Eric opened the door and saw Nate standing outside

"Hey Eric. Is your sister here?"

"Hey Nate! She left with Dan a while ago but she should be back soon. Wanna come in and wait for her?"

Nate nodded and walked in, "I'll be in her room."

Nate was watching tv when Serena walked in half an hour later.

"What are you doing here?"

He turned off the tv and looked up at her. "I just had to come see you."

"Are you okay?"

He looked at his lap. "I'm just so confused."

When Nate woke up it was morning and Serena was asleep with her hand holding his. He had a bad night and she was kind enough to let him stay with her without him telling her what happened.

She woke up a few minutes after he did and let go of his hand quickly. "I'm gonna go shower. You can use the bathroom down the hall."

Nate showered and sat in Serena's room with a towel wrapped around his waist while her housekeeper cleaned his boxers and his uniform.

"Nate!" Serena called from the bathroom. "I forgot a towel! Could you bring me one please!"

Nate ran to get a towel and knocked on the door. "Come in," he heard her say. She hid behind the shower curtains.

He handed her the towel and she came out running her finger through her hair a few seconds later.

Nate was too nervous to look at her. He stared at the floor. "Yesterday, after I saw you and Dan I was really pissed off. So I went to Blair so she could make me forget you. And the complete opposite happened. I called her Serena."

Serena turned to look at him. "Oh, Nate. Buy her flowers, take her on a date and beg her to forgive you and take you back. It was just a mistake."

"Serena, I don't want her to take me back. I can't. I can't be with Blair, I don't want to be. I want to be with you."

Serena placed her hand on his cheek. "Natie, it's not that simple. You know it's not. You have Blair and she's amazing and I have Dan now."

He smiled sadly and closed his eyes. "Sometimes I just close my eyes and pretend. It's just you and me and no one else matters." He still wasn't used to being so honest with his feelings, he wasn't used to feeling like shit all the time.

She smiled back at him. "I pretend too. And then I open my eyes and snap back to reality. And I can't breathe. And it hurts. But it's getting better. It's going to get better."

...

Nate walked into Blair's room. Much like his old dog would walk back in his room with its tail between his legs after peeing on the carpet. Blair lay on her bed with her eye mask on but he knew her well enough to know she wasn't sleeping.

He didn't even know where to begin.

"Why are you here?" She said without taking her eye mask off.

He looked down at the floor, swallowed hard and sat on the edge of her bed.

She removed her eye mask, sat up on the bed, and with one quick strike slapped him hard across the face.

He felt the sting on his cheek and looked over at her.

"Sometimes I really hate you, you make me feel like crap. And then I remember how much I love you and that hurts even more; it's a never-ending cycle. I've loved you since I was 13 years old. And I'm just your consolation prize."

Nate looked down, "That's not true. I love you Blair. I just..."

"It's always going to be her isn't it? No matter what I do or how hard I try, it's always going to be her."

She wanted to ask him why she wasn't good enough but she refused to be that pathetic. "Sometime

He looked at her sadly. "What about us? It's over, isn't it?"

"Oh please. We never stood a chance. You made sure of that."

Nate got up to leave. "Blair, what we had. It was nice. It was real."

Blair nodded and closed the door in his face. She needed time alone to drown herself in self-pity. After she was crying she got out her phone and sent Nate a text: If you really love S, go get her. Don't let me get in your way.

...

Serena got out of the cab in front of her building when she saw Nate sitting on the sidewalk.

"That's not very safe you know. Cars swerve in and out all the time."

"I wish." Nate muttered. He didn't even know why he was there. He didn't know anything anymore.

"What's wrong?" As soon as she walked over she could smell the scotch on him.

"Blair and I broke up."

"Oh, Natie. I'm so sorry."

"But that doesn't change anything right? You don't give a fuck about me. You just want to run around with Dan Humphrey." He tried to pull himself together. "Serena, I want to be with you. I love you."

Serena had a burning sensation in her chest, she wanted to tell him she loved him too. That she wanted nothing more than to be with him. That he was the first person she thought about every morning and the last person she thought about before she fell asleep. But she didn't want him to be like this and she didn't want him to say he loved her just because he was upset with Blair. "Nate, you and Blair just broke up. And you're drunk."

He got up suddenly. "I know what I'm saying! I want to be with you Serena!"

She felt her heart speed up, that's all she ever wanted to hear. But Blair was her best friend and she couldn't throw that all away. "We can't do that, Nate. Not now."

"It's now or never."

Serena looked at the ground. "Nate, don't do that. You should really just go home."

Nate suddenly understood Blair so much more. "You know what, Serena?" He said as he hailed a cab. "Sometimes I really hate you. You make me feel like shit. Then I remember how much I love you and then that cycle starts all over again. It's just too exhausting. I'm not doing it anymore." He got in the cab and shut the door.

...

Thanks for your reviews! And the suggestions were great! I'll try my best. Let me know what you think so far! xoxo