Um, Wow
His hold on me wasn't lifting me off the ground, but it was forceful enough. Lissa's shock and pity hit me through the bond. This was unusual, even for Adrian. He never burst like this on me. Never. I must have really pissed him off with the cutting.
"Um, well I was thinking I would walk through the door and sit down, but that isn't going to happen, is it?" I asked in my usual Rose tone,
Don't push it, Rose!Liss warned.
Adrian growled and pushed more weight against me. His dark green eyes were wild with rage. I recognized it as the look Lissa got when the Spirit effects took over. He had darkness.
"Why would you be that selfish? To take away your own life when we all want you here! Think about devastated Lissa would be! About how Eddie would! How about Christian or Mia! Or me! You really don't care do you? Just because Belikov shows up doesn't mean you can go off on yourself! I read that letter Rose, he loved you and he still does! You're just too proud to listen, huh? Well, you need to get over yourself and remember about everyone else's feelings!" Adrian shouted in my face. I flinched at every name mentioned. I desperately wanted to get away from him and bawl my eyes out. My eyes remained wide and my body was shaking. I could usually handle the darkness, but his words were all true and they cut deeper than the ones on my wrists. I really didn't think about everyone else did I? I'm Lissa's only family. Eddie and Christian need me for support. Mia is one of my closest friends. And Adrian… Adrian is one of the most important people in my life. He supported me through all the Dimitri crap and he didn't ask for anything.
"I…I…" I didn't know what to say. Adrian growled again but this time he stepped away and let go of his hold on me. I slumped to the floor and looked at my shaking hands as I heard the door next to me slam. Everyone in my room was frozen, thinking about his so true words.
"Um….that was….um, wow." Mia said slowly, not knowing what to make of it.
Lissa and Eddie reached for me at the same time. Lissa pulled back knowing that she couldn't lift me if she wanted to. Not even all the training I put her through could let her do that.
I was put on my bed and only Liss sat with me. Well, rather laid. I just laid there, shaking in thought. What if Dimitri had never come back? Would things be better? I can't blame him for what I did, but what he did was even worse. What did Adrian mean when he said Dimitri still loves me? He can't be serious can he? Unless he saw his aura.
I vaguely heard Lissa tell everyone to leave. Saying we needed best friend time. I chuckled mentally as everyone hurried to leave.
"Are you okay?" Lissa asked gently when the door clicked closed.
"Can't you tell?" I mumbled.
"Yeah, but I want you to tell me," She said in the same gentle tone as she were afraid I would break into tears. Please. Rose Hathaway doesn't cry. At least not in front of people.
"I feel lost and confused and hurt. I know it was selfish of me, but I couldn't help it. So many people would be better off without me. I inflict problems for everyone. And Dimitri hurt me too bad. I'm afraid nothing will fix the wounds he left behind." I said, staring blankly at floor.
"Listen to me, Rosemarie Hathaway," The ferocity in her voice made me look up, "No one would be better off without you. To our group, you are our best friend, our rock, our mother, our sister, our first love, our savior, our guardian angel. You are what keeps us alive and sane. We need your smartass mouth, you're over protectiveness, your love, your beauty, your humor, and you're everything. If you weren't here, I would be insane, Christian would have no one to bicker with, Mia would have no best friend, Eddie would in depression, and Adrian would have never experienced love. I remember the first day we met, when you threw the book at our teacher, I remember pretending we were getting married to my stuffed animals, I remember our first day of high school, when my parents died, when we ran away, when we were caught, Victor, Spokane, the attack. We need you, even if you come damaged. You're still Rose Hathaway, my sister and my world. Even with Christian in it. If I-if we- lose you, we lose our reason for living."
Tears were rolling down my face at her words. I imagined everyone's life without me as a happy carefree life. No drama, no trouble, no Strigoi chasing them. But the way Lissa was seeing it was them all being depressed and having borings days. Nothing to do. No one to talk to. Maybe my idea was a little off.
"A little, huh?" Lissa asked with a raised eyebrow. Damn, why can everyone do that but me?
"Now I see what you mean about the whole being your head thing," I muttered under my breath.
She chuckled lightly, having read my thoughts not actually hearing me. The bond has brought us closer together than we have ever been. No secrets. No lies. We knew everything about each other. Even if there were a few things I don't need to know about. Like how pale Sparky's ass is. I shudder internally at that image. Ugh, yuck!
Liss laughed again as read what was going through my mind.
"Hey, you wouldn't be laughing if you were in my head while I was having sex, would you?" I poked her arm hard.
"Ew!" Her nose wrinkled in disgust.
"That's what I thought!" I laughed. I wish I could have moments like these that lasted forever. Laughing with a care in the world. But that would be unrealistic. Reality isn't exactly on my side. With anything. I mean, I don't have a real family. The closest thing I had to that was taken away when I was fifteen. I don't have a normal life. Not even on vampire standards. Fate couldn't even let me have my own sane mind. My love life sucks. I attract all men, but the one I am attracted to leaves altogether. I a Strigoi killer getting hunted by the kind I kill. I live in a world where hypocrisy is the main outlook on life. The people I protect think of dhampirs as blood donor slave. Everything about our world sucks. The Queen is a bitch. Moroi are assholes. Life sucks altogether.
Except when I'm with Lissa, Adrian, Christian, Eddie, or Mia they are my support as I am theirs. It's strange how we work. We're like no ordinary group of Moroi and dhampirs, but mostly because Moroi are too high for lowly dhampirs. Pffh. Anyways, like Lissa said once, one big happy family.
"I still hope that's how we'll work," Lissa smiled, "Do you mind if I go talk to my wonderful pain in the ass of a boyfriend for an hour? Or two?"
"No, you can go. I'll be fine. You guys need to smooth out the differences anyway." I rolled my eyes, "I'm the one who has to deal with the aftermath of your fights, so I'd rather you two work it out." I pointed to myself and smiled.
"Usually," Lissa laughed but I could feel the guilt and worry through the bond. I always knew she felt bad because all her problems got dumped on me. She hates it. So do I. But I don't complain. I love taking care of Lissa. She's my sister. She feels bad that she can't do the same for me.
I reached across the bed and gently touched her hand. Just like I thought, it eased her out of her worries.
"Go. I'll be fine. I'm going to sleep. You can check on me whenever you want." I coaxed, "Just no waking me up."
"Uh huh." Lissa's eyes narrowed, "I'm mad at you by the way. And you know why."
"Yeah. I know. Now go, before I drag you over there." I threatened.
She chuckled and obliged with her hands raised. When the door clicked closed I sighed in relief. I don't want them to see how bad I'm actually hurting. I put the blocks up through the bond. Hopefully she won't notice for a while and I can sleep. You would think sleeping for two days I would be well rested, but nope, not me. I am as tired as ever. I rolled to face the window curled into a ball. As I fell into a dreamless, Adrian-less, dream, I felt more alone than ever before.
Lissa's POV
As I left Rose's room, I felt her put her blocks up. I should really go back, but then again she'll just tell me to leave again. I don't know why she closes herself up so much. If she would talk to me, or Eddie, about her problems, we could help. Or at least try to. Ever since Guardian Belikov left her, she built walls around herself and didn't let anyone in. I hate him for doing this to her. I know he still loves her. I know Rose still loves him. But I don't know why he slept with Tasha. She is just using him for her own need for children. Tough I would never say that to Christian. She is, after all, Christian's only family. I wonder why he was defending Rose against Tasha. Shouldn't it have been the other way around? I knew he actually cared about her; he's just too Christian to admit it. Yeah, he gets his own difficulty name.
Now Rose is even more upset because the one person, who has never yelled at her, threw everything in her face. I've never seen Adrian lose control like, especially with Rose. He's usually under control, or well ignorant of the seriousness of everything. To make it even more strange, he was completely sober. No trace of alcohol or cigarettes. I truly believe, despite his reputation, that he and Rose should try dating. I know Rose has no romantic feelings towards him, but it's worth a try. Adrian obviously loves Rose I just don't know why they can't pursue a small relationship.
I remained deep in thought until I reached Christian's dorm. I have no idea what our future is going to be like, but if I'm anything like Rose, I won't worry about five years from now, I'll worry about tomorrow. Life is too short for worry and planning. Live life like it is.
I knocked on his door softly. He didn't answer right away and a Tarus Moroi passed by me. I couldn't help but notice the dirty look he gave me and the door I was standing at. I instantly knew why too. Christian was still labeled as the future Strigoi. I gave a death glare at the Moroi that Rose would be proud of. Apparently my Spirit charisma works both ways because he gave me a fear filled look before running away.
I turned my attention back to door to find it open and my gorgeous boyfriend standing in it. He was clad in only cotton pajama bottoms. A smirk was playing at his lips as he watched me. He must of saw what just happened. Feeling smug, I smirked back.
"Hey!" I said cheerfully in a voice only a blonde could pull off.
"Hey, babe." He pulls me into a passionate kiss. I love when Christian kisses me. It like he is not afraid to show me how he feels. Every other guy I have ever kissed has kissed gently. I don't like that all the time. Playing dangerous is fun.
He broke the kiss, "What brings you here? I mean, besides the obvious."
"And what would the obvious be?" I taunted. My eyes pawed over his great body. His muscles were getting toned better from the practices we've been doing. His skin is a little darker too. I love this man with all my heart. I love his attitude, his caring heart, his logic, his will, his determination to get where he wants, his protectiveness, his sensibility, his ice blue eyes, his messy black hair, his always smirking lips, and the way he loves me.
"Well, to see my amazing sexy self," He waggled his eyebrows suggestively. Does he seriously not remember our fight?
"That's one reason," I blushed then turned serious and a little sad, "I'm really here to talk about our little fight."
"Fight?" Confusion crept on his face as he took my hand and pulled me to his bed. Comprehension soon followed.
He pulled me into a hug once we sat on his bed. "Oh, honey, that wasn't a fight. Just a misunderstanding!"
I was on the verge of tears because I don't know what to do in the future. I want to chase down my set future as a influential Moroi, but I also want the freedom me and Rose have waited for since we were ten.
"Christian, I don't know what to do! I have never really thought about my future. I mean I have, but I was little. Me and Rose used to always say we'd grow up, we would both get married to the boys of our dreams, she would be my guardian, and we would live happily together as a family! But, now, I don't know. I want to be a part of the Moroi society, it's in my blood to be a part of the gossip and the politics. Though the freedom of the life you and Rose want sound so good and promising! To live somewhere where what we do can't be judged, where we can live in peace, where we can be ourselves. I want the best of both worlds, but it doesn't work that way. I have a responsibility. I need to represent the Dragomirs because I'm the only one left! I was destined to be a part of that. But I'm afraid. I'm afraid Christian! I'm afraid of what will happen when we graduate! I'm afraid of not meeting everyone's expectations! Everyone expects me to be great and brave, but that's not me! That's Rose! If I didn't have her I would have killed myself a long time ago." I was full on crying hysterically now. Christian was rubbing my arm in comfort and shock. I pushed myself to continue on, "I need you, both of you, to survive. I need your sarcastic banter every morning. I need your protectiveness. I need your opinions. I need your stability. I can't handle it on my own. Without you and Rose, I am nothing." I took a deep breath as I choked on more sobs, "I…I…"
"Shh, Lissa, shhh!" Christian rocked me back and forth in comfort. "Rose and I will always be here. We don't care about where you decide to go. Wherever you go, we go. It's not like either of us have anywhere else to be. Besides, I love you, Vasilisa Dragomir. And I always will. I love you for who you are. How you're so gentle with everyone, even those who bring pain to you. I love how you protect your loved ones just like a mother would. I love how you stay strong through all the pain with your family's death, with being a Spirit user, with all the Victor shit, with Mason's death even though he wasn't as close to you as he was with Rose, with the attack, with Victor's trial, and with helping Rose's hurt. I love how you say my name. I love how you smile, how you kiss me, how you love me. I love remembering the first time we made love, how right it felt. I knew we were meant to be for a long time, Liss. When I first saw you the day you returned from your vacation, I was instantly in love. I wanted to know you. When I ran into you in the chapel, I thought it had to be a coincidence that you were there in the same room as me or maybe fate was screwing with me. All those times we hung out in the chapel attic were the best times of my life, to be near you, to talk to you. And when you accepted me for who I am and saw past what my parents' did, I knew that you were the one for me. Even though you constantly rejected me, when Rose said those things to me I was heart broken. I desperately wanted you to like me. I thought you wouldn't want me because of where I stood in the Moroi world; an outsider. But when Victor kidnapped you, I was agonized. I wanted to help get you away from him, but no Guardian was going to let me go. So I became I stowaway. When healed me in the forest, it felt as if the world was set right for just a moment because when I opened my eyes all I saw was the most beautiful jade green eyes. And they were filled with love and concern." My sobs were settling as I watched Christian's face as he admitted everything to me. He seemed lost in the memories he was speaking of because I lovey-dovey smile was on his face. "When I was captured by Strigoi with Rose, Eddie, Mason, and Mia, all I could think about was making that I got back to you. If I couldn't do that, then I sure as hell was making sure Rose got back. When she got us to escape, I was actually scared for her. It was because if she died you would be a wreck, possibly even kill yourself. I couldn't let that happen and neither could Mia. Then a couple of months ago when the attack struck, I was worried you bailed on me. But of course it was everything but. When I fought alongside Rose, we came across a Strigoi that wanted you. He knew you. Even though I desperately wanted to make sure you were safe, I knew the novices would protect you. We needed to protect the academy. The point is, every day since the day I met you, I have been in love with you."
I felt fresh tears come to my eyes. But this time they were of joy. I gently caressed his cheek and gazed with undying love into his glorious blue eyes. He leaned into my hand and closed his eyes briefly as is savoring the moment. I don't know what I did to deserve him, but absolutely love him, more than I love myself.
He mirrored my thoughts, "I don't know what I did to deserve you." He sighed.
"I feel like I should be the one to say that," I leaned into him again.
He cupped my face and paused, gazing into my eyes with such an intense love that I could have died a happy woman right there. He shook his head slightly like it had to be a dream then he kissed me. He kissed me so softly that I could've sworn it wasn't real. But at the moment that didn't satisfy me. I wanted more. I kissed back with a feverish passion. I felt him smile against my lips at my eagerness. I pushed my tongued to lick his bottom lip, asking for entry. He happily obliged and our tongues fought for dominance. Fireworks seemed to go off around us as things began to become heavier between us. He pushed my back gently onto the bed. His hands roamed over my body as my own traced down his bare chest. Our bodies betrayed us when we broke apart on the need to breathe. His lips never left my body though. Christian kissed my neck where it my shoulders while his hands caressed my breasts. I moaned elicit and wound my fingers in his hair. I flipped us over so I was straddling his hips. I leaned down and kissed his neck letting my teeth graze his skin playfully. He let out a moan and I could feel how excited he was through the pajama bottoms. I made a trail of kisses down his chest and came to a stop at the top of his pajama pants. I straddled his hips again and looked him in the eye. I slowly pulled my plain t-shirt off watching his lustful face. Once it was off, Christian growled and flipped me over. Now it was his turn to turn me on past where I already was. His hands grabbed my hips and pulled me against him as he kissed my lips.
"You are too sexy to be real!" he said lovingly. I felt his hands slip around my back and unclip my bra. He skillfully discarded it and began fondling my breasts. His blue eyes seemed to taunt me as his began sucking on my left nipple. I moaned once again and pushed my breasts more in his face.
"Oh God, Christian!" I moaned. His eyes told me that he desperately wanted to take me now. But I wasn't done playing with yet. He unbuttoned my jeans and pulled them off of me. My panties followed soon after. Christian's lips worked their way up my legs, avoiding the spot I wanted him to touch. I growled and pushed him over. I lowered myself and seductively played with the waistband of his pants. His eyes closed slightly and he groaned. I pulled his pants off and threw them behind me. He wore no boxers so this made my task all the much easier. I didn't let my eyes leave his when I took a hold of his manhood. He gasped then moaned at the feel of heat. I took him in my mouth and began to suck him off. I deep throated him, humming at the same time to give more pleasure. Christian threw his head back and moaned loudly. His hands wound themselves in my hair, not exactly keeping me there, but encouraging me to continue. I pulled off of him and licked him from base to tip, causing him to lose it. I took him back into my mouth as he went over the edge moaning my name loudly, releasing his juices into my mouth. I swallowed happily and smirked at Christian. His manhood was already growing hard once again.
"That was beyond this world, Lissa." He grinned, "The things only you can do to me!" He shook his head in wonder.
He pulled me to his lips and kissed me with gentle love. I can tell he couldn't wait anymore and neither could I. He pulled back and met my eyes while he entered me. We moaned in sync at the feel. Christian began thrusting in and out of me. I wrapped my legs around his hips.
"Hmmm, faster Christian," I moaned. I could feel the coil in my stomach tighten.
"Lissa," He moaned as he picked up his pace. I felt whole as our bodies moved in sync with each other. I could feel my release coming soon and by the way Christian's pace became frantic, he was almost there too.
"Christian, I'm almost there!" I moaned loudly. The release came right after. We drug each other over the edge while screaming each other's names.
Once we were done, Christian rolled us over so I would be lying on his chest.
"I love you Christian Ozera, no matter what." I said as I fell asleep with his arm wrapped around me.