A/N: Ok so I am sorry for making you wait so long for another update. I really wasn't sure where I wanted to take this story. I sort of have an idea and a direction at the moment but not sure how long I can stretch it out for. I have a few ideas. If you have any suggestions I would love to hear them!
The Response to 'Momma Bear' was awesome and I am glad you all enjoyed it! I love writing it. Keep the reviews coming!
***Alert this chapter may require tissues*** I had a few tears writing it. And with the directions of this small storyline I have implemented more tissues will be needed later.
When I awake the next morning I am completely intertwined with Chrisitan. My leg wrapped around his and my head on his chest and my arm draped across his stomach. This is a change; usually it's him that's wrapped around me. I don't want to disturb him so I just lay there peacefully for a while.
"Good Morning Baby." He says as he stretches
"How did you know I was awake?" I ask rising my head to his.
"Your breathing changed, I always know when you're awake Ana."
"Oh." I giggle. "That's a little stalkery and creepy Christian." I say with a smile
He gives me a huge grin in return. I lean down to kiss him
"Hi." I smile when I break our kiss
"Hi. You slept better after we went back to bed last night." He states
"That's because my husband was able to get me to completely relax." I smirk
"Well your husband is glad he could help you relax."
"Yes but I am afraid he made me relax so much that I did not get to return the favor." I tease
With that I climb on top of him straddling, holding his face between both my hands, I lean down and claim his mouth with mine and kiss him passionately and possessively. His hands skim up my legs to my back as he holds me to him. I can feel him growing beneath me, I begin to grind against him and hear him moan into my mouth.
"Ana Baby" he rasps
We both freeze at the sound of Teddy crying.
I begin to laugh. "It looks like the young master is awake and demanding attention."
"So it would seem." Christian replies tightly but I can hear the amusement in his voice.
I lean down to kiss Christian again
"later" I whisper in his ear and climb off him to gather my son.
"Good Morning my sweet Teddy Bear." I kiss him on his forehead, and bring him to the bed, I lay him down and quickly change his diaper.
Christian shifts in the bed and leans over to kiss Teddy. He gently picks him up and leans back against the headboard.
"Good morning Son. You know you and I are going to have to chat about sharing mommy." Christian grins and I laugh as I climb back into bed with my men.
"Let me have him baby so I can feed him."
Christian hand Teddy over to me.
"I am going to go take a cold shower." he smirks at me.
I laugh as he climbs out of bed. He takes his shirt off and tosses it on the floor and saunters into the bathroom with his pajama bottoms hanging in that way and I can't help but bite my lip and allow my eyes to follow him. Damn he is so sexy!
"Teddy you do have an interesting sense of timing, I think you got it from your Aunt Mia." I say playfully to my son as he just looks at my face. One of his hands comes up and I allow him to wrap his hand around my finger.
"I just love you so much baby boy. I hope you realized just how much you are loved."
"He knows baby, even at a young age he knows how much he is loved. I mean not many babies are lucky enough to have their mother become 'momma bear' for them." Christian smirks from the doorway of the bathroom but I can hear the sadness in his voice. He makes his way to the bag and pulls out his clothes he pulls on his boxer briefs and jeans.
"Chrisitan come here."
He turns and come over to me and sits on the side of the bed.
"Baby your mother becomes 'momma bear'" I state simply
"Ana you know.."
"Yes Christian I know what you mean but listen to me. Ella is your mom, she gave you life. Grace is your mother she gave you a life. You can't keep feeling sorry for yourself about your childhood. You were loved by both your mom and mother. It's just your mom could not help you because she could not help herself."
"I Know That! You don't think I understand that she had her own problems!" he snaps
"Don't snap at me Christian!"
He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath.
"I am sorry baby. I just look at you with Teddy and I can see plain as day that you love him. There is no doubt what so ever that you love your son. Everyone can feel it, see it. I just feel sad that I never had that." He stated softly
"Baby you don't know what you had. You were too young. Maybe it was like this in the beginning. But you can't keep living in the unknown and those bad times. You have to live in the now. Your mother saved you, gave you a wonderful life full of love. I know you felt like you didn't deserve it but you have to realize that never stopped Grace from protecting you. She will always protect you. You are her son just as much as Teddy is our son."
"I know baby I know. It just still hurts." I can hear the emotion in his voice as it cracks
I pull his lips to mine. "Christian Grey. You are loved very, very, much. You always have been you always will be. You have an amazing family that loves you so much. Teddy loves you more than you know and I love you with all my heart and I can't live without you. Please, please, know this."
He nods as the tears swell in his eyes, and mine run down my cheeks. Teddy makes a little noise; he has finished eating and is just watching the two of us.
"See your son is agreeing with me." I smile.
"Oh is he?" Christian smirks.
"Yes he is. He is telling you just how much he loves his daddy." I hand Christian his son, knowing at this moment he needs this connection to him. Christian needs to feel that bond of eternal love between him and his son.
I kiss Chrisitan on the side of his head and climb out of bed to get into the shower.
"Thank you Ana." Chrisitan says softly never taking his eyes off his son.
I take a long hot shower it gives me time to just think about what happened last night. I actually fired someone, I took control with our security and I got to beat the crap out of Elena. The thought of the bruises on her face make me smirk. I showed her not to mess with Anastasia Rose Grey! I make a note to discuss with Christian what we can do to keep her away from us.
I also think about my husband. We have never really broached the subject of his birth mom before I mean I know what happened. I get bits and pieces out of him occasionally. What I don't know is if Christian has dealt with it. I know he and Flynn have talked about it but I wonder if he has confronted her. I must ask Taylor if Christian has ever visited Detroit to visit her grave. I also want to talk to Flynn about this idea as well simply because I know this could back fire big time.
As I get out of the shower my thoughts are still with my husband. I know that his feeling of abandonment and the fear of the unknown are haunting him every day. I know that this is why he has to know where Teddy and I are at all times he needs to know we are safe, that we are not leaving. I really want to help Christian come to terms with his mom death. I know out of everyone I am the only one who can make him face it. Not Grace or Carrick, Elliot or Mia or even Flynn. It has to be me. I am the only one that can take him there. I am the only one that can push him that far. But first I need more information.
As I walk back into the bedroom. Christian and Teddy are not there. They must have gone downstairs. I dress in my jeans, and my favorite blue shirt. After quickly drying my hair I head downstairs. I find my boys in the dining room with the rest of the family.
"Good Morning Ana." Grace smiles
"Good Morning." I reply.
"How is momma bear today?" Kate grins.
I laugh. "I am good this morning. I slept well last night." I grin as I slip my arms around my husband who is sitting at the table and plant a soft kiss on his cheek.
"What would you like for breakfast Ana?" Carrick asks
"I'll just have what everyone else is having." I reply taking a seat next to Christian.
A plate of pancakes and bacon is placed in front of me.
"Mmm looks delicious." I state as I dig into my breakfast
The conversation around the breakfast table is pleasant, the boys joking with Ethan about the dance auction and Mia giggling like a fool and scolding her brothers, Kate and I laughing at them and Grace and Carrick just enjoying the fun.
After Breakfast the boys go in the TV room to watch the baseball game. Leaving us ladies on our own. Chrisitan takes Teddy, telling me he needs to teach his son all about Baseball starting young.
"Ana?" Grace says as she places her hand on my mine.
I look to her with a smile "Yes Grace?"
"Would you mind coming with me for a while? I would like to talk to you." She asks and I can see an unspoken need in her eyes.
"Of Course." I reply with a reassuring smile.
Mia and Kate are lost in their own little world of clothes and gossip; they don't even notice that Grace and I excuse ourselves.
We walk back into the library.
"Are you ok being in here Ana?" Grace asks softly
"Yes Grace I am fine. It does not bother me." I smile and I am a little amazed at how true my words actually are. Normally I would be upset being in here after what happened last night, but I think because I took control last night and did not let her win, it doesn't bother me in the slightest.
We both take a seat on the couch facing each other.
"Ana I want to tell you just how sorry I am for last night. That woman was not invited or on the guest list and I am truly sorry she got in here. I am so thankful that nothing serious happened to Teddy." I can see the sorrow in her eyes
"Grace. I grab her hand
"Last night was not your fault. It was unfortunate that she got in but with it being a masked ball it was pretty easy for her to get in un-noticed. She should have never been allowed into this room either. Security failed at that job and I made it quite clear to them last night that this would not happen again. Having said that she would not have been able to do anything to Teddy with Sasha in the room and security right outside. I too am grateful however, that nothing bad happened to him as well."
"Ana I need you to know how proud I am of you. The way you stood up for yourself, for your son and for my son. I am grateful." She states and her voice cracks slightly
I look at her confused, she missed the confrontation she only heard my re-telling.
"How do you…" I begin to ask.
"Kate told me." She says with a small smile
"Oh. No doubt she told you word for word." I respond with a small smile of my own.
"I am sorry Grace I just couldn't…."
"Stop right now Ana. Like I told you last night the only thing you have to be sorry for is not allowing me the pleasure of watching you deck her." She laughs. I giggle.
"Seriously though Ana. I am so thankful to you for saving my son. You have brought my son home and for that I am so grateful. Since you came into his life he has been happy. I know he has struggled with issues with his self-abhorrence but with you it seems he no longer has those issues. You make him feel loved which is something Carrick and I tried to everyday but we just did not know how." She breaks down
"Grace, Christian felt loved by you every day he just could not accept it. He still has trouble accepting it. Chrisitan still has a very hard time seeing why everyone loves him. He doesn't understand that he is a very loveable person. He has told me on more than one occasion that he never felt worthy of your love because of his childhood. He has also told me that he can never love you enough or give you enough to repay your for saving him." I am barley containing my emotions
"Saving him?" she asks confused
"Grace, to Christian, you are his Angel." I smile at her.
She looks shocked at that statement
I laugh a little
"That's how he described you. He said when he first met you; you were wearing white, like and Angle. You were kind and gentle and you were the only one who did not make him feel afraid. He said that when you and Carrick brought him home. He no longer felt afraid, he knows he still had his nightmares, but he knew that you were going to protect him. He knew he would not be hungry again. He felt Safe. He wanted so much to please you. He also told me how guilty he feels for his behavior as a teenager. He hated disappointing you he just did not know how to cope. He was afraid he would lose your love if he told you everything. He is still afraid of that. He still has a hard time understanding that love is unconditional." My voice breaks and I take a deep breath to steady my tears. Grace squeezes my hand harder.
"Just this morning he was feeling sorry for himself about his birth mom. I made him hold Teddy so that he could just feel the unconditional love."
"Oh my poor son" Grace sobs
"I have only ever wanted the best for him. Even as a teenager I wanted to just hold him and tell him I loved him but he was always so closed off. Now I know he was afraid we would stop loving him. What did he think we would just toss him out without a care in the world?" She asks and I know she is not looking for an answer but I nod my head in response anyway.
"Oh well that is just ridiculous. He should have known better than that. I would not could not ever stop loving him no matter what he did he is my son!" Grace almost shouts
"Grace I know. But at the time Christian was not able to comprehend any of this, He still has a hard time. Honestly it was not until his incident with Charlie Tango that he began to see just how much his family does care about him and love him. Then on his birthday, when you still came to his defense it finally sank in that your love was unconditional. He finally accepted my unconditional love after the Jack/Mia incident. The only one he accepted was Mia." I smile at Grace
"Ana you have helped him so much you are so strong and I love that you don't put up with a lot of his crap. I know he is so afraid of losing you and now Teddy. I will never forget his face in the hospital when you would not wake up after the kidnapping. It killed me to see him like that. When he sees you his eyes light up. He looks at you as if you are his reason for living and breathing." She smiles at me and I blush
"It's the same for me too Grace. Christian is my reason for living and breathing I don't think I could survive without him. Now we have added Teddy to our family it just makes that feeling stronger. Those two Grey men are my world."
"I know darling. I can see the bond you have with my son. I know he can be overbearing and controlling, but thank you for standing up for him with that woman. I know he feels that he does not need someone to take care of him, that he can handle himself which in most cases he can and I don't question that. I have just always wanted for him what Carrick and I have. A partnership, we can count on each other no matter what and we know that we will come to each other's rescue if needed. That's all I want for each of my children, Christian especially because he never really had that protection before us. It's nice to see."
Tears are still falling down my cheeks.
"I won't let her get him again. Or anyone for that matter. I will protect him. I will fight anyone for him. I will always stand up for him. I will always stand with him. I need him. I love him so much Grace."
"I know my darling girl I know." Grace folds me into an embrace.
We both sit in the comfort of each other's embrace for several minutes.
"Grace I need to ask you something."
"What is it sweetie?" she asks we break our embrace.
"Do you know if Christian has ever visited Detroit? Has he ever been to her gravesite? I assume she has one but I don't know."
Grace stiffens a little and takes a deep breath I can see the sadness creep into her eyes.
"Yes, Ella, her name is Ella. She has a gravesite. Carrick and I paid for it. We felt it was right for her to have one for Christian's sake as well. He has only been there once to my knowledge and it was such a long time ago. I am not even sure he remembers."
The Tears that have swelled in her eyes begin to fall. I squeeze her hand. She takes another deep breath to calm herself she continues.
"Carrick and I took Christian there when he came to live with us. I knew he understood everything that I was telling him. I remember I was on my knees eye level with him as he looked at me with slight confusion as to where we were. I explained to him that his mommy had been really sick and that she fell asleep and was never going to wake up. I told my son that his mommy had died. I told him that she loved him and was in heaven watching down on him, protecting him because she was an angel now." Grace begins to sob
"He looked so hurt Ana. Even at that young age he knew what I was saying. He began to cry and walked over to her stone. He had taken a rock and threw it at the stone he screamed and cried and kicked the stone over and over again. Carrick and I could do nothing to comfort him. To see him hurting so much broke my heart. I wanted so much to just protect him from ever feeling like that again. He finally settled down enough. When I went back to sit next to him, I told him that I would never replace his mommy but that I wanted to be another mommy to him and that Carrick wanted to be his daddy. I promised him that I would protect him and never let anything hurt him again. I would love him forever." Grace breaks down.
I wrap her in my arms.
"Grace you do know that you are the only one that Christian claims as his mother right? He knows that his birthmother did nothing for him and that you are the one that saved his life. He told me the first time he showed me his boat and her name, I quote, 'I adore my mom, Anastasia, Grace Trevelyan-Grey saved my life. I owe her everything.' He loves you so much Grace and has always wanted to make you proud. You raised quite an amazing son."
Grace smiles through her tears.
"I am going to talk to Taylor and Flynn I really think that Christian needs to visit her gravesite again and 'talk' to her. He needs to let that part of his past go. I really think he needs it to move on so he can finally accept that he is an amazing father to Teddy. I already know that this is going to be a fight and he is going to freak and get very upset and this whole thing is going to be emotional. He does not like to talk about her but I know he needs this, we need this."
"You are right Ana, he does need this for all of you. He needs to let it all go. You are also correct he is very stubborn and this will not happen without a fight and a lot of pushing. Are you sure you are ready for this?"
"Yes Grace I am sure, but that is also why I want to talk to Flynn; I am going to need his help in supporting Christian in this whole situation."
Grace nods and smiles
"You are so good for him Ana." She stated simply as her smile gets bigger
I smile in return.
"Grace let's keep this conversation between us. I am not sure how Christian would feel if he knew we were talking about him."
"I agree. This will stay between us." She winks.
We both rise and embrace in another hug reassuring both of us, then make our way back out to the rest of the family. Everyone has migrated to the living room and the conversation is lively talking about everything and nothing. I go and settle on the couch next to Christian. He kisses my head as I curl into him.
"Everything ok?" he asks
"Yes everything is fine just needed to have a chat with your mother that's all."
"About what?"
"Last night" I feel him stiffen slightly "It's no big deal just needed to talk."
He nods his head, relaxing again and not pressing me for more, which I know he will later and I have no problem telling him just right now neither one of us want to ruin this good mood with our family.
Christian clearly enjoying the time with his family invites everyone for a spur of the moment outing on The Grace this afternoon. We all think it's a wonderful idea. We decide to meet at the docks in about an hour giving everyone enough time to go home and change. Grace tells us she will prepare a lunch with the leftovers from the party last night. With that we all leave to get ready and I can see Christian, my happy, carefree, loving, boyish Christian, and I smile.