CHAPTER ELEVEN –
The reserve men of Barracks 2 were naturally inquisitive about Newkirk's condition after having seen him in such a terrible state the night before. But Hogan was careful not to reveal too much.
Newkirk was a pretty private person, and apart from his closest mates, the Colonel knew he wouldn't want all the men knowing the whole truth.
"How is Newkirk feeling, Colonel?" Carter asked hopefully as Hogan jumped down from the ladder leading to the tunnel.
"He's feeling a lot better, Carter. His colour is better too. I think he finally managed to get a good night's sleep."
"So he admitted to being sleep deprived?" Kinch asked, joining them. Hogan nodded.
"He also felt pretty bad about having shot at you, Kinch." Hogan told him. "Look, I need to talk to you fellas. Where's LeBeau?"
"Coming, mon Colonel." LeBeau said, coming out of one of the adjoining tunnels.
"Okay, gather around here for a second." Hogan instructed. When he had all eyes fixed on him, he took a breath, and began.
"Newkirk is still struggling with the fact that he was forced to kill that boy the other night. If any of you have had to do something like that before, you'll understand the type of damage it can do to a man. The best way to deal with this type of trauma is by talking to somebody about it. The problem is, Newkirk is too clandestine to talk to anyone. I've told him that if he doesn't…that he may be replaced."
"What!" LeBeau cried. "How could you do that, Colonel?"
"The Colonel's right, LeBeau." Kinch interjected. "We can't have him hallucinating on missions or passing out. It could be dangerous to him, to us, and to the entire operation."
"Exactly." Hogan said, thankful for the Sergeant's support. "At the same time, he's an invaluable member of this outfit, and a friend to all of us. I'd hate to see him gone just as much as any of you. That's why I'm going to ask for your help with this. He isn't likely to talk with the Chaplin, but you guys are his best friends."
"You really think he'll open up to us, Colonel?" Carter asked.
"If not…coerce him." Hogan replied.
"Coerce him? You mean force it out of him?" LeBeau asked.
"More like, 'encourage' him to talk about it."
"Is that wise, Colonel?" Kinch asked. "I mean, people should deal with this sort of thing at their own pace. You can't rush a man into recovering from something like that."
"You're absolutely right Kinch." Hogan replied. "And in a perfect world, we would be able to take things slowly. However, I don't want to get a replacement for Newkirk unless I am absolutely sure he can't work any more. Having said that, we need someone with his qualifications back to work for us as soon as possible."
The men nodded. They understood the Colonel's predicament. But they were all wondering the same thing. They weren't psychologists. How would they know what to say to their friend?
Hogan could sense their anxiety.
"Look, I guess what I am trying to say is…just be there for him. You don't even have to say anything. Just listen. And I know I don't have to tell you guys to do this. You'd have done it anyway, I'm sure. Just…be a friend to him."
"We understand, sir." Kinch said.
"Thanks." Hogan said. "Let's get going. We need to be all ready to go by role call this evening. We need German credentials, uniforms, etcetera."
"Oui, Colonel." LeBeau said. He and Kinch disappeared down the tunnel.
"Carter, we need those hand grenades. How many do we have again?" Hogan asked when they were alone.
"You know Colonel," Carter said, apparently unaware of the Colonel's question. "I'm not so sure that Newkirk will want to talk to me."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, I always got the impression that he didn't like me very much." Carter admitted. "It was better before the mission. But after what happened last week, he has barely spoken to me."
"He's been upset, Carter. He hasn't been overly friendly towards any of us."
"I know. But sir, I still don't think I ought to talk to him about it. You've all known him a lot longer than I have."
"I see. Well, we'll just have to wait and see what he does. I know that if he chooses to confide in you, you'll help him, though."
"Of course I will, sir. I just don't think he's going to."
"Colonel." Kinch's voice interrupted from the other end of the tunnel. "What ranks do want for us tonight?"
"I dunno Kinch. Surprise me." Hogan answered.
"Got it." He went back to work.
Hogan looked back to Carter.
"About Newkirk…whatever happens, happens. Let's go review the hand grenade arsenal."
Newkirk wasn't even aware that he had fallen asleep. He had been too busy feeling overwhelmed with guilt. After all, he had killed a kid, almost killed Kinch, and lied to his friends, which included his CO, all within the course of a week.
Thinking back on all of it must have worn him out, because he was asleep less than ten minutes after Hogan had left him. And without warning, he was back in the woods.
He was running, fumbling and panting heavily through the darkness. He could sense that his pursuer was gaining on him. Then, he spotted the tree stump that led into the emergency tunnel! He felt a glimmer of hope, as he sprinted over to it. He tried to pull up the door, but it wouldn't budge! Upon closer inspection, Newkirk saw that someone had nailed it shut. Suddenly, he felt some breathing onto the back of his neck. He turned slowly, and the dark figure attacked him.
Newkirk snapped out of his dream, sitting up abruptly. The whole thing had been brutally realistic. He ran a hand through his hair, and glanced around. He was in Colonel Hogan's Barracks, which meant that nobody had seen him panicking.
The clock on the wall showed that it was close to supper time. Newkirk would need to finally change out of his black outfit, and into his blue uniform if he was going to join his mates in the mess hall, which after spending the entire day alone, sounded good to him.
Hogan came in just as Newkirk was washing the black paint off his face.
"Going somewhere?" Hogan asked.
"If it's all the same to you, sir, I think I'd like to take in dinner with my mates this evening."
"Huh." Hogan replied, folding his arms across his chest. "You're supposed to be resting today. Did you get any sleep?"
"Yes sir, I only woke up a few minutes ago in fact. I've been stuck in here all day, and I haven't even spoken to anybody since yesterday. Don't you think they'd like to see me?" He asked.
"I'm sure they would." Hogan answered. It occurred to him that maybe Newkirk would talk about what had happened. "Alright, I guess that would be okay."
"Thanks Colonel." Newkirk smiled, wearily. Hogan thought he still looked horrible, if slightly more rested. He was still pale, and terribly thin. Just weak over all.
"I'll go over with you." Hogan said, grabbing his coat and cap from the desk.
Everyone else was already seated in the mess hall by the time Newkirk and Hogan arrived. They took their places with Carter, LeBeau, Kinch and Olsen.
"Boy, tonight is going to be great!" Carter exclaimed. The others hushed him, aware that the German guards might overhear.
"Sorry, I'm just so excited! At my old Stalag, we were never allowed to do any sabotage!" The American sergeant said, in a lower voice. The others smirked. Carter's enthusiasm was catchy. In the past couple days, the team had done more to hinder the German war effort that they'd done since being captured. It felt good to be back in the game.
"Well, Carter, we never would've done any of it if it hadn't been for you." Hogan complimented, clapping the young Sergeant on the shoulder.
"Gee, Colonel." Carter looked down, blushing.
Newkirk paused, and considered what the Colonel had said, and realised something that he hadn't before.
If they hadn't gone on that stupid sabotage mission, he never would've been forced to take that shot.
If those stupid bombs hadn't gone off, the poor kid probably wouldn't have been drawn outside in the middle of the night in the first place.
If they hadn't had to go sabotage that arms laboratory, he never would've shot at Kinch, or passed out, and alerted the others to his...'problem'.
And if Carter hadn't come along, NONE of it would've happened.
A/N: Sorry that that took so long. Next one will be up quicker, I swear.