These has two it has dang bizzare format and two it's angsty.
Father wanted a boy, a tough one. One that would come home with straight A's and be captain of all the sports teams. I'm smart but don't get along with people so I have C's in everything but PE , which I'm failing because I'm always the last to be picked for games and can't do push ups. So the teacher makes me do more push ups because I'm behind the rest of the class and then I never catch up. Father is disappointed in me and doesn't hide it well.
Mommy wanted a girl. Someone she could let play with her old clothes, and wear her wedding dress. Once she figured out I could tell she wanted me to be a girl she became guilty. She tries so I still love her. Even when I turned her juicer into a robot she never yelled, never screamed, just stood there with a wide smile and said, 'That's very clever of you Jackie." But no matter how clever she says I am I know she'll cry when she thinks I'm out of the house.
Mommy think's I'll grow up lost and lonely with no one to love me because she doesn't think I have any friends. That's why she married Father, they have nothing else in common. He's rich, grim, cold, calculating and brilliant. She's pretty but not so very bright, warm and loving but not all there. I hate it. He uses her to look respectable and she doesn't know she's a pawn because she's too nice to see it like that.
Grandmother is proud of me for trying to be evil and my inventions but she's not proud of me for being me. One of these days she's going to give up on me like everyone else.
All my evil heroes think I'm scum, worse then good because I've tried both and can't get either right. I wasn't sure you could fail at being good but I was afraid to try.
Kids in my school cut, one killed himself, I'm always too afraid to try. I can't help thinking no one will miss me.
Looking down into my glass of water I can see Raimundo in his new Shoku uniform. He never gave up and he ended up being the leader. I keep on trying and keep on getting kicked into the dust lonely and rejected.
Staring down at my cupped hand full of pills makes me think I should give up. I'm no hero. I lift my hand slowly to my mouth, I want it to be quick.
Spicer stop!
I look up, I hear a familiar voice but no ones there. Whoever it is, is silent now. I lift my hand again, my stomachs growls and I remember I haven't eaten for days, but it doesn't seem to matter now.
Spicer I know you can hear me. You can't forget me, as long as you and the monks hold on to your memories of me I'm still alive.
Am I having auditory hallucinations? The voice sounds desperate.
Giving up is never the way. I expect you to know that by now. Don't loose your grip on your dreams, you have to fight to keep them alive!
The voice is tuning in and out like a bad radio. I try to figure out who it is.
You cannot see your own part in this Jack! Trust me and stop this foolishness! Take your road one step at a time. I know you can take just one more step!
I know him. Do I know him? My memories are hazy and Chase Young floats to the top of my mind. Two Chase Youngs layered on top of each other. Like two clear pictures, the Chase I know on the top and a different one on the bottom dressed in blue but blurry and fading.
Hang on there Jack. Be strong. Just don't forget me and you'll never be alone. You are not defeated yet.
Noises, someone walking down the stairs. I start to lift my hand again.
I believe in you Spicer, but apparently you do not believe in yourself. So I've called in help.
Jack felt himself being tackled to the ground and his pills and water spill out over the concrete floor. He looked up in confusion to see Omi crawling off him.
"What are you doing here?" He asked. The little yellow monk offered his a hand and shrugged his tiny shoulders.
"Something woke me up and I thought it was you most dishonorably sneaking into the vault. It was someone else but they wanted me to follow...."
"He isn't really gone is he?"
"I do not believe so."