Chapter 11: It's A Flop!

-Snake Eyes-

"Nothing. Big fat nothing," Thomas grumbled. "I think we need to find Cobra and combine forces."

Hi-tech gave Thomas a look.

"What? They probably know more than we do!" Thomas said. "Promise them the kid, then steal him away. Simple."

Hi-Tech groaned. "Wasn't that my suggestion?"

Thomas shrugged. "I'm not being paid enough to work with you. So I'm not going to lend any of my great expertise."

"If I were you, I'd look for an internet café or a hotel nearby." I said. "There's plenty of those places around here, so let's get a move-on. And both of you shut up… now."

Thomas sighed. "Fine."

Hi-Tech harrumphed and folded his arms.

"Come on," I said, heading off, and not looking back to see if they were following.

-Philip Masterson-

It was like ice fishing in Siberia. Despite the fact that I've never been ice fishing, or visited Siberia, I was convinced that was what it was like. So there I was, hanging from the underside of a dock, trying to decide if I should risk the civillians spotting me, or just wait until they left. I was trying to wait until grandpa and grandson gave up on the fish, but it wasn't working out as well as I expected. For example, my hands weren't working so well. I was shivering so badly I was probably shaking the dock. And I couldn't see so well, because these black dots kept invading my vision. Basically, I was doomed to blow my cover, such as it was. My hands were losing their strength, and my focus was starting to not. I considered making odd noises to scare the duo away, but I was losing my voice. So I reached over and gripped the edge of the dock. Unfortunately, before I could pull myself up and over the side, my hands gave way and I dropped into the water.

Gramps and grandson immediately peeked over the edge.

"Grampa," the kid exclaimed, "It's a guy!"

Gramps whipped out a cell phone and dialed 911, I think. I couldn't really tell, between the black dots and myopia. But he started explaining the situation, and I knew I had to split, fast. Except that I was too busy sinking. Talk about a nice day. Shot at, insulted, drowned… I couldn't think of anything worse that could happen to me.

Except maybe being resuscitated and locked up again.

That did it. I burst out of the water, scrambled up the dock and knocked Grandpa over. His cell phone went skittering across the dock and into the water. Kiddo was shrieking, and I took off, headed for the parking lot, not really sure where I was headed, except that it was away from the dock. And the ocean. I really wanted to get away from the ocean.

I scrambled across the parking lot and staggered onto the street… dressed in nothing but my boxers.

This day was a flop.

-Snake Eyes-

"So you're saying some guy wearing nothing but his boxers freaked out half of the tourist population yesterday?" Thomas asked the police officer at the desk, sounding more than a little bored. "No drowning victims, no escaped terrorists? The biggest thing in this town is a stripper?"

"It even made headlines," Hi-Tech said, peering at a newspaper sitting on a table in the corner. "Fuzzy picture, though."

The police officer sighed. "Camera phone. No one else caught him on camera."

"That's surprising," Thomas said.

"The article exaggerates. Our tourist population is about four people right now." the officer replied glumly. His walkie-talkie squawked, and a fuzzy bit of chatter burst from it. He glanced at it and scowled. He picked it up and glanced at Thomas, scowling. "On it," he said, then picked up the phone. He glanced at Thomas. "If you'll excuse me," he said pointedly, glaring at my obnoxious friend.

Thomas dropped the donut he was studying and licked his fingers appreciatively. "Toodles," he said, marching out of the room. Hi-Tech followed him absently, still carrying the newspaper. I sighed and followed them out of the building.

"That was rude," I told Thomas as soon as I could get his attention. "You don't touch other people's food."

"I know," Thomas smirked, "but did you see the look on his face? Priceless, totally priceless."

"You guys find this picture weird?" Hi-Tech asked, still eyeing the newspaper.

"What, a guy wandering around in his boxers? I do it all the time, when I'm not wearing my government-commissioned pajamas," Thomas said. "Seriously, talk about conspicuous. A real ninja would never wear… ah, never mind," he grumbled, seeing that Hi-Tech was not listening.

"I mean, no one else got a shot. Apparently he threw the first guy's phone into the ocean after tackling him and hitting him," Hi-Tech continued.

"So?" Thomas snapped. "I'm hungry. Where's a bakery? I'm in the mood for an apple fritter. And I need coffee."

"It says he broke another person's camera by crushing it between his hands. And that he was young, maybe as young as fourteen." Hi-Tech scowled. "I'm very suspicious."

Thomas snarled and tore the newspaper from Hi-Tech's hands, ripping it in half. "And I'm very hungry," he retorted, throwing the paper over his shoulder. "Now where's that bakery?!"

"There's a fish and chips stand over there," Hi-Tech said, pointing in one direction and watching the newspaper fall to the ground.

"If they don't have coffee and apple fritters, I'm not interested," Thomas replied. "We've been up all night, and we didn't even get stakeout food."

"I'm more of a white meat person myself," Hi-Tech said absently, picking up the pieces of newspaper.

"Stake-OUT, not stake HOUSE," Thomas snarled, collaring Hi-Tech. "Are you listening to me at all?"

I poked Thomas in the shoulder.

"What?" He snapped.

I pointed at 'Suzie's Sweet Shoppe and Coffee House', maybe three storefronts down.

"Oh," Thomas said. He dropped Hi-Tech and glanced at me. "You want a bagel?"

"I want a new newspaper," Hi-Tech snapped, marching past the two of us. "Now come on, I'm sure they'll have something besides food there…"

"Ha!" Thomas cackled, "Don't bet on it!"

Half an hour later, Thomas was still pouting. "I can't believe they didn't have apple fritters," he grumbled.

Hi-Tech shook out his newspaper, smirking. "How's your coffee?" he asked.

"Cold," Thomas snapped. "You done reading that thing?"

"No," Hi-Tech replied, "I'm analyzing it for clues."

"Clues? Like where to find a place with apple fritters?" Thomas asked, straightening up with interest. Hi-Tech decided not to grace that ridiculous question with an answer, though I couldn't tell if he refused to respond so he could annoy Thomas, or if he just couldn't bring himself to reply. For whatever reason, it did nothing to improve Thomas's disposition. As the seconds dragged by, I could see Thomas's gaze intensifying, and I knew if I didn't do something soon, the paper would be dead, and possibly Hi-Tech as well.

"Are you still hungry?" I asked.

Thomas glanced at me. "No," he said shortly, "I'm fine. I always survive on a cup of coffee after staying up all night investigating small towns and hoping to catch sight of the freak who cracked my ribs."

I sighed.

"And if that weren't enough," Thomas continued, his tone beginning to grow louder, "I had to investigate the small costal towns with a freak ninja who can't talk and a geek who doesn't have the decency to admit he's not human."

Hi-Tech glanced momentarily at Thomas, then returned his gaze to the paper, though his eyes narrowed slightly.

"Thomas…" I tried, but he was into his monologue by now, obviously trying to elicit a response from Hi-Tech.

"Never mind that we could wait for Cobra to catch him, never mind that he's probably one of the biggest threats and the government should have more men on this, no, they send me and two freaks to find him. Still, you know what they say: it takes a freak to catch a freak."

"I think you say that," I told him.

"Whatever," Thomas snapped, glancing at Hi-Tech, who was still calmly perusing the paper. After several seconds, he set it down.

"Good," he said. "Well, I think I have a lead."

"It's about time!" Thomas said. "Now let's go."

"Wait!" Hi-Tech cried. "I haven't told you where we're going yet!"

"I don't care where you're going, I'm going back to the last town. They had a Safeway there," Thomas snapped. "With a bakery. And apple fritters. The freak does not have priority over my pastries."

Hi-Tech groaned, but knew better than to argue with an irritable Arashikage.

A/N: Well, I finally found time to upload something... I'm getting somewhere on this story, but it keeps taking these twists and turns that I don't expect... still, they're fun twists and turns, and the ninja and Philip are taking me along for the ride. (I'm still not quite sure this is a good thing...) Keep reading, review if you dare-- and thanks!!