Chapter Summary: In which Katniss makes plans and conditions in District 12 worsen.
I awoke with a start when someone shook my shoulder. I had fallen asleep at the kitchen table. I had done that plenty of times when finishing homework but my other cheek throbbed from the whip. Gale was still out stone cold from the morphling and I was glad. The pain when he awoke would be horrible. I smelled fresh bread and turned to see Peeta staring at me. His eyes were shadowed and he had a look of apprehension on his face. He knew just like I did that this was a warning. A warning that all of our loved ones were in danger.
"Go up to bed, Katniss. I'll look after him now," he said gently as he laid the bread down on the counter.
"Peeta, about what I said yesterday. You were right." I felt my cheeks flush with shame at the idea that I had even entertained such an idea.
"I know. There's nothing to explain." He replied. I could see in the pale morning light the blue shadows on his face. I remembered how he had agreed to go with me without hesitation and how he had protected Gale who had never been friends with him. His willingness to throw his lot in with mine even when I gave so little in return. My friendship was surely not worth this much.
"You're going to be ok," Peeta whispered suddenly hugging me. I wasn't used to hugs. Only Prim was in the habit of hugging me. But being hugged by Peeta made me feel safe. His arms felt strong and he always gave off such a feeling of warmth and tenderness. I burrowed my head against the soft cotton of his shirt and took a couple of deep breaths.
"Just go to bed, ok?" he said kissing me on the forehead.
I crawled into bed fully dressed and dreamed of Clove becoming a mutation and how she and the other mutts tore me to pieces. I could feel the pain and realized as I awoke that the injured cheek had come from Thread, not Clove. I wished that Peeta was there to hold me. Then I remembered that it wasn't fair to ask him to stay with me when I couldn't love him the way he wanted me to. And besides, if my mother found out she would be very upset. A life with Peeta was the Capitol's invention. We were friends. That was all. At least on my end.
I got up and glanced out the window to see that the winds had picked up and the snow had begun in earnest. It was a good thing because snow might keep the Peacekeepers away long enough for us to form some sort of plan. The blizzard was actually a gift. I realized as I changed into fresh clothes exactly what I was committing to. The Capitol would retaliate. They might arrest me, torture me, mutilate me. Being shot in the town square would be the most merciful outcome. The Capitol knew how to kill people creatively. I knew all of those things had already been lurking around ready to get me. Ever since I had become President Snow's target I was in danger.
But now my family and friends were being targeted. I thought of Prim and my heart faltered. I could barely breathe as I thought of it. I choked on my own thoughts as I imagined all those things happening to her. But then I realized how much the Capitol already hurt her. They killed her father, let her nearly starve to death, reaped her and then forced her to watch her sister nearly die. And Rue's life was even worse. I thought of Posy, Vic and Rory and how hard their mother and Gale worked to protect them. Wasn't these children the reason I had to fight? Because the world they have faced was so wrong and so evil I had no choice? Because no one has the right to treat any child that way.
I forced down the fear as I thought of them. I couldn't save Rue but maybe I could save the Prims, Posys, Vics, and Rorys of Panem. Gale was right when he said that people just needed courage. He was also right that for some reason I had power over these people. I tried to think of what to do as I showered. I knew that I wasn't prepared to lead a revolution. I didn't have enough conviction, experience or courage. I didn't have the persuasive powers or the cleverness to convince and lead people.
I thought of Peeta then. His skill with words made people embrace everything he said. It wouldn't be difficult for him to lead a group to action. He could easily find the words to say. But would he even consider such a thing? All that talent was hidden in a world of self-effacement. People didn't see him and tended to discount him. The Careers had much to their peril. Even Haymitch hadn't appreciated him. The gentle self-deprecating humor wasn't an act. But neither was the skill. I knew him well enough to know that even when he was a skilled liar he didn't lie except to protect and help others. I thought of what we could do together.
I finally managed to get downstairs to find Mother and Prim taking care of Gale. The morphling had already long worn out by the look on his face. I tried to get my mother to give him some more but she said she would try a snow coat first. I winced as I noticed the inflammation in the wounds. Prim carefully laid the green mixture on his flesh and I could see the relief cross his face. I wondered what it would be like to have a whipping occur in summer and having to keep sweat and flies away. My mother held the snow coat to my own wound and I sighed in relief. It numbed and cooled the area instantly.
"Why didn't you give this to him last night?" I asked.
"It needed to set first." She replied. I wasn't sure what she was talking about but when it came to medicine I trusted my mother. I felt embarrassed about my outburst the night before. But all I could remember was my mother letting Prim and I nearly die and how I couldn't save Rue and how I hated seeing people in pain. I guess Peeta and Haymitch forgave me. Peeta was nice enough to do it and Haymitch because he had probably said worse. "I'm sorry. About screaming at you."
"I've heard worse. People tend to do that when people they love are in pain." I nodded as I felt my stomach hurt. Loving people hurt my stomach. Loving my family meant that I spent time worrying about their safety. It sometimes felt like all my energy was spent in protecting them.
"How can you do this?" I questioned thinking about how she had disappeared on us and yet was able to patch her nephew's back together without flinching.
"Because I have to. And because at least I can do something to help." My mother replied.
"It's like you and your hunting," Prim added. She finished her task and washed her hands and I marveled at her poise.
"Where's Peeta?' I questioned suddenly aware that he was not in the room.
"He went home when I got up. Didn't want to leave his house unattended in the storm." My mother replied as she mixed the porridge for breakfast.
"Did he get back all right?" I questioned. In a blizzard, one could get lost in just yards and wander off course. Several times people had died that way and had been discovered when it thawed. And Peeta with his bad leg might have slipped and fallen.
"Why don't you call him up and check?" my mother suggested. I was about to do so when Gale stopped me.
"Was Madge here last night?" he questioned.
"Yes, she brought you the medicine. It was her mother's. But she left soon because she didn't want her parents to worry." I answered.
"Could you call her? Make sure she's ok," he asked his voice weak but determined.
"Of course," I replied as I went to the study. I hated the study since that was where President Snow threatened me. But it was the only room with a telephone. I thought about Madge and sighed. Gale sure had it bad. Madge had left well before the storm got bad. She was probably home wrapped in a blanket by the fire. While he was lying there with a back torn open in terrible pain. But his main concern was her. That was what love did to people. And I didn't want that.
I dialed Peeta's number and said, "Hey, I just wanted to make sure you got home safely."
"Katniss, I live across the street from you." He replied chuckling a little.
"I know, but with the weather like this…" I said beginning to feel a little foolish.
"Well, I'm fine. Thanks for checking." There was a pause and then he said, "How's Gale?"
"He's better. Mom and Prim are giving him the snow coat. They gave me some too. It feels good."
"Good. You'll want to take care of that. Imagine what the preps would say to a scar on your face." His voice was faintly sarcastic and I laughed in spite of myself.
I got off the phone and dialed Madge's number. The maid picked up with her superior sound in her voice and at last put Madge on the line. She sounded as if she had run to the phone. Immediately she questioned me as to how Gale was doing and threatening to come over storm or no storm. It took me a few minutes to convince her that wasn't a good idea and that he was on the mend provided we took care of it.
"He was worried about you. That's why I called." I said.
"Me? I'm fine. I just….I know you'll take care of him. I'm not much use over there. Although I do help take care of my mother."
"Your probably better at it than I am. But we'll work on it. And when the storms over I'm sure he'll appreciate a visit." I replied.
It took nearly two days for the storm to end and another day before a path was cleared from the town to Victor's Village. I helped my mother and sister take care of Gale and put the snow coat on my own face. Peeta was right. I knew that the preps would be horrified over a scar. I kept going over the plan in my head as I watched my wound turn red and scaly and my eye wound turn every shade of green and brown.
At the first opportunity, I got Peeta to help me drag Haymitch out of the house to talk. We stood on the narrow path to town and talked quietly afraid that even the snowbanks could betray us.
"So are we heading off to the great unknown?" Haymitch's tone was flippant and mocking.
"No," I replied. "Not anymore."
"Worked through the flaws in that plan, sweetheart?" he questioned.
"I want to start an uprising." I said suddenly.
Haymitch laughed but it was the kind of laugh that sounded like he thought it was a complete joke. It was clear he didn't take me seriously. "You let me know how that works."
"Then what's your plan?" I questioned angrily.
"My plan is to make your wedding the most perfect one in all of Panem. I called and got them to reschedule the photo shoot for a few weeks. Told them you fell on some ice.
I felt lost as he added, "It won't work."
By the time we reached Town, I knew that Haymitch wouldn't help me on my mission. I hoped Peeta would though. I had been unprepared for the changes in District 12. In the storm, Peeta and I had expected that it would be impossible. But the huge banner with the seal of Panem, the marching Peacekeepers and the machine gun nests on the rooftops proved me wrong. And the whipping posts, stockades and gallows were even more terrifying. Then I saw a blaze of fire. I started off towards it but Peeta pulled me back. It was the Hob. I thought of Greasy Sae, Ripper and all the others who made their living in there. I thought of how they might be burning alive.
"They aren't there. They're too smart for that. I'm off to see how much achohol the apocathary will sell me."
Peeta and I glanced at each other in horror. Rubbing achohol could kill or blind someone if drank. "I have some achhol. We've got to stop him."
Peeta nodded, "I do too. I hope it'll be enough to hold him off till Ripper gets back in business. I need to check on my family."
"I have to check on my aunt." I replied. I had expected her to show up the minute the snow cleared. Had something happened to her and the kids? Visions of them being dragged through the snow struck me.
"I'll go, too. Drop by the bakery on my way home." He replied. He had obviously sensed my apprehension.
The streets were still but not because people were at work or school. The glanced out their widows as I passed. I thought of my plan and nearly laughed at my own stupidity. Gale and I had not taken into account how few people break the law in 12. We and our whole familes had done that. But we were unusal. Except for those who went to the Hob most people in 12 were too afraid of the repercussion of such an action. Weaponless, defenseless and terrified of my mere presence in the neighborhood I had expected them to rise up. No wonder Haymitch had laughed.
I found my aunt nursing a very sick Posy. I saw the measles spots and groaned. Measles were dangerous especially now in the dead of winter. Poor Aunt Hazelle had a sick child and an injured son she was unable to visit. No wonder she looked exhausted.
"I couldn't leave her. I knew Gale would be fine in your mother's hands." She rocked Posy back and forth to keep the sad moans from excaping her mouth. Poor baby. We had all had measles. I took Posy from my aunt who sank down on the kitchen chair in relief.
"He's much better. My mother said he can work in a few weeks." I added taking up the cloth and letting Posy play with it lanquidly.
"They may not be open. They say the mines are closed until further notice." She glanced at the empty wash tub.
"What happened?" I asked.
"Everyone is afraid to go to me."
"Maybe it's the snow." Peeta said.
"No, Rory made the rounds but nobody had anything." I could see the discouragement drain off of her.
Rory wrapped his arms around her and said comfortingly, "We'll be all right. I'll go and…"
"No you won't and that's the end of it." My aunt snapped back. Rory was thinking of signing up for tesserae. I thought of how much like Gale Rory was turning out to be. He was the spitting image of his brother at that age. Already he seemed to have aged years since I had last seen him.
I took out all the coins I had and laid it on the table." My mother will send something for Posy."
My aunt stopped me and said, "Thank you, Katniss." I knew she meant much more but couldn't find the words to say it. She reached out and hugged me briefly. Then she turned to Peeta and patted him on the shoulder, "You take care of this girl. She's wearing all of us ragged with her recklessness."
My aunt had finally accepted him into the family. And her kindness was probably more than his mother had ever done. I tried to get him to leave me so I could go see the Hob.
"I've dragged you into enough trouble." I said.
"And avoiding a stroll by the Hob…that's going to fix things for me?" he questioned with a smile. He took my mittened hand and we set off towards the Hob. The Peacekeepers were gone knowing there was no one who would try to save it. The coal dust made the snow turn black. "I want to check on Greasy Sae."
"Not today, Katniss. I don't think we would be helping anyone by seeing them." He replied.
Discouraged I went back to the town where we dropped in on the bakery. I bought some cakes from Peeta's father while they talked about the weather. A Peacekeeper came down the stairs as we stood there and left without acknoleging anyone. Peeta's father whispered that all the Merchant familes had many of them living with them. They were obligated to keep them on. We didn't say anything about the instruments of torture. But from the diminishing stock of bread, it was clear that the Peacekeepers were taking from the Mellarks.
Things only got worse. The mines were closed for two weaks and people started to starve again. The kids signed up for tesserae, even Merchant kids, but they often didn't recive the grain. The food shortages grew worse and regardless of the number of coins people had there was no food to be had. The mines cut wages, increased hours and sent miners into worse condions. Even the Parcel Day packages arrived spoiled with rodents. People started getting punished with for offenses they had forgotten were illegal. Just looking at a Peacekeeper wrong could land you in the stocks.
Gale went home but we didn't talk anymore about rebellion. Madge came nearly every afternoon after school ostensibly to visit me but really because she wanted to see Gale. Her presence kept him from going crazy with the forced inactivity. Rory signed up for tesserae against my aunt and Gale's wishes and it ended in a huge row. Gale couldn't even speak of it and I knew he blamed himself. I didn't add that Gale would have done the same thing. I only hoped that this wouldn't just strengthen his resolve to fight.
I managed to get Haymitch to hire my aunt as his housekeeper. It was odd to see his once filthy house clean and sweet smelling and food warming on the stove. My aunt needed the money and it was good for him. I didn't know how she stood being near him. The liquor Peeta and I had gathered was nearly gone.
I couldn't walk through town without being stared out in anger and people turned away from me. When I came home the constant stream of sick people left a damper on everything. My mother didn't accept payment for her services but her stock of medicine was depleted.
The woods were impossible. Even Gale didn't try to get under the fence. But one day I did. It wasn't the sick and dying or the misery that made me do it. It was the crate of wedding dresses the President had approved for me to wear. The sickness of worrying about a wedding while people staved struck me again. The fact that I was probably to be married only to be killed. The utter uselessness and waste struck me as the final straw in a long list of injuries.
I went to the lake that day. I wanted to say goodbye to my father and remember all the happy times we spent there. I knew I would probably never return and the house and atmosphere of District 12 was stifling me. I almost didn't care if they caught me so long as I could see it one last time. The trip took a long time because I was so exhausted and discouraged I didn't notice the signs of life. Then I heard the click of a weapon.
I whirled around reaching for an arrow although I knew that a gun could be fired much faster than an arrow. I saw the white Peacekeeper uniform but the person did not shoot. Instead, they dropped their weapon and held out an object towards me. I almost fired but then I recognized the symbol on the cracker. It was a mockingjay.
Author's Note: Poor Katniss. She's fighting her feelings and is trying so hard to keep them in a safe box. I had to laugh when I was writing how Gale was all concerned about Madge and Katniss was being all judgy while not taking into account her own fear over Peeta. She was being so obtuse there. The way that District 12 changes after Thread arrive always chills me. I also included a reference to the Merchants having to take in Peacekeepers. That was a common tactic to have civilians take in the military of the lands they had captured. It was also a common practice in the colonies. It helps to show how the Capitol is pushing closer and closer into their lives. You might wonder why Hazelle asks Peeta to take care of Katniss even though we know she can mostly take care of herself. Well, I think District 12 is a bit old fashioned and she would think that Katniss having a man in her life would protect her. Plus she knows Katniss's tendency to act without thinking about the consequences. The wedding once again reappears in Katniss's life. It must have felt like such a waste when President Snow planned to kill her anyway.