Chapter Eleven: Christmas Break

(present time)

Dear James Sirius Potter,

You are formally invited to Teddy Lupin and Victoire Weasley's wedding on December 26th. We hope you could make it and will enjoy the day with us. You can bring one guest, but make sure to RSVP to this letter.

Love,

Teddy and Victoire

"DOES ANYONE WANT TO BE MY DATE FOR TEDDY'S WEDDING?" James called out in the Great Hall. Peals of laughter filled the room while hushed whispers of girls' lusting over James went around.

James made eye contact with me, before quickly looking back down at his food and eating the dinner on his plate.

"Were you invited?" Taylor asked me.

"No," I shook my head.

"Neither was I, but Fred's taking me as his plus one," Taylor shrugged before eating a forkful of mashed potatoes.

"I was invited," Emma offered. "I might not go, of course, I mean - "

"Hey, Emma," James interrupted her rambling while I stiffened, quickly stuffing a piece of meat in my mouth. "Taylor. Uh, Willow, could I talk to you in private?"

I immediately choked on the meat I was eating, making the most unattractive face in the history of ugly faces.

"Oh, God," Taylor face palmed while Emma let out a series of nervous giggles.

"I - " I coughed, taking a huge gulp of water. "Yeah, sure."

"Alright," He blushed, taking me by the hand. "Let's go." We made our way to the hallways where James nervously rubbed the back of his neck.

"I just wanted to ask you if you wanted to go to Teddy's wedding with me. As a date. A friendly date."

"A friendly date?" I raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean by - "

"I mean that it's date that we go together as friends, but not really," James stated, with a small smile creeping on his red face. "I kissed you, Willow, and I'm sorry for that if you didn't like it, but I want us to go on a date. As friends that might not be friends anymore and become in a relationship. Unless you're not into that, then we'll go on the date as friends. Is that alright?"

My heart skipped a beat, I cursed myself for feeling that type of way. My heart was supposed to keep beating normally, because I didn't feel that way about him.

"I - " I opened my mouth to say something, but nothing came out. I was who I was, and I saw love hurt my mother who still is reeling from the romance that happened. "I - " My main mind set was to avoid love at all costs. I couldn't become my mom, I became my dad who seemed like he didn't care about the stupid romance like Katie did. Whenever I found a boy that I knew I could fall for like Katie did for my dad, I ran away from them. I didn't want to run from James. He was my friend and I liked our friendship. I'd miss it too much if I was to reject him - but I couldn't let myself get hurt.

"I'm sorry, I - " I heard the words fall out of my mouth.

"Oh," I saw the excited look on James' face turn into disappointment. I gave him an apologetic look, but somehow this time was different than the others. Sure, the same sad look on the faces was there, but it was a different feeling for me. I always felt guilt when I ran away from the boys that could hurt me, but this time I felt not only guilty, but sad and regretful. "Okay."

"Well, I - it's really not you, just...I'm a waste of time, I swear," I tried to smile. "I don't really do relationships, you know that, James."

"I really didn't," He murmured. "I was just...You deserve so much better than those assholes you hang around with!"

My head snapped up in confusion.

"What the hell are you talking about James?" I looked at him. "What do you mean?"

"I mean that Davies, Manet, you're better than them! They don't deserve you."

"James, it's my choice."

"And you chose to give yourself away to assholes with nothing positive to give you?" He laughed bitterly. "Willow, I don't understand you. I like you. I - I'd like to think I'm better than the assholes you seem to date, and I know you like me, so why the hell won't you - "

"Because I - " I don't deserve James. I don't. I never will and never will be able to date a boy like him. "Maybe I don't deserve you."

"Willow - " James looked at me up and down. "Look at you. You're beautiful, so beautiful and so funny and charming - I don't - you're worth everything. I'd give up everything just for you."

"James..." I looked down. "I'm sorry." I heard him leave, spewing a few curse words out. The guilt in my stomach was not nearly as large as the regret I felt. I wanted to call out his name and tell him to wait but I couldn't let myself get harmed ever.

I wanted to be safe.

At the train, my brothers avoided me, even when I tried to talk to them. Normally, Theo and David avoided me at all costs in Hogwarts. I normally wouldn't have taken offense to that, but I was feeling extremely sensitive, which may have not been due to James' recent proposition.

I felt the tears slip out of my eyes fast, but silent ones. I sniffled quickly and tried to do it softly so that no one could hear me. It was the morning of going back to home. I looked in the train's bathroom mirror, using makeup to hide that I was crying.

"Hey," I whispered softly to my friends who were all chatting over there holiday plans. "Um," My inevitable sniffle was loud and made it obvious I cried. "Fred, uh, could you make room?" Fred slid in closer to Taylor who didn't mind as I took a seat next to him. I avoided the concerned looks I got from Taylor and James.

"Alright," Fred nodded his head as I wiped a tear escaping from my eye.

"Actually, never mind, I've - " I got up. "I need to go to the restroom."

In the bathroom, I was free to cry to let all my tears out without anyone watching me. I didn't know what I was so upset about. Maybe it was my brothers, or maybe it was really just James who I was crying about.

The knock on the door was loud and I knew it had to be either Taylor or James. As it turned out, it was James who stood there unhappily with a frown placed on his lips.

"Willow, I'm sorry if - "

"No," I pushed his hand away. "No, I'm sorry, I just can't be near you right now, I don't mean that rudely, I just can't let myself get attached to you, I can't let myself like you - I'm sorry, James, I really am, I've just..." I felt another tear slip out. I immediately swiped it away. "I'm sorry, I truly am, I need to go - "

"Willow, please," James grabbed my arm, spinning me towards him. My heart stopped beating and I took a breath in.

"Wh - What?" My breathing pattern was jagged as I tried not to make eye contact.

"I - " He looked at me with wide eyes, so confused to how I was acting. "Why are you running away?"

I shook my head, full of tears that were ready to spill out.

"I'm sorry, I - " My tears dropped out. "I just...I need to go. I'm sorry, I need to - " The train came to a halt, signifying that we stopped, and I quickly escaped, grabbing my bag and running off the train, not bothering to wait for my brothers. If they ignored me and hated me so much, they could find their own way home.

I was going to my own place. I opened the door to it. The smoke in the decrepit building used to make me gag but now I could handle it.

"Alright, Wood?" A blonde boy named Brent asked me, making my skin crawl.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I said, wiping a tear off my face. Brent smirked, one so similar to James', I wanted to cry all over again, but my tears couldn't escape when Brent's lips were pressed against mine.

"Backroom," He muttered as we stumbled our way to the backroom.

Maybe this place wasn't the safest or best place to be, but it made me feel better. I was out of any loving environment and a place where no one cared at all. I guess I needed that.

I found my way home around 3 am in the morning, not really knowing how I got there but knowing that Brent had dropped me off at some street and I hitched a ride somewhere else.

I stumbled up to my room where I saw Theo staring at me.

"Where'd you go?" He asked timidly.

"Not like you care," I slurred.

"I waited for you."

"Oh, so, you're speaking to me now?" I scoffed before walking into my room, about to close the door when Theo stopped me.

"What's going on between you and James Potter?" He asked, a suspicious look on his face.

"Nothing." I said. I took this time to examine my younger brother. He was growing taller. Sure, he didn't look exactly like me - mostly because he took after his mother more, who happened not to be mine. He still had the same smile as me - we all have our dad's smile. His hair happened to be a dark brown opposed to my sandy blonde hair.

"You can talk to me, you know," Theo spoke up. "I know David and I don't show it, but we do care about you. And we've both noticed that you haven't been acting like you normally do." I smiled weakly at my growing brother who seemed to mature a lot more than I ever did. Maybe we weren't the greatest brother and sister relationship to hit the world, but I knew I cared about them - and my brothers did seem to worry when I came home, reeking of alcohol.

"Thanks," I gave him a tight hug.

"Did you go to Brent's?" Theo wrinkled his nose at the smell of weed and alcohol.

"Yeah," I admitted.

"Gross," He made a face. "Clean yourself up, would you? You smell like his flat."

"Yeah, alright," I giggled through the tears that kept escaping from my eyes. "Okay, mum."

"You mean, Katie?" I paused, my mouth dropping open.

"How do you know about that?" I looked at him with wide eyes.

"I found out around the same time as you," Theo informed me. "David found the letters."

"Oh," I sighed in slight happiness that someone knew the secret I've been hiding for years now.

"I'm going to bed," Theo said to me. "Just know that...not everyone can have a Potter family, but we're our own people, yeah? We have our own relationships." He walked back to his bedroom as I laid on my bed, wondering about the words he just said.