We didn't talk about my outburst, and I spent most of the next two weeks trying to avoid being alone with Darry. The only opportunities we really had to talk were on the way to and from work and I mostly just stared out the window, absolutely avoiding conversation. I was always grateful to get to work or home and the Friday evening two weeks later was no different. We walked into the house silently and were greeted by the aromas of Soda's cooking.
"I'm taking a shower," Darry said quietly and disappeared.
The one nice thing about Soda cooking was that I had some time to put my feet up before it got so late that all I wanted to do was go to bed. I sat down in the living room and stretched my tired muscles.
When Darry got out of the shower, Ponyboy was setting the table with a funny, half smile on his face.
Darry was automatically suspicious. "What's up?" He asked, looking at his youngest brother carefully.
"Nothin'," Ponyboy said unconvincingly. He and Soda were putting the food on the table when Steve stuck his head in the door.
"Come on, guys, let's go!"
Ponyboy grabbed his jacket and Soda's shoes before heading to the door like his life depended on it.
"Hold it," Darry stopped him. "Where you going?"
"The movies," Ponyboy said as Soda approached. Ponyboy handed him his shoes.
I panicked and by the look on Darry's face I think he did too. Finally, Darry sighed as though his brothers had sentenced him to the firing squad. "Alright," he said and they were gone in a flash.
We stood in the living room in awkward silence for a moment before we turned around and faced the dining room. We were very surprised to see a normal looking meal on the table, complete with candlelight. Soda must have lit the candles when we were talking to Ponyboy. Sneaky.
I was suddenly embarrassed and I think Darry was too.
"I think we've been set up," he said. I nodded in agreement, but couldn't think of anything to say.
We were both frozen in the living room for a moment before heading toward the dining room. Darry pulled my seat out for me and then sat down across from me. I realized I was still in my diner uniform and wished I'd taken the time to change.
"This is sweet," I managed as I looked at the table. Chicken and noodles with plain old white mashed potatoes. Nothing was blue, purple, or orange and the only thing that was green were the peas.
Darry must have heard the surprise in my voice. "I should have known," he shook his head.
"Known what?" I asked. Neither of us had started filling our plates.
"I was just talking to Soda the other night," Darry said with a shrug. "I should have known he'd try to fix things."
"Fix things?" I played dumb. Besides, I thought the boys thought that things were going pretty well. My life was a lot better than it had been before Christmas, and Ponyboy was starting to act more like his old self.
Darry leaned forward slightly. "Between us," he said as if I didn't know.
Any idiot would have known what he meant. Soda wouldn't have lit the candles or kept the mashed potatoes from being green if this were any old dinner.
"Like they're trying to make us fall in love?" I was going to ask if they were trying to make him fall in love with me, but I was too much of a chicken.
Darry was too much of a gentleman to comment on that, or maybe he was too chicken himself. "Maybe," Darry nodded. "I've been thinking about it a lot lately, and when I talked to Soda, he reminded me of something my dad said a long time ago."
"What's that?" I asked. Mr. Curtis had been a smart man.
He looked a little embarrassed, but he took a deep breath. "I was probably about Pony's age when we asked dad how long he and mom had been married," he smiled at the memory. "He said they'd been married seventeen years and then he explained something that didn't make much sense at the time. It hasn't really made much sense until recently, actually."
"What'd he say?" I wondered aloud.
"He said, 'Boys, love isn't an emotion, not in the long run." I was taken back by that, but Darry continued. "He said, 'If you're going to love someone, day in day out, for seventeen years and hopefully a lot longer than that, then you have to choose to love them every day. You love them because of their good points and in spite of their faults. You just choose to."
I thought about it for a moment and I decided that wasn't crazy after all. My parents had probably been in love at one point but now they just coexist. They'd stopped deciding to love one another somewhere along the way. Johnny's parents too. Darry's parents had managed to be in love until they day they died and they were probably still in love wherever they were now.
I tried to apply that logic to our situation. "So you're just going to decide to fall in love with me?" I asked, feeling silly as I did.
"I think I already am," his voice was quiet and my eyes flew to his in surprise. "Or I would be if I let myself." I was reminded of my cruel words a few weeks ago as his eyes fell and he studied the table. "And I want to be. I just didn't know where to start.
It wasn't the most romantic thing I'd ever imagined, but it was better because it was real. I thought about it, and it made sense. It might take time, but if Darry could choose to love me, maybe we could have a real marriage. Maybe even a good one.
Hope made me bold and I reached across the table for his hand. "You just have to let me in," I told him. "Talk to me, not just about the bills and chores." He was still studying the table so I hunched my shoulders to catch his eyes and held them. "Share your worries, your fears," I thought for a moment. "The good stuff too." He was silent and I thought maybe I was pressuring him. "Not all at once," I said quickly. "Just make an effort."
We sat there for more than a minute and as I watched him, I realized that the candlelight was reflecting the unshed tears in his vivid blue-green eyes. It suddenly occurred to me that Darry was barely holding himself together and when he finally spoke, his voice was shaky. "I've just had to keep everything bottled up, you know?" He brought the hand I wasn't holding to his chest.
"You don't have to anymore," I said quietly. "You've been there for everyone else. Let us be there for you." I hesitated before adding, "Let me be there for you."
It took him a moment and a slow, shaky exhale to regain control and I was afraid we were back to square one. But I studied him and I could have sworn that his face was softer, younger than it had been a few moments ago. Maybe it was my imagination, but he actually almost looked his age.
He smiled and my insides melted a little. "You know, you really are something, Margaret Olivia," he paused for just a moment, a slight smile playing on his lips, "Curtis." And I believed him.
The night was magical, but I still didn't allow my feelings to run completely wild. We managed to talk all the way through dinner and it was nice to be the center of Darry's attention and not because I was fixing dinner or handing over my paycheck. He would look at me the way he used to before all of this mess, but a little more tenderly. It really felt like the beginning of something amazing even though we were just sitting at home in the dining room.
After dinner, which actually wasn't half bad, neither of us was ready for the magic to end. A year ago, I would've suggested going to the park, but now we all avoided it like the plague. Instead, we just walked around the block, the early spring air biting our noses. We hadn't gone very far when Darry wrapped his hand around mine, causing little thrills to run up my spine. I almost automatically sank into his side, but I stopped myself just in time. Instead, I just smiled up at him.
"I've had a wonderful time," I said.
"Me too," Darry agreed.
We headed up the walk toward the porch, our steps slowing as we reached the front door. I thought we were just going to go inside, but Darry turned to me head on. He didn't say anything but I felt the buzz of our night hum it's way across my skin and my heart rate accelerated dramatically as he looked down at me. He reached out and touched my arms right below the shoulders, pulling me toward him slightly, and I realized that Darry was going to kiss me. For real.
And he did, softly, almost hesitantly at first, but when I responded favorably, he was suddenly kissing me like his life depended on it. It was hot, heavy, and delicious. My heart began singing, my blood rushed through my veins like electricity, and my stomach did little cartwheels of joy. Standing on the porch that night, with the spring wind brushing across my cheek, I suddenly felt alive for the first time in my life and I knew that my life had finally really begun.