I'm Only Me When I'm With You
I tap the end of my pencil against the spine of the sketchbook I bought. I left my old one at the HIVE base, and drawing on sheets of paper just wasn't the same. So, when I saw it, a little pink hardcover notebook full of blank pages just waiting to be drawn on, at a store in Jump City a few days ago, I couldn't resist. I've drawn a fair number of pictures in it since I bought it. And every single one of them… Is of Kid Flash.
"Okay, I give up." I say. "I have absolutely no idea why he's doing this." It doesn't really help that Kid Flash and I are sitting at a table in the movie theater, waiting for the movie before the one we're seeing to end. It's so freaking loud in here that I can barely think.
The heading I've put on the page is "Possible Motives", with one thick underline beneath the words. Other then that the page is completely blank. I doodle a few swirls and squiggles just so the paper doesn't seem so freaking empty.
"Well, we sort of know why," Kid Flash argues. "If you quit, you're off the team. If you don't, he'll try to get Robin to fire you. So, he obviously wants you off the team."
"Yeah, but why does he want me off the team? What the heck did I ever do to him?"
"Easy. You're way more gorgeous then he'll ever hope to be. Speedy just can't handle someone being better looking then him," Kid Flash says, somehow managing to keep a straight face.
"Not helping!" I exclaim, throwing a piece of popcorn at his head. He laughs, catches the popcorn, and eats it. If I wasn't so frustrated that would have been a really good catch.
"I don't understand this," I groan. "How is getting me off the team going to help him?"
Kid Flash eats a handful of popcorn before replying, "Maybe it's some kind of deal. If he gets you off the team, someone else does something for him. Or maybe he's being blackmailed?"
I write "Deal" and "Blackmail" on the list. If he's blackmailing me though, that makes it… Blackmail squared… I put a little two in the upper right corner of the word blackmail before asking, "Who would make that kind of deal with him, though? Or blackmail him? That's kind of... Evil. Well, maybe not evil, but not exactly… Superheroic?"
He reaches for another handful of popcorn. "Maybe it's a villain?"
I add "Villain" to the list. "Yeah, that would make sense. I guess it could be the Hive Five," I suggest, writing "Hive" as well.
"What would they want from him, though? Do they even know him?" Kid Flash asks. His foot touches against mine beneath the table and I try not to blush. "No, not really. Good point," I agree. "Maybe someone else? Does anyone have a grudge against him?"
"Hmm… Blood doesn't like him after the Titans East thing. That game tournament guy doesn't like him either."
I add "Brother Blood" and "Master of Games" and say, "Well, if it's a deal, it could be someone who does like him. Does he have any criminal history?"
"Not that I know of, but Speedy can be… Unorthodox. It wouldn't surprise me if he's done some illegal things to stop a villain."
"Well, maybe's that what this is," I say, adding "trying to stop something" to the list. "Some sort of twisted ends-justify-the-means thing. The problem is, what's the ends?"
Kid Flash grabs another handful of popcorn. "Butter," he jokes. "'Cause this popcorn seriously needs some."
"Well, there won't be any popcorn to put butter on if you keep eating it! You're gonna finish before we even sit down!" I say as he continues to the popcorn.
"Eh, so we'll buy a new one," he replies grinning. I roll my eyes and half smile.
Someone knocks into my chair and I nearly fall over. I grab the edge of the table so I don't lose my balance as I'm jerked forward. The sudden movement accidently sets my powers off, and my sketchbook flies onto the floor.
"You okay, Jinx?" Kid Flash asks. There's a blur of color as he rushes to fix my chair and grab my sketchbook and place it on the table. As he sits back down, the book's pages blow in the gust of wind created by his running.
"Yeah, I'm fine," I say. He doesn't respond. He's staring at something. I'm not sure what. He looks confused and… I glance down at the table.
Oh.
The sketchbook is open to one of my drawings.
One of my drawings of Kid Flash.
Crap.
"So, anyway, I guess that Speedy could be trying to…" I say, frantically trying to distract him or change the subject or something. I reach out for my sketchbook, but Kid Flash is faster. By the time I can raise my hand, he's already flipping through the pages at the speed of light, looking at all of my drawings. Drawings of him.
Seconds later he puts the book down.
I take a deep breath and say, "I never meant for anyone to see those. Especially you. I'm sorry."
He smiles. "Don't be. I love them."
"You do?" I ask, shocked.
"Yeah. They're beautiful," he answers. He flips through them again, slower this time, looking carefully at each picture. "Can I keep this one?" he asks, holding the book up to show it to me.
The picture he's showing to me is of both of us. I drew it at dinner a few nights ago, when almost everyone was out of uniform. He's wearing jeans and a hooded sweatshirt, which was really yellow, but the picture is black and white. I'm wearing a denim skirt with black leggings, a t-shirt that was really purple, and a white knit sweater. We're sitting on the couch, with my head on his shoulder and our fingers intertwined. It's the only picture where I drew myself.
"Uh, yeah, sure. Just let me sign it." I scribble a quick, cursive J-i-n-x and the date that I drew it on the corner of the page. "I can't believe you like this one. I think I ruined it by drawing myself." I say, tearing out the page and handing it to him.
"That's why I like it," he tells me, smiling. He takes the picture from my hand, the tips of his fingers brushing up against mine. "Thanks."
"You're welcome," I whisper.
"You know," Kid Flask begins, closing my sketchbook and handing it back to me, "I think the whole idea of this date was to give you some time off. So let's just forget about Speedy and enjoy the movie, okay?"
"Okay," I reply. "I probably need that."
"Maybe it made more sense to you because you actually speak French," I grumble after the movie ends. I can't believe I let him talk me into seeing a movie in French.
He grins. "Yeah, maybe. Foreign films just aren't the same with subtitles."
"Well, most of need those subtitles," I say, rolling my eyes. "Most of us don't speak… What, five languages?"
He blushes but keeps grinning, like he's a little embarrassed but he still thinks it's funny. "Eleven."
"Eleven? You have got to be kidding me."
Kid Flash shakes his head. "English, Spanish, French, German, Italian, Portuguese, Russian, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, and Latin."
"Latin's dead! Latin doesn't count!" I scoff.
"How about Pig Latin, then?" he jokes. "can that be number eleven?"
"Ha ha," I say sarcastically. "And no. It can't."
"Darn it," he says, wrapping his arm around me as we exit the movie theatre. "I guess I'll have to stop writing you that Pig Latin love letter then."
"Yeah, you might to do that," I add, smirking. My smile fades almost as soon as we step out of the theatre. I didn't realize how late it was. It's a clear night, with countless bright stars and a shining moon lighting up the city. And right there, among the skyscrapers, is a giant T-shaped building. Looking at is making me feel sick.
"I can't go back yet," I tell Kid Flash. "Anyway we can extend this date?"
"We could go to the amusement park over by the docks. "There's a lot of oversized stuffed animals I could win for you" he suggest, more then a bit flirtatiously.
"Sounds good, but no stuffed animal needed," I say, laughing just a little.
There's a blur of color and seconds later we're at the amusement park. The last time I was here was with the HIVE. Gizmo, Mammoth, Billy, Kyd Wykkyd and See-More stole most of the candy from the concession stands. I remember thinking they were idiots for wasting their time stealing candy when they could have been stealing something more important. I also remember wishing I could just go on some of the rides, feel the wind through my hair on the roller coaster, see the view from the Ferris wheel, get so dizzy I can't walk on the teacup rides. I wanted to just forget about the world for a minute. But I couldn't. I was a villain.
"So, where to first?" Kid Flash asks.
"Roller coaster, definitely," I reply, without even having to think about it. "I've never been on it and I've always wanted to. Did you know it has six loops?"
"Roller coaster it is," he laughs. He grabs my hand and the next thing I know we're I the line for the roller coaster.
"We could have just walked," I say, rolling my eyes.
"Eh, why let the line get any longer?" he laughs. "I can't believe you've never been on the roller coaster here. You used to live in Jump City."
"Yeah, but I was a villain when I lived here. I couldn't go anywhere without someone calling the police," I reply.
Or the Teen Titans.
"Well, now you finally can," he says, smiling. "Which means we're free to go on a date wherever we want. And without the inconvenience of public transportation too." I laugh and roll my eyes.
We reach the front of the line and get on the roller coaster. After a minute or so it starts up, beginning slowly but picking up speed as it goes on, up and down, up swirling us upside down six times, before it finally comes to a stop and we exit. "Okay, that was awesome. My head is still reeling from that last loop," I say . "Your turn to pick a ride."
"In that case, I think we should go to the…"
He doesn't finish because someone shouts. "Jinx! Kid Flash!"
For a second I think it's a reporter or a photographer or a fan. Then I see a curtain of red hair as I am engulfed in a bone-crushing hug.
"Starfire?" I manage to choke out. "I can't breathe…"
"My sincerest apologies! Are you injured? Do you require the immediate medical attention?" Starfire exclaims frantically, letting go and allowing me to breath again. I notice that Robin is standing next to her.
"Don't worry, I'm okay," I assure her.
"So, what brings you here, Star?" Kid Flash asks.
"Robin and I have come on a date!" she answers happily. "Oh! Is that why the two of you are here as well? Perhaps we could have a… Bubble date, yes?"
"She means double date," Robin explains.
"Yes, a double date," Starfire corrects. "Oh, we must go on a double date! It shall be most enjoyable!"
She's so excited. I might as well agree, she'd be crushed if I turned her down. "It's fine with me," I say. "As long as its fine with you guys." "Yeah, sounds great!" Kid Flash says, happily. He's faking it. I can tell.
"Okay," Robin says. He's staring at Kid Flash but his mask is making him impossible to read. He could be fuming mad right now for I all I know.
Or he could be… Actually okay with this.
No, of course he's not. Who am I kidding?
"Glorious!" Starfire squeals. "This double date such be most joyful! We shall begin with a ride on the wheel of Ferris!" She drags Kid Flash, Robin, and I to the line for the Ferris wheel.
As we stand in line, I whisper "Are you sure you're okay with this?"
Kid Flash shakes his head slowly. "No, but I'll deal." He laughs a little while he says that. I think he doesn't want people to know he's upset. I'd say something, but I don't want Starfire to hear. Instead, I just take Kid Flash's hand in mine. Maybe that will say something for me.
When we reach the front of the line, Robin and Starfire sit down in one car, and Kid Flash and I sit in another. As he sits down, Kid Flash notices something and asks, "Wow, that's a really big scar. What happened?"
I suddenly remember that I'm wearing a skirt, and that it doesn't cover the long, thin scar across my calf. "Oh, that? It's no big deal. When I was ten, I was doing this training session at the HIVE. Mammoth pushed me into a window and I got a huge shard of glass stuck in my leg," I explain dismissively as I sit down. "Though come to think of it, I got six stitches and he got six points extra credit. I wouldn't talk to him for a week." I snicker a little at the memory. I think it's kind of funny.
Kid Flash, on the other hand, looks horrified. "You were ten? They let stuff like that happen to kids?"
"What, weren't you ever injured in a training session or a fight with a villain or something when you were a kid?" I respond lightly.
"Well, yeah, of course I was," he begins. "But Barry always went out of his way to make sure the training sessions were as safe as possible. And after we fought a villain his first priority was always making sure I wasn't seriously injured. What happened to you at the HIVE was on purpose, and they rewarded him for hurting you. That's disgusting."
"I…" I begin slowly, "I never thought of it that way."
He leans down and gently runs a finger across the scar on my leg. "I am so glad that place is gone," he says.
The ride starts up. As the city comes into sight, I can see some of the places where the HIVE and I committed crimes. Kid Flash is right. The HIVE Academy is gone. It's never really occurred to me before. The HIVE Academy is really gone.
Huh.
We reach the top of the Ferris wheel. The view is incredible. I can see the entire city. I rest my head on Kid Flash's shoulder. I can finally ride the Ferris wheel without someone calling the police. It's kind of cool.
As the wheel starts to come down, I take a deep breath and slowly, carefully, say, "Wally?"
"Yeah?"
"Thanks for taking me out tonight. I needed it."
"You're welcome," he replies.
The ride slowly comes to a stop and we exit, Robin and Starfire stepping out of their car a moment of so later. Almost immediately, Starfire squeals, "Now, we must choose the next activity for our date of doubles!" I really don't want to burst her happy bubble, but when we get back to the Tower I am hiding the Red Bull because she and Kole are far too hyper and are destroying the sanity of basically everyone. Or at least me. Whatever.
"I think we should head over to the games. I'm determined to win Jinx a stuffed animal," Kid Flash says, smiling coyly.
"Oh, come on, what am I going to do with a stuffed animal?" I scoff. "Besides, those things are impossible to win."
"No their not," Kid Flash replies, "I once won my little cousin a panda that was bigger then her head."
"And what would I ever need a panda bigger then my head for?"
"Please? I want to win you something," he says, laughing, "You're spoiling my fun."
"Yes, we must have the fun!" Starfire exclaims. "We shall play the games!"
I roll my eyes. "Alright, whatever."
As we start to walk towards the games, Starfire quietly asks me, "You and Kid Flash seem most happy together. For how long have you loved him?" She says it so light and casual, not hesitating for even a second. Like it's no big deal. Like it isn't the craziest, scariest, hardest, best thing that's ever happened to me.
"Since… Since the moment I met him," I reply slowly, hesitantly. Like the words could fall apart in my mouth if I'm not careful.
"Oh, how glorious!" She exclaims. "It is truly a… Love at first sight, correct" I laugh nervously and change the subject as fast as I can. "So, what about you? You know, and Robin?"
She smiles happily. "Well, not the moment I met him. It was later that day." It's really amazing how easy this is for her.
"That's… Cool," I say finally.
She smiles at me again. "Jinx, it is most wonderful to have you as a Teen Titan! I do believe that you seem much happier then I have ever seen you before! And it is even more wonderful to have you as a friend!"
I force a weak smile. What am I supposed to say to that? "Thanks, Star. I, uh, well, I…"
I hear a crash, and the sound of wood snapping.
Maybe we're being ambushed. Maybe a villain is attacking.
Starfire's hands fly to her mouth, and her eyes go wide.
Maybe it's the HIVE.
I turn my head in the direction of the noise.
Robin has pinned Kid Flash against a tree. A few branches lie on the ground, snapped in the impact. Kid Flash and Robin are throwing rapid punches at each other and shouting things I can't make out.
Starfire and I start to run over to where they are. I'm faster but Starfire's stronger. I reach the tree first but it's Starfire who manages to pry them apart and stop the attacks.
And I just stand there, while Starfire, her hand lightly resting on Robin's shoulder, gently asks, "What happened?"
Kid Flash answers her, but he's talking to me. "He said… That you're a threat… To this team." His heavy, uneven breaths turn one phrase into three distinct sentences.
"I didn't say that!" Robin shouts "I said she could be!"
"It's what you meant, though!" Kid Flash snap back. "You know it is!"
"You know what, Wally? You're right," Robin replies angrily. "And I only meant it because it's true!"
"What is your problem with her?" Kid Flash asks, his voice is filled with rage, but he isn't shouting quite so much anymore.
"What's your problem?" I interrupt furiously. "What is it with the two of you and beating each other up in public?"
"Yes, you are friends! Friends do not behave this way!" Starfire adds, close to tears.
"Well, friends also don't treat each other's girlfriends like they're evil. So some friend he is." Kid Flash says under his breath.
And Robin punches him.
And Kid Flash swings him into the tree.
And security shows up.
"I can't believe you two!" Raven yells, her eyes glowing almost red as she doesn't even bother trying to hide her emotions. A couple of light bulbs flicker and one of them glows black and comes crashing to the ground. I'm not sure if she did that or if I did.
"Do you know how stupid it is," Raven continues, "for the two of you to be fighting in public?" She pauses yelling for a moment, and tells Kid Flash, "Your wrist is definitely broken."
"I heal fast," he tells her. He shakes his arm out and says, "It's better."
Raven examines it, and finding no reason to argue, goes back to yelling. "Not only could one of you have been seriously injured, which Kid Flash would have been if it weren't for his powers…" She pauses again, examining Robin's arm. "This is a really bad break. I'm not sure I can fix it. I might have to call a doctor."
Robin raises his eyebrows but doesn't say anything. Raven just keeps going. "Not only were you both seriously injured, but you're putting this entire team at risk. The press will find out and this will appear on the news, in magazines. Villains will find out and use it as a excuse to make us an easy target… I can't believe you two could be so immature!" She sighs heavily. "I'm going to call the hospital.," she says calmly. As she goes to get the phone, another light bulb glows slightly pink and explodes in its socket. This time I'm sure it was me.
No one says anything but it isn't silent. I can hear a door slam in the hallway, Raven's footsteps as she walks, birds chirping and the waves splashing outside. There's noise but no one says anything.
Kid Flash reaches for my hand but I pull it away. Starfire wrings her hands together nervously. Robin just stares off into the distance.
Finally, I say, "Isn't one of you going to say something?"
Kid Flash looks at me for a moment, then he looks at Robin, then back at me. "No. I'm not."
"Oh, my God, I can't believe you. This is so…"
"He said…" "I know what he said!" I snap. "And I know you're just trying to protect me but…"
"Jinx, you're blaming yourself for things that aren't your fault! And I can't stand seeing other people blame you for them too. You're…"
"I'm not anything! I'm not blaming myself for things that aren't my fault. They are, okay? I've knew that even before we saw the HIVE! And Robin's right. I am a threat. Maybe that's the reason I'm being…"
"That's not the reason! It can't be the reason because it isn't true. It's…"
"You two saw the HIVE?" Robin asks.
Oh, no.
I let it slip, didn't I?
I cannot believe I just did that.
Oh, my God.
I take a deep breath and say, "Yeah. We did. At Le Papillion in Chicago. Before the earthquake."
"I thought they were frozen." He states.
"So did we," Kid Flash replies. "They said it wasn't that hard to get out."
"Why didn't you tell me about this?" Robin exclaims.
"Why do you think we didn't?" I snap. "You don't trust me."
"So? Did you realize that this means other villains could have escaped? They could all have escaped."
I don't bother telling him that there's no way they all escaped. That at least one of them would rather stay trapped.
Stay dead.
"We're going to have to go to Paris," Robin declares. "We'll leave first thing in the morning. I'll tell the rest of the team."
Robin leaves.
Silence.
Kid Flash stands up and leaves the room, the door closing with a bang behind him.
He's sitting, alone, in the empty bedroom. He looks up at me as I enter.
"Are you mad?" he asks.
I sit down on the couch next to him. "Yeah." I say, "I am."
He has tears in his eyes. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
I take his hand in mine. "It's okay. I forgive you. I love you."
"I love you too." He blinks back tears as he smiles at me. I place a hand on his shoulder.
"You can cry," I say. "I won't tell anyone. Promise."
He laughs and hugs me
And he bursts into tears.
I wrap my arms around him. I can feel his tears in my hair and on the back of my shirt. I reach out and stroke his hair the way he always strokes mine.
"Wally?" I say, gently.
"Yeah?" he asks, through his tears.
"No more pretending. If you're upset… Look, I don't care you else you put up this happy thing for, but stop doing it for me. Please."
He nods. And as he cries, he tells me, "I promise. But you have to promise the same thing. You always put up that angry, tough thing for everyone, but I don't want you to do it for me."
I nod. "Got it. No more pretending."
"You promise?"
"I promise."
And I burst into tears.
Wally holds me even tighter and I cry into his chest and he cries into my hair.
Just a small town boy and girl
Livin' in a crazy ' to figure out what is and isn't true
And I don't try to hide my tears
My secrets or my deepest fears
Through it all nobody gets me like you do.
Boom.
That is the sound of a watermelon exploding. The Exploding Watermelon was actually the previous chapter, and I had been planning forever to start my notes with "Boom". But I forgot. So I did it here, just to make sure you all know what an exploding watermelon sounds like. The next twist that's coming up is The Imploding Creamsicle. I'll make sure to tell you all what that sounds like too.
Anyway, as usual, sorry for the wait! I have a legit reason for once, though. My computer crashed and it took me a while to retrieve the files, so I wasn't able to write for a couple weeks. Now, about this chapter. It's filler, honestly. I had to get the Titans to Paris and this was the best way to do it. I think it's a good chapter, though! There are some really sweet moments. I love the date scene at the beginning. It's just so cute! I have no idea what movie they saw, by the way. Anyone want to pick? And the scene at the end is something I like to call "Coda Part Two" ("Coda Part One" was the last scene of the previous chapter.). The codas are some of my favorite moments. In the last chapter, the coda was the first time Jinx called Wally by his real name. This coda was the first time that she thought it. When she calls him Wally at the carnival it's very deliberate, and she thinks about before she does. This time, though, it's starting to slip out. I also love this coda because it's the first time Jinx sees KF cry, and because Jinx uses the exact same line KF used in chapter 2. I think it says a lot about them, as individuals and as a couple. They both hide their emotions, they just do it differently. Kid Flash puts on a happy face and Jinx goes all tough-girl and sarcastic, but their both just trying to keep people from knowing their upset. So when, at the end of this chapter, they tell each other to stop pretending, it says a lot about them as a couple.
The title and lyrics come form I'm Only Me When I'm With You by Taylor Swift. I picked that song so much quicker then a lot of the other chapters because it was just so perfect. Special thanks to my brother for editing!
Review responses:
Melodine: Thanks! I love the Red Bull part too!
Archerelf: That's probably true. People on Red Bull are kind of scary in the best possible way. XD
Lemony anemone: Speedy's not evil, exactly. You'll see…
ALLpraisebe2him: Thanks so much! I update… Not often enough. I try to update as quickly as I can, but I don't have a lot of time to write and I'm very slow. As for Rosie and Jericho, I can't answer that because it's a massive spoiler for anyone who hasn't read the comics, but the answer is in the comics. I'm so glad you love it! If I updated fast enough, could I have a chocolate chip cookie please? :)
Hotspur: Thanks so much! I'm glad to know it seems natural, I worry about that sometimes!
Madam Moony: Thanks so much!
Titangirl797: I'm so going to use that! Unless my friend Samantha Berrii uses it first, because it was her idea… But if she does, I'll bribe her into letting me use it too. I'm glad you loved the chapter! As for Speedy, you'll see…
Featherpen13: Thanks so much! I love Flinx/KFJinx too! Gosh, I can't believe I made you hate Speedy! Don't hate him! He has reasons! XD
Inemara-52: Thanks!
WolfKeeper989: Thanks!
Freakycuteducky: I had no idea everyone was going to think Speedy is so evil! XD