you. I'm there too, am I not? Isn't that enough? You being there was enough for me after all, but you… He wasn't sure what kind of feeling he had at the moment, but it seemed like anger. But he didn't want that. He tried to calm himself before going back to reading the letter.

"I keep on trying to act though, as if I wasn't tired of it all, as if I was still able to keep on going. Why is it that I can't say, help me? I wish so much to say it, save me from it all, but whenever I think of it I get so frustrated. I cannot ask for it, I don't want anyone messing up with my stuff, but I do hate this, then why can't I let it go?"

He was feeling really tired already. You're always asking for help, for the most useless things. Is this for real? Can't you trust me a little more than that? Pain was worse now, but it was his heart. This was really hurting him.

"You must have realized by now, how messed up I really am, I'm so sorry, for ruining the picture that you had of myself. When I first met you I didn't think that you would go as far as becoming my best friend, I couldn't have known that I would be telling you all of my horrible secrets one day. I actually hid it from everyone, even my brother."

He remembered Lovino's angry face while saying that Feliciano felt Ludwig was more important than him. He sighed. So the big brother knew more than the younger one thought. You should trust him a little more too… Why is it that you can't see what you have? As weird as it felt to say it, he kind of understood Lovino's frustration now.

"I'm a lie, you must hate my true self by now, don't you? But I wanted you to know; maybe 'cause you're the only one that I ever wanted to understand, maybe this is actually a help call? I'm so scared of you hating me, I can't bare the thought of you feeling that you don't know me, that I'm not your friend, that I don't exist as you thought I did…"

He wondered for a second what was he feeling about Feliciano at that very moment. He was confused, not even sure that he understood everything that he had read so far. I promised that I wouldn't hate you, I did that… but I'm kinda angry though…

"Please come back to me… please don't hate me, the only thing that I can assure you, it's that I wasn't lying about feeling happy by your side, the one true thing that I can trust, is you being my friend… I want to trust you, you may be thinking that I don't, but this is the first time I say anything to anyone. Does that counts as trusting to you? I beg of you Ludwig, forgive me.

Finally, this felt a bit different. You idiot, you should have started just like that… He closed his eyes, then opened them again and re-read the last part. This was going to be harder than he expected. A lot of thoughts were pilling up on his mind. But the one thing that bothered him the most was the fact that Feliciano wasn't the person he knew. He said he would forgive anything, and he was almost sure he could do that, but now he was worried about being able to recognize their friendship. I really don't know… how to feel about you now…

After some time he decided that he needed to ask questions, and Feliciano needed to answer them. He felt really impatient already, so he took his cell phone out again and dialed a number. It took a moment for the other person to answer.

"What do you want potato bastard, I'm already looking for you, just wait were you are." Lovino said with his usual angry voice.

"I need to find him, now. I won't play this game anymore. I have questions to ask, and he will have to answer them." He tried to sound as convincing as possible, knowing that the Italian was a difficult person.

"Umm… is that so? Did you hear that? He's tired of this as well." Lovino was talking to someone else. "You better work your best 'cause you'll have to look for me instead. Piazza di San Marcos, now, go ask for directions. I found him already, so you gotta hurry."

Ludwig heard some weird noises coming from the phone, probably a couple of Italian brothers arguing. "I'll be there soon. Feliciano, you better wait there for me this time! I know that you're listening." He sighed, and made his voice softer. "I need you to be there, so wait for me, please." Then he hanged up the phone, and hurried to the first person that was near him. This was it.

So that's all for this chapter. Feli still has a lot of stuff that he haven't explained, but he will very soon. He will have to face his brother and Ludwig on the next chapter. The end is coming soon as well, there might me 3 or 4 more chapters... See you soon!