Still don't own BTR or Th1rteen R3asons Why.
*Bold means its on the DVD.
*Italics means its Jo's memory.
Jo was sitting on her bed with tears in her eyes. "It finally happened. I hope all of you are FUCKING happy. Your rumors caused the one good fucking thing in my life hate me. Why did he believe the stupid fucking lies, I don't know. Maybe it was the drugs. Reason number ten, Kendall Knight."
Kendall felt a roaring in his ears and saw the world tilt as he fell off his bed, passed out.
"Oh my god, Kendall are you okay?"
Kendall struggled to open his eyes. Finally they popped open. Logan was standing above him, looking worried. Kendall felt something trickle down his face. He reached up and saw it was blood. He must have hit his head when he passed out. Then he remembered why he passed out, and felt sick. But when he saw Logan's face, he wanted to pound his face in.
"Logan, I'm fine. Now get the hell out of my room before i do something to you I just might regret." Kendall got up, clenching his teeth together.
Logan looked shocked. "Kendall, what are you talking about? Are you okay?"
"I know what you did Logan! Now get the FUCK out!" Kendall thundered, glaring at him.
Logan went pale and left the room quickly. Kendall walked into the bathroom and washed the nice long gash he now had on the side of his face, then put a bandage on it. When he got back in his room, he saw a piece of metal that stuck out from the bed frame with some blood on it. That was what cut him.
Kendall was shaking. He really didn't want to see his reason. His reason. He honestly didn't think he'd be on the discs. Obviously if he had gotten them he was on it as a reason she killed herself, but he just never thought about what he had done. Now he was going to find out. He located the DVD Player and saw to his dismay that it was broken, he landed on it when he fell.
Looking around, he spotted his laptop and put the disc in there, and sat shaking as he waited to hear why he had played a part in Jo's suicide.
"So, lets get to what happened, huh?" Jo wiped her eyes and started the story.
It was about two in the afternoon when I got up after crashing for two days from meth. Wiping my eyes, I smelt the sweat I had shed from coming off of meth and changed out of my tank top and boy shorts, then hopped in the shower. I scrubbed real good everywhere, using my peach scented body wash and strawberry shampoo and conditioner. I shaved, then got out and dried off. I walked to my closet and took ripped dark pink denim short shorts and a flowing black half shirt that went to just below my chest with angel wings on it, and when I moved a certain way you could see part of my hot pink bra. Yeah, I was dressing like the slut everyone said I was, but I was going to go to a rave and I knew I would get hot. I flipped through channels until my hair dried. Once it was dry, I decided to get ready in the bathroom.
On my way to the bathroom I grabbed my makeup bag and my straightener. I put thick eyeliner on both my top and bottom lids, then shiny red gloss, stuck on some fake eyelashes and put on mascara. I straightened my hair, and then put it half up half down, securing it with a silver glittery hair pin. I looked at the finished product and knew I looked like a hoe because of the outfit, but I didn't care, I was comfortable, and I looked good. The E made me really hot sometimes, so I decided this outfit was the way to go. The one big downside on the outfit was that you could see all my stomach scars, and my fat just hung out, but I'd like to be cool and comfortable at the rave.
Standing in the bathroom, I took out my pipe and my crystal from the drawer. I put two rocks in the pipe, lit a lighter underneath it and inhaled the smoke swirling out from it. I felt the rush immediately, taking me higher and higher. I over to the party that I knew would be starting. I was right, because once I got there the party was in full swing. I saw Guitar Dude and when he saw me, he smiled and handed me. I took it and drank some water. Now I was ready to dance all night, and have the time of my life.
It was about two hours into the party when Guitar Dude stumbled over to me with someone in tow. My eyes widened when I saw it was Kendall. "Kendall, what are you doing here?"
Guitar Dude smiled creepily. "He was lookin for you, so I brought him to you."
"Jo what the hell are you doing? Are you stupid?" Kendall yelled over the music.
I rolled my eyes. "No I'm not fucking stupid. I'm just trying to make the most of my life while I'm still here." I smiled. "C'mon Kendall, take some. It'll be fun. If you love me you'll take some E at least. It'll make your night perfect!"
Before Kendall could answer, Guitar Dude spoke. "Nah Kendall, first take E, then I got somethin' really special for you. Don't be a pussy, do it."
"No. Lets leave Jo. Now." Kendall grabbed my wrist.
I noticed he had a water bottle with him and had set it on the table. Guitar Dude slipped two Ecstasy pills in it, and right before he started walking, he took a sip. I could tell he felt it because his eyes dialated and he downed the entire thing right there. Once it really kicked in all thoughts of leaving were gone. We danced, kissed, kissed other people, and even went a little crazy by taking a knife, cutting a slit in each of our wrists and sucking some of the blood. It tasted amazing, it was like nothing we had ever done before. We felt so much closer together, and I told him all about the bullying, harassment, my cutting and eating disorders, and my depression. We laughed, we cried, and we loved. It couldn't have been better.
Once we were starting to come down, Guitar Dude produced the ice and Kendall even tried some. We smoked so much meth I could hardly believe it. And the best part was, we didn't pay shit! To be truthful, we had sex a lot while we were on the crystal, it was crazy. We never even got caught by anyone. And when I took my clothes off, Kendall looked at each and everyone of my scars and kissed them, and told me that he loved me and to please never do it again, I promised I wouldn't, and then we made love over and over again.
Once we started coming down, Kendall got kinda cranky (no pun intended). It probably didn't help that I had been talking about my first time taking E and how I made out with all these different people, and he got pissy.
"So you cheated on me while you were strung out?" He spit at me, getting off the bed.
I sat up. "Kendall, you were just on E. You know what its like."
"Yeah, well how the fuck did I even take any? Cuz I didn't agree to it! Im fact, I fucking said I didn't WANT to take any!"
"That wasn't me! That was Guitar Dude, he slipped it in your drink!" Wrong thing for me to say.
"So you fucking saw him put drugs I said I did NOT want to take in my drink, yet you let him is what you're fucking saying to me!" He stormed out and into the parking lot, and I followed him. It was still kinda dark out.
"Kendall! You know that's not what I fucking mean! It's not my fault he did that! It's not like I could stop him even if I wanted to, I was too high! Jesus, stop BLAMING ME!"
"Oh yeah, that's right, I forgot. Yeah, you never do anything, do you Jo? I'm so sure everyone started those rumors about you for no reason huh? Yeah, cuz it's not like you actually whored around behind my back or anything. You ever think maybe the reason everyone hates you is because you are a stupid bitch?"
By now I was crying, and he wasn't stopping.
"You know why you cut yourself Jo? Because you are an attention whore! And if you really need to loose weight, then stop eating altogether instead of eating a shit ton and then throwing it up! If you really hate you're life so much. then just fucking cut deeper next time and do us all the favor! You wonder why nobody likes you, it's because you want everyone to feel bad for you! You are a whiny ass slut who probably does fuck everyone you see when I'm gone! Just go back to your fucking drugs! Go do your meth and be the lowlife druggie you are!"
I cried harder, and screamed back at him. "FUCK YOU KENDALL! Guess what? Hopefully next time I will cut deeper and die! I hope I fucking do! At least then I'll join my sister and I won't have to deal with any of this shit anymore! I thought maybe you were the one good thing, but I was FUCKING WRONG!"
Kendall finally seemed to realize what he had been saying. "Jo, oh my god I'm so sorry. I didn't mean any of it, I... I don't know what I was thinking. God, I'm so stupid... Please forgive me."
I was past my breaking point this time. With everything he said to me, I couldn't take it anymore. "You think after everything you just said to me I can just forgive you? I hope I fucking die, I'll jump off a building or a bridge or in front of a car if I have to! I hope you realize that if I die tonight, its because of YOU!" When I shouted you, I pushed him backwards and he fell, and with a loud resounding clank hit his head on a fire hydrant. Blood seeped from the back of his head.
"Oh my god, Kendall!" I shrieked, dropping to my knees next to him. All my anger evaporated, and was replaced with a cold fear that in a fit of rage I had killed him.
"Jo, what just happend?" I turned around to see James running over with an extremely worried expression on his face. When he saw Kendall his eyes widened. "Oh god, what happened? I heard screaming and then I saw you push Kendall."
I felt for a pulse on Kendall and found one. "James, can I explain everything later? We need to get Kendall to the hospital." I shakily stood up, tears still rushing down my face.
He nodded, and we brought Kendall to the doctor. Now that the drugs had worn off, I was cold, my skimpy outfit providing pretty much no protection against the cold. I told James that me and Kendall were arguing and I pushed him, but had no idea that he would get hurt. I didn't tell James what we were arguing about, and I surely didn't tell him that I had in fact wanted to hurt Kendall in that moment of rage and hurt. James noticed I was cold and took off his sweatshirt and gave it to me. I put it on and was warmer because James' heat was still on it.
While the ER people were tending to Kendall and I was sitting there wanting a toke or two of crystal, James decided to ask me about what happened.
"Jo, what exactly were you and Kendall arguing about?" He asked, turning to look at me.
I felt tears prick my eyes again. I had just stopped crying. "You dont want to know."
James looked uncomfortable. "Okay Jo, I didn't want to have to tell you this, but I heard everything you said in the parking lot." He looked at me with concern all over his face. "Jo, why are you doing all this to yourself?"
Wasn't that the same thing that my shrink used to say? My sister used to say it too but... You know. "James, I.. I don't want to talk about it." My throat closed up the way it does before I start crying and I sounded almost like a giant whale.
James put an arm around me, giving me a little hug. "Jo, I want you to know that you can always tell me anything. I'll always be here for you to talk to."
I closed my eyes and rested my head against his shoulder. I didn't say anything more because I didn't want to end up crying. I think he understood that, because he just kept his arm around me.
The nurse walked out. "Are you waiting for Kendall Knight?"
James and I both stood up. "Yes." James answered.
The nurse gestured towards the hallway Kendall was in. "He's in room six eighty-two."
James thanked her and we walked down to his room. He was laying in bed with a bandage wrapped around his head and he was looking around, smiling slightyl when he sawus.
"Hey Kendall, hwo are you feeling?" James asked while I just kinda stood there.
"I've been better, could one of you tell me how I got here?" Kendall asked.
Me and James looked at each other in confusion. The doctor came in just then.
"Could I speak with you two out in the hall quick?" He gestured towards the hallway. We walked out and the doctor cleared his throat. "Your friend seems to have suffered some memory loss, most likely from hitting his head or perhaps a traumatic incident that his brain decided to block from his memory. Did anything traumatic happen to him before he hit his head?"
"No, nothing happened. He just fell and hit his head." I quickly said before James could say anything. The doctor looked at me a bit suspiciously but nodded anyways.
He told us we could go back in and talk to him, but I tugged on James arm.
"I'm just gonna go home I can't really be around him right now. Will you figure out what he remembers and let me know?" I looked at him pleadingly.
He nodded, and I started to take off his sweatshirt. "Jo, keep it. It's cold, and you can give it to me tomorrow."
I was going to protest, but it was cold and I would give it back to him tomorrow. So I left, and only when I got home did it really hit me what Kendall said. I broke down and started crying, then took out some weed, rolled a joint and smoked it to calm down a little bit.
"So yeah. Turns out Kendall didn't remember doing drugs or our argument, he didn't even remember me pushing him." Jo, who had been looking down and playing with a loose thread on her blanket looked up at the camera. "Kendall, I am so sorry you had to put up with me for as long as you did. But I don't htink it gave you the right to do this to me. I don't think I'm making any more discs, because I'm just going to do it now. I'll mail these and then it'll all be over. So, bye to everyone who fucked my life up. Thanks to everyone who didn't. And a big fuck you to those who knew and didn't help or stop it." Jo shut it off.
Kendall blindly stood up, and walked to the door, paying no mind to the laptop crashing to the ground. He went in the hallway, heading for the bathroom.
"Hey Kendall, how are you?" James asked, smiling at him. His smile slipped off once he saw the state Kendall was in. "Kendall, are you okay?"
Kendall didn't answer, but went in the bathroom and locked the door. James knocked and tried to come in but Kendall didn't let him in. He opened the medical cabinet and took out brand new unopened pain killers, poured some out in his hand, and swallowed them with handful of water. He kept repeating the process untill they were all gone. By that time they were trying to knock down the door, but Kendall was fading. His legs gave out and he crashed to the ground. The worst part for Kendall about all this was, as soon as Jo told the story of what he did, he rememebred every detail and he relived it with her. He hated himself, so he decided to kill himself. Before everything went blurry and he couldn't see anymore, the door busted down and he swore Jo's smiling face swam in front of his vision.
afsjsodsfihdsofjsdn. i would have had this posted earlier but my internet kept crashing augghh.. i tried to make this as long as I coudl, it ended up being 3,000+ words soooo hope it was long enough c:
Thank you to RusherSeanLosG , logiebearluver , and Guest for reviewing!
I didn't wait for five reviews because honestly, I figured you guys needed more than my word to see the chapter up cuz updates have been iffy but now they should be pretty constant c:
ilysm for reviewing everybody, could you maybe give me 5+ reviews for this chapter? Tell me what you think, I hope it wasn't a fluke... Wonder what'll happen to Kendall c; This made me kinda sad to write, because Jo got betrayed by the one person she thougth she could always trust ;-;
review and give me your thoughts please! c:
~TheFlyingGraysons