Chapter Eleven
The Lacy Lingerie Symposium
Eleven on a Sunday morning found Penny and Leonard snuggled together on her couch, drinking coffee and streaming the new season of Orange is the New Black. Leonard half watched as he read a research journal, and Penny curled into him, genuinely happy. They'd been talking openly and honestly lately, and as she looked around her living room, she could see pieces of Leonard beginning to enter her life. He now spent at least three nights a week in her apartment, with the plan to be fully moved in by November, all set to go for their December wedding. They had solid plans, a date and place booked, and a future she looked forward to with a man she loved.
Of course, trouble brewed across the hall and occupied Leonard's mind. Damn that Sheldon!
"So," she began, pausing Netflix at the end of the episode. "How long do you think this fight between Howard, Raj, and Sheldon is going to last?"
"I have no idea," groaned Leonard. "I just feel caught in the middle. I want to remain loyal to Sheldon, but it's getting more and more difficult. He just doesn't get it. He thinks he's the one who was wronged."
"Well, he was," Penny added. "But he created the situation that eventually lead to it. Well, Amy too, I guess." Penny paused, thinking about Amy and Erik together, a smile spreading across her lips. "But, I tell you Leonard, it's just so nice to see Amy happy. I mean, remember when she was my weird little shadow? And now, she's taking new steps. Risks. And having an absolute ball doing it. I'm proud of her. I wonder if she was with Sheldon for so long because she didn't know where else to go. She always thought nobody wanted her."
"That's just it," Leonard interjected. "I still don't know why Sheldon wanted Amy for a girlfriend. They could've been just friends. This past year, they seemed to take some steps, but I still never got the feeling he was serious."
"You know how concerned he is about social protocols," Penny said. "He sees everyone else have a girlfriend, he needs one too."
"I guess. I just know he wants to be my Best Man, but I think it would be a nightmare," Leonard said, running his hands through his bedhead. "Especially with the rest of the groom's party in a fight. I swear I thought Sheldon was going to hit Raj Friday."
"Well, we still have a couple of months. Let's not worry. Focus on us," she leaned over to plant a quick kiss of Leonard's lips. Her phone beeped, and she saw a message from Amy.
Do you have a couple of hours to help me this afternoon? With some shopping. Want to find some sexy things. A little embarrassed to ask, but need help. And you're a genius in the sexy department.
Penny's eyes lit up. She'd been wanting to give Amy a makeover for years. A couple hours at the mall this afternoon would be nice.
Awesome. Bernadette too?
"What's going on?" asked Leonard, looking up from his article to see Penny on her phone.
"Amy wants to go shopping for some sexy things," she giggled. "Sounds like a fun afternoon. And it'll give you a chance to move over that bookshelf without me in the way."
Amy responded. Yes.
Penny sent a quick text to Bernadette. Want to come to mall with Amy and me this afternoon? She needs some help with buying sexy things.
Bernadette responded almost immediately. Ooohhhh! Sounds fun. Howie is going over to Erik's this afternoon for a play date, so I can just drop him off and pick up Amy.
"Alright," Penny said, beginning to disengage herself from Leonard. "Bernadette's gonna pick me up after dropping Howard at Erik's. Need to get dressed."
"You see," said Leonard, suddenly agitated. "Everyone gets to know Erik except me. And I hear he's a great gamer. And a nice guy. It's not fair."
"Oh sweetie, do you want to go over to play at Erik's too," said Penny in her best mother voice, cupping Leonard's face with her hands.
"Yes," said Leonard, before kissing Penny.
"Then go!" she said. "Don't worry about Sheldon. He always comes around. And if you end up on his bad side, all he's been requiring these days is a ten question multiple choice exam, which I stole the answer key to weeks ago."
Leonard smiled. "No, he needs someone loyal to him. I'll start getting the bookshelf moved over."
Penny shook her head as she trotted off to take a shower. She adored Sheldon but knew his strange little quirks all too well. He'd made this situation all about him instead of thinking about Amy. He'd made his bed over the past few years of indifference to her, and now he had to sleep in it. Penny knew he made great strides this past year (God knows she heard about it from both him and Amy), but for every two steps forward, he would take a step back, keeping a slow, steady pace, leaving an opening for someone to slip in. Penny knew if Amy hadn't met Erik, she would be back with Sheldon, desperately grabbing at his attention. But now she glowed, and had the attention of a charming man, no desperation required. From what Penny understood of Amy's life up until now, she could think of nobody who deserved to be happy in love more.
Well, except maybe me, thought Penny, glancing at a wedding magazine on her nightstand as she picked out her outfit for the day.
Howard, Raj, and Erik took turns playing Super Mario Brothers 3 on Erik's old system, trying to get through the entire game without using any cheats.
"I'm so thrilled my mom sent down my Nintendo and Super NES this week," Erik said, as he watched Raj complete one of the haunted houses. "Nothing beats these old systems."
"Oh yeah," responded Howard, taking the controller from Raj. "There's just something nostalgic about having to enter a password to get back to your level. Did you have a collection of notepads for those games too?"
"Yup," laughed Erik. "Metroid was the worst. I don't think I ever did pass that game." He grabbed the Metroid box and began to read the back. "Nope, totally gave up on this one."
"So Erik, you should know Sheldon knows your name now," said Raj. "It's only a matter of time before you become the focus of some elaborate scheme."
"Does he still love Amy?" Erik asked, suddenly concerned.
"Did he ever really love Amy is the real question," Howard said, not taking his eyes off the game.
"Should I be worried?" Erik asked.
"Hard to tell. Sheldon walks a very fine line between crazy and genius," answered Howard.
"Yeah, he's one lab explosion away from becoming a supervillain," added Raj.
"Oh," said Erik meekly. He tried putting himself in Sheldon's shoes and realized he would be majorly angry as well, especially if he still had feelings for Amy. "Maybe I should meet with him. Try to talk things out. Help him realize that I didn't mean to steal his girl. Things just sort of happened."
"Yeah, I wouldn't do that," said Howard. "He's difficult to talk to because he exists only in the world of Sheldon. And Raj and I are not exactly on speaking terms with him right now."
"We had a pretty big fight the other night," Raj added.
"I hope I wasn't the cause," Erik said, his brows knitted. This wasn't the best way to begin his relationship with Amy or his friendship with Howard and Raj.
"Well, it did start with you, and us not telling him about you. But the issues go deeper. He's an asshole. And selfish," Howard said, then scowled because he had to begin the game level again. "Listen, Erik, don't worry about Sheldon. He didn't know what to do with Amy when he had her. He'll slowly start to realize he's better off alone. The only relationship he should be in is one with himself."
Erik studied the two men. He did want to meet with Sheldon, set things straight. He also didn't want a confrontation. Hell, he hadn't been in a fight since middle school. Howard and Raj both seemed quite angry at Sheldon, so perhaps they were unreliable sources. Maybe he should talk to Amy.
Suddenly his phone rang, and he glanced down to see the face of Benji, his brother-in-law. He picked up. Howard and Raj eavesdropped on the conversation.
"Yo, Benji…Doing good, bro…Really? Awesome, I was hoping she could move that ticket to another date…Yeah, I'll take a day off…I'd rent, the public transportation around here is a nightmare…We can do a day at the park too…Nice, well I've got some friends over…Yeah, I can make friends all by myself…Call you and Jess tonight?...Great, love you man…Bye."
Erik hung up and looked at the guys. "My sister and brother-in-law will be coming for a couple of days in mid-July. They're amazing. He's hysterical. We should do something altogether."
"He game?" asked Raj.
"Oh yeah," said Erik, now taking the controller. "Jess too. We've spent many an hour playing this very system."
Erik felt happy to hear about the upcoming visit. He could not wait for them to meet Amy, although they probably felt they knew her already from their message exchanges and conversations. But Erik's joy dissipated a little when he recalled the conversation about Sheldon. What could he do, if anything, to make things right?
Amy, Penny, and Bernadette sat at the Starbucks in the mall, enjoying a treat before shopping.
"So what exactly did you have in mind?" Penny asked Amy, but interrupted before she could answer. "Ohhh, how about a pair of skinny jeans. You would look amazing."
"Um, well, no, I'm happy with my wardrobe," Amy answered, noticing her friends share a weary glance. "I need help with, um, the underwear drawer."
Both Penny and Bernadette smiled knowingly.
"Okay, we need the story of Friday night now," said Bernadette.
Amy recalled the date with Erik, all the way up to the make out session, not revealing all the little details.
"Oh, Amy. I'm am so excited for you. The beginning of the relationship can be so exhilarating," said Bernadette. "You get to know what each other likes, and where. So much fun."
"I'm glad you told him the truth. Sounds like he'll take good care of you," said Penny. "So tell me what you were thinking in terms of lingerie."
"Well, my bras are rather boring. I wanted to get something fun. Sexy," Amy said.
"How about a couple of things. You said he's a self-admitted boob guy," laughed Penny. "Victoria's Secret has some amazing push-ups right now…was just browsing online. We should go over and…"
"Nothing padded," Amy interjected suddenly.
"Why?"
"Well, it's just, I really like the feel of him touching me, you know really feeling him, on the nipples…" her voice failed her, and she immediately felt embarrassed. She put her head in her hands.
"I know exactly what you mean," laughed Penny. "Remember, I'm marrying the king of foreplay."
"Okay Amy, I know we've teased you over the years about being horny and throwing yourself at a robot," Bernadette began. "But horny Amy who is actually getting some is really adorable."
"We'll find a couple of cute things. And you must get the matching panties," Penny said, taking a sip of her latte.
"Why?"
"Because it signals intent. Howie loves when I match because I preplanned it," Bernadette said.
"And maybe a couple of silky nighties for when you are at that point, because from the look on your face when you were telling your story, it's definitely going there," Penny said.
"But I don't want to get rid of my nightgowns," Amy said. "They're comfortable."
"Oh, don't," said Bernadette. "You said he likes westerns. Who knows what kind of fantasy he might have that those old granny gowns might fit into. Just get something scandalous to wear underneath."
Amy blushed deeply, starting to become aroused just thinking about Erik, her nightgowns, and scandal.
"You got some money to drop?" Penny asked, finishing her drink.
"Yes, I'm always under budget with my clothing," Amy said, noticing Penny begin to open her mouth to comment. "No teasing. Not in the mood."
"Alright, alright," Penny chuckled. "Let's hit Victoria's Secret."
The girls ran around the store, pulling items off the shelf for Amy to try on while also gathering a few things for themselves.
"Never underestimate the power of lace," said Bernadette, picking out a blue lacy bra for Amy to try on. "It's sheer and provides just a little glimpse."
"And silk feels good for both of you," said Penny, throwing a couple of items Amy's way. "Ohhh, does he have silk boxers?"
"I don't know," Amy said.
"Well, get him some. We can stop at Macy's," Penny said.
"I think that might be presumptuous," Amy answered.
"Your call," said Penny, as they walked to the dressing room. She turned Amy toward her, placing her hands on both her shoulders. "Now listen, young grasshopper, to Master Penny. If it makes you feel sexy, he will find it sexy. This is about confidence, Amy. Be confident and you're going to be one helluva sex kitten." She turned Amy around and shoved her into a dressing room.
Amy tried on the different sleepwear first. She never considered wearing such things before but was pleased with the way they looked on her. She knew she suffered from a low self-esteem (and years of rejection from Sheldon certainly didn't help matters), but thinking about Erik's hungry eyes the other night emboldened her. She chose a cotton baby doll and two silky nighties, both quite short.
Trying on the bras tested Amy's spirit, but she eventually found four she felt looked best. She felt painfully aware this might be the first glimpse Erik actually gets of her, but she remembered Penny's words. Confidence. She could do this. She chose two lacy bras, a silky little number that barely covered her, and a white sheer piece that nobody would actually wear other than for some sexual escapade.
"Okay, now your next assignment is to sleep naked tonight," said Penny, as Bernadette drove them home.
"What?" exclaimed Amy.
"You need to really explore you, your body. Learn what you like so you can let him know. Most men like to please their woman because it pleases them too," explained Penny. "Just try it once."
Amy swallowed hard and nodded. She recalled her years of dropping hints to a clueless and unwilling Sheldon, years of sexual frustration. The prospect sex happening (perhaps soon) frightened and excited her. Despite her nervousness, she was more than ready.
Sheldon spent Sunday afternoon watching Leonard move one of the bookshelves to Penny's and instant messaging with Yoshi Johjima. It began with a simple Are you there? on Yoshi's end and turned into an hour-long question and answer session about Sheldon's work. Yoshi seemed to have read most of Sheldon's articles accessible online and was very knowledgeable about theoretical physics. Of course, Sheldon relished in the attention. Between responses, he would switch over to Google to see more about Yoshi. Born in Japan, school in the U.S., double major in physics and geology, master's work in geology, doctoral focus on plate tectonics. Currently working for Mt. St. Helens Observatory, engaged to Lillian Fox (they even had a wedding website). His Twitter feed revealed plans for spending a couple of months in Tokyo for an internship in the fall.
SC: I don't understand why you are studying geology when you have such an aptitude for physics.
YJ: Damn, man, you really do think geology is a baser science, don't you?
SC: Yes. Why did you choose it over physics?
YJ: I lost my aunt and uncle in the 2011 tsunami. Kinda makes you think about the contribution you want to make with your research.
Sheldon didn't know how to respond. So he didn't for several minutes, turning to watch Leonard carry a large stack of books across the hall.
"Hey Sheldon, the shelves are empty," Leonard said, obviously out of breath. "Can you lend me a hand?"
After he helped Leonard, he returned to his computer and saw a response.
YJ: You still there? Sorry to get all dark and depressing on you. I know you're dealing with a recent break-up.
SC: Yes.
YJ: You gonna get your chick back?
SC: I want to. Sheldon Cooper doesn't lose.
YJ: Hmmm. You got a plan?
SC: Not yet. Have some ideas.
YJ: Well, there was this guy hanging around Lil when we first got together. Someone from her tribe, her dad favored him. But I won her heart. Probably my skinny jeans and hair. Lol.
Sheldon rolled his eyes. He's seen pictures online now of Yoshi. He did seem to be quite the ridiculous fashion plate. He noticed Yoshi continue.
YJ: My advice – know your enemy. You know, like the Green Day song.
SC: Yes! That's great advice. Let's visit again.
Sheldon signed off without waiting for a response and began a thorough investigation of Erik Koster. While he'd briefly fished around before, his developing rage distracted his focus. Now he had a specific purpose in mind – bring the man down. He found an elaborate online photography portfolio (Good Lord, did the man have to be so talented? Damn!) and social media sites (the playboy networked on just about everything and his Instagram had over 10,000 followers from all over the world). He paused, shocked, while on Erik's Instagram, staring at a selfie of blondie and Amy herself, wearing mouse ears, riding Dumbo the Flying Elephant. They both stared at him in a state of utter joy. His blood boiled, and he tasted bile in the back of his mouth.
"I'll get you, Erik Koster," he hissed under his breathe.
Author's Note: As always, thank you for reading. At this point, I feel I should reveal that as my two leads begin to encounter new experiences, people, and places (yes, we will leave Pasadena for a couple of fun locales), some character development will occur. I know many of my readers will be resistant to them perhaps falling out of character from those on the show, but the Hero's Journey is all about change and personal growth (see the works of Joseph Campbell). This story is supposed to be fun and entertaining, so if these developments bother you, I am not offended if you stop reading. I totally get it. I've abandoned many a story, book, television show, movie, and script in my time. I know this story isn't for everyone.
That said, I hope you'll stay with me, because next time Amy puts her purchases to good use, Sheldon hatches a rather elaborate revenge plan, and Leonard finally loses his patience.
Take care!