Disclaimer: I don't own the Outsiders

Max Orwell was the first boy I ever liked. I was in the second grade and it was Christmas time. The teachers forced us into doing secret Santa and we all had to draw names. We then had to bring something to show-and-tell to let whomever our secret Santa was know what we liked. No one was really paying attention. In fact when the day to open the gifts came around, everyone was disappointed. The teachers all complained about how no one listened to the show-and-tell presentations and we all should be ashamed of ourselves.

Then it was my turn to open a gift. For show-and-tell I brought in a ceramic bear. My mom had collected some when she was my age and we started collecting them together. Max Orwell was my secret Santa, and he got me a ceramic bear.

The teachers all gushed over how Max Orwell was the only boy who listened and how sweet he was.

From that point on, I was smitten. I thought he must have liked me, why else would he go to so much trouble getting me something I said I wanted. I knew just how hard it was to get boys to listen to what you want. My mom fought with my dad about it every year when his gift to her came up short.

After Christmas break, I decided to make my move. I had my mom braid my hair the night before so the next day it was curly and beautiful. I wore my best dress and made sure not to spill anything on it during lunch. When recess came I decided it was time. I went over to where the boys were playing ball and called Max over to talk to him.

I hadn't thought about what I'd say when he'd come over. In my fantasy he'd just pronounce his love for me and we'd kiss and live happily ever after. Instead he just stood there, looking at me.

I had to say something.

"I, um, I just wanted to tell you thanks for my Christmas gift," I said.

He nodded, inching back towards the ball game.

I could tell I was losing him, so I blurted out, "I like, like you."

I was so proud of myself. I was even smiling, waiting patiently for him to say it back.

But he didn't.

"Ew, gross! I don't like you. You're weird." Then he ran off to his friends, telling them the whole story. They all then proceeded to point and laugh at how weird and gross I was.

That was when I learned that boys aren't like they are in the movies. Boys suck.

This was the last time I let myself 'like, like' someone.

That is, until yesterday.

After my talk with Soda, I took the weekend to think about Randy. I thought about Randy all weekend. I didn't leave my room for hours. I even made a pro-con list that I later ripped apart and threw away so there'd be no evidence that it existed.

The pro-con list only said one thing: date Randy.

I've never been one to ignore a pro-con list. Randy liked me. A boy actually liked me. Not just any boy either. A Soc. A really good-looking Soc. Randy was nice, sweet, and handsome. He wasn't afraid of my brother and his friends either. Randy had everything going for him.

I couldn't think of a single con to put on the list.

So I called him. Yesterday. It was Sunday and he'd just gotten back from church.

The conversation was short and awkward, but still a good conversation. I told him I thought about it, and I liked him too. He said 'great' and we agreed to talk at school tomorrow.

Tomorrow was here.

I'm waiting outside the school before class. I made sure to get here extra early so I wouldn't miss him. I got up early and walked because Soda has been taking forever in the mornings and Pony and I have been late the past few days.

His car rolls up soon. His dad drops him off in a baby-blue mustang. It's one of the cars my dad would go see at the showings they had on Saturday mornings.

I can't help but smile as Randy walks up to me.

Then worry washes over me. What if this is Max Orwell all over again? What if I miss read Randy? What if he doesn't like me after all?

"Hey," he says once he reaches me. He's smiling. That's a good sign.

"Hey," I say, smiling back.

We stand in awkward silence for a few minutes. My legs are sweating. Why isn't he saying anything? What if he's going to yell at me and tell me I'm gross!?

"Want me to carry your books to class?" he asks.

I look down at the books in my hand. "Oh. Yeah, um, that'd be great."

He takes my books, and much to my surprise, takes my hand. "Let's go."

He's no Max Orwell, that's for sure.

You'd think that walking into school holding a boy's hand wouldn't be a big deal. Everyone does it. Not everyone who's a Soc does it with a greaser though. That's the exception.

Everyone's staring at us. I know they're whispering but I can't hear anything they're saying. Right now, I don't care. Randy Anderson is holding my hand and walking me to class while carrying my books. I feel like I'm Deborah Kerr in An Affair to Remember. No one can ruin my mood right now.

"Awe, aren't you too cute!?"

Maybe Marilyn can.

Randy and I stop in front of a gushing Marilyn and Michael. Michael isn't really gushing. Michael's facial expression never really changes. He's like Buster Keaton, the man whose face never moves.

"Are you official now?" she asks.

What is 'official'? Like boyfriend and girlfriend? We didn't talk about that. We haven't been on a date yet. In fact, I don't know what we are. What do you call two people who just told each other they 'like, like' them?

Randy clears his throat. "We haven't discussed details yet."

How professional. I wish I had come up with that.

Marilyn hooks her arm around mine. "We have so much to talk about! Are you two going out this weekend? We should double! Me, you, Randy, and Michael."

Michael? As in her brother? I don't think that's considered a double date if one of the dates is your brother.

We continue to walk arm and arm down the hallway as Michael trails from the back, high-fiving almost every person that walks by. People are continuing to stare, and now it's starting to make me uncomfortable. I don't want people talking about me. What if my brothers find out? What if my brothers' friends find out and they tell them? What if-

"What are you doing?"

Well, one of the worst-case scenarios is about to happen.

Steve slams his locker shut and starts walking towards us.

I gulp. "Hey, Steve."

He stops in front of us. "What are you doing?"

"Excuse me," Randy speaks for me. "This is none of your business so I'd appreciate it if you move out of our way."

Steve only smirks at him and looks back down at me. "Your brothers know about this?"

I gulp again. They'd find out soon enough now. "Like Randy said, it's none of your business."

Steve smirks again. He looks from me, to Marilyn, to Michael, to Randy. He purposefully bumps shoulders with Randy as he leaves, coolly walking down the opposite end of the hallway.

Randy sighs. "At least that didn't escalate."

Oh, it will.

Randy and I had gotten through most of the day holding hands and walking from one end of the school to the other. People had stopped staring but I knew they were still talking. At lunch I sit with Randy, Marilyn, Michael, and their friends Sam and Bob. I eat my sandwich and watch Marilyn not eat and listen to the boys talk about Spring and how they can't wait to play golf again and take their dad's boats out.

It's a bit of a culture shock sitting here. I never knew what Socs talked about. It's nothing interesting, but I can't seem to stop listening to every word they say.

Luckily no one I know has lunch the same time we do so no one sees us. No one important anyway.

"So, this weekend," Marilyn says, nudging Randy.

"Danni and I are going to the Dingo," he says quickly.

I look up from my food, turkey meat falling out of my mouth.

"I thought we were double-dating," Marilyn whines. "I wanted to go to the movies."

Randy shakes his head firmly. "I already promised Danni we'd go to the Dingo." He gives me a wink. "I'd hate to break promises this early."

Marilyn spends the rest of lunch complaining, but I'm too busy smiling and playing footsie with Randy to care.

This by just be the best day of my life.

School's over. All I have to do is make it out to the parking lot and I'd have made it a whole day of handing hands with Randy and not having any drama happen. Except for that thing with Steve, which I don't count because, Steve isn't important.

Then, just as I thought I was in the clear, Angela comes out of the in-school suspension room.

She eyes my hand that's holding Randy's then looks up at me with a look that says 'I'm going to eat you raw.'

To make matters worse, Marilyn comes running up to us, grabbing my arm like she did before.

Angela only laughs. "Well, ain't this just the cutest thing I've ever seen?"

I push Marilyn off me and release Randy's hand. "Angela-"

"Guess you chose royalty, huh, Curtis?"

Her words sting worse than any kind of physical pain she could have caused me, and Angela Shepard could hit. This was much worse though. She'd never admit it, but behind her stone-hard expression, I can see that I've hurt her too. Much worse than I could have physically.

"It's not like that, Ang," I try to explain, walking towards her. "Can we just talk about it?"

She shrugs, looking Randy and Marilyn up and down. "What's there to explain? Pretty obvious what's going on here. You got your wish. You're finally one of them." She pulls her bag up her shoulder and sneers. "For now anyway."

"What's that supposed to mean?" I ask.

"Are you happy now? Does he make you happy? Does she make you happy? What, did you sit around all day and talk about fancy dresses and hair and whose boyfriend has the better mustang?"

No, we only talked about who had the better boat. "Can't you just be happy for me?"

"For what?" She laughs. "For being a fraud? For bowing down to some guy who couldn't give two shits about anything other than getting into your virgin panties?"

"Hey-" Randy tries to butt in.

I stop him. "I'm not a fraud."

She looks me up and down, judging every inch of me. "Couldn't fool me. I know who you really are, Danni Curtis, and you're no Soc, no matter how hard you try."

My hands ball into fists. Why couldn't she just be happy for me? I'm always happy for her when she shows up with her boy of the week. "Yeah, well, at least I'm not trailer trash."

She laughs at me. "Is that all you got?"

"You may think you know me, but I know you too. Sorry I'm trying to make more of myself than just ending up pregnant at sixteen and married to some loser who beats me and then leaves me for some whore, leaving me penniless like your mother."

If Angela's mother meant anything to her, she would have knocked me out by now. But by comparing her to her mother, I've just insulted her beyond belief.

Instead of hitting me or coming after me, she just claps her hands. "Congratulations. It's only been seven hours and they've already brain-washed you." She pulls her bag up over her shoulder again, and walks away. "Good luck, Danni. Just remember you've got to watch more than your back. Those people will stab you in the front."

Angela could have done more to me, and I wonder why she didn't. She didn't even try to hurt me. Calling me fraud didn't hurt me, and she knew it wouldn't. I hurt her though. I hurt her more than she hurt me. It's like I wanted to hurt her. I was so angry with her that I wanted her to pay.

I'm still angry with her. She could have at least pretended she was happy for me. This is my first boyfriend. She's had tons and I've always been there for her. Even through the break-ups. She just made it clear she wasn't going to be there for me. She made it clear she was done with me. I'm on my own from now on.

Only I'm not. I have Randy. I have Marilyn too and I guess I have Michael, Sam, and Bob. They're my team now. I don't need Angela.

Only I do. She's my best friend and she just threw me away. We'd fought before, but she's always come back. I don't think she's coming back this time. She's the only friend I have, and she's gone.

I throw myself in my room when I get home. I bury my head in my pillow and sob.

How could a day that started out as the best day ever end with me sobbing into my pillow?

"Dan, are you okay?" Ponyboy stands at the door.

"Go away!"

"You, um, want me to call Darry or Soda?"

"I said go away!"

He does this time, leaving me alone to finish crying. I just need a while to cry and feel sorry for myself alone in my room.

My alone time doesn't last long as there's a knock at the door. "I said, go away!" I shout, assuming it's Ponyboy again.

The door opens, and a girl speaks. "Hey, Danni, it's me, Sandy. Are you alright?"

Sandy and Soda have been dating for months now. She's come over several times and we've talked, but we're not that close. No offense to Soda or Sandy, but in the past I've learned not to get close with the girls my brothers date. Darry dated a girl throughout high school and she was the closest thing I had to a sister. When they graduated she went off to college and left Darry. She left me too only she didn't say good-bye.

"Do you want to talk?" Sandy asks. "Pony said you were upset and Soda thought maybe you'd want a girl to talk to."

I bury my head further into my pillow, not wanting her to see me cry.

"If you don't want to talk, that's fine," she says softly. "I'm here if you do, though. I won't tell your brothers what you say."

I'm sure Steve will let them know soon enough.

I roll over, seeing her sitting on the end of my bed. I sit up, drying my tears. "It's not a big deal."

"It is if you're this upset about it."

"I just had a fight with my friend."

Sandy nods, rubbing my quilt with her hand. "What was it about?"

I don't feel like telling her the whole story, so I say, "Boys."

"Been there," she says. "Was it about a boy you like or something?"

I nod. "Kinda."

"Does she like him too or something?"

This is getting hard. I should tell her the whole story, but I don't know if I have the energy. I don't need anyone else judging me either.

"What is this about you and that Soc kid walking around holding hands?" Soda busts into my room. "Huh?"

I haven't seen him this upset in a long time. I don't think I've ever seen him this upset at me. His face is as red as Darry's get and veins are bulging out of his neck. I involuntarily back up on my bed, away from him.

"Say!" he yells.

"Soda!" Sandy hisses. "What are you doing?"

"Danni, answer me!"

I start crying. I hate myself for it, but when people yell, I cry. After the day I've had, I can't stop myself this time. It works in my favor. Soda backs off a little after seeing the tears.

"Are you seeing him?" he asks, more gentle this time.

I nod. "Kinda."

"Let me talk to her," Sandy insists, pushing him out the door. "You go calm down and tell Steve Randle to mind his own damn business."

She gets him out the door and slams it shut before coming back over to my bed. I proceed to tell her everything, not leaving out a single detail.

"I should have never agreed to see him," I say, burying my face into my hands. "I've ruined everything."

"Shhh," she says, moving my hands away. "Don't say that. And don't listen to Soda. He's just overreacting right now because he's shocked. You're his little sister. He's going to be upset about anyone you date."

"He has a right to be upset. He told me to stay away from Randy and I didn't listen."

"He was only trying to look out for you." She places a hand on my knee. "From the outside it doesn't look good, but you're the one who knows what Randy's like. If you trust him and that he's genuine, then don't worry about everyone else."

I think Randy's genuine. I hope he is anyway. "I'm just not sure it's worth all this. My best friend hates me. Soda hates me. Steve hates me."

"Soda doesn't hate you and I'm sure your friend doesn't either. And what do you care what Steve thinks?"

That's a good point. "Angela hates me, I know that. Soda isn't happy with me. He just proved that. I'm sure Darry isn't going to be either or the rest of their friends."

"Who cares? This is your relationship, not theirs. Is he nice to you?"

"Yes."

"Does he care about you?"

"I think so."

"Do you like him?"

I swallow, thinking about my list. "Yeah, I think I do."

She smiles. "It doesn't matter what people think, trust me. I get a lot of heat for dating your brother, but I don't let that bother me because I know we have a good thing going on, and what they say or think doesn't matter."

"Who gives you heat?"

"All the other girls who want to date him."

I smirk. "Well, I like you."

She grins. I can tell that meant a lot to her and I'm glad I said it. "If this boy is good to you and you like him, then screw what everyone else thinks. Yes that even means your brothers. They're only trying to protect you, but you know Randy and they don't. If you know with all your heart that he's genuine, then that's what matters."

If only I could believe her.

A/N: Hope y'all are still out there. I'll update Sanitarium, Leave Me Be soon.